âat five years old you know what the word means. itâs dirty, itâs bad, youâre too young to know. other kids use it as a curse word when adults canât hear them. when youâre nine, two women move in across the street. one of them has a shaved head. youâre sitting at the dinner table when your neighbourâs father uses the word âdykeâ with a lowered voice. youâre eleven and a new girl has joined your theatre group. you want to be around her all the time. a year later she leaves and you feel disappointed and sad without really knowing why. at fifteen youâre at a church camp and a girl asks the priest why gay people canât get married. he says: âwe have to draw the line somewhere. some people would like to marry animals.â six months later youâre looking at a friend of yours with butterflies in your stomach, and all of a sudden it just hits you. you have a crush on her. you have a crush on a girl. at sixteen you try to say the word. you say to yourself: âiâm a lesbian.â you feel dirty and cry in the bathroom two hours later. at seventeen you hold hands with a boy. he says to you: âyou donât want to be with girls like that.â he touches your cheek but it feels wrong. when youâre eighteen you fall in love with a girl who has pale blue eyes and the most beautiful laugh. she calls you an angel but a year later she introduces you to her boyfriend at a house party. you want to cry but you canât. at nineteen you try to say the word again. it still gets stuck in your throat but you do it anyway. you tell your friends and they say they are proud of you. and you cry, not because you feel dirty, but because you feel okay.â