Life, No Chaser

No comment necessary, not expected to speak/ I could be direct and be brief, or let off with a screed/ Wondering what do I have left to exceed, when it comes to ability/ It takes more to succeed, attention spans ain’t attentive to me/ No desire to seek, spotlight, I speak out of a need/ To excise demons that bleed, broken bits and parts of me/ Sick of society, sickness, society, that’s what placed in front of me/ Probably be easier to front, to be, counterculture, for the sake of clout/ But it wouldn’t be, worth it to me, moving in doubt, for hollow victories/ Feeling empty at the end of the day, treating life as something to play/ Seeing it as a game, that’s not worth winning, no matter how much adrenaline/ It happens to produce, vacant, now this all ringing/ And, I can’t get rid of the noise, simply a void/ So I simply avoid, all of the things that they court, I’m simply devoid/ Of the drive, to run through people, the way I used to/ They’ll treat me, like I’m cool people, until it’s time to/ Move to the beat of my drum, leaving me feeling dumb/ If not, leaving me feeling numb, broken inside, as another part of me dies/ Another part of my brain flies, watching the absence, the lame lies/ I guess they fear how my flames rise, or to them, I’m just a lame guy/ That they don’t acknowledge, until they don’t have a choice/ Maybe I could do it, for those that don’t have a voice, then I’d be dying in flames/ Maybe I’d be dying in vain, and dying faster, than the already accelerated speed/ I’ve gotten accustomed to, I never planned on lasting, but it’s the pain I couldn’t fathom/ That keeps me around, though I question the purpose in lasting/ With a lack of passion, seeing folks passing/ Out of my life, times I used to be laughing, turned to moments I’m lacking/ Never really had a faction, a lone wolf, with lack of fashion/ For the longest time in my life, well before I’d regularly write/ Focused on getting better, being regularly right/ Not expected to speak, they just expected me to beast/ Not expected to comment, just an intensity that was uncommon/ https://www.instagram.com/p/CPQAoJUn5ng/?utm_medium=tumblr

Time to go off again, let them know I’m not showing out/ No shouting out, seeing folks shooting out, seeing folks shooting up/ No reason to show up, simpler to simply ghost ya/ Disappear, reappear, disappear again, flames from my soul might toast ya/ I guess it’s what to expect, even when you’re not showing respect/ Used to the neglect, growing to sprout in adversity, conditions never correct/ Never could fret, failing perfection, my only regret/ That, and not dying, at a more convenient time, that’s how I perspect/ Nothing anyone could check, no currency to cash in/ Not able to grab him, everyone kept, at arm’s distance/ Or harm’s distance, seeing the way folks diss/ Seeing bullshit ascend, while the real swing and miss/ Honestly, I’m more or less, sick of this shit/ Along with the chips piling, not in accounts, on accounts of my shoulder/ My brain, inflamed, my breathing, pained/ Mosaics with cracked windowpanes, all that seems to get bolstered/ My weapons been long holstered, folks wondering what’s the hold up/ I’m looking at them, wondering the same, can’t get them to see me/ Or say my name, it’s less about the fame, than how it turns into a game/ And I’m competing, with people who don’t let you see, they care, about the passion, the aim/ Then act shocked and disappointed, when the intention, actually wanes/ My brain, doesn’t have the capacity, to keep going against streams/ Willfully, when it’s man made, don’t get me started on streams/ Music doesn’t drop, anymore, tears do, yet I’m still plenty sore/ Asking my self, what’s the point of a score/ When your heart’s broken, and the love you had, is plainly no more/ Still haven’t found an answer, wonder why I’m still searching/ Like, what does ability matter, when I’m factually still hurting/ Faculties lessened, with no facility to teach a lesson/ Because experiencing the same pains you can’t do a thing about, provides nothing to learn/ Except how to cope, with anxiety attacks, because even while damaged, these nerves will still burn/ Scorched earth approach, when they’re scorching your soul/ https://www.instagram.com/p/CO4qzXcHiwt/?igshid=4ma14pp9rbqo

I’m here for the pain, because it would cause more for me to leave/ I’m here for the flames, while trying to find a reprieve/ Wish this remorse, didn’t affect me, causes me to bleed/ Though through all it inflicts, it doesn’t cause me to believe/ It doesn’t cause me to bereave, so this stress never really leaves/ It stabs, along with the wounds, so what I really need/ Is a way to make it stop, for it to actually recede/ But all I get are stopgaps, turned into permanency/ Sick of how it spins, wondering will it ever end/ Losing hope, even losing scope from within/ Not resorting to use my pen, not willing to connect with friends/ Seeing folks as adversaries, being the bad guy nestled deep with him/ Not being good enough for them, yet not seeking approval/ Excepting for a few, I don’t mind if I lose you/ I’d rather not pretense, I would mind if I used you/ So I’d rather not do it, even if that’s business as usual/ I’d rather miss out on a dollar, than to try and abuse you/ I don’t trust enough to engage, asking myself, who’s you?/ Trying to find answers, while erasing these histories/ Erasing these herstories, why does their indifference get to me?/ Why does looking at some folks, sicken me, trying to not be mister mean/ In the midst of these felonies, the disrespect shit, the why don’t I exit/ Simply say eff it, it wasn’t worth the effort, my rage is still that weapon/ That I try not to use, until folks take advantage of my cool/ Then I cause even more pain, than the pain that I’m used to/ https://www.instagram.com/p/COxOPThH27R/?igshid=8ifrio15pdaf

Rather would stay silent, but that provides an excuse/ A reason to not give a fuck, a battle I can’t help but lose/ What’s the reasons for me, to care, it’s hard to choose/ Empty inside, inhabited by blues, seeing jewels/ Dropped, by those, who don’t know what it’s like, to have to move/ When you feel nothing, numb to each bruise/ Each crack, each strain, each tear, with each year, asking why should you care/ I’m fucking up, because I’m not finding reasons, no heights I’m reaching/ No defense I’m breaching, some days, barely breathing/ Too often, I’m easing, when I should be attacking/ Seeing the bullshit, along with what I’m lacking/ Should be enough, but I lack the backing/ Those who I loved most, I no longer see, just images cracking/ Those who claimed love, not knowing how to, just heart hacking/ I closed mine off, only can be found, by those who I let back in/ Or those who never left, even when I was most bereft/ Used to be more deft, at spotting when they’d turn left, too hard to get right/ Too hard to get, to get plight, now, it’s too hard for me to get light/ Suppose it matters more, to get likes, or say shit that isn’t true, just to feel might/ Like strength can be found, in words that abound, even when slight/ Without the force of will, belied by the word’s skill/ It’s kinda ill, but I’m used to the sickness/ I don’t move the same, not the same quickness/ Could illustrate the movements, for folks that don’t get this/ But in asking myself why, it’s not worth the quizzing/ https://www.instagram.com/p/COVQlGHn48J/?igshid=75hwc9zwiwc9

Eyes say I’m ready for tomorrow, fit says I’m ready for St. Patrick’s Day. Hope to see y’all then. P.S. threw some orange in as well, just because #aaronglover #stpatricksday #focused #green #orange #linkinbio #thingsmisterhustleusedtodo https://www.instagram.com/p/CMiBJOjnYww/?igshid=g0igsp1x17tr

So in one month (exactly one month), I’ll be performing at @inspiredwordnyc’s Thursday Night Showcase! Tickets are available now (follow the link below, it’s also in the photo), so pick up one, or two, or however many as you feel inspired (see what I did there) to get! Even though it’s virtual, it doesn’t make me want to see you there any less! It’ll be a great night with @thisisnoha as well as myself showcasing, in addition to the open mic that bring these nights together so nicely. If you have the time, get your tickets and I’ll hopefully see you then! #aaronglover #inspiredwordnyc https://www.eventbrite.com/e/inspiredwordnyc-thursday-night-world-showcase-open-mic-on-zoom-tickets-125079344687?ref=eios https://www.instagram.com/p/CLdJt00HId1/?igshid=hx92gzbxouur

Part 3: Not seeing steps, seething regrets, leaving what’s blessed/ Reeking, because yes, the stink and the sweat/ Is lacking a purpose, cracked and imperfect/ Wack, and superfluous, hands just nervous/ Is this worth it, should I just curve it?/ Community for the sake of the hurting, disrespectfully assertive/ Arose my rage, keeping calm wasn’t working/ Restraint amongst the worthless, wasn’t worth this/ Stress that’s been furthering, coursing through my nerves, and/ Ending my purpose, to relent, when I should be working/ Situations, and people, until they start to feel less evil/ Determination in my glare, eyes sighting fear, lack of equals/ Black, with sequels, everywhere, that I stare, is it even fair/ That they don’t listen, moments just disappear/ Isolated in time, shocked when they reappear/ It’s fucking weird, even if it’s not rare/ https://www.instagram.com/p/CJ3POYdHDKd/?igshid=105a6jgb6d45q

Part 2: How do I remain intact, my bones have been cracked/ Broken in fact, I’m hoping that tact/ I used to receive, I can use to bereave/ I used to believe, in the value of we/ Evaluating, how often we bleed/ Without a real need, loads of deceit/ Cold and deceased, too bold in the streets/ Moded, by powers that be, by cowards that creep/ These showers that weep, how do they cease/ Among the crowded and weak, unable to be/ In positions of rest, recuperating from stress/ Rating what next, as needless, and yet/ Heeding the threats, as needing to flex/ Not being the best, instead, breathing is vexed/ Not seeking success, how early we tread/ When weekly success, goes above, what needs to be next/ https://www.instagram.com/p/CJ3NScqHGSs/?igshid=16qhlxq8ihc0u

Part 1: Lack of acquittals for the way that I write shit, I’m bright with/ Bright wit, still they try this, provoke my iris/ Wondering why this, method I choose, to lessen my blues/ Used to be stepping confused, I reckon my fuse/ Was too much to handle, seeing too much of a scramble/ Away from my moves, they thought it was a ramble, wrought from my moods/ Fought with my views, distraught by the who’s/ Who thought to just feud, as loss was imbued/ In my spirit and soul, my mind and my hold/ On what matters the most, not minding the cold/ As my spine starts to fold, no backing that’s told/ Of what I behold, I’m lacking the old/ Vigor I had, I figure I’m mad/ I’m bigger, yet sad, direction I lack/ Connection’s been cracked, my section’s been wracked/ Seeing death and attacks, on what it is to be black/ https://www.instagram.com/p/CJ3NLmCHUEB/?igshid=joppcjmw5mdv

Already talked about this shit before, tired of talking/ When the prescience doesn’t get heard, I get tired of walking/ Tired of marching, watching the violence they’re sparking/ It’s not strange to see, but y’all act like it is/ I wonder what is not charting, why were y’all okay with the way that it is?/ I tried being calmer, hoped angry didn’t have to be the way that I live/ I get complacency in response, insults, folks that pray I don’t live/ They lack emotional maturity, but that’s no my labor to give/ To repair it, but my restraint, is painted by the blood drops I’ve made folks give/ Still, they provoke this, guess they like when I’m pissed/ My focus improves, now my irises lit/ Seeing clearly what eyes averted, more than folks getting murdered/ Asking what gets furthered, when nothing is learned/ No need to teach, they’ll just treat as normal, the burn/ Pain and then numb, turn after turn/ Already talked about this shit before, but y’all still don’t learn/ https://www.instagram.com/p/CJyLyAHnsps/?igshid=7aqdlktjz1v7

Trust Issues (Part 5) I have trust issues because I am sentient unlike the play thing they imagined me to be I am prescient but I ignored misgivings trying to get through my trust issues #aaronglover #trustissues #part5 #poem #poetry #poet #writer #writersofinstagram #nycwriters #nycpoet #nycpoetry #thingsmisterhustleusedtodo https://www.instagram.com/p/CINT63rH8Hl/?igshid=18yi5v4vsnbq2

Trust Issues (Part 4) Sometimes, I look to a sideline that’s no longer there and wonder was it ever there at all? I ask myself why it is that they didn’t leave me alone in the first place? Undoubtedly, a lot of it was to satisfy their curiosities and then treat me as if there’s nothing to see They clearly outgrew me even though I envisioned interpersonal relationships as more than a niche toy and a kid #aaronglover #trustissues #part4 #poem #poetry #poet #writer #writersofinstagram #nycwriters #nycpoet #nycpoetry #thingsmisterhustleusedtodo https://www.instagram.com/p/CINTuFrniBj/?igshid=he831tr3l65u

Trust Issues (Part 3) I used to try and figure out why I was never quite good enough for them I don’t anymore and the anger from it is no longer a motivating factor It’s one of the ways I’ve matured even if that anger formerly brought the best out of me My highs and lows are no longer the extremes they used to be It was weird to see them leave when I had thought they had gotten used to me Looking on it now, every single person who attempted to enter my life of their own volition ended up stepping back of that same volition #aaronglover #trustissues #part3 #poem #poetry #poet #writer #writersofinstagram #nycwriters #nycpoet #nycpoetry #thingsmisterhustleusedtodo https://www.instagram.com/p/CINTicBHjNK/?igshid=1mhfdz8nhdfmi

Trust Issues (Part 2) I have trust issues and issues with letting go of people I believed in yet we’re content with letting us grow cold where simply saying “hello” might result in a months or years long echo where honesty and attempts at understanding result in nothing at all It causes me pain to know that the time and dedication shown only weighs heavy on my soul It’s a strain I don’t outwardly show yet it’s felt throughout my body regardless #aaronglover #trustissues #part2 #poem #poetry #poet #writer #writersofinstagram #nycwriters #nycpoet #nycpoetry #thingsmisterhustleusedtodo https://www.instagram.com/p/CINTSjpnzXp/?igshid=1aqe4i2m0c1a4

Trust Issues (Part 1) I have trust issues I see a consistent theme when it comes to those who I thought were on my team This is that I’m always treated as if I’m not good enough as if I have to be more than myself When I’m simply that when I’m open to others they respond by pushing me away or by shunning me It’s strange to see how strained things can be especially with people who attempted to insert themselves into my life to begin with It’s tiring seeing that take place repeatedly Different ages, different faces different locations, but the same basics #aaronglover #trustissues #part1 #poem #poetry #poet #writer #writersofinstagram #nycwriters #nycpoet #nycpoetry #thingsmisterhustleusedtodo https://www.instagram.com/p/CINTHCzn2Ed/?igshid=1537a1d6mu01c

The truth, for the sake of those friends, what’s the use/ Because if we can’t be honest, I want nothing to do with you/ It’s not a hard road to choose, my actions make it easy to prove/ Gained guidance while unconscious, until my decision struck the same groove/ Nothing to think out, or debate, nothing left to choose/ No appeals to make, as to why you’d do/ Those things you’d do, or act as if/ I don’t exist, when it’d be easier to leave/ I used to ask what I’d need, to do, to prove devotion/ Or show dedication, at times forsaking deprivation/ Because I’d rather be there for you, when I’m able to/ Than be who would never choose to, or try and confuse you/ I didn’t send mixed signals, even when you constantly did/ I used to laugh it off, because I didn’t give a shit/ It was more important to be around you, than it was to get into it/ I was happier when I was around you, but your sentiment wasn’t getting it/ #aaronglover #sentiments #16bars #part5 #80bars #lyricist #lyricism #lyricstogo #writersofinstagram #nycwriter #queens #thingsmisterhustleusedtodo #hiphop #rap (at Queens, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/CIIRTk3H1lr/?igshid=2luvk3v6n9he

So nothing surfaces, when you ask what’s up with them/ Attempts at deep conversation, lead to consternation/ I had constant patience, until a few ligaments came loose/ Gained a few screws, in more ways than one, the ones I had to choose/ Combined with my times being a patient, made it so I had to move/ Away from the things I loved, the people I embraced/ No reciprocation, didn’t seem worth the wait/ To see if they’d be different, when they were already showing me they’d be the same/ It’s a shame, I learned to embrace and not be so standoffish/ Only to realize, I was in the midst of repeating, what my misplaced trust would get/ Dealt with it with family, dealt with it with friends/ Dealt with it with enemies, got welts that won’t mend/ Replaying in my mind, is this really the end/ Figuring out how to say goodbye, concerned with who I’d offend/ As my reticence lost me even more, couldn’t really fend/ Off, those who chose sides without listening, guess I couldn’t bend/ #aaronglover #sentiments #16bars #part4 #80bars #lyricist #lyricism #lyricstogo #writersofinstagram #nycwriter #queens #thingsmisterhustleusedtodo #hiphop #rap https://www.instagram.com/p/CIIRKgCnA9-/?igshid=oppj4a6zg83e