fruitmins

k e y — | ✓ completed | ✐ ongoing | ♡ fluff | ♱ angst | | ❨ smut | ✶ on hold |

S E R I E S

Agust Dad

✶ ♱ ♡.

synopsis. you’re a producer collaborating on his second album, D-2. one drunken night at the release party leads to the worst thing you can do in the industry and changes everything

start here

O N E S H O T S

For You ᯓ myg

♱.

synopsis. raised to be distant, CEO Yoongi finds himself captivated by a kind-hearted stripper who melts his icy exterior

read here

Victory ᯓ knj

♱.

synopsis. namjoon, a wolf hybrid with a hatred for humans, refuses to accept that his mate is a nurse at the very boxing ring where he’s forced to fight. until he finds you bleeding out

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Attention ᯓ pjm

❨.

synopsis. you’ve been stalking your ex since the breakup, and he’s always let you. but when he starts seeing someone else, you decide to remind him who he belongs to

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Fri(end)s ᯓ kth

♱.

synopsis. with his members in the military, Taehyung’s loneliness leads him to pay a girl to be his friend. until pretending no longer feels like pretending

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Stay Focused ᯓ jjk

❨.

synopsis. in which your dorm mate and best friend Jungkook isn’t pleased to hear that your boyfriend was over the week he was away. but wow did he look hot when he was pissed off…

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Purple Car ᯓ jjk

♱ ♡.

synopsis. jungkook’s a successful solo idol and after nearly two months apart, you’re starting to feel more like strangers than lovers. when you suddenly disappear, he’ll do anything to find you

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My true colors ᯓ jjk

♱ ♡.

synopsis. in a muted world where when you make contact with your soulmate they bring color back to life. it’s a classic romance, until it becomes a sensory overload

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Eyes never lie ᯓ jjk

❨ ish.

synopsis. getting turned on by jungkook’s invisible waistline

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M I N I S E R I E S

our big baby ᯓ bts ot7

✐ ♱ ♡.

genre. little space, age regression, fluff, caregivers bts, little reader, maybe some of the members can be littles to idk, sfw, hurt/comfort, mostly no plot

seokjinnie ⋮ alpaca

• has an instinct to keep everyone together bc alpaca’s live in groups

• makes dramatic whining noises when annoyed instead of actually yelling

• his ears twitch whenever someone compliments him

• alpaca wool is incredibly valuable, so people constantly ask to touch his ears & tail

• naturally gentle and patient

• people assume he can’t live alone because alpacas are seen as dependent herd animals

• one of the rare alpaca hybrids who isn’t uptight despite the “luxury hybrid” stereotype

• ^(humble and isn’t afraid to make awful jokes)

yoongles ⋮ black cat

• sleepy.. naps.. will find anywhere warm to settle down and stay there

• naturally quiet and introverted

• refuses to admit he likes being scratched behind his ears and head pats

• shows affection by simply existing in your space, if he’s comfortable next to you, you’ll golden

• sometimes substitutes saying “I love you” with slow blinking but it means the same

• stereotyped as cold or unlucky (lowkey not beating the allegations)

• gets hypersexual in the spring and is very embarrassed about it

• purrs in his sleep☹️❤️

hobah ⋮ golden retriever

• tail betrays his every emotion

• greets every member like he hasn’t seen them in months

• very energetic (does get zoomies)

• loves head pats, but acts shy afterward

• gets offered in customer service a lot

• often don’t realize when people take advantage of his love for physical affection

• very loyal and people pleasing

• can immediately sense when someone isn’t okay

• will bring people random gifts

joonbug ⋮ grey wolf

• incredible sense of smell

• people automatically assume he’s aggressive

• instinctively positions himself between his pack and strangers

• enjoys quiet forests more than crowded cities

• surprisingly playful once he feels safe

• accidentally destroys everything even though he is a gentle giant

• does have a rut season where he gets more protective and territorial

• loves scent marking cause it soothes his senses and instincts

mochi ⋮ dove

• does have feathers on his back that do puff up when he is embarrassed or feels threatened

• people assume he’s delicate because of how beautiful he is

• bird hybrids dominate modeling, creating unhealthy beauty standards

• has struggled with eating enough because agencies always wanted him “lighter”

• sheds tiny white feathers when stressed

• naturally drawn toward music and dancing

• highly devoted to his partner and loves fiercely

• coos when he laughs really hard or is content

taetae ⋮ fox

• people assume he’s manipulative before they’ve even met him

• naturally curious about absolutely everything

• collects shiny objects and refuses to explain why

• loves sneaking up on people just to hear them yelp

• has the strongest hunting sense out of the group, even if the actual hunting is ineffective

• pretends not to care when people call him weird, but it still hurts

• very in tune with his environments and instincts

• sleeps curled into the tiniest little fox bal

koo ⋮ bunny

• ears constantly move with whatever catches his attention

• can’t stay still, loves to hop and sway

• either infantilized bc he is cute or over sexualized bc of rabbit reproduction

• loves cuddling but only with people he completely trusts

• ^(will be extremely clingy)

• absurdly athletic despite everyone assuming he’s fragile and innocent

• very very sensitive nose and ears

and as if on cue, the dressing partition shifted.

when jungkook finally emerged from the dressing area, appearing like a vision, the air seemed to leave your lungs. the first few songs were always the most punishing so his breathing was heavy as puffs of exertion were visible in the cool backstage air. he was already halfway through adjusting the ear monitor around his neck, a towel draped over one shoulder as he reached for the water bottle someone handed him.

the new outfit was devastating in ways that felt almost sinful. the fabric clung to his frame in all the right places, emphasizing an impossibly narrow waistline that made his broad shoulders look even more compelling. his skin glistened under the harsh fluorescent lights, he looked powerful, almost untouchable, yet his eyes immediately sought yours out.

a tired soft smile tugged at his lips as he left the staff member trying to keep his hair in tact to be by your side. a small smile that’s adorably him, even as you’re practically undressing him with your eyes and your mind drifts to unhinged places. you’ve seen him without clothes of course. have traced the sharp lines of his body, and have memorized the feeling and taste of each muscle under his frame as it trembled. but something about the way he looks wearing a cropped, structured jacket paired with his calvin klein boxers that hung low, made you truly paralyzed. as if he was teasing you with the view of his smooth clear skin, and daring you to imagine what else is underneath.

when he finally reached you he placed a quick peck to your lips before pulling back to wipe a bead of sweat from his temple. even as he was breathing heavily and trying to keep his rhythm steady, he went in for a slightly longer kiss. warm and lingering that spoke to his never ending affection and endless desire to reconnect even after just a couple hours apart.

when you pull back, your lips immediately parted on the verge of immediate praise for his usual outstanding performance but your mind wanders as your gaze dropped shamelessly once again to the curves of his figure. “how’d i look out there?” he asks breathlessly before you can get yourself back on schedule and reassure him. “did merry go round sound okay? i felt a little off during the middle..”

his voice is husky from singing for days on tour, his dark hair damp and still half done. your thinking about everything but his questions, and when he notices the unusual silence his expression softened from performer to partner. “earth to jagiya~” he sings lightly, still working on keeping his vocal cords loose while trying to catch your attention again. “everything okay?”

"no no, it’s fine. kook, you're doing incredible as always," you managed to say, though your voice betrays you by coming out breathier than intended. “i just... you look really good. your stylist is heaven sent." you replied, intending for it to be a causal compliment but it unintentionally hints to something else when your voice starts trailing off.

his expression, once tender with slight concern shifted into a slow knowing smirk that tugs at the corner of his lips.

“oh really?”

you know your screwed when you hear his voice transform into something more playful and charged. the adrenaline from the stage still coursing through his veins, making his movements fluid and confident. “the outfit, huh?” he teases, his voice dropping an octave. the question is framed as innocent, but there's an unmistakable edge of cockiness in his stance.

“it’s good to know you approve, baby, but..” he leans down slightly, bringing his face level with yours, close enough that you can catch the scent of his cologne under the layers of his sweat, and feel the heat rolling off his chest. “you can’t keep looking at me like that, because i really don’t want to have the ‘worlds most noticeable boner’ in front of thousands.” he whispers against your ear, his breath hot and teasing. his words sent shivers down your spine and causes your body heat to spike instantaneously.

"jungkook!" you hissed under my breath, half scolding and half gasping, while instinctively glancing around to make sure no passing staff heard his shameless confession. your heart hammered so hard against your ribs that all other thoughts phase into a blur.

"you are absolutely impossible, you know that? i’m not even doing anything." you denied like a brat, trying to pull back to regain some semblance of composure but the words sound far fetched even to you.

jungkook lets out a low, throaty chuckle that vibrates through the small space between you. even heavier than the vibrations that left the stage shaking in the middle of a song. "you're doing everything without saying a single word, y/n." he murmurs directly, his eyes darkening as they catch yours again.

he saw it in the way your gaze had dropped to the silver chain resting against his collarbone before sliding down to the defined muscles of his abdomen. "that look in your eyes? that's more dangerous than anything you could say or do to me. cause eyes never lie."

he says the words while looking at you like your the only person in the entire stadium. it’s as if his eyes are already proving the words true. as if they’re quietly confessing everything his voice can’t. the chaos around you continues but jungkook creates an invisible barrier. in this bubble, the only thing that exists is the intensity of his stare and the way he's looking at you and telling you everything.

"i'll try to perform even better now that i know i have your full attention," he teases, giving your hand a quick possessive squeeze before straightening up. “and when we’re done you better be right back here.” the cocky smirk widens into something more intimate, more possessive.

he leans in until his nose brushes against yours, his breath hitting your face. “so i can let my baby undress me with more than just her eyes.” he promised, thumb tracing a slow, deliberate circle against your spine and sending fresh waves of electricity.

"seokjinnie~" you greeted back with the same enthusiasm, a bright smile covering your face as your eyes scanned the group while they slid off their shoes and jackets. "glad to have you all back."

"glad to be back." namjoon said, letting out a breath that made you hum knowing. you'd seen all of the comeback performances and promotion activities, so their call didn't surprise you when it came a couple days ago.

still scanning the group, you notice jimin was in pink fluffy clothing that was looser around his body, different from his usual black incognito style they usually wore when in public that matched the rest of the group. his sleeves tugged around his hands as taehyung helped him take off his shiny black boots.

"well hello, minnie." you welcomed softly, grin shifting into something softer as you noticed his altered demeanor.

"hallo, noona!" he responded, rushing to the counter you sat behind once he was free from his footwear. he went around to give you a hug, making you coo as you wrapped your arms around him.

"i'm feeling small tuday!" he shared, making you chuckle since you had noticed before he even said so. "really??" you responded, tilting your head at him slightly as if you were inspecting him to figure out if he was telling the truth.

"mhm!" he nodded, the smile that had appeared since he walked through the door remaining on his beautiful face as he spoke. "kookie is too!" he stated, causing you to turn to the rest of the group who were walking up to the counter.

you spotted jungkook, huddled close against namjoon towards the back. his eyes widened when he realized he had been exposed, face turning a bit red. "hello to you too, kookie. why are you hiding back there, bunny?"

"tired.." he huffed, his cheeked puffed out and eyelids a bit heavy. you nodded at him sympathetically. "i'm not surprised, you guys have been working hard."

his eyes drift up to yours, slightly widened and showing off those boba orbs you adore. "y-you watched?" he said as if surprised.

"of course! i have to watch my little rockstars." you praised, causing him to smile and look away but you catch the way he relaxes as he realizes he was in his safe space and could truly decompress.

"seriously though, you guys were awesome." you said, turning back to the rest of the group who all shared bashful smiles.

namjoon let out a quiet laugh at that, rubbing the back of his neck. “you’re too good to us, Y/N.” the others echoed soft agreements, the praise settling over them in that familiar, slightly shy way they always had when it came from you. it wasn't the same as hearing it from fans or staff. here, it always felt real and genuine.

"taehyung almost cried on stage," jin added teasingly, making the younger one’s eyes snap towards him and pulling his mind away from the playroom visible beyond the counter that had distracted him.

"i did not, hyung!" he shot back immediately with wide eyes, though the slight flush on his ears said otherwise.

"you did," hoseok chimed in, grin wide as he nudged him lightly. "you got all emotional and—"

"alright, that's enough," taehyung cut in, waving him off with a huff, but there was no bite to it. the conversation drifted easily, overlapping voices filling the space in a way that felt lived in and comfortable. jackets were draped over the usual hooks, bags set down in familiar spots without needing direction. little by little things were becoming a routine.

even as the others filtered further inside, jimin lingered close to you, fingers loosely curled in the fabric of your shirt as if he hadn't quite realized he'd grabbed onto you in the first place. you let him, shifting slightly so he could lean more comfortably without making a point of it.

"kookie, c'mere," taehyung called from inside the playroom, already crouched near one of the shelves.

jungkook hesitated for half a second before peeling away from namjoon who stood still talking near the front, steps slow at first, then quicker as he crossed the room. the moment he disappeared past the doorway, you heard the faint shuffle of movement. soft laughter, the rustle of something being pulled off a shelf.

"he’s been like that all morning," namjoon said quietly, drawing your attention back. his voice had dropped slightly, softer, more thoughtful. you nodded, not surprised. "he can nap later if he needs to. or just take it easy."

namjoon hummed in agreement, though his gaze lingered toward the playroom a moment longer before shifting. as if looking for something… or someone. you tilted your head and followed his eyes instinctively. at first, nothing seemed out of place. but the way he scanned, as if making sure everyone was in place on stage told you he was indeed searching for something.

as you took in the scene, you saw hoseok had already made himself comfortable at the craft table, flipping through supplies with quiet excitement (even when big he loved the activities). taehyung was on the floor, surrounded by a growing collection of action figures he'd apparently decided to experiment with all at once. jungkook sat in between his legs, tucked in close, back against his chest as he watched taehyung move the toys in front of him with heavy-lidded eyes, a small plush already settled in his hands. jimin had left your side to join them, settling next to taehyung who seemed to be slipping each minute that passed.

jin moved past you toward the kitchenette area without needing to be asked, already slipping into that familiar role, probably to grab snacks or drinks for everyone.

it was all... normal. soft. easy.

and then—

namjoon let out a sigh, one that told you he found what he was looking for. and your eyes settled on what it was.

yoongi sat near the edge of the room, not quite apart from everyone, but not fully within it either. he'd taken one of the low seats by the wall, shoulders relaxed enough to seem comfortable at a glance, one arm resting loosely across his lap.

quiet.

some days that was normal, he was a very calm person in general. but usually he'd be more involved with taking care of the little ones, or making finger food which seemed to be his love language. he wasn't on his phone, wasn't watching anyone in particular. his gaze rested somewhere in the middle distance, unfocused, like he'd drifted just slightly out of sync with everything around him.

"yoongi oppa hasn't said much since you all got here," you pointed out, voice bordering on concern. namjoon hummed softly in acknowledgment, not taking his eyes off him just yet. from the outside, it was easy to miss. he looked the same as always, calm, reserved, a little distant.

but there were small things.

the way his fingers moved absently against the fabric of his sleeve. the slight slump in his posture, softer than usual. the lack of sharpness in his gaze when someone passed in front of him or spoke to him.

subtle things that if you didn't know what to look for, you wouldn't catch it. but namjoon did, having lived with him for years. “he’s probably just tired, we all are.” namjoon reassured before heading inside the playroom with the others, banned from stepping inside the kitchen so he was unable to help jin with the food.

after a while, the room settles into its usual rhythm. jimin is curled up beneath a blanket, coloring while talking hoseok’s ears off about how he wants to make his instagram cool like his. about how ‘hyung always takes the best pictures and makes his account look swag.’ jungkook dozes against taehyung’s chest, who is enthusiastically narrating an elaborate adventure between three action figures from an anime.

it’s peaceful, exactly the atmosphere you’ve worked so hard to create. moments like these never fail to make something warm settle in your chest. every time they walk through those doors and allow themselves to relax, even if only for a few hours, it felt like another quiet reminder that they trusted this place. that they trusted you.

none of you had been doing this for very long. there were still habits you were learning, little routines you hadn’t memorized yet, comforts they hadn’t discovered they needed. every visit taught you something new about them, and every visit they seemed just a little more willing to let you see another side of themselves.

a little while later, jin emerged from the kitchenette with both arms full, balancing plates of neatly sliced kimbap, skewers of sotteok sotteok, and, of course, several steaming bowls of ramen. “food’s ready.” he announced proudly.

jimin clapped excitedly at the sight, his eyes growing impossibly wide and sparkling as he watched jin carefully lower everything onto the coffee table. like he had just made a huge feast for kings from the finest ingredients. “hyung is the best!” he cheered, pushing himself to his feet.

the sight of the food sent taehyung into motion too before jin could even announce it. he immediately began squirming beneath jungkook’s weight, trying to gently wiggle the sleepy younger off of him as hoseok laughed at the sight of his eagerness.

“i’ve got him.” he slipped his arms around jungkook to pick him up, who instinctively melted against him with nothing more than a sleepy hum, allowing taehyung to happily shuffle over to the food. “my babies..” hoseok murmured.

“thank you for the food!” came in overlapping voices as everyone gathered around the table. namjoon looked over his shoulder and caught your eye. “come eat with us.” he invited. you smiled before making your way over and settled onto the floor with them.

the conversation came as naturally as the meal itself. jin recounted moments from their recent promotions, smiling as he talked about seeing ARMY in person again. elated even if they had such a hectic schedule. hoseok chimed in with stories from backstage that had everyone laughing. it was noisy but comfortable. the type of noise that you could still relax and doze off in (like jungkook was currently doing). it was familiar.

though, every few minutes, your eyes drift back to yoongi. he was eating, just like everyone else. quietly listening to whoever was speaking and watching taehyung’s loud chewing with the smallest hint of amusement. he looked more present than when they’d first arrived. you were relieved yet, something still felt different. something you couldn’t quite put your finger on.

jin settled jungkook down properly in one of the nap rooms while namjoon and hoseok started on clean up. as namjoon is heading to the kitchen, namjoon notices your attention lingering from across the room. when your eyes meet, he gives the smallest nod.

you quietly make your way over to where yoongi is sitting, his attention fixed on whatever netflix series happened to be playing on the television. “mind if i sit?” yoongi glances up before nodding once. “yeah sure.”

you settle beside him on the couch, leaving enough space that he doesn’t feel crowded. for a minute, neither of you say anything but it’s a comfortable kind of silence. then your eyes catch the pair of headphones resting around his neck. “you’ve been listening to anything new lately?”

he looks back at you, eyes softening just a little as his fingers absentmindedly brush the ear cup of the headphones. “yeah,” he says with a quiet nod. “i’ve been trying to get better at guitar.”

his eyes go back to the tv, the narrator of the documentary in the middle of a dramatic monologue. “been listening to a lot of different stuff… watching YouTube videos..” the topic is easy for him, enjoyable in a way that makes a smile tug at the corner of his mouth. “it’s hard.. but fun.”

you soften at the way he talks about it. there isn’t an ounce of hesitation in his voice, only quiet fondness. music has always been something he genuinely loves, but hearing him speak about it so simply somehow makes it even more obvious. it suits him. it makes him seem… softer.

it sparks a question you’d never really felt the need to ask before. so when the conversation naturally settles back into silence, you glance over at him.

“can i ask you something?”

he nods, turning his attention back to you.“you’ve been coming here for a while..” he nods again. “i guess i’m just wondering…” you choose your words carefully. “have you ever regressed before?”

something shifts.

his shoulders don’t tense, but the easy softness from a moment ago fades just slightly. his gaze drops to his hands resting in his lap, fingers absentmindedly tracing the seam of his sleeve. the silence stretches for several seconds and he licks his lips before quietly…

“…i am.”

you blink. “you are what?” you ask in confusion.

he doesn’t look back up.

“i’m regressed right now.”

for a moment, you just stare at him. not because you don’t believe him (though it is hard to imagine). but because suddenly everything you’ve been noticing today makes sense, but in a way you never expected.

“right now?” you repeat softly and he nods once. “mhm.”

there isn’t embarrassment in his voice. not exactly. more like he’s waiting for you to understand something that he has already accepted about himself.

your eyes briefly drift toward the others across the room. jimin was curled up with his coloring supplies while jin was laughing and intentionally messing up his perfect picture. taehyung had put on a costume and was dramatically stomping around the room, telling a story with his action figures.

then your eyes return to yoongi. sitting exactly as he always does. black clothing, headphones around his neck, quiet expression. watching everyone else instead of joining in.

“i didn’t realize,” you admit quietly, a pang of guilt settling in your chest. somehow, it feels like you’ve stumbled across something deeply personal. like you’ve unlocked a part of him that he hadn’t intended for anyone to notice yet.

a small smile pulls at his lips, not seeming upset. “most people don’t.” he shrugs lightly, eyes moving back toward the television. “i just don’t really do the same things they do.”

you nod, immediately understanding what he meant. “the toys or plushies or cuddles…” he trails off, his fingers brushing against the sleeve of his hoodie again. the same small movement you noticed earlier.

“i like this.” he says with a soft smile, visibly content. “being here. watching them. listening to music.” his gaze shifts toward the others, and something warm settles into his expression. “talking about music. talking about the members.”

your heart softens at the quiet sincerity in his voice. he says it so matter-of-factly, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, and somehow that only makes more adorable. he lets out a small chuckle before adding, “and… of course sleeping.”

you can’t help but laugh under your breath, because the answer is so unmistakably yoongi. “of course.” you agree with a nod.

the conversation falls quiet again, but it feels different now. before, you were trying to figure out what was wrong. now you understand, nothing was wrong. yoongi hadn’t been uncomfortable or scared.

he was simply yoongi. even like this.

“so you don’t need anything?” you ask softly after a moment of silence. he looks back at you before shaking his head. “not really.”

you hum, considering his answer. “then i guess i’ll just sit here.”

your words make his eyebrows lift slightly, looking at you with slight confusion. “you don’t have to.” he states to which you just shrug. “i know.” you settle back into the couch. “but i want to.”

for a second, he just watches you, as if searching for some hidden message or secret motive. but he quickly gives up and his expression softens. “okay.” he says simply. one word that causes relief because that one word feels like trust. it feels like everything you’ve built coming together to mean something.

you sit together quietly, watching the others laugh and move around the room. you don’t try to get him to talk or to engage in a random activity. because you know he is comfortable right where he is.

a few minutes later, tiny footsteps pad across the floor causing you to look up. taehyung appears clutching an action figure in one hand. “yoongi hyung?”

yoongi looks up, taehyung’s big eyes blinking at him through his superhero mask. “wanna play?” he asks, a smile growing bigger each second in anticipation.

the question hangs in the air, the silence itself telling. but taehyung doesn’t immediately pick up on it and yoongi’s expression softens with guilt.

“…i…” he starts, clearly not wanting to disappoint him.

you look between the two and before he can force himself to say yes, you gently step in. “yoongs is feeling a little sleepy today.” you explain gently. “i think he just wants to rest.”

taehyung looks at yoongi for confirmation who gives the smallest nod. taehyung pipes down slightly, “oh..” he immediately accepts the answer, seeing his hyung’s tired expression (which is just his usual face).

“i be right back!” he declares and before either of you can ask why, he disappears. and less than a minute later, he returns carrying one of the small pillows from the reading corner.

he carefully places it into yoongi’s lap. “so hyung comfy,” he says. yoongi looks down at the pillow for a moment before quietly placing a hand on top of it.“…thanks, tae.”

taehyung beams like he’d just solved the world’s biggest problem before turning to you. “noona play wif me? we can do the sticky slime!” he prompts hopefully. you laugh, he hasn’t forgotten that the smooth, stretchy texture always manages to steal your attention.

a challenging grin spreads across your face as you push yourself to your feet. “i’m getting the cloud slime first.” you declare, making taehyung gasps dramatically.

“no fair!” before you’ve even taken a second step, he’s already scrambling after you, determined to beat you there.

you chuckle, watching him beeline to the sensory shelf while everyone else watches with amused smiles. your eyes meet namjoon’s from across the room who gives you a knowing look.

you make your way over, lowering your voice once you’re close enough that the others won’t overhear.“you knew yoongi was regressed, didn’t you?”

he simply nods. “i wanted him to be comfortable enough to tell you himself.”

you follow his gaze. yoongi is exactly where you left him. the pillow taehyung had brought him still rests in his lap, one hand absentmindedly rubbing the corner of it between his fingers while his attention drifts around the room with the faintest smile.

this convenience store has become one of the few places where you don’t have to think too hard. you haven’t memorized each aisle, but you know which ones have your go-to options. you can’t predict who’ll be at the register, but you know the older man who always keeps the volume of the radio low is more likely to be up front around dinner time. when the sky is setting into soft shades of gray and faded oranges, the way it always does in your eyes.

the bell rings when you push the door open, and your eyes naturally go to the counter the second you take a couple more steps and it’s able to be in view. you can’t contain the small smile at the sight of thin grey hair at the sides of a familiar bald head. the music confirms it further. it isn’t the newest pop song that has female idols saying a repetitive chorus over a fast, bouncing rhythm beat. it’s an older sounding song, probably decades before you were born. it has a gentle guitar and a slow melody with lyrics you can barely make out because the voice is so soft.

you smile because in your world, it’s a constant battle between you and nature. where each time you step out of the comfort of your apartment and the world doesn’t immediately break you down and swallow you whole, you get a point. small wins like familiar faces are steps towards that point total and eventually, victory.

“good evening, little martian.” he gives you a soft smile that makes the wrinkles around his eyes move. “good evening, harabeoji.” you reply, making your way to the first aisle in your routine. you grab a pink buldak bowl and set it into the basket you’d picked up by the door.

“got any good things to sell me?” he calls after you. “my wife loved the necklace you made. won’t stop wearing it.” his words caused you to smile a little wider, warmer than the polite one you’d greeted him with.

you knew he’d make small talk, which was exactly why shopping while talking worked so well. it gave you something to do besides hold eye contact. not that you were trying to be mysterious or that you didn’t enjoy talking with him, it was just easier when your hands had a job and your eyes could stay on the shelves instead of someone’s face for longer than a minute.

“i don’t bring my work with me when i’m getting dinner, you know this.”

“aishh, come on! you don’t want to carry around a big heavy bag full of rattling beads and tangled threads?” he asks, and despite the teasing grin on his face, you can’t help but scrunch your nose in disgust. the thought alone sounds like an utter nightmare. but you can tell he isn’t serious and knows you well enough by now to know that a ridiculous request is the quickest way to get a reaction out of you.

“no thank you, i’d look homeless. or like a crazy librarian.” you shake your head as you walk further and effortlessly move deeper into the store. cheese string (point), sausage on a stick (point), tuna kimbap (point).

he lets out a small comfortable sigh, pausing before speaking again. “i don’t know how you’re able to make such good jewelry without seeing the full colors.” you hear something soften in his voice. “i wish you could see the beauty you make.”

you smile to yourself as you place another item into your basket. “i’ve never needed bright colors to know something’s pretty…”

“smart girl.” he replies, satisfied and watching with caring eyes as you make your way to the counter and set your items down one by one. “your soulmate will come soon enough, i know it.” he reassures you gently as he scans them.

you just smile and let out a hum in response. you can’t admit you’re one of those people labeled as weirdos. the ones who don’t spend their lives wishing to meet their soulmate and actively seek them out. you don’t watch those reaction videos of a person when they are seeing the world for the first time, and burst into tears in awe and joy. or don’t write a rant on a subreddit about how lonely it is not having ‘your person’ and how you can feel something missing in your heart.

it isn’t that you don’t want to fall in love…

you just don’t want your world to change.

you’ve spent years learning how to exist in it. making friends with the colorless flowers and mastering which places look safe and feel like home.

the thought of waking up one day to colors brighter than you’ve ever known, to a world suddenly louder simply because you brushed against a stranger terrifies you.

so when people wished for their soulmate, you wished for one more ordinary day.

“come back with the goods next time, little martian.” he hands you the bagged groceries and you roll your eyes. “i will, i will.” you reply, taking a quick look to see if everything inside is seated nicely. you tilt your head slightly to the side when you see an unknown strawberry dessert you didn’t pick up inside the bag.

“don’t worry, you didn’t buy it.” he holds up a hand when he sees your smile lessen a little. “it’s on the house.”

“harabeoji…” you give him a look, words of protests and gratitude twisting together and stuck in your throat. but before you can even get anything out he stops you. “ah ah, don’t argue with an old man.”

you huff out a quiet laugh, closing the bag once more and awkwardly settling for the free sweet treat. “thank you..”

he only waves you off, already turning to busy himself with something behind the register. “have a good evening, little martian.”

“you too, harabeoji.”

the familiar chime of the bell rings above your head as you make your way toward the exit. just as you reach for the handle, someone on the other side pulls it open first. a man in a black hoodie steps aside, one hand holding the door while the other steadies the light grey phone in his hand.

“go ahead,” he says with an easy smile. “thank you.” you dip your head politely as you walk past him, careful to leave enough space that neither of you brushes against the other.

he offers a small nod in return before stepping inside, the bell chiming once more behind him.

you let out a breath as you start walking down the sidewalk, relieved that the trip had gone smoothly. your mind immediately begins replaying the conversation with harabeoji. picking apart every response and analyzing your own behavior. just when your about to give yourself an A+

you stop.

the kewpie mayonnaise. shit.

you turn around quickly and start going back down the block and back to the convenience store, your pace a little quicker than before. usually you’d already have some at home but you ran out yesterday. it wasn’t part of the routine, which was exactly why you’d forgotten it.

even as your feet were already in front of the convenience store you debated not going back for it. each minute away from the apartment meant more opportunity for something to happen, but you remembered there hadn’t been many people inside. they were finishing up work and making content just like before.

harabeoji was definitely going to tease you for coming back so soon, though. but you could combat that with a quick explanation and maybe even a joke to save yourself. yes, you definitely had to explain yourself.

the bell chimes as you step inside.

“sorry i forgot my—“

you collide with someone turning the corner of the aisle closest to the door. the impact isn’t hard enough to hurt, but it catches you off guard. your bag swings slightly from your hand, and a hand instinctively reaches out to steady you before anything falls.

“whoa—sorry.” the voice is close, startled, and immediately apologetic.

you look up, ready to give the automatic reassurance that you’re fine, that it was your fault for rushing back inside, and that there was no need to apologize. if you played your cards right this didn’t have become a big thing.

but then you see him, and everything changed. you don’t even notice him at first, not even when he is right in front of you and staring dead at you with wide eyes and eyebrows that are pulled together in concern.

color. you notice color.

the light from the ceiling is brilliant, projecting onto the pink of the dessert display behind him that’s no longer the gentle shade you’ve always perceived it as. it’s brighter. sharper. almost glowing. the rows of drinks behind the counter blur together into colors you don’t have names for fast enough. the packaging on the shelves, the signs hanging above the aisles, the little decorations around the store…all of it is suddenly demanding your attention at once.

what? this isn’t right.

your eyes dart around, searching for something familiar, something muted, something that doesn’t feel like it’s screaming or trying to make you permanently blind.

but there isn’t anything.

the convenience store that had always been predictable, the place you knew how to navigate without thinking, is suddenly different. too different in a way that’s unrecognizable.

then, for the first time since you collided, you really look at the man in front of you.

he’s looking around the store too. but not like you are. his eyes are wide with wonder, darting from the drink refrigerators to the snack aisle, lingering on the bright advertisements hanging from the ceiling. a slow, disbelieving smile begins to spread across his face, as if he’s seeing the world for the very first time too.

your stomach drops as an entirely new realization hits you.

no.. no, no, no.

the panic on your face must have been crystal clear, because when he looks back at you, the smile on his face falters. his excitement lasting only a second before it melting into confusion.

“hi.. uh.. i think- we are..” the man stutters over his words, blush clearly visible as a rose tint crept up his neck.

soulmates.

the word that’s left him a flushed mess. because unlike you, he is probably overjoyed to have finally found his person. to embrace the beautiful vivid color in the world. but you can’t match his expression. because this isn’t your world.

so while his face is pink, yours is completely pale. instead of smiling, you’re staring at him like the ground has disappeared beneath your feet. the world has finally swallowed you whole.

your eyes have already moved past him again, overwhelmed by the impossible brightness of the world around you. the bright ramen cups in every type of color imaginable. the vivid red logo on the freezer door. even harabeoji’s faded apron seems too saturated, too alive.

“are you okay..?”

the voice, however soft makes your skin crawl as embarrassment and panic tangle together in your chest. the store is unfamiliar. the stranger in front of you is unfamiliar. nothing feels the way it did thirty seconds ago. everything is wrong.

you’re thinking about everything and nothing all at once. the painful lights overhead. the way people are probably looking at you. the kewpie mayonnaise. the fact that this is your soulmate. the fact that you don’t want this to be happening. everything is wrong.

your chest tightens until it aches, and suddenly you can’t seem to get in a decent amount of air in your lungs no matter how hard you try. you don’t even realize you’re crying until a sob forces it’s way out of your throat. your eyes shut tightly.

a gasp follows after, presumably from the man in front of you. then silence follows as you pressed your hands against your ears. it’s not completely silent, you still hear muffled sounds of humming refrigerators and soft music.

but the stranger is silent. almost too silent to the point where your certain the guy who is supposed to be your soulmate, now thinks your a freak. when you dare to crack your eyes open, you see him standing completely still. he’d started to step closer, to lend a hand again but now he was stopped.

when he notices your eyes are slightly opened again, he’s own widen and his body visibly stiffens. “…are you okay?” he asks again, worry written plainly across his face.

you can’t answer. your eyes shut again and another shaky breath catches in your throat. he stays silent for a moment and as if realizing you aren’t ignoring him, speaks again. “m-maybe going outside would be better? if you can walk. or maybe i should…” his sentence trails off as his eyes dart around the store before settling on the older man behind the register.

“excuse me, seonsaengnim..”

before you can make out the rest, hurried footsteps echo across the floor. a second later, the music fades until the store falls quiet which gives you some confidence to open your eyes again just a sliver. the fluorescent lights aren’t off completely, but several are now dimmed enough that the harsh brightness eases.

when the footsteps return, he stops several feet away from you, giving you more space than he did before. “…is that any better?” he asks softly.

you still don’t answer, but your shoulders loosen just enough that his expression softens with relief. and for a moment it’s just the two of you, standing tensely and words on the tip of your tongues.

instead of looking around the store again, you keep your eyes on him. or rather, his clothes. the black hoodie. dark sweatpants. simple. they don’t demand your attention the way the shelves do. they give your eyes somewhere to rest.

you try not to look any higher but fail. the color of his skin catches you off guard. warm and alive. real in a way you’ve never experienced before. even the faint pink across his lips and the darker shade of his eyes make your head swim. they’re such small details, yet they feel impossibly loud.

you blink, forcing your gaze back to the safety of his hoodie. when you risk another glance, he’s still looking at you. but this time you focus on his expression. it isn’t impatient, or confusion. not even the uncomfortable curiosity you’re used to when people notice something is different about you.

he just looks… concerned. like he’s trying to figure out how to help without making things worse.

“i’m… really sorry,” he says quietly. “i didn’t know… i mean…” his words stumble over each other before he lets out a small, frustrated breath.

“i didn’t mean to do this to you.”

his apology catches you off guard almost as much as the colors had. he says it like this is somehow his fault, or as if he could’ve prevented it.

“it’s..” you swallow hard, forcing yourself to draw in another shaky breath before trying again. “it’s not your fault.”

the man visibly exhales, but he doesn’t smile “okay,” he says quietly. “okay...” he nods once, more to reassure himself than anything else. then his gaze drops to the floor where your groceries had scattered. without another word, he crouches and quickly begins gathering them.

everything in you screams to help him. to apologize. to crouch beside him and hurriedly pick everything up like the stable adult you’re supposed to be. but you can’t move.

your eyes follow him as he collects each item before standing again, carefully extending the bag toward you. “thank you…” you murmur, the words leaving your mouth just as shakily as your breathing. you reach out and take the bag from him, your fingers brushing the paper instead of his hand.

against your better judgment, your gaze drifts back to his face. you can’t help it, he’s the first person you’ve ever seen in full color.

his skin is warmer than you’d imagined anyone’s could be, a soft flush still dusted across his cheeks. his big boba eyes are impossibly clear, framed by lashes that stand out against them, and strands of black hair fall messily across his forehead. his features fit together in a way that’s almost satisfying to look at.

you look away before your head can start spinning again. the colors are one thing. the realization is another. this stranger is the person you’re supposedly meant to spend the rest of your life with. someday, he’s supposed to learn that you can’t fall asleep without the same playlist looping through the night. that you’ll avoid certain foods because you’re terrified of choking on the weird texture, no matter how irrational it sounds to everyone else. that you count the small victories just to make it through an ordinary day.

he’s supposed to know all of that. and that thought of someone seeing every carefully hidden part of you is somehow even more overwhelming than the colors. it’s utterly terrifying.

you tighten your grip on the grocery bag until the paper crinkles beneath your fingers. home.

you needed to go home. the thought repeats itself over and over, louder than everything else. “i have to go.”

his face falls slightly, his mouth opening automatically as if to protest. but he doesn’t try to stop you. he simply nods, stepping out of your way so there’s a clear path to the door.

“okay,” he says softly. “you can go.”

you take one step, then another. your legs feel like they’re moving through water, but they’re moving. just before you reach the door, his voice calls after you again.

“wait.”

you freeze.

“i’m not trying to stop you,” he says quickly. “i just…” he rubs the back of his neck, searching for the right words. “it’s just.. you’re my soulmate.. shouldn’t we exchange numbers or something?”

the request is surprisingly… normal. awkward but practical. not ‘will you stay?’ not ‘let’s talk about our future.’ just… numbers.

you hesitate before giving a small nod. a minute later, your hand feels heavier as you slowly type in your number and name into his contacts.

“…i guess,” he says, slipping his phone back into his pocket once you hand it back, “i’ll talk to you later?” he asks, almost in anticipation or hope.

“okay,” you reply softly. and with nothing else to say, you turn and push through the door.

the evening air greets you, but it doesn’t bring the relief you’d been hoping for. outside is somehow worse.

the muted neighborhood you’d walked through only minutes ago is gone. the sky blazes with oranges, pinks, and purples so vivid they almost hurt to look at. brake lights flash brilliant red, storefront signs glow in impossible shades, and even the green leaves lining the sidewalk seem too alive.

your carefully calculated movements from every trip before this suddenly mean nothing. the landmarks you’d memorized look different. every route you’d spent years making predictable has become unfamiliar.

home.

you just had to get home.

you force one foot in front of the other, but your breathing starts to grow uneven again. your grip tightens around the paper grocery bag. there are too many colors. too many people. too many things pulling at your attention all at once, making you dizzy whenever you move.

behind you, you hear a familiar bell and then a voice.

“hey…”

you turn your head to see your soulmate in black stepping outside the store. through the front window he’d watched you leave, hoping you’d be okay. instead, he’d watched your pace falter after only a few steps.

he stops several feet away, careful not to come any closer.

“i know you’ll probably think i’m creepy,” he says silently berating himself, “but… would you please let me walk you home?”

you hesitate. the thought of someone knowing where you live makes your stomach twist.

he notices the uncertainty on your face and quickly adds, “i don’t have to walk beside you. i can stay behind you if that’s easier. i just…” he glances toward the busy street before looking back at you. “…i want to make sure you get home safely after everything.”

your eyes drift over him. the black hoodie. the dark sweatpants. calm colors and a familiar face that had already become something steady in a world that no longer was. everything else felt impossibly loud. but somehow, he didn’t. he kept his distance without you having to ask. he spoke softly, never raising his voice above what was necessary. even now, he wasn’t trying to rush you or fill the silence with empty reassurance.

you glanced toward the street, where the colors still blurred together into something your mind couldn’t keep up with. the cars driving by are in colors you’ve never seen before, with engines that amplified your ever sense.

maybe he was right. right now, being alone was a recipe for disaster.

“okay..” you whispered, your voice barely audible. “you can walk me home.”

his eyes brighten almost instantly, surprise flickering across his face. for a second, he looks almost giddy, as though he hadn’t expected you to say yes. “cool.. cool.” he says, trying to sound calm and collected even as he has to catch the smile beginning to spread across his face.

“sorry,” he says, a small laugh escaping him. “i’m just…” he looks at you for a moment, and for once, his expression isn’t filled with worry or confusion. it’s something softer. something almost impossible to describe because no one has ever looked at you like that before.

“i’m just really glad i found you.”

the words shouldn’t make your heart flutter. they should make your chest tighten in a uncomfortable way. but somehow, standing there beneath a sky full of colors you never asked for, with the one person who somehow made the chaos feel a little less frightening.

you believe him..

“i’ve never seen the sky like this..” he mutters, and you look at him to see his head is up towards the sky. big eyes staring at the clouds and new colors. “me either..” you say absentmindedly, realizing this was his first time seeing clearly too.

you see him turn his head towards you from the corner of your eye. smiling like he is savoring each word you speak. like finding you was the easiest, happiest thing in the world.

After a moment of silence of walking you look at her, eyes softening slightly. “I’m glad everything’s okay with you and Jin, after everything.” You shook your head, thinking about everything you put them through.

“I wouldn’t say we’re okay.” She corrected you quickly. “He just needs a way to relax and a distraction from everything, and I’m happy to be that.” She said with a small sad smile, now listening to her, it was obvious things weren’t okay. The whole fiasco had to be effecting the whole group, and you couldn’t help but feel guilty with knowing that. You ruined her engagement. You didn’t even wanna think about how far back they had to push the actual wedding.

Harin nudged my shoulder to bring me out of my own head. “You need a distraction too, and that’s why we’re doing this!” She said, slightly more enthusiastically as we landed at the door to the private yoga studio.

“I guess you’re right.” You mumbled as you two slowly walked inside. ‘I hope you’re right.’ You thought to yourself instead before taking a deep breath and closing the door behind you.

The floor smells like lavender and lemon oil.

You sink onto the mat with a small sigh, fingers smoothing over the edge of your leggings. The lights are low in the studio, all sunlight and soft shadows. There’s a low hum of calming music, the kind that melts into the walls instead of filling the room. You hear it in your breath more than your ears.

“Okay,” The female instructor starts, smiling as she lowers beside you. “We’re going easy today. Just movement and breath. No pressure.”

You nod, grateful. Your body’s been tired in ways you can’t explain lately. It’s not just the physical part. The bloat, the stretch, the tension tucked into your lower back, it’s the emotional exhaustion too. The ache of being seen when you never asked to be.

As the instructor starts and you and Harin starts to copy her poses on the floor you decide to Harin who is next to you. Holding her non-existent bump.

“Thanks for coming,” you say softly. “I know it’s been… a lot.”

She shrugs. “I know you didn’t want to be alone today.” She smiles like she gets it, because maybe she really does. Harin is quiet in the kind of way you want to be lately. Not silent. Not passive. Just… still. Worrying about the things she can change instead of can’t.

You move through the poses slowly. Cat-cow, seated twists, modified stretches to open your hips and loosen your spine. She teaches with a kind of grace that isn’t performative. And despite feeling anxious the possibility of her sneaking a picture or going to social media, Harin speaks again.

“I used to come here by myself when I felt anxious,” she says, pressing her palms together in front of her chest. “Before Jin and I went public. Before I knew what it meant to love someone people think they own.”

You glance at her, surprised. “You felt like this too?”

“God, yeah.” She chuckles softly, shifting into a side stretch. “The comments, the speculation. I couldn’t go anywhere without seeing my own face turned into someone else’s narrative. And Jin—he didn’t always know how to protect me from it.”

You listen to her words, realizing they were more relatable than you thought. “I just… I don’t want to do this alone. But I don’t want to need him either. Does that make sense?”

“It does,” she says. “You want him to choose to stand beside you. Not out of guilt. Not out of panic. Out of love.” Her voice is soft.

You let out a slow breath, the words sinking into your bones. That’s exactly it. Shitty boyfriend after shitty boyfriend, you were scared. You wanted something real.

She sits beside you now, legs crossed, and passes you a warm flaxseed eye pillow you didn’t notice before. You press it over your face and melt into the mat.

“You know,” Harin says softly, “You’re handling this better than you think.”

You let out a dry laugh. “I cry everyday.”

“That’s normal,” she scoffs. “What I mean is, you’re still showing up. You’re still protecting yourself. That’s strength.”

There’s silence for a while. Just the sound of breath, the low hum of music, the quiet outside world you’re not quite ready to rejoin.

Then, like she’s pulling the thread gently loose, Harin adds, “He cares about you. Yoongi. I’ve seen the way he watches you. He’s not just scared. He’s in it. Even if he doesn’t know how to be yet.”

You feel a lump rise in your throat. You swallow it down. Maybe she’s right. Maybe he is trying. But trying doesn’t always mean trustworthy, not anymore.

Still, for the first time in days, your heartbeat slows to something steady. Safe. You lie back, one hand on your stomach, and let the quiet hold you.

Stillness, like Harin.

You press your palm flat to the grass and breathe in through your nose like in the studio. The class had went smooth, better than you thought. After she suggested lunch since she knew a sandwich place nearby.

The air is thick with early afternoon humidity, but you’ve never been more grateful for a moment of calm. Harin moves beside you with the ease of someone who actually does this every day, her arms rising gracefully above her head as she shifts into a warrior pose. You try to mimic her, but your balance is… questionable at best. Still, she doesn’t judge.

“How are you feeling now?” Harin asks gently, glancing over with a soft smile. “Still aching?”

“Better,” you say honestly. “Being outside helps.”

You don’t mention the way your fingers twitch when you check your new phone, or how the smallest vibration sends your heart into overdrive. Since your face hit social media, everything has changed. You can’t walk into a pharmacy without scanning for someone with a camera. And Yoongi.. God, Yoongi, he let you walk into this storm without a damn umbrella. Didn’t tell you that people knew your hometown, your high school, your life. Not until it was too late.

Harin leads you into a small foodie cafe and passes you a bottle of water. Small family owned business who knew Harin well and greeted her with a smile. You stretch your legs out in front of you, pressing your hand over your stomach with a little wince. There’s small tables in the corner of the space and you go sit down. You feel like you need a nap. The baby isn’t even showing yet, but your body is changing in quiet, aching ways.

You’re mid-sip when you feel it.

That awful, familiar sense that you’re being watched.

The back of your hair stick up, and your palms get sweaty but you try not to overreact. Try to keep your cool as Harin yells from the counter asking what sandwich you want. You’re too busy looking around the small place, not that many customers. Most looking on their phones.

Harin notices your bewildered almost fearful look, her eyes narrowing at you and then at something behind you. You turn slowly, just in time to see a woman in a black mask approaching with her phone already up and recording.

You don’t recognize her, but the energy is unmistakable. The intensity in her eyes. The way she locks onto your stomach before you even have time to move from your seat.

Sasaeng.

“Oh my God,” you whisper, frozen. “She followed me—”

“Hey! Stop that—” Harin starts, running to you protectively but her voice is grown out as the woman starts to yell. Cornering you in your seat and shoving the camera close.

“Is it true you’re pregnant with Yoongi’s baby? Does he even care about you? Why isn’t he here huh? What do you want with him—”

You try to stand, but your legs shake under you. The panic rushes in all at once—heart pounding, ears ringing. You can barely get air in your lungs.

“Honsoo!” Harin shouts, suddenly reaching the girl and pushing her out of your face. It takes a second before you remember. You’re too caught up in what’s happening to realize what she said. Your safety word. She’s already stepping between you and the sasaeng, but she’s small, and the woman is aggressive.

Honsoo. Not Harin’s safety word but Yoongi’s.

The hospital room smells like sterile air and too much time.

You lie half-upright in the bed, your IV line making your arm itch, the monitors still softly beeping behind you. Yoongi sits in the chair beside you. He hasn’t said much in the past hour. Just… stayed.

Just been there.

You don’t look at him when you speak. “We need a word.”

He glances over. “A word?”

“For when it gets too much. When I can’t say it out loud, or when there’s cameras, or someone’s filming again.” You swallow. “A safety word.”

Yoongi nods slowly, eyes falling to the blanket bunched near your stomach. You almost don’t ask. But then you do.

“What if.. What if we did the track we worked on… the night everything started?”

His eyes lift to yours instantly. “Track ten. Honsoo.”

You nod, just once and he leans forward, elbows on his knees. His voice is barely above a whisper. “Then that’s the word.”

You blink. “Yeah?”

He nods once. No hesitation. “‘Honsoo’ means turbulent breath. Agitated, trapped. Like everything’s rattling inside but you can’t get it out.”

The quiet stretches between you. You press your palm lightly over your stomach, then glance at him.

“Okay,” you say softly. “Then Honsoo it is.”

Yoongi shifts closer, one hand hovering near yours but not quite touching. His voice breaks a little when he says it again, like he already knows how important it’s going to be.

He tried staying close to the other maknae’s but they were doing their own preparations for their solos and didn’t want to be a burden. He tried smoking but it would only stir up trouble and was too risky. He tried going onto Korean tv shows but it only felt like more work.

It started to get worse the more he worked on his music and the longer his hyungs were away. He’d stay day and night at the studio, working tirelessly on his album. And when he did venture to his apartment suite, it was cold and empty. The Bangtan group chat dry.

Alone.

He hated the feelings of being alone. After 2020, the tour being cancelled and not being able to see his new fans, being forced to stay inside. He had his members at the time, making English songs that blew up. But he wasn’t happy. He was alone.

And whenever he walked in the door of his apartment after a long day or night, he felt the same feeling. Dread, hopelessness. Empty. And then, the military would come and sweep him away as well.

He didn’t want to feel like that. Didn’t want to spend the time he had before the military being things changed for good, feeling like that. He wouldn’t put out good music for his fans and he wouldn’t do good for himself mentally and physically. He needed something, anything to give him comfort. He couldn’t go down that rabbit hole he once been in.

Sugar.

Your brain's reward system is activated, which releases dopamine, a chemical that signals pleasure.

In this case, Sugar, is a sweet caring friend. A paid friend. Ironic to the fake name she gave Jimin, she was a sugar baby. You are sugar, in every meaning of the word.

He felt weird at first, when Jimin gave him Sugar’s number when he reluctantly told his hyung how he felt one night while drinking together. But after texting for weeks and a shiny NDA contract, Sugar was his temporary paid companion.

They’d text regularly, and when he was feeling his most depressed he’d pay her to come to his house before he got there. They didn’t have to talk, she just had to be there so he didn’t feel like he was drowning in his pity and loneliness. So he felt like people still cared.

As much as he hated it, it was working. The text turned into meet ups at his house. The chilling turned into cuddling. And hell, he felt good waking up in the mornings. Music felt less like work. Life felt like, life.

But working on music, and releasing it were two different battles. And doing it with a group, and being solo, were two different battles.

Taehyung put on a smile as he went backstage, the chilling sound of his fans feeling his ears as his earpiece now silent as his sound ended. It had been a while since he preformed at a Mcountdown, and he had forgotten how many strangers there were backstage as they started profusely congratulating him.

He put on a shy smile as people started handing him a small fan and wiping off his sweat. Before anyone else could crowd him, he grabbed his phone and excused himself to the bathroom.

He could feel his hands shaking, the pressure of being on stage by himself bringing back that some feeling of loneliness. He had forgotten about it because of the fans, but being backstage was much more awkward. He remembered how he used to cool down backstage with his members.

He missed them, dearly.

His fingers shook as he pressed against his phone screen, going to his messages and clicking the top person. He knew it was Sugar, he had only talked to her recently. He asked her to come over, and even sent the money in advance while also tripling the amount. He was vulnerable, and scared. He needed his fix. He needed comfort.

When he was finally able to escape the stage and was able to home later that night, he half expected for Sugar not to be there. The day had been so draining he had completely forgotten.

His eyes widened when he saw her in his apartment, lying on the couch all comfy. Her breathing soft and her hair in front of her face as she slept.

He quietly sat down his things and took off his shoes and socks. He had already changed out of his performance outfit and was in a baggy hoodie and jeans. He walked over to Sugar, brushing her hair out of her face and even that calmed him down from all of the chaos in his mind.

She had looked so comfortable in his space while she slept. So peaceful. Like she belonged there. He hadn’t realized how attached he had gotten to her until that moment. Her beautiful soft skin and playful hair. Her kind natural beauty and caring nature. It has been a while since he met a girl as innocent and sweet as her and the comfort she brought didn’t make it better.

He blinked out of his trance when he saw her blink, as if sensing his everlasting gaze. Her eyelashes fluttered as she slowly opened her eyes, Taehyung smiling when he saw the familiar pearls.

“Oh, you’re back.” She said she yawned and sat up slightly. “How was filming the.. song?” She asked, sounding so unsure and confused in her half awakened mind.

He chuckled, being aware for some time now that she knew nothing about the idol life or even listened to his music, and it was slightly refreshing.

“It was good, Sugar.” He said, his voice tried and raspy from singing and talking all day. The word coming out as more than a pet name more than it being the name she actually went by.

He picked her up, hands gripping her waist tightly as he easily held her up so he could sit on the couch and set her on his lap. His large hands, so soft and masculine, gripped her thighs tightly, situating them around his hips.

His body relaxed and his eyes closed slightly as he felt her soft figure against his chest as she wrapped her arms around her neck, playing with the back of his hair.

“Thank you.” He said breathlessly, eyes still closed as he relaxed and let himself feel her soothing touch. “You’re too good for me.”

”Are you okay?”

He didn’t except to hear her voice, considering she just woke up and that speaking to him wasn’t mandatory or anything. Her voice was as soft as ever, extra quiet from the sleepiness.

Fuck, he was getting attached. He was being too vulnerable, it was getting too intimate. To real.

She was paid to do this. To act caring and sweet so he could keep coming back and she could keep getting money. But God, it felt real now. Much more real than the first few months.

He tensed for a minute, his heart telling him to spill out everything but his brain winning, like most days. “I’m fine, Sugar.” He assured, his hand moving to her hair, gently stroking it. There was a moment where he considered actually telling her about his day, but the thought of it made his chest tighten. He didn't want to burden her with his problems, wanting her to stay shielded to the harsh reality of his life and riches.

"It's just been a long day, and I'm not used to things being this way." He admitted, his voice a bit more strained than normal. It was silent for a minute before he spoke again, not knowing why. “Thank you, for being here.”

“I’ll always be here for you..” she replied softly, looking up at him as she laid her head on his shoulder. “It’s nice here.”

He smirked, a small genuine smile played on his lips before letting out a chuckle. “Is it?” His eyes flickered away from her and to the idle big tv screen.

“I was watching you.” Her voice came through as he looked down at her once more. “Your music video, I mean.” She corrected herself with an awkward chuckle.

“Oh.” Taehyung didn’t know how to feel about it. Of course he was proud of his music, but slightly nervous for her opinion. “What’d you think?”

“It was.. beautiful.” She said, her eyes sparkling as their eyes met. “It was slow and sentimental..” his face reddened as she continued, the words making him antsy.

“I loved it. And you looked all dolled up and cute.” She giggled as she thought back on it. “I’ve never seen you like that.”

“What you look at me differently now? You see me as the big popstar like else everyone does?” He said, trying to play it off as a joke even though he was actually wondering.

“No.. still just Taehyung. My friend.” She said with a smile and his chest tightened slightly as reality set in.

No matter how many nights they’d spent on the phone, no matter how many ranted texts he sent.. No matter how many late nights and cuddles. They were friends, paid friends at that.

He was delusional for thinking it wasn’t anything else other than a girl taking care of her client in order for him to keep coming back later and get more money. Even knowing this—

“You wanna.. stay the night?” I’ll pay you extra.

He wants to say, but maybe if he didn’t bring it up she’d forget that that’s what she was there for. For money, not him..

“Sure!” She said excitedly, making his heart flutter. He hadn’t felt this way in a while. Relaxed and comfortable with someone outside of his group.

She giggled when she saw his almost shocked reaction. “I told you it’s nice here.”

He chuckled, shaking his head at her. “Eh, I’m used to being here.” He gestured to his nice apartment penthouse with the view of the city. Expense brands to cook with and soft nice couches and clothes. He didn’t know why he was trying to act so cool with his grand house when she’d already seen him at his most vulnerable.

He knew from the first few instances that she couldn’t have come from a rich family, judging by her reactions and lack of knowledge with certain gadgets and such. Just looking at the things she did for money, he figured she hadn’t come from the best of the bunch.

“I mean, I already fell asleep on the couch so I might as well sleep there.” She said with a chuckle.

“You don’t want to go to the bedroom with me?”

The words fly out of his mouth before he could even stop himself and he’s surprised by himself. Surprised that he keeps trying to push his luck with this girl. God, he’d given all the hints but couldn’t take one himself.

“I—“ she paused with a nervous chuckle. “Oh wow.” In an effort to get rid of the sudden tension that came over, and to not feel like a creep, he quickly spoke. “I mean— we cuddle anyways. Why not just cuddle each other to sleep. That would help me, don’t you think?”

He felt like an asshole just saying it, but as a miracle would have it, she started to contemplate before shrugging. “Sure, okay!” She said with a small smile.

“Y-You don’t have to! It was a stupid thing to say—“ Taehyung quickly said, sweating as he tried to make it all go away.

“No, no! It’s fine.” She said quickly, the two looking like two teenagers. “I think it’d be good for me too.” She stated and Taehyung softened.

Taehyung turned off all of the lights, taking her hand gently in his as he lead her to his bedroom, a place she’d never been before. There were posters of the group and artwork on the walls. Glimpses of his hobbies scattered around the room.

He took off his hoodie, revealing a plain white shirt underneath before he crawled onto his king sized bed. The quality of it, like everything else he owned, pleasant. She hummed when she laid down next to him, sinking into the mattress as she closed her eyes.

She took a minute to relax before turning on her side and looking at him, who was already staring at her while on his side. The two faced each other, heads on soft pillows with the lights dimmed. “You’re different today..” she muttered her observation softly.

“I know.. that’s why I sent you triple.” He said with a soft chuckle, he knew he would be more clingy, more of a pain. He hoped she was okay with it. That maybe it would become a regular for the two.

“I don’t mind it, Tae-Tae.. It’s peaceful with you.” She said with a soft smile while stroking his hair as Taehyung let out a breath of relief. He had felt the same, at peace. Maybe, just maybe, she felt the same way he did about each other.

He wrapped his arms around her small waist and pulled her closer to him and his heart raced as he took in her features, copying every detail into his brain. She was so beautiful, inside and out. His eyes traced over her face, before landing on her lips. So pretty and pink.

He couldn’t stop himself. He had convinced himself that he would rather try to see if something was there than sit months worrying and dreaming about could have been. So he leaned in closer to her as he licked his lips, and gently pressed his lips onto hers in a soft kiss.

She smiled against it immediately before responding, pushing herself flush against his chest as he tilted his head slightly to deepen the kiss. His hand went to her back, gripping it tightly as he held onto her like his life depended on it.

He pulled away after a while, breathless and his heart souring. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while..” he whispered, nuzzling his nose against her face.

“Me too..” she squeaked out, swallowing as she closed her eyes and kissed him again. His eyes closed as he relaxed into the affection, his feelings deep as they drifted off to sleep on each other’s arms.

~~

To his horror, Taehyung woke up alone the next morning. He could smell her candied, sugary scent but she wasn’t there. He could feel her sweet sugary lips still on his from the hours before. But she wasn’t there.

He sat up quickly, looking around and fearing the worst. What if she got lost in the complex? Or some crazy fan took her?

He raced to get his phone to do something, to figure something out. Only to be greeted with a notification that was received an hour ago.

It’s short lived.

Being the baby mama of a famous Kpop idol billionaire, you knew it was only a matter of time before someone came knocking and looking for you sooner or later. That part you guessed. What was making you nervous was the fact that you didn’t know who was going to come.

Was it a crazy fan who somehow managed to find out where you stayed (which was still in Yoongi’s house, ironically)? Was it a member of BTS themselves? Or worst of all, was it Yoongi.

The thought made you so nervous and sick to your stomach. Out of all the awkward interactions you were avoiding the one with Yoongi the most, though that wasn’t hard to do recently. You had kicked him out and broke your only form of communication aka your phone.

There’s a knock on the door a couple seconds later, not a doorbell, a knock. Then another, and another. There is a sense of urgency to the knocks, like whoever is at the door is afraid to wait any longer before trying to speak to you.

You finally get up from the bed, your legs shaking a little bit from standing. You move slowly towards the door, trying to calm your nerves.

It is too silent outside the door, and you have no idea about the identity of the person standing outside. It can be anyone, and in a way, it's scary but you have half a brain to look through the peephole to prepare yourself for whoever it is.

Your eyes widen and your face pales when you see a familiar face, one you hadn’t really thought about. Harin.

She doesn’t look her best which was unlike her. Usually she’d have on at least a bit of makeup and dress nicely, no matter where she was or where she was going. She was classy, and always had on a caring, bright smile. No matter how much struggle it was being in the spotlight because of Jin or being away from Jin because of his job, she was strong. She was everything you wanted to be, you in an alternate universe where you had met Yoongi under the right circumstances.

But looking at her now, on your doorstep with very noticeable eyebags and a dying look of worry, some guilt hits you, and all you want to do is throw the door open and cry into her arms. You had always kept people and friends at a distance, it felt so different to want to seek out someone’s comfort. Maybe this is what it was like to trust and care heavily about people, you didn’t know. Everything nowadays was new to you.

You slowly open the door with a shaky hand, your heart skipping a beat when her head snaps over to the sound of it finally opening.

“Harin..” her name slips from your mouth in a shaky breathless voice. Harin nods, her entire face filled with compassion and worry. One look at you and she can see that you haven't been doing well at all and you can only imagine the amount of pity she’s feeling.

She looks at you for a moment before speaking softly. "I heard about everything that's been going on, please... let me come inside." Her voice is calm and reassuring, as if trying to be as gentle as possible with you. She was treating you as a time bomb, and as much as you wanted that to anger you, it was impossible to be mad at her.

You open your mouth but nothing comes out, you want to tell her it’s not a good time or something. You want to turn her away, like you do with everyone else in your life, like you did with Yoongi. You want to go back to drowning in your sorrows and depression until eventually you become a rock.

But she looks so emotional, so hurt. And suddenly you don’t have the balls to push her away. For the first time ever, you let someone in. You let someone help you instead of pushing them out.

“Okay.” You say weakly, barely being able to direct your voice to her. You open the door more and move to the side so she can come inside.

Harin nods, her eyes widening as she steps inside before closing the door behind her quietly. She doesn't say anything more, going directly towards you. Without warning, she enfolds you in a warm and gentle hug.

"Oh, Y/N, I'm so sorry for everything," she whispers passionately, rubbing the top of your back. "I-I'm just so sorry." Her voice is small but filled with emotion.

The sudden hug catches you off guard, and to your own surprise you melt immediately into the warm comforting embrace.

“Sorry? What are you sorry for?” You ask, fighting back a smile as you hug her back tightly.

Harin lets out a sigh. "So, So many things," she whispers. "I'm sorry you're going through this right now, I'm sorry I haven't been there for you enough. I-"

She can't continue, her words choking her up but you are quick to shake your head dismissively anyways. “Stop. If anything I should be sorry. I took the spotlight off of you and Jin’s special accomplishment. I messed up your proposal and I’ll probably just mess up your wedding too so you shouldn’t even invite-“

“Stop,” she’s the one to say it this time, frowning and shaking her head. “You’re absolutely going to be at my wedding. You’re my best friend.” She says passionately, pulling away from the hug to look you in your eyes. “I'm not letting you go through this alone, no matter how hard things get..."

“Thank you, Harin.” You respond in a whisper, your heart fluttering as you pull her back into the hug tightly. Seconds after there’s a small stab of pain in your stomach, causing me to groan and close your eyes and lean onto her for support.

Harin flinches as she feels your sudden

movement towards her, then notices your hand grab onto your stomach. Her heart sinks when she realizes what it means, her eyes flaring with shock and concern.

"Your stomach... does it hurt?" she asks softly, her voice filled with worry for you. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah..” you take a step back to ground yourself. “Just been stressed lately.” You mumble, trying but failing to reassure her.

"I know the feeling..." Harin whispers, still looking at your abdomen. “Come sit.” She says, holding your hand and ushering you to sit down.

“Thanks..” you mumble, slowly sitting onto the couch as Harin watches you closely as she helps you settle. "You sure everything with the baby is okay?" she whispers softly, her eyes filled with concern and worry.

“I think.” ‘I hope.’

“I don’t want to go outside, let alone a hospital.” You say with a sigh, looking up at Harin who gives you a sympathetic expression. She nods in understanding, “I know how you feel," she says quietly. "The outside can be so scary at times... especially when there are so many people watching your every move."

You let out a small smile and nod, of course Harin understood. You couldn’t imagine all she had been through when she first started dating Seokjin. It was a relief to have at least one person who knew what you were going through. Her and someone else.

“..How’s Yoongi?” The words fly out of your mouth before you can stop them. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t at least a tiny bit concerned curious about how he was doing. But you knew a part of you were asking from a place of guilt, some part of you knew you had overreacted the slightest bit. Because it was like you, to push people away when things got too serious.

Harin’s eyes widen in surprise, almost as if she was surprised you even brought him up. She blinks a few times before speaking. "I talked to him earlier today," she whispers softly.

She opens her mouth again, lashing hesitantly before actually saying anything. She looks at you for a few moments, debating on whether or not she should continue. She looks thoughtful for a moment - then lets out an exhausted sigh.

"He's been really worried about you," she states honestly, letting out a short breath. "He was really hurting when you kicked him out... honestly, he's not doing too well right now."

“Really?” You don’t want to admit that the news is sickening, because you still cared about him, despite everything. Harin nods, “Jin says it’s worse than when they first debuted. Overworking himself, not eating, not speaking.”

Your elbows go to your knees as you bury your face in your hands. To say you felt awful was an understatement. “I don’t know what to do, Harin. I just..I felt hurt. He kept something so big from me no matter what the reason.” You shake your head, swallowing nervously.

“What would you have done?”

She winced, thinking about if she was in your shoes. "I... I would have heard him out, before I made my decision," she says softly and you sigh, knowing she was probably right. "I understand that you felt betrayed," she admits. "But it wasn't intentional, he just didn't know how to talk to you..."

She looks at the ground, her voice softening even more. "He didn't know how to handle this... honestly, neither one of you do. But there's still a chance you can work things out if you talk to each other."

You swallow, tears welling up in your eyes as a bunch of emotions cloud your mind. “I don’t know how to do that Harin. How to communicate.”

Her face immediately softened, pulling you into another hug. “Give it as much time as you need for yourself," she continues. "Just don't shut him out... he wants to be there for you... just like I do."

Harin looks at you for a moment then smiles. "You're not alone now, okay?"

Your eyes go to the phone in pieces next to the wall at her words as your mind wanders to similar words.

i’m here now

The first stupid text that started everything. The text that you stupidly didn’t listen to. The stupid text that showed how horrible you were for not communicating when he was.