float my way

mr. substance abuser has a suggestion for how we should spend the afternoon

that's MS. substance abuser to you

sorry women sorry sorry sorry you can kick me really hard in the head

phone in bed show me what I need to see

How about Other people start worrying about how I perceive them

i wont worry about it i say to myself with the always worried disorder

Hey kids, you need to start worrying a little less about getting “#mogged” and a little more about getting “#smogged”. This is an Air Quality Index public service announcement.

Referring to someone as your “partner” sounds as if you are deliberately obscuring their gender and may subtly out you. “My ex”, however, is entirely unobtrusively gender-neutral. #breakupallrelationships

Polycules should be able to trade people like sports teams do

Listen -- you're a good defender and your pussy is fantastic, but that's not what our team needs right now. We're trading you to Greater Boston in exchange for someone who has a car.

Feeling inspired... Might put off writing and think about it the whole time