Iāll stop the world and melt with youļæ¼
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@fuckyeahitschacha
Iāll stop the world and melt with youļæ¼

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Starshine in Canis Major [1754 x 1777]
I know i look dumb as fuck but the love on my end was real & i will never apologize for that
I feel so sick to my stomach.
Remember that ālove storyā? Ha, yeah, well i was definitely blinded by love alright.
If you remember the people & the series of events, the night i couldnāt handle the fact that i was cheated on i wanted to die. I wasnāt getting the attention i wanted so i sliced my arm, deep & long. I was bleeding everywhere. I screamed ātake me to the hospital ā outside of his house. He got in the van pulled out of the drive way & i was blocking him on the road, my arm up screaming āi need to go to the hospital!!!ā
He said ālet me see, let me seeā. I walked over to the drivers side, he didnāt even look at me & sped away. I will never forget that moment. I sent him a pic of my arm after that & he was still ended up at Leahās house. STILL, TILL THIS FUCKING DAY, JUSITFIES THAT SHIT. He says he was so mad at me he couldnāt see. But everyone & their mama agrees, that he did was a trash move. But he wonāt ever take responsibility, no, not him.
I think that the reason why Iām really realizing ālol what the fuck this guy is bad for me???ā Is because the anniversary of that night is coming up. I think about where i was a year ago & thatās when my life started to spiral out of control which led me to almost losing my life. He played a huge factor in it, he blames me for everything. Iām so much better than to be so tied down to an ugly, insecure past. I know what i want & i want to be free to get the love that i seek from myself.
What makes me sick to my stomach is knowing that he also put his hands on someone else. I canāt even tell you how many times Iāve ran from his house, half clothed, heart pounding out of my chest, fucking terrified to go back in but i need my keys. How many times Iāve been held down, mouth held so tight i got cuts all inside. I thought it was only a drunk thing since he struggles with alcoholism but no, he was clean for 30+ days & wrestled with me bc i wanted to leave.
My heart is pounding, itās all coming back, i want to throw up.
My friend was just telling me tonight about 2 of her friends, both involved in toxic relationships, one died from a road rage with her bf, he lived. & the other one is paralyzed from the neck down for life bc her bf beat her so badly. I was so sick to my stomach hearing this story then i only now find out my ex was doing the same thing?? The synchronicity is crazy.
Heās going to get drunk. He can no longer come back to me but he will go back to her. I was her once, blind & in love. I truly hope she stays away. I could give a fuck about him but i donāt want anyone hurt by his actions anymore. I wouldnāt wish abuse upon anyone.
Goodnight, letās hope i can sleep.

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Wow, after everything, i still donāt wanna be with you
Hahaha
Love is not an emotion. It is your very existence.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
aequinoctium
more on my instagram @matialonsor
Magnificent

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LORA MATHIS
āIf Thereās A Way Out Iāll Take Itā by @lora-mathis;
original photos and edit
āI hope you find someone who knows how to love you when you are sad.ā
ā Nikita Gill (via perrfectly)
need
(via guess-im-gay-eh)

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