Thoughts.

"Bright day, instantly turns to gray and I'm thinking, please not today. I just did my hair and dressed up. Even listening to chance and Khalid now. Just let up. I want to go out and enjoy the sunshine. I thought we had a deal on when it was my time. Hold on, do you feel that. Its getting hot around your neck, vocal thermostat. Uh oh the air is getting thin now. I can see the hairs on your skin now. You seem worried about it coming again. Knock knock, don't shake, its me old friend. Just thought I'd pay you a visit. You seem too comfortable and peaceful why aren't you worried about nothing ? You are now, admit it. Your hair isn't that nice and we both see it. You should wear a sweater with those lightening strikes on your arm, and are those bracelets of self harm. What a shame my old friend, delete your contacts, there is really no point in hitting send. You think they actually understand you're mentally ill. All you are is that case that throws back those pills. That reminds me, its almost midday you should take those Valiums and sleeping pills timely. Don't want another breakdown. You may be the sheriff of your body but this is my town. And don't forget I own you when I'm around. Land I inherited that can't be sold. Now change your clothes, tell your friends you can't make it out of the house before I tune you into my favorite next episode."

Writers block, “pick up the pen”. “No, wait, you type, stop”. “Shit, okay try music to ease the clog.” “You've already been sitting for three hours”. It never used to take you this long. Maybe something left you. “Inspiration? Elation?” “Before you would tell me, what's on your mind baby?” “Oh that's my bad. That's what she would call you”. In fact I ought to talk to her. Tell her how she ruined your world. Left a writer with his pen and took his pad.” So now you find other uses for that sharply blunt object. Must be why you're wearing sweaters in 32 degree heat. Your lap is no longer her seat. “But shit, this is supposed to be me helping you with your block but i am truly sorry because like Sampha no-one knew you like her piano. She was well into playing your black and white keys. Making you weak at the knees, brightening your storms with ease. Left with the vaccine to your disease and i truly am sorry for your writers block but we both see where it came from. She's gone and your bed turned back to a floor.

Discovery- the process of locating, uncovering and unearthing of something. We have the definition but it would seem modern history alternates past things. Calling taking, findings. Purchase freedom after being forced into captivity. Stolen of your identity that you'd call me Luther like it descends in my nativity. Struggle with my local tongue but write this English piece fluently. Insanity. That I, a fish, am more familiar with the land than the water. Seek to praise my colonial teachings opposed to what my heritage has to offer. Bringing back the topic of discovery. As though, we, a civilized people needed to be unearthed. Don't understand our clicks and rolling r's so their English is mandatory to be learned. And is it different today ? Build a mansion so your ego has somewhere to stay ? Get an expensive school for your children so their ignorance has somewhere to play ? And order satin sheets from your colonial masters so your hypocritical mind has somewhere to lay. In terms of wealth we are told of a Man. Who ascended from a country north of S.A. Mali, which in our Swahili tongue translates to possessions. Place our Man from the north of S.A; Mansa, with his estimated 400billion in modern dollars. And how his country in modern day thrives in poverty and lacks in scholars. Will make you understand the plague of colonisation. The first recorded plague of any nation. Born with wealth and minerals. Aren't you disgusted that you can't speak as your people did. And that you praise western culture as if it was a tower you helped build.

Blessed with the uncertainty of extremity. Build a business but it will thrive because of poverty. Love rain drops on your face but too much will flood the ground under me. Love having someone but dependence will leave you vulnerable to solitary. Confinement. This isn't exactly how our schools define it. The pro's we are given are often one sided. Go to school and build on yourself. Gather knowledge, acres and a vast variety of wealth. Not informing us of the capitalistic mentality that they've placed in us. Reminding us about the gold we will get but not telling us about those who run but don't turn out winners. Those that will survive on one meal a day whilst you debate on lobster or steak dinners. they instill the ignorance in us. Give us the "two roads diverged in a yellow wood" pictures. Tell us about the paths we have to chose as living creatures. And that its not you to blame that they chose the one more likely traveled by. The hate, recklessness and unfortunate line. So are you obligated to save them ? Claim there's no S on your chest but you do know about the blue and red war going on in the west. Know about the oil and Islam war going on in the west. And here at home the orange and red about to claim the lives of millions just like everybody else. But you've made it such that you're safe from all of it. Besides you love the sun above you, you just forget that some people have to live on it.

It seemed she worried about her travels. About the mountain ahead that would separate us and what her journey would unravel. What would happen ? Would her newly found flow run dry Would I find another stream before we met on the other side. More painfully how long would it take before our waves did collide. But as a water molecule There's only one truth I could assume. Mountains, valleys and trees Did separate once simultaneously flowing streams. But the tributaries of rivers always meet at the sea. That is why I will not worry about you and me.

Don't let the blood and tears that fall from my shakey pen. Fool you that I'm in touch with the free man from Robin's island to the brother in handcuffs in your governments pen.itentiary. I place nouns and verbs following each other with the utmost intention to lay out the perception. Of knowing; seedlings are flowers. Of growing; words through your mouth. Of throwing; non-beneficial norms from the north , south. The illusion that I comprehend that smoke signals and wails could not be replaced by this lengthy message I send. That the blood of the womb is thicker than the water of the world, however the chosen covenant turns to family your so called friend. As I meditate in a library it comes to me so presumptuously that the upper percentage of books in a Kenyan structure of knowledge have 90% of authors known to be foreign. It strikes me too that my heritage begins and stops at my surname. Osier. Reigning from the bloodshed and sweat of the gruesome struggles my grandfathers went through just so on a hot afternoon I could enjoy a cold beer. Notice I said beer and not Ajon or Muratina. Face it this generation could recite colonial films word for word but the only motion picture they could tell you about from the south is Sarafina. And believe me I do not write this to be bitter. Can't even blame our sisters for bleaching because we never taught them to first love their Inner. India Airie tried to inspire you and me. With the simple analogy of i am not my hair, and in as much as I am this golden skin is not a mirror to admire there's a lot that lies deeper there. Must remind you these are my ill-structured, colonial master and life after. Views. But then again you'd be better off believing your 9 o'clock news with the headlines "Swimming champion allegedly rapes campus girl" placed palm in palm with "Suspicious black teen with hidden face, lurks into mall". Tell me how much you love humanity again and how its not one for one but one far all. Tell me again how you were so quick to wake Dr. King from his dream. Rush him and say "get up and go to that white supremest school or you won't make the winning team. Make sure you cut your hair down low or slick it back. They're not used to afros. So please lay it down like that. I know that youd have a better chance of being hired If you wore a tie and had a suit on your back. You can save the dashikis and Kitenge's for the holidays. For the more culturally appropriate or boring days. Also please refrain from using Ebonics in your speech. It would seem that way of talking distances you from your potential bosses reach." Once again these are misunderstood and modernized views. Read this through and through and for a moment you will realize that you don't really know the difference between them and you.

Deep breaths with it. As you plan your future life, i just lost mine. Probably set consecutive alarms leading up to eight, I'll have left by nine. not going to give another because, because this language i pride myself in is flawed to begin with and i can't buy you that big diamond knowing it could have come from Sierra Leoe mine. What makes their coal filled lungs less valuable than mine. What makes me suited up pig and them swine. Then again this fight doesn't seem to be mine. It'll pass, it'll get better with time. Trust me, pray or therapy you'll one day be fine. The more these words are shared the more you remind me that it's currently 8:59 and according to my opening statement I'll have...

You will learn to surf in a storm. Learn to bite your lip at passion and intensity in a partners warmth. Lace and a beat face to sweats and the day you accept it's fair to be second place. You will find depth and deep color. In eyes, skin and the words her lips do harbor, Pearls. That fall out from her clammy mouth onto your sea bed of hopelessness as it seems the sun fall deepest in love with the ground of the endless oceans