sometimes out of the blue it’s just like “wow nancy rejecting and pushing away anything she views as childish or immature because the last time she really let go in an age appropriate way her best friend died and she’s never recovered from the guilt of that one moment of innocent teenage thoughtlessness so she doesn’t go to parties and she doesn’t make friends and she focuses on work and gives away her stuffed animals and is embarrassed for anyone to know she has posters or music boxes in her room and sleeps with guns under her bed and relentlessly pursued anything she thinks could indicate a threat because she never ever feels safe or in control and Vecna took her back to that swimming pool because she never actually left it in the first place” and then I sit down and cry so hard I throw up
