Are you sassing me, Commander?

#33: A hug from the one person who is allowed to hug you (unintentionally #40: post-nightmare hug)

Cullen woke from his nightmare trembling and sweating. He ran a hand across his face, pushing his hair off his forehead. It was still dark out but he couldn't imagine trying to sleep now, so he got out of bed and dressed. He descended down the ladder and walked, having no real destination in mind.

His feet took him to the training yard. Yes, hitting a few training dummies was just the thing he needed to shake off the nightmare. Cullen might not be able to defeat the memories that still haunted him, but he could project all his feelings onto the dummies and take them down.

“A bit late for training, isn't it, Commander?” a dry voice spoke up. He had been so focused on his routine he hadn't noticed anyone coming into the training yard. He turned and saw it was Dorian, of all people.

“Why are you awake?” Cullen countered, ignoring the mage's question.

“I was on my way to bed when I saw a figure moving around in the dark,” Dorian told him. “Naturally I was curious, so I came down to see who was skulking around at this hour.” Dorian paused, his eyes shifting from Cullen to the training dummy. “What wrong has this poor thing done to you?”

“This is a routine training exercise,” Cullen insisted. He couldn't quite hold back the defensive tone in his voice.

“You being out of your armor is hardly routine,” Dorian pointed out. “I didn't think you ever took it off.” His tone was light and teasing, and Cullen felt himself relax almost beyond his will. “But then,” Dorian continued, drawing closer, “I suppose one must always be prepared to go into battle. Even in one's sleeping garments.”

“I'm not in the mood for this,” Cullen huffed.

“Nonsense.” Dorian waved off the words. “People are always in the mood for me.” Cullen pressed his lips together but could feel his lips twitching up anyway. The fear and pain he felt on waking was fading. “Now, would you care to tell me why eviscerating a training dummy couldn't wait until the morning?”

“I...” Cullen's eyes moved off to the middle distance. “It's nothing.”

“It is most certainly something.” Dorian was even closer now, reaching out to take the practice blade out of Cullen's hand; Cullen didn't fight it. “Tell me, Cullen.” It was the use of his name that stirred him.

“I had a... dream. I was reliving a moment from my past.” Dorian stared at him for a moment, then at the training dummies. When he looked back, there was a new expression on the mage's face.

He drew even closer, and to Cullen's shock the mage rested his hands on the commander's chest. Dorian kept his gaze on Cullen's face, measuring the other man's reaction. His hands slid around his sides, arms looping around his body until Cullen found himself in the man's embrace. Cullen was still frozen in shock. The last time anyone hugged him was when he was with his siblings. Getting such an intimate gesture from Dorian was... it was...

It was exactly what he needed. He put his arms around Dorian in turn and pulled the mage closer. Cullen closed his eyes, feeling his body relax even more in the embrace.

“There now,” Dorian hummed. “That's better.”

Prompt list #3:

21, 24, 71 for cullrian

taking prompts.

hi have I mentioned I love you? my inbox is so full from you 😂 you really did cover everyone, huh. >:* I promise I will get to all of them.

21. “How could you hide something like that from me!”

24. “Now you wanna talk? Well fuck you!”

71. “I’m not letting you go and we both know that you don’t want me to either.”

--

“Cullen—“

Dorian was… not supposed to see him like this, but Cullen had been so focused on the sweet relief now coursing through his veins that he hadn’t heard Dorian come in, and now no amount of shuffling things around his desk would hide from Dorian what sat in plain view. A lyrium kit. The one Cullen never had the strength or heart to get rid of. That weakness ended up serving him in an even greater one once the lyrium’s song proved too great a lure to resist any longer.

“You’re—?” Dorian stepped more fully into the office, closing the door behind him. He remembered when Cullen first confided in him that he didn’t take lyrium anymore, the conviction in Cullen’s voice when he said he refused to be shackled by it any longer. It made no sense what he was seeing now. “Since when?”

Cullen shrugged, staring down at his hands, clenched into fists and resting on his desk, so that he didn’t have to look at Dorian. What he was feeling could best be described as shame. After all the time spent at Cullen’s bedside during the worst of the withdrawals, wiping sweat from his brow and murmuring comfort, or talking Cullen down from a ledge when the cravings got too strong and he swore he’d crack, Cullen didn’t want Dorian to know he finally had. It’s why he’d been pushing Dorian away for weeks until finally he did what he knew he needed to do, and ended things with Dorian completely.

“A month or so now,” Cullen admitted in a mumble. As if he didn’t know the exact count of days.

age difference starters

It wasn’t that Dorian was unaware of the mess he had found himself in. None of his usual exploits had ever ended with him being hand delivered back to his parents’ doorstep. That his mother actually wept, however quietly, once they were alone had pierced the stupor like daze of his mind quite successfully.

The matter should have been simple, however. All Dorian would have to do was avoid the establishment that was foolishly trying to blackmail those who could out bid them. Not to mention take more of a care with what different drinks or laced pipes he was given, no matter how handsome the man offering was.

Instead he was stuck with a glorified babysitter. From the South, no less. One that seemed to prove the rumors of the place true, from how allergic he seemed to any sort of fun. But then perhaps such tedious devotion to such structured schedules had more to with being a—former—member of the Southern Templars.

The only silver lining was in chortling over whether his father had considered the irony of selecting a man as gorgeous as Cullen Rutherford to stand watch over his “impressionable” son.

“This isn’t quite what I meant about studying outdoors, you know.” Dorian suppressed the urge to huff when Cullen barely arched a brow from his spot at the courtyard’s fountain. It had been almost a month since he had been allowed out of the estate for more than supervised, pre-approved outings or errands. To say that he was going stir crazy might have been an understatement. “There’s a lovely hill overlooking the ocean not too far from here. Or one of the open auditoriums.”

Finding Cullen’s eyes angled towards the sky, tracking the path of some birds over listening, bothered Dorian more than he wanted to admit to. He might still be young, but he had quite some experience in playing the charmer. That Cullen should shrug it off, let alone treat himself as a bore, stung.

Even if he shouldn’t have valued the other man’s opinion. Which he didn’t, of course.

“Fine, have it your way.” Dorian scowled for a moment before snapping, “Manners must not be a high priority in the more barbaric circles.” His hand tightened around his quill when it gained him not even a flinch. “Was this sort of insolence why you were kicked out?”

Nothing.

“Or was it because you were too handsome? Tempting all those poor, sheltered mages were you? Must have been quite a swooning fit.”

Little more than the scuffing of rocks as Cullen adjusted his footing.

“If I were a few years older,” Dorian grumbled, “I’d marry you. Then you would have to listen to what I say.”

“No.” It was a slow, easy drawl, as though the speaker had all the time in the world, but it still made Dorian start. “All that would do is make it far more acceptable to put you over my knee when you insist on playing the brat.”

“I… I’m not…” Dorian snapped his mouth shut when he caught the wry edge of Cullen’s smile. “I wouldn’t let you do that! And I’m not a brat!”

He hated how his voice broke around the last bit, yet it had Cullen’s face softening for some reason, his feet a steady pace towards Dorian. Truth be told, however, a hand dropping down to ruffle his hair was the last thing he expected. Nor the warm laughter that came when he rushed to adjust it back to perfection.

“No, you’re not,” Cullen said, “not really. So why don’t you stop playing games and show me how clever I know you are.”

“What’s…” Dorian’s tongue darted out to wet his bottom lip, fingers digging into his thighs to keep from shuddering at how quick Cullen’s eyes were to track the movement. “What do I get if I do?”

“More freedoms?” Cullen chuckled at the pout Dorian wasn’t quite able to hide. “I’ll let you decide what form those take. How about that?”

Hi, @bexterrr! <3

You’ve given me so much Cullbastian that I think it’s only fair I give you a bit of Cullrian in return. ^^ also WHOOPS i originally posted this on the wrong blog

—-

Winter in Skyhold is rough even for a Fereldan, so Cullen had taken to sitting by a hearth on the main floor, chess board laid out on a table while he waited for an opponent. That was how he’d come to spend so much time here – and with Dorian, of all people. It began with their ferocious matches, merely transferred to a new location, but now the board is but a decorative item.

On most evenings after dinner, Cullen finds his way to a chair by the fire, lays the day’s unread correspondence on the table, and reads as he waits for his companion. Dorian usually joins him a little later, some thick tome in hand, and drops onto the chair opposite him.

Then silence falls between them, interrupted only by the turning pages and the footsteps passing by, and sometimes by the snide remarks that erupt whenever Dorian and Varric share a space. If no-one else is around, the quiet stretches on comfortably until one of them yawns or makes a comment on… well, whatever, really. It’s remarkable how easy this joint existence is, this companionship they’ve forged over these long winter months.

Tonight, like on so many nights before, Dorian sits before him, sprawled lazily on his chair, firelight dancing on his face. Cullen would be lying if he said he never noticed the man’s beauty. Those full lips pursing and relaxing in concentration, those impeccably-lined eyes flicking from page to page – and the regal nose, its bridge crinkling in disapproval over whatever he reads. Well-kept nails trace the edge of the chess board as he reads on, blissfully unaware of Cullen’s appreciative gaze.

Beauty is only one thing, though. Many possess it, but wield it harmlessly – the sight of them doesn’t make Cullen’s heart leap in its cage, nor do their smiles elicit a helpless response from Cullen’s lips. It’s not only that. It’s an inimitable combination of beauty, wit, bravery, and loyalty. It’s how Dorian keeps meeting him here, even when Cullen offers nothing but silence.

No-one has sought his company like that before, and it’s… pleasant.

Dorian’s eyes catch his, and the Maker only knows how long Cullen has been staring. His friend arches a brow in question.

Cullen should be panicking, but here, warmed by the hearth and slightly drowsy, the cold tendrils of dread struggle to reach him. “I like you a lot. I just thought you should know.”

Dorian sighs and flips the page, turning his eyes back on his book. “Yes, well, you’d be insane not to.”

tagged by @metatiki (edit: and @cap-sweet-and-salty-sadness)♡♡ !! told myself I could do this as a break from finals hell lmao, so thank you. have a little cullen/dorian flashback scene from Untitled Angsty Fic. if it’s rough, it’s because i just slapped some words into my place fillers so that the scene was actually coherent. xD

–

It was the first time the Inquisition had come to the Winter Palace, when—Dorian thought—they were supposed to supposed to be saving Empress Celene from an assassination. Then, the pinched look on the Commander’s face and the sheen of sweat oh his forehead had been from being cooped up in the ballroom all night, from too-stuffy dress wear, from listening to Orleasian’s prattle on about the most inane subjects. And Dorian had swept in just as Cullen looked like he was going to break the hand of the next person to put one on him, claiming he had an important message from the Inquisitor.

That alone had gotten Dorian a raised eyebrow, because Adaar didn’t tend to trust Dorian with the sensitive matters. Cullen just gave a tight nod of his head and followed dutifully after Dorian as he led them out onto an empty balcony.

“What is it,” Cullen asked as Dorian turned toward him, words clipped, but honestly curious.

“Breathe,” Dorian told him, and when Cullen only scowled, folded his arms across his chest, Dorian reached out and put a hand on Cullen’s shoulder. “Breathe,” he insisted again.

And Cullen had, opening up his collar and scrubbing a hand over his face. Dorian gave his shoulder a squeeze and then backed off, letting Cullen pace in silence until he could collect himself, until his face stopped saying that if anyone even looked at him wrong, Celene’s life wouldn’t be the only one on the line. Until he came to a stop in front of Dorian, heaving in one more deep breath before letting it go in a long sigh.

“Ready?” Dorian asked. Much longer and their absence likely would have drawn unneeded suspicion.

Cullen nodded, but his hands still fumbled with rebuttoning his collar, so Dorian had stepped in to help, swatting away Cullen’s hands to do up his collar for him. Cullen had gently wrapped his fingers around Dorian’s wrists, keeping his hands there even after the need for them had passed. Something like a smile, even if it was a half formed thing, had crept onto Cullen’s lips as he told Dorian, “Thank you.”

That was the night that Dorian realized he was truly and fully fucked. A passing fancy for an attractive man turned into something else, all because of the sincerity in Cullen’s voice, in his eyes, when he said those two simple words.

–

“Are you… are you flirting with me?”

Cullen bowed his head and sighed, a blush staining his cheeks. “I was trying to. Not very well obviously.”

Dorian blinked. He hadn’t expected Cullen to just admit it like that. Who did that? “I… no, I just…” He paused then finished plaintively, “Why?”

Cullen gave him a rather perplexed look. “What do you mean, why? You… you’ve been flirting with me for months!”

“Well, yes,” Dorian replied. “But I never expected you to… to return it.”

A muscle jumped in Cullen’s cheek. “Did you… not want me to?”

“No!” Dorian yelped. “I mean, yes! I mean…” He sighed then said in a small voice, “I mean whatever answer means you’ll continue.”

“Hmmm, so soft…” Cullen muttered, turning his face into the cushions and hanging his limbs off the edge.

Dorian smirked, panting slightly as he pushed his hair back into place, weight shifted to one leg.

“You’re heavier when you’re drunk,” Dorian joked between breaths, “or at least you won’t help me hold your body up.”

Once Cullen was out of breath and couldn’t breathe through the cushions, he rolled back over, arms and legs still splayed. Dorian chuckled at him before straddling his hips. He lifted the blond’s hands slowly to his hips, wrapping his fingers over Cullen’s to tighten his grip. Dorian rolled his hips gently, just using a little pressure to tease the drunk beauty beneath him. Cullen’s eyebrows raised the slightest bit, but his eyes stayed hazy, the suggestion of sex doing nothing to sober him.

Dorian shook his head and rolled his eyes, and began leaning in for a kiss.

“Wait, wait, wait, hey. You seem really nice but I have a boyfriend.”

Dorian’s eyes snapped open. He stared at Cullen in disbelief, the pale man just staring back, drunk but completely serious.

“You…you have a boyfriend?” Dorian asked with a grin, quirking a brow.

Cullen nodded, neck hardly able to hold his head up.

Dorian sat back on his haunches and crossed his arms over his chest, “And what would your boyfriend’s name happen to be?”

Cullen smiled and closed his eyes, a dreamy look washing over his face, “Dorian…” he sighed, like just saying his name was equivalent to holding the dark man in his arms.

Dorian smirked again, moving to sit on the couch normally, as Cullen sat up. Or at least tried to.

“Well, tell me about your boyfriend Dorian, then.” It was obvious at this point that Cullen was not being coy; he was actually so drunk he couldn’t recognize his own boyfriend sitting right in front of him.

Cullen smiled again, looking off into the middle distance rather dramatically. “He’s so beautiful,” He sighed again. “He has these eyes…these beautiful eyes that look like clouds. And he’s so tall and he has such long legs like a model…”

Cullen was slowly melting into the couch again, his legs ending up across Dorian’s lap. The brunette just smiled and listened as he stroked his fingers lightly up and down Cullen’s shins.

“And he’s, like, the sweetest person in the world. He pretends he’s not, but he loves people and likes to see them happy.”

“Seems like you really like this ‘Dorian’ character,” Dorian said smugly.

Cullen’s eyes drifted closed, “Yeah…actually, I think I’m in love with him.”

Dorian’s motions stopped, hands frozen with shock, excitement, fear, confusion.

“Do you think I should tell him? We’ve only been dating for six months. I don’t want to scare him away. He means everything to me.”

Dorian’s mouth opened but nothing came out, not even a huff of disbelief.

After a moment of silence, Dorian’s thoughts racing all the while, Cullen said in the most nonchalant voice, “I don’t think he would believe me. I think he’s given up on love.”

Dorian’s mouth finally closed as his eyes began to water. Cullen was right, he had given up on love.

Until Cullen. Now, he wasn’t sure anymore. He felt something, definitely. Something meaningful and soft, something that made him happy. Could it really be the illusive “love” he’d always wanted?

“I…I think your boyfriend is scared. Maybe he’s confused about what love looks like. Maybe…” Dorian swallowed hard, squeezing his eyes shut, hoping his voice would stay steady, “maybe he feels like he can’t say it first, because he might be wrong.”

Cullen stayed quite, mulling it over in his under-functioning brain. “So…I should say it first?”

Dorian nodded slightly, “That might make it easier for me—him! For him.”

“You’re right. I should tell him in the morning.” Cullen stood as best he could, legs wobbly underneath him, and stumbled back to the bedroom, in an effort to find Dorian, he assumed.

Dorian stayed up for a while longer, early into the morning hours, running over everything he’d heard spill from Cullen’s mouth.

After deciding he should admit to himself and Cullen how he felt, Dorian headed for the bedroom as well, only to find Cullen passed out in the center of the bed.

Dorian smiled gently, stripping as he walked and climbing into bed. Once he had pushed Cullen over enough to squeeze onto the edge of the bed, the blond's arms draped over him and pulled him into a tight embrace, where they both drifted off for the night.

Dorian woke the next morning to the sound of someone being violently sick in the next room. No surprise, Cullen wasn’t great at holding his liquor.

He threw on a his robe and went into the bathroom, knocking a knuckle on the open door. Cullen turned his head just slightly, giving a weak smile when he saw his boyfriend in the doorway.

“Ibuprofen and honey tea?” Dorian offered with an apologetic grin.

“Please,” Cullen mouthed, closing his eyes and leaning against the wall.

Dorian returned a few minutes later with the medicine and tea, sitting on the floor next to the toilet and his somehow even paler than usual lover. Cullen nodded in thanks and downed the meds, the hot tea just sliding down his throat with no effort at all.

They just sat for a long moment, Dorian making comforting circles on Cullen’s lower back, and Cullen trying to keep the medicine down.

Once the urge to vomit was mostly gone, Cullen turned to his lover and leaned their foreheads together.

“Dorian?”

“Yes, darling?”

Cullen paused, mouth just hanging open, waiting for words to happen.

“I’ve…wanted to tell you something for a while now, and I feel like, with the way you take care of me, now is the perfect time to say it.”

Dorian smiled and put his hands on either side of Cullen’s face. “I love you too, Cullen.”

The blond’s eyes went wide, “I—how did you know…?”

Dorian laughed, pulling his boyfriend into a strangling hug, “I don’t think you talked about anything but me last night. You just kept saying how beautiful I was and how much I meant to you. And when we got home; I don’t even think you knew we were home, you told me how you wanted to tell your boyfriend that you loved him. At first, I thought ‘oh my god he’s been cheating on me,’ but you had no idea you were talking to your boyfriend the whole time.”

Cullen gave a laugh full of relief and a little bit of embarrassment. “That’s…really stupid, but definitely sounds like something I would do.”

They laughed together, holding each other as tightly as they could. After a long while, Cullen pulled away to look Dorian in the eyes. “You really love me back? You know you don’t have to say it just because I did.”

Dorian smiled and cupped Cullen’s chin, “Darling, you haven’t even said it yet.”

Cullen smirked, taking both Dorian’s hands in his. “Dorian Pavus, I adore you. You’re my world, and I don’t know what I would do without you. You’ve changed my life everyday we’ve been together, and I never want that to change. I love, love, love you. With all my heart.”

Dorian’s eyes began to water again, even though he knew this was coming. But he refused to look away as he said, “I love you too, Cullen. I really do, I just don’t think I knew what to call these feelings before you brought it up. But I can say, without a doubt in my heart, that I love you too.”

Cullen leaned forward, but found his lips stopped by a single finger.

“No offence, sweetheart,” Dorian said in a whisper, “but I don’t think I want to kiss you right now.”

Cullen cringed a little as he felt the need to vomit returning. “Fair point,” he chuckled.

Here’s a quick lil Cullrian doodle i just did, out of the blue :’O

The awesome mods of the Cullrian Discord, @bh-chaotic​ and @the-red-dame​, have organised a secret gift exchange for the holidays season. Whether you enjoy that time of the year or not, it’s the occasion to spread Cullrian love and get some in return with either a fic, a fanart or a physical gift. 

I’m participating in it among some other wonderful members of the Discord, so come and join us! 

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