His faith, though still incredibly strong, was being put to an extreme test.  Some of the doubts which Ed had expressed out loud were now showing up more regularly in my father’s journal, in my father’s voice. 

[Jim Elliot]

February 24: Was much cast down in spirit last evening.  Ed and I have been here in Chester six weeks, with so little evident blessing from God. 

March 5: Evening.  Too weak even to demonstrate weakness.  Have come to such a state that I must desire to desire!  The tears of my heart are frozen in the cold of my intellect. 

March 17: Sterile days.  The past few days have been very trying and difficult...There has been a sense of discouragement and doubt come over me through this.  I prayed, simply, earnestly, believingly, insofar as I knew how, and did not receive what I asked for, namely 150 people and six conversions.  I know all the old reasons for not being heard and getting better answers and so on, but all that does not solve this difficulty. 

[Elizabeth Elliot] 

Jim, dear brother, it is just here that the nature of your consecration-- which is the same as saying the nature of your love to God-- is tested.  The decisions which are made in “green pastures” are tested in the “valley of the shadow,” for it is here that HE is most vitally with us, if I may use the expression, although He is forever equally “with us,” since He tabernacles within us. 

You say, “This Jericho must fall or I shall be unable to go on in the path of faith.”  Surely you were not really thinking when you made that statement.  The very principle of faith precludes any and all necessity of dependency upon anything but God Himself... Do you love God for Himself alone?  Or do you love Him for His gifts, His conscious presence, His love to you, His evident blessing upon what you do, etc...?

Jim, I truly believe there comes a time in the progress of the soul who truly desires to be conformable to Christ’s image when God strips him not only of earthly props in the form of friends, possessions, talents, or whatever he may include an infinite variety of forms.  This process, however devastating it may seem, must be recognized as another further providence.  Another gracious answer to our sincere cry of faith, “Thy will be done”... 

Currently @ church.

I am my Love’s and he is mine,

And this is his desire,

That with His beauty I may shine

In radiant attire.

And this will be-- when all of me

Is pruned and purged with fire.

From the heights we leap and go

To the valleys down below

Always answering to the call,

Ravi Zacharias: That's an easy question for me to answer. The harder question is, 'Why does Jesus Christ love me?'"

pray for you everyday my Roxabear <3 MISS YOU but glad to know we’re fighting the same battle. some verses to remember when your family persecutes you. 

fix your eyes on Jesus (you’re not who they say you are, God’s eyes are ever upon you)

Trust in the Lord with all your heart (that’s how you’re going to guard it from the hurt)

December 30, 2016. 4 days before I leave for Mexico, I told my dad I'm leaving!! LOL Fear complicates everything SO much!! But tonight is living proof that LOVE conquers all things and makes simple the seemingly impossible. 

“Don’t be afraid that I’m going to lose my faith. I have a stronger faith than you, Eunice. I love Jesus and I know that this is the time that you are supposed to go. I was just mad at myself, not at you... and I was mad at God because I was telling Him, ‘anyone but my daughter...please.’ I think that’s the heart of God. That doesn’t mean that I don’t bless you, I just had to process. Your going is exactly why Jesus died for us on the cross with nails pierced in his hands... I just want you to go where He calls... It’s just hard because you’re my daughter.” 

Dang. My dad is probably the most misunderstood man in my life. Yet, I learned today that he carries the Father’s heart more deeply than I could ever find anywhere else. Thank you Jesus... 

“I and the Father are one heart and one mind.”