funky little fellow

every single fucking thing on earth exists solely to put a dent in your newly applied nail polish

Everyone is so weird about people who cry easily. Fellas, is it evil and manipulative to *checks notes* have an involuntary stress response?

it’s pride month, minions. you know what that means

do you want us to, like, cast gay spells my leige?

<|:^)

someone said it's also a cautionary tale about mistreating your wife and I think that's spot on especially for other related types of stories e.g. the crane wife. like I think these stories are very much Husband Anxiety Stories. the Woman-Creatures are black boxes whose interior experience it is impossible to know and who have strange and often seemingly arbitrary rules that you must follow or else they will disappear. idk. like. that's why I think that any empowering-to-women-ness qualities of these stories is incidental. I think they're externalized anxiety about coercive societal heterosexuality and the inability to truly Know one's wife in such circumstances.

the thing I love most about how tumblr users use tags is that it’s like what if a social media website had a footnotes system

my dad just exploded into laughter out of nowhere and told me ‘imagine the lion king but with sea lions’ he has been chuckling about it for 5 straight minutes now

I want it

quality content

Extreme quality

@squorkal can it be my job to find you seal posts? Because I want that job

As a common witness of Sea Lions I can assure you that they would very much play out these scenes; they are extremely dramatic creatures

does anyone want to see a really good picture of my kitty cat

not a cat, first off

snale

Joy and whimsy detected! This snower (snail shower) is joyful and whimsical! 🐌🚿

does the body ALWAYS have to keep the score? maybe we could just have a friendly game this time. maybe we can just have fun without putting numbers on it

Who names their character Susan

I’m poisoning an enchanted crossbow, which I gave a nickname to so I wouldn’t accidentally sell it. The name of the weapon is “delicious quinoa, Susan”.

my best friend linen my brother in arms cotton my partner wool my beautiful sister silk

our sick deranged enemy polyester....

the demon lord, prince of lies, "Vegan Leather"...

the sad thing about the episode where squidward teaches an art class is that spongebob receives greater recognition despite having no creative vision. his work is technically impressive, but his otherwise powerful imagination fails him, and thus he churns out derivative slop. the thomas kincaid of the sea.

perhaps it is inevitable that a young man who views minimum wage toil as A Calling would, without even realizing it, fall prey to reactionary narratives of what makes art "great." spongebob would be the perfect fascist subject - but a fascist state, ironically, could never accept him, since he is effeminate and physically weak

The thing is nobody at pride is evaluating you to determine if you’re queer enough to be there because they’re too busy thinking “it’s so hot out” and “why is this lemonade 12 dollars?”