Funny sayings, quotes and puns

A farmer counted 196 cows in the field. But when he rounded them up, he had 200.

I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I had to do it only three times a week. This every-day thing is overkill.

War is God’s way of teaching us geography.

Never try to tell everything you know. It may take too short a time.

There’s no “I” in denial.

My New Years Resolution? I'll probably keep it at 1280x1024 like always. But thanks for asking.

Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it

I think a lot of the conflict that happened in the Wild West could’ve been avoided had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.

We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It’s cheaper, and you get more feet.

“Um...?” - First horse that got ridden

Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.

A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.

Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence. After all, intelligence has its limits.