That has got to be the most ridiculous title for myself. Anyway. GOOGLE MAGIC TRICKS. LEARN SLEIGHT OF HAND THROUGH MAGIC TUTORIALS.

Guys I was OBSESSED with magic as a kid and I practiced it until I was a junior in high school. You know how easily I took to lifting? Ridiculously. I’ve fucking concealed with employees staring me in the eye during my first ever haul. They can’t tell shit. And they had no idea. There’s tricks you can learn that are INVALUABLE. Of course don’t go running up to lp and concealing in front of them right away. I’ve been playing with sleight of hand and illusions for years. You’d be amazed how much better you can get at lifting if you learn tricks similar to it.

Penny behind the ear? Oh no. I pulled a fucking nAKED PALLETTE OUT OF YOUR DAMN ASS HOW’S THAT FOR A TRICK.

How to get these off without a tool?

Easy!

If there’s a hook in the dressing room use it to get these things off.

Place the wire loop onto the hook and TWIST! Twist until the wire coils and silently pops out/off and or breaks. (Literally that easy.) you may have to untwist it a bit to remove it from whatever it was attached to; dispose of sensor as you see fit.

So this is always what I do when I need a calm way to exit a store (works best if you’re at a mall). I know I always struggle with not bolting out of a store and acting sus so this helps me~ 

So after you’ve concealed everything, set an alarm on your phone for a minute or two, and make sure the alarm tone is something that sounds like a ringtone. The alarm will ring and slide to turn it off and hold it up to your face like you’re taking a phone call. Then I usually say something like this:

“Hey, yeah, are you done?”

*pause*

“Okay cool, I’m at [insert store here], want me to meet you?”

*pause*

(right here you’re going to want to start exiting the store)

“Yup yup, I’ll be right there. Okay I’m on my way.”

*If you don’t have a stamp, reverse your destination and return addresses. The post office will deliver it to the return address for free

*One bag of garbage from a McDonald’s dumpster has hundreds of receipts in it, each of which has a survey. Submit each one for lots of free food

*Holding a cell phone to your ear justifies loitering. This aids in public urination, dumpster diving, stalking, trespassing, etc

*If you’re going to plagiarize, plagiarize something in a foreign language. Use a translator and spend a few minutes touching up the results.

*If they have free refills, save your cup. Next time you eat there, your drink is free.

*A plastic coffee stir stick can fool any push in coin acceptor that loads the coins on edge. Just insert stir stick, push the mechanism forward until you feel the stick hit a bump, push the bump down with the stick and push the mech all the way in

*If you look like you know what you’re doing, no one will bother you.

*When lying, always include something slightly embarrassing, or something that makes you look bad, as part of your story. It’s not only going to disarm their skepticism (admitting to something embarrassing gives an impression of humility), but even if they remain skeptical, they’ll be left wondering why you would make something up that you’d rather keep secret if it were true

*Using Clorox or any bleach will turn the red/pink liquid detection dot on electronic devices back to white so they replace them under warranty

* “A drug dealer in DC taught me to pick my nose if the police are staring at me. No one picks their nose if they think someone is watching them, so it’s the ultimate way of being nonchalant.”

* "I learned that you can get into almost any special event by wearing a chef coat. Even just carrying one and walking like you know where you’re going will work every time. Most people don’t want to look stupid by asking you who you are.“ 

* "My go to missing work call was never “I’m sick”, it was “Family problems”. They never questioned it, it’s vague enough and embarrassing enough that nobody ever asks.“ 

*As part of the employee training at Target, they teach you that if a customer argues over a price, and the full price is under $20, to just give it to them for whatever price they claim. It’s cheaper for the company to move on to the next customer than to call in a price check.

*Put a rolled up sock in the change slot on a vending machine, come back back 4 days later….and pull sock….you will be 6-ish dollars richer.

*If it’s a small lie, like who farted or who put the empty milk carton in the fridge, I’ll tell a terrible lie. I’ll not be able to hold a straight face, contradict myself, basically suck at lying.Now everyone I know thinks I can’t tell a lie to save my life. So when I really need a big lie, I nail it every time. No one ever suspects me when I lie straight faced.

*Bring crutches to an airport. Bypass every line (including boarding) and you are chauffeured to your gate the second you pass through security.

*Make up a secret to share with someone- they may open up and share far more valuable real secrets.

*Here’s a classic. Drive over to your 7/11 of choice. Fill up a Slurpee and drop some candy bars in that bitch. Make sure the candy bars aren’t showing. Cover the Slurpee and pay for it. Free Snickers bitch.

*I tell everyone i’ve never done any drugs. Suddenly everyone offers me cocaine, ecstasy, pot, lsd. I think i’ve had $200 worth of drugs each weekend for free.Same with liquor. “Im not drinking tonight” BOOM! Everyone gives me booze. Its like everyone wants to break your integrity as soon as you tell them you are not doing whatever they are doing.

*If you need to cash from an ATM and its not a large amount, buy a 5 cent piece of gum from a gas station that has the cash back option. Its cheaper than a $3 charge

*Act less intelligent than you really are. Acting stupid can get you out of some tricky situations. Feigning ignorance is way better than admitting you knew better but did it anyway. My old man used to say ‘It is easier to beg forgiveness than ask for permission’…sometimes it’s true.

*Every time I fly, when I land I’ll pen a little complaint to the airline that flew me. You know, I’ll come up with something like “oh, they denied me a drink! Oh, the food wasn’t vegetarian!” Whatever miscellaneous hogwash potpourri comes to my crazy brain. And like clockwork, within a business day, they’re reimbursing me with a $50 voucher, a $100 voucher, I can sell that on the secondary market.

*I’ve always had a lot of success in shutting nosy people up by blaming any personal issue on allergies. Crying from a panic attack? Allergies giving me puffy eyes. What’s that mysterious pill I’m taking? Allergy meds. Why am I acting spaced out/hungover/tired? Allergies meds making me drowsy.

OUTFIT ✨ okay basically go for the complete opposite of what you’ll usually wear, but still look basic - probably sounds confusing but that’s my fault, basically think this everytime you’re picking out a lifting outfit : if I go on the news, I want people to think ‘that doesn’t look like [Y/N]!’ If you usually wear crop tops and shit wear something that’s more Nana style or conservative - vise versa (I suggest to always bring some kind of coat or jacket with you - even a fucking flannel or light cardigan if its hotter) wear something different each time you lift from the same place, or just in general. I can’t stress this enough

If you have itty bitty tiddies stuff your bra, if you have big ol tiddies try to make them look smaller or wear something that doesn’t do them justice lmao (I often wear lose fitting clothing). Change this up too!! Go once with huge boobs then again with no boobs.

MAKEUP ✨ -fRECKLES!! freckles can drastically change a persons face, if you don’t have any - draw them on and cover your face in them!! Mine usually end up looking like acne but that’s fine! They’ll look for someone with excess acne and that’s not me ((: I use a brown eye pencil or brown eyeshadow or eyebrow shit to dot it on my face - blend it a little so it looks more natural then go over it with a translucent setting powder.

- EYEBROWS!! eyebrows also drastically change your face (: if you have thin or invisible brows tHEN LUCKY YOUUU!! Make them any colour you want, change the shades each time. Arch them differently, play around with thickness (: just make your eyebrows darker and thicker than what they naturally are. If you want to make them look natural then fill them in a little messier and mess up the hairs.

-CONTOUR!! your literally changing your facial bone structure … fuck it upp, go above and beyond!! Make it look like your a completely different person

-fALSE LASHES!!! again, go above and beyond ! make it look like they’re not your eyes

-FOUNDATION use one that’s a shade lighter or a shade darker than your actual skin tone. Get a fake tan/tanner if you can or if you want to!

Put fucking moles and beauty marks on your face lmao idc just look different!!

ACCESSORIES✨✨ - Fake nose ring (no septum or anything that’ll bring attention to you! Just a plain boring ass hoop on your nose) if this fits in with your aesthetic then yay! But if you feel it looks out of place on you then skip it (:

-Glasses ! Again this can drastically change someone’s face. Wear different glasses each time, or switch it up if you just have two pairs. Go without them sometimes then the next time go with them on

HAIR ✨✨ -Part it differently each time

- Go once with it up then the next time have it down (do different styles with it up, braids, buns, ponytails, idk what else lmao)

- Make it a different texture/style each time. Curl it, krump it, straighten it

- fake bangs or get them out of the way

- If you have wigs use them!! 100%

- Extensions if you have them !!

This was written by an LP, i merely copied and pasted it. REBLOG AND INFORM

Despite what you may have heard, there is no perfect shoplifting method. You can be caught NO MATTER how you try to steal. A lot of it is the luck of the draw. Is LP in the store? Are they busy with another shoplifter? Are they watching you? There is no way you can be sure. You can be sure however, that you significantly increase your chances of getting yourself caught when:

10)You carry a flat purse or back-pack: Fairly obvious, right? Not only is this an attention grabber, but it also makes the LP Agent’s job much easier. Your bag was flat, and then magically became full right after all the merchandise you were carrying disappeared. Did the LP Agent watch you fill your bag? That does not really matter. The LP Agent did not need to see concealment (See my article: The 6 Steps of Loss Prevention) to confidently make a stop on you. It is fairly obvious. Most LP Agents will make that stop. On top of being obvious, entering a store with an empty bag can also bump your charge from petty theft to burglary.

9)You over-act: You pick up the item you plan on stealing. You begin tapping on it, wiggling it, playing with it, and looking around like everything is cool. Yes, people actually think this works. When you take this approach you are basically telling LP Agents “Hey, I am not going to steal this! Look, I’m playing with it out in the open. I wouldn’t be doing that if I were going to steal it.” Then you steal it. Happens all the time.

8)You under-act: You pick up the item you are going to steal and immediately palm the item, or hold it behind something. You then quickly walk off to the most deserted part of the store. The race is on. The LP Agent knows he needs to get a view of you, either on camera or on the floor to witness the concealment.

7)You are overly friendly: You come in and immediately start chatting with store employees. You’re such a nice person! You would never steal. This will work when trying to deceive regular workers but LP is not falling for it. I have even had employees try to stop me from making an apprehension because they thought I was going to make a bad stop on that “nice” person. When I see someone being overly friendly with cashiers, managers or anybody with a name tag, I immediately become suspicious. They could be a genuinely nice person but nice people steal too.

6)You fail the “scare test”: When I suspect somebody is a shoplifter I will often give them the scare test. This means I will have several people walk past the area where my suspect is looking at items. A normal shopper will pay little to no attention to who is around them. A nervous shoplifter will turn their head at everyone that passes by. Often times they will look them up and down evaluating whether or not they seem like an undercover. When this happens it is a good indicator that I should set up on this person and wait for them to “go”.

5)You are bringing non-clothing items into the fitting room: Some people actually think that if they conceal merchandise in the fitting room that they can not be arrested by Loss Prevention Agents. This is because it eliminates the possibility of the LP Agent’s step # 3. This might work on some LP Agents, but certainly not the one’s that are good at what they do. If I see someone bringing something into the fitting room that is not supposed to be tried on such as DVDs, Jewelry, makeup, etc., they have my full attention until I see them exit the fitting room carrying that merchandise. Believe me, bringing stuff into the fitting room is a false sense of security and it will get you caught.

4)You are leaving an evidence trail: You select the item you want to steal. You are not sure if the item will make the door beep or not so you decide to remove the item from the package. Or maybe you want to pretend the item was already your’s so you rip the tags off. Now you can conceal the item. However, you also need to rid yourself of the package. So you discard it on the shelf, or you hide it behind something. You just made the LP Agents job 95% easier. Maybe they did not see you conceal the item, but they did see you toss something down or hide something. They find the package. Now LP knows what the item is, they know you removed it from the package (this is vandalism and is illegal), and they know you are up to no good. When you walk out of the store, all the LP Agent needs to do is approach you with the empty package and demand that you return the item. They will likely tell you that you are on video opening it (you may or may not be). They will tell you that if you do not return the item you will be charged with vandalism (this trick is likely against their LP policy but it is completely legal). Once you produce the item you are under arrest for theft. It is a lose-lose situation that you created by leaving a trail of packages and tags.

3)You have “shifty” eyes: Everyone knows that you are not supposed to blatantly look for cameras or look around for people when you are going to steal. However, it seems that the majority overcompensates. When you look up to the ceiling and then side to side without moving your head, you have “shifty eyes”. Shifty eyes get shoplifters caught every day. In fact, if I am about to give up on a perspective shoplifter and they shift their eyes, I will watch them until they leave the store, no exceptions.

2)You use two hands: As an LP Agent, nothing catches my eye more than somebody with both hands on the sales shelf. When an honest shopper looks at a product of interest on the sales shelf, they typically take the item in one hand and remove it from the shelf to look at it in the open. When a shoplifter puts both hands on a product and does not remove the object from the shelf it is a DEAD GIVE AWAY that they are opening something. I have caught shoplifters that I otherwise would not have even noticed simply because they used two hands!

1)You just plain look like a shoplifter: You know who you are! This is by far the most common reason people get caught. If you fit the stereotypical profile of someone who would likely shoplift you are likely being watched as an “easy stat”. So if you have 10 facial piercings, and a bright green mohawk, or if you’re just a shady looking character, don’t do it.

Listen up bitches cos your gal just found her new favourite low calorie meal. This big ass portion is only 121.5 cal!!

All of the ingredients above make two big portions (could easily be four small meals) and everything totals 243 calories.

Barenaked noodles (24) Blue dragon stirfry sauce (126) King prawns (93)

Put the noodles in the pan first, then your pre cooked king prawns, then the sauce. The best thing about this is, as long as your noodles are a low calorie brand (like less than 50 cal ideally, I know they have some good brands in the US but these were the cheapest I could find in the UK), you can swap prawns for chicken or swap the sauce for soy or something lower calorie.

Okay so I crave chocolat a lot so here’s a recipe that tastes good but dosnt have a bunch of calories

Add 1tbsp of flour = 28calories

Add 1tbsp of sugar = 15calories or 1tbsp of stevia = 2calories

Add half tbsp of water = 0calories

Add half tbsp of milk = 1calorie

Add 1 tsp coco powder = 4calories or 1 tsp hot chocolat mix = 60calories

Mix everything up and microwave it for 30sec, ENJOY^^

This tasted surprisingly sooo good lmao, you should definitely try it!

okay so I’m combing this all into one post for your convenience and because a lot of the recipes aren’t vegan and I want to try and keep my og posts vegan. If you can get away with using 0 cal sweeteners that would make them lower kcal

Choc chip peanut butter bars!

¼ cup applesauce = 26 kcal 1 cup peanut butter = 1498 kcal other nut butter will have a lower kcal not sure how it would taste. 1 tsp pure vanilla extract = 12 kcal 1 ½ tsp baking soda = 0 kcal 1/8 tsp salt = 0 kcal ¼ cup plus 2 tbsp flour = 114 kcal 2/3 cup granulated sugar = 261 kcal ¼ cup chocolate chips = 212 kcal up to 2 tbsp milk of choice = 13 kcal ( low fat milk cal here)

Preheat oven to 170 C (350 F). Grease an 8-inch baking pan and set aside. In a mixing bowl, gently heat your nut butter if it is not already stir-able, then stir in the applesauce and vanilla extract, and set aside. In a separate mixing bowl, stir together the baking soda, salt, flour, sugar, and chocolate chips. Pour the dry ingredients into the wet and keep stirring—it will seem very dry at first, so you’ll need to break up the nut butter and stop occasionally to scrape it off your spoon. Only if needed, slowly add up to 2 tbsp milk of choice as you stir. Don’t add more milk; it will eventually get gooey like cookie dough. Transfer the batter into the prepared pan, and smooth down evenly with a spatula or spoon. Press some chocolate chips into the top if desired. Bake 10 minutes. When you take the peanut butter bars out, the top will look set but they will still be very undercooked underneath. This is okay! Leave them to cool for at least 20 minutes, during which time they will firm up. (They also firm up even more overnight.)

made into 12 (see lable) = 178

total = 2136

made into 16 = 133

alternitavely you can make them into bites! like roll them out in balls, it may take less cooking time, made into 32 bites = 66 kcal

cinnamon roll cookie things

(they dont feel like cookies i think but the look like em)

1 ¼ cup all purpose flour = 569 kcal 1 cup plain nonfat Greek yogurt = 134 kcal 2 tbsp margarine = 202 kcal 1 ½ tbsp. cinnamon = 29 kcal 3 tbsp. granulated sugar = 93 kcal 2 tsp vanilla = 24 kcal 3 tbsp. powdered sugar = 93 kcal 1 tbsp milk = 9 kcal Preheat oven to (350 f) 180 degrees. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper or lightly grease a baking sheet. Combine flour and yogurt in a medium mixing bowl until ingredients are blended together and begin to form a sticky mixture. Lay dough onto a floured surface and add additional flour to dough, as needed, while kneading. Knead dough for about 1 to 2 minutes. Use a rolling pin to roll the dough into a rectangular shape.

Roll dough into a long tube shape and cut into approximately 10 rolls. Place rolls onto the baking sheet and bakes for about 15-17 minutes.

In a small microwave-safe bowl, melt margarine and add cinnamon, 1 tsp of vanilla and granulated sugar. Stir until combined and spread evenly over dough. For glaze: combine powdered sugar, almond milk and 1 tsp of vanilla. Drizzle over cinnamon rolls and sprinkle pecans on top, if desired.

when made into 10 = 116

Orange chocolate muffins

¾ cup milk = 92 kcal Zest and juice from 1 medium orange = 61 kcal ¾ cup + 1 tbsp agave nectar = 512 kcal Optional 1 tsp natural orange flavouring = 3 kcal 1 ¼ cup flour = 455 kcal 1 tsp baking powder = 5 kcal ½ tsp bicarbonate of soda = 0 kcal 30 g unsweetened cocoa powder = 113 kcal 50 g coarsely chopped dark chocolate = 290 kcal

Preheat the oven to 170c (350f) and line a muffin tin with 12 liners.

Mix the milk, orange juice and zest, agave nectar and orange flavouring in a bowl or jug.

In another bowl, stir together the spelt flour, baking powder, bicarb and cocoa powder.

Slowly pour the wet ingredients into the dry, mixing until well combined. Stir in the chocolate.

Divide the mixture equally between the 12 muffin cases and top with a few dark chocolate chips, if desired.

Bake for 20-25 minutes until firm on top. Leave to cool before serving.

Store in an air-tight tin for up to 3 days. Enjoy!

when made into 12 muffins = 

FUDGE COOKIES!

3 cup powdered sugar = 1167 kcal ¾ cup unsweetened cocoa powder = 142 kcal ¼ tsp salt = 0 kcal 4 large egg whites = 69 kcal 1 tsp pure vanilla extract = 12 kcal ½ cup dark mini chocolate chips = 212 kcal

Preheat the oven to 180 c (350°F).

Line two trays with baking paper

In a large bowl, whisk together the powdered sugar with cocoa powder and salt.

Stir in the vanilla and egg whites.

Whisk just until the batter is moistened.

Stir in the chocolate chips.

Scoop the batter by the tablespoonful onto the baking sheets. Leave enough space between each cookie for them to spread (about 2 ½ ” of space between each cookie).

Bake for 8-10 minutes, or until the tops are glossy and lightly cracked.

Let the cookies cool completely on the baking sheet, and store in an airtight container for up to 3 days.

makes 32 cookies at 50 kcal each

~ LOW CAL | Orange Chicken Recipe ~

182 calories | 26g Protein | 1g Fat | 16,5g Carbs per serving (makes 4)

Time needed: 20 minutes

What you need:

~ 240ml orange juice

~ 2 tbsp cornstarch

~ 3 tbsp soy sauce

~ ¼ tsp cayenne pepper

~ 4 tsp honey

~ 1 tsp orange zest

~ 450g chicken breasts

How to:

1. In a bowl, combine orange juice, cornstarch, soy sauce, pepper, honey and orange zest and whisk until it’s all mixed. Set aside.

2. Cut the chicken into bite-sized pieces and fry in a pan with anti-stick/cooking spray. Cook the chicken for about 4-6 minutes until they are cooked through and lightly browned.

3. Pour the sauce into the pan and cook at medium heat for about 7 minutes, stirring constantly, until the sauce has thickened. Add the chicken, reduce the heat and stir until the chicken is completly covered.

Tip: Tastes great to rice or with steamed vegetables!

tea to curb sweet cravings!!

cinnamon apple spice

perfect to mix w/ apple cider vinegar. just add a few tablespoons. SO much better than just in water! add a few dashes of cinnamon or even vanilla extract if you’d like :))

sugar cookie sleigh ride

omg christmas in a cup! tastes exactly like sugar cookies and is so so yummy it’s one of my favorites. add a splash of your favorite milk or creamer if you’d like something a bit more filling but still low cal (french vanilla coffee cream makes it taste like a DESSERT)

glazed lemon loaf

tastes EXACTLY like lemon cake and curbs cravings for sweets so quick! again, add cream if you’d like but i find it’s still delicious without