jo

9/10

So good. I read it in high school and again now in college and both times it was fantastic. Funny in an absurdist way that only someone who has faced that kind of despair from depression can appreciate, but also sorrowful and desperate in a way I really only think young women can relate to.

I wish I could say more about this memoir, and I probably will when I eventually reread, but I fear it hits too close to home right now for me to be nuanced.

(8/10) Wowza

Reading this as a young woman who experienced suicidal ideation was odd. It’s told through the point of view of boys who grew up with, but never really knew, the Lisbon girls. As the story is told through the boys point of view, you never learn anything truly concrete from the girls, but I still saw myself in them. The narrator describes the sisters as some sort of magical enigmas but in the end they were just girls. Girls stuck in a decaying society (shown by the chopping of the trees, killing of the fish flies, mmmmm symbolism) who were stuck dealing with the loss of their sister with parents that didn’t know how to support them and they only saw one way out.

The male narrators look into their stories and personalities, wanting to derive some stronger meaning from them and they just can’t. These middle aged men obsess over these young girls, so that these men can have some closure about lives they really had no part in. Will definitely reread and revisit later I have so many thoughts. 

Ottessa Moshfegh

(2/10) Genuinely one of the most frustrating books I have ever read. Rich white pretty main character is depressed, sleeps through her problems with healthcare she doesn't have to worry about the cost of, and faces zero consequences. Also her best friend dies in 9/11? What. As someone who has dealt with depression and substance abuse i hate this book. while i don't blame the main character for being difficult to like, depression is not cute and is portrayed well in the writing. I just hate how the author has her cope, and that the horrible ways she copes work. The real way to help your mental health is not actually cutting everyone off and devolving into a life focused on not being present, shockingly.

I can appreciate writing female protagonists that are gross and flawed. I eat that shit up normally, but the romanticization of depression is too hard to get over for me to like.

“Sleep felt productive. Something was getting sorted out. I knew in my heart—this was, perhaps, the only thing my heart knew back then—that when I'd slept enough, I'd be okay. I'd be renewed, reborn. I would be a whole new person, every one of my cells regenerated enough times that the old cells were just distant, foggy memories. My past life would be but a dream, and I could start over without regrets, bolstered by the bliss and serenity that I would have accumulated in my year of rest and relaxation.” (Moshfegh)

also no one asked but i have a goodreads now