FuckYeahIt'sChaCha

Remember that “love story”? Ha, yeah, well i was definitely blinded by love alright.

If you remember the people & the series of events, the night i couldn’t handle the fact that i was cheated on i wanted to die. I wasn’t getting the attention i wanted so i sliced my arm, deep & long. I was bleeding everywhere. I screamed “take me to the hospital “ outside of his house. He got in the van pulled out of the drive way & i was blocking him on the road, my arm up screaming “i need to go to the hospital!!!”

He said “let me see, let me see”. I walked over to the drivers side, he didn’t even look at me & sped away. I will never forget that moment. I sent him a pic of my arm after that & he was still ended up at Leah’s house. STILL, TILL THIS FUCKING DAY, JUSITFIES THAT SHIT. He says he was so mad at me he couldn’t see. But everyone & their mama agrees, that he did was a trash move. But he won’t ever take responsibility, no, not him.

I think that the reason why I’m really realizing “lol what the fuck this guy is bad for me???” Is because the anniversary of that night is coming up. I think about where i was a year ago & that’s when my life started to spiral out of control which led me to almost losing my life. He played a huge factor in it, he blames me for everything. I’m so much better than to be so tied down to an ugly, insecure past. I know what i want & i want to be free to get the love that i seek from myself.

What makes me sick to my stomach is knowing that he also put his hands on someone else. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve ran from his house, half clothed, heart pounding out of my chest, fucking terrified to go back in but i need my keys. How many times I’ve been held down, mouth held so tight i got cuts all inside. I thought it was only a drunk thing since he struggles with alcoholism but no, he was clean for 30+ days & wrestled with me bc i wanted to leave.

My heart is pounding, it’s all coming back, i want to throw up.

My friend was just telling me tonight about 2 of her friends, both involved in toxic relationships, one died from a road rage with her bf, he lived. & the other one is paralyzed from the neck down for life bc her bf beat her so badly. I was so sick to my stomach hearing this story then i only now find out my ex was doing the same thing?? The synchronicity is crazy.

He’s going to get drunk. He can no longer come back to me but he will go back to her. I was her once, blind & in love. I truly hope she stays away. I could give a fuck about him but i don’t want anyone hurt by his actions anymore. I wouldn’t wish abuse upon anyone.