The Cape is Becoming a Thing

Hello lovely anon, welcome to my humble abode (yes I totally live here).

Oh yeah we’re totally best buds. Sometimes she even lets me carry her bag :D

I don’t know where you heard that but it is a totally unfounded rumour. 

So I came home to find these snapchats of Bohemian Rhapsody and I haven't stopped smiling yet she is just so awesome and a great friend (Corinne that's for you.)

I JUST NEED HER TO STOP BEING SO PRECIOUS OHMYGOD.

Roses are red, violets are blue,

The thoughts in my head are only of you.

Violets are blue, roses are red,

Awww you're so sweet thank you, but this blog is dedicated to the fantastictabulousness that is CORINNE FUCKING BYGRAVE so really she's the awesome one here.

AND OMG SHE DOES, SHE FOUND US YESTERDAY AND I CRIED BECAUSE WHAT ARE THE ODDS YOU KNOW?! To think that among all of the hundreds of blogs dedicated to her greatness, she chose us to follow. It just makes me so happy.

Did you guys know that Corinne is a real life Disney Princess?

This is the photo we took after the interview.

Me: Weren’t we meant to get married ages ago?

Corinne: You and I? Oh my God, really? I remember telling you and then I said to you that I promised Grace that I would marry her too. I remember saying that.

Me: I remember it was way back when me you and Courteney were talking about our three-way-wedding.

Corinne: That always made me so uncomfortable. Because I just wanted both of you for myself. I didn’t want to share. The sharing between you guys was…

Me: But you told me that nothing makes you uncomfortable.

Corinne: No, it didn’t! Uncomfortable’s not the right word then. Jealous.

Me: Jealous? That’s understandable. Would you have to share? I don’t think you’d have to share me, Corinne.

Corinne: Okay, great.

Me: Going off topic here, let’s keep this as PC as possible.

Corinne: You just asked me my perfect murder! PC though, for the CHILDREN!

Me: If you were any character in any book or movie, who would you be and why?

Corinne: Ooh I like this question. My favourite movie is Deja Vu with Denzel Washington? I’d probably want to be him in that movie, just so that I could finally understand how it all makes sense. Because I love that film so much and I’ve seen it about 20 times.

Me: That’s kinda cool actually. I was expecting something more like “because I’m most like this character”, so that response is quite intriguing.

Corinne: Can I have a second answer to the last question?

Me: Sure.

Corinne: I’d be Jesus in the Bible. To see how much of it was true.

Me: I’d be Judas.

Corinne: Oh, I want to be Judas now too! Ahhh.

Me: Okay, you can only be one. Jesus or Judas.

Corinne: Nah, I’d be Jesus because he did all the tricks.

Me: Isn’t there a movie with Tim Minchin in it?

Corinne: A movie? You mean Jesus Christ Superstar? He’s in a TV series called Californiacation.

Me: He seems topless in that a lot.

Corinne: He is not just topless but NUDE a lot. His butt has made so many appearances.

Me: Wouldn’t you want to be the female character in that show?

Corinne: I don’t know. At first he’s not a very good guy, but then later in the seasons… I mean he is married in it but he has sex with a lot of other girls.

Me: Oh I see, maybe not then.

Corinne: I think maybe if I was someone in Californiacation it would be the daughter of Hank, who’s the main guy, because she gets to see all of the cool things going on. And she gets to hang out in one episode with Marilyn Manson. And her dad just LEAVESher with him, and he’s just “don’t worry, I’ll look after her!” And then Marilyn and Tim just do drugs in the corner while she’s all “hi!”.

Me: Okay, time for the serious question. Are you ready?

Corinne: Oh my God, am I gonna have to think about this for days? You’re so serious.

Me: Corinne. Will you please read my mind?

Corinne: Aaaahhhh okay. What if this takes like half an hour?

Me: Should I focus on one phrase? Alright go.

Corinne: Have you got one? This is going to be so embarrassing if you have this recorded and I can’t do it. Just repeat the sentence to yourself over and over again.

*After about 5 minutes Corinne writes the phrase “You are beautiful” on a piece of paper*

Corinne: I can’t believe you Chess. This better be right or it makes me seem like a total dick.

Me: YES! You’re so fabulous!

Corinne: You’re so sweet, thank you. I’m sorry that took way too long. I’ve never had one that was about me so with the word “You” I was just like “Corinne?”

Me: But it was awesome and you got it right! Thank you so much for being here with us today, Corinne! And thank you for all of your fans as well.

Corinne: Oh my God, I love them all. They need a name. What should we call them? You can name them. Unless they’ve named themselves. The masses of them.

Courteney (who has suddenly re-emerged from nowhere): Corinthians?

Me: That’s what I was thinking but isn’t that actually the name of the thing in the bible?

Corinne: I’m not very religious orientated.

Courteney: But if you take the religious connotations away from it…

Corinne: As Wittgenstein would say, if two people have agreed that “Corinthians” means “Corinne’s followers” then they can have a meaningful conversation about “Corinthians”.

Me: So Corinne has decided that her followers are now called Corinthians.

Corinne: Oh my God I’m going to tweet that all the time now. “My dear Corinthians.”

Me: But thank you so much for taking the time for this interview.

Corinne's face of the day. Made me smile when I looked at it so I hope it will improve the day of all of her followers.

Here's a not very challenging challenge: find me in this photo.

Also, FYI, I've decided to use Corinne's expressions as reaction images, since she is stunning and it turns out I have 177 photos of her on my computer now.

Me: Anyway, this is an oppurtunity for you to vent some rage. If you could kill your sworn enemy, how would you do it? Because Tumblr needs fresh ideas.

Corinne: Uhm, I don't have a sworn enemy. I mean, I know you probably think I do, but... There are people I dislike, and I'm always like “Whyyy do you need to be that way?”

Me: I mean I know you're not a very aggressive person.

Corinne: I do TRY not to be.

Me: But, if you were to kill somebody, how would you go about it?

Corinne: Well. My dear friend Rose, did tell me the “perfect murder”, so I'm gonna say hers. Credit to her, but this is what I would class as my murder. Okay so it has to be winter, or you go somewhere really cold, and you stab someone with an icicle, because then the evidence melts. Then you put the body in with some pigs, because they'll eat all of it and digest it and there'll be no trace of the person left. How awful does that sound?!

Me: Corinne, we're talking about a murder here. I don't think there's any way for it to sound okay.

Corinne: Well that's what I would do.

Me: But see you don't get very much vengeance in there, do you?

Corinne: No but I'd know that I could never be persecuted for it, and that would be enough for me. Like “yes I got away with that, so, suck it.” It wouldn't be too violent or bloody, because then I'd have to clean it...

Me: Yeah, you wouldn't want to get blood on your clothes. Speaking of, actually... Your fans want to know, Corinne; who are you wearing right now?

Corinne: *Strange squeaking sound* What does that tag say? Sapphire? There.

Me: I'm not gonna to lie, I was hoping you'd make some comment about a particular person's skin, but...

Corinne: OH MY LORD. Well I'm not wearing anyone's skin, but you do know that my glow is from the virgins' bood.

Me: Any particular virgins? Or just some randomers that you found on the street?

Corinne: No, I do try to screen them. I do have them tested.

Me: Now that I think about it, what characteristics do you look for in your virgins?

Corinne: To harvest blood from? Those virgins? Healthy. I tend to go for a similar blood type to mine so that my body doesn't ATTACK. Because that just wouldn't work. Good health, good sight.

Me: Oh, I'm safe then.

Corinne: No I won't take yours.

Me: Not my blood, anyway.

Corinne: The rest of you is in danger. SEVERE danger.

Me: Right, another theoretical situation; let's say you win one million pounds. What do you do with it?

Corinne: Ooh. A million is not nearly enough for my big dream.

Me: What is your big dream?

Corinne: Probably to buy Neverland and have it – you know how Graceland is? Like Elvis' home, open for people to go and visit? I really want to do that with Neverland because it's just shut and that's really sad. So that would be my big dream. But I don't think I could do that with a million. But with a million, I'd make sure to invest some of it so that I could have an ongoing thing. I 'd never want to work. And I'd definitely treat my friends, because, why not? I'd hope if any of you guys got into money you'd treat me.

Me: So you'd put some of it away, but are there any things you would immediately buy?

Corinne: Well I'd buy a nice, big house. But even thinking about it now I might even buy the house that we used to have in Callington because I loved that house. I didn't really grow up there but I lived there from when I was about five to when I was fifteen or sixteen. I'd maybe try and buy that house back. And oh my God, buy an orange rex rabbit because my heart. I have a blue rex, that's what Buster is, and they're bred for their fur and are the softest thing. But they – it sounds awful to say but they come in different colours? Like they're some kind of coat. But yeah they come in orange as well. I'd get one of those because my mum says I can't have one because I have Buster. I'd try and rescue a lot of animals, because then I'd feel like I'd done something good rather than just spent a lot of money.

Me: We're running out of questions now. If you could live anywhere in the world – I mean you've just said you would buy your old house but – if you could live in any country, where would you live?

Corinne: I'd probably like to travel. I wouldn't want to stay in one place. I know that kind of defeats your question but yeah; I'd want to see all of the technology in Tokyo, and like, the robots there. This is gonna make me sound like 3-years-old! But they are so cool!

Me: So how long would you stay in each place? Would you stay long enough to rent somewhere or just stay in a hotel or?

Corinne: Like a year? I'd go to Paris to see if it's that romantic.

Me: Would you go to Paris on your own or with somebody else?

Corinne: I think I'd have to experience it on my own, and then come back with somebody else. If there was anyone else.

Me: You have me.