frogflap.

A super long audio book with just silence and an “oh, out loud?” at the end

Stop saying “do it scared” i do everything scared I sleep scared Boy i’ll kill u

And like who the fuck is this guy [gestures to reflection in mirror alone in bathroom

man sometimes friendship really is just "I saw this and knew it would give you psychic damage. please respond with agony" and then they do. and it's great

“Do dishes” and “take out trash” both require the use of a spell slot, vs “use phone” is a cantrip, and brother, I am a level one wizard

“my father is a boy and my mother is a girl so i’m mixed” is the funniest possible response to someone asking your gender and it came from 6’5 Viking footballer and notable weird little guy Erling Haaland on a Snapchat

girl with ptsd voice: hey, so something really bad is gonna happen, right? you guys are picking up on that too, yeah? The other shoe is about to drop, I just know it.

Polycules should be able to trade people like sports teams do

Listen -- you're a good defender and your pussy is fantastic, but that's not what our team needs right now. We're trading you to Greater Boston in exchange for someone who has a car.

(popular leftist voice) these right wingers are so mad because they get no women. if you are a Good Person a woman will appear and suck your dick.

“But North Korea has a cult of personality” and we depict our founding fathers as angel-like beings blessed with the divine vision of a great nation built on earth that will spread its light to all corners. Like literally. We painted that on the ceiling of our capital building.

I know it is a privilege to feel things deeply but what the fuck