凍結

     Any second now. The memory of before couldn’t help but flash through his mind – the anger and tension that it left between them for so long. He was expecting the same, and so Yukio squeezed his eyes shut and dipped his head further to hide his expression with the brim of his hat.

     … But it didn’t come. Instead he was met with an apology and an explanation, something that made his eyes open once more. There was… something, Toshiro had said. Something was far more than nothing, and the Captain wasn’t leaving like he had previously…

     “I–…” Mmn… Yukio chewed the inside of his lip, heat lightly dusting his cheeks. Why was it only around Toshiro that his emotions were so damn obvious? “… Its okay. Like… Like I said before, its okay if you don’t say it…”

Toshiro tilts his head slightly, curious expression on his face now. He reaches over, no longer hesitating, and pulls the brim of Yukio’s hat downwards almost teasingly, “You’re turning red.” 

     “When have I ever come off as polite to you?” A rhetorical question, obviously. Yukio didn’t need that to be answered; he already knew he was likely the farthest person from polite that Toshiro had ever met.

     Oh. Uhm.

     The air between them changed rather quickly, from lighthearted and warm to serious in just a matter of moments. It made Yukio dip his chin down. He knew what this was about. And what was coming.

     It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay.

     “… Alright…”

     “Don’t get tense like that, it’s fine,” It makes him frown to know that he can stir negative reactions within Yukio, from just a few words. Hands still within his sleeves, he weighs his words carefully, “...I do not know what that’s like,” he murmurs, “romantic love towards others. I’m sorry that I can’t really...understand it sometimes. Or I may come off too cold towards you.” 

     “But...” Again, hesitation is clear in his voice. “this doesn’t mean I don’t feel something towards you. I am unsure whether it is love. Before I say it to you as well, I want to be certain that it’s what I feel.” 

      Toshiro frowns almost immediately, hands tucking within his sleeves once the gift is taken. He watches Yukio open it and watches his expression closely. He attempts to come off more casual when he replies, “You aren’t supposed to ask the price of a gift, it’s considered rude in most cases,” Even though a couple days before, he’d complained over the same thing. “Preferably, you won’t wear it anytime soon, it’s too cold. The summer would be better.”

Slowly, his expression becomes more serious, eyebrows pinching together in thought for a few moments. 

     There wasn’t a snowball’s chance in hell that Yukio was going to look up at Toshiro then, even as he heard the other stand. The thought that he was going to be left again crossed his mind, and it made his eyes squeeze shut. It’s okay, it’s okay, he chanted in his mind. He wouldn’t fall apart like last time. That still didn’t mean he’d look.

     Hell no.

     At least he didn’t hear Toshiro walk away. The words that followed did make him flinch a little, though.

     “Well… No… It slipped out. But, I…” A pause, followed by a thick swallow. “I did mean it…” Wasn’t he the one who said Fullbring or no Fullbring, no connections not long ago? And here he was proclaiming some sappy shit to someone who clearly didn’t return those feelings.

     It’s okay.

     “Like I said. You don’t have to say it back or anything. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t of said anything. Especially not on your birthday…”

    Yukio won’t look at him, which is understandable. Toshiro has no way of knowing what his expression looks like, but he’s sure that it isn’t anything inviting. He goes completely still once he hears Yukio had intended to say that--i love you--and meant it as well. He pressed his lips together to try and keep from saying the wrong thing, from jumping to conclusions. Whatever they had, it hadn’t been discussed much between them, things were sometimes complicated, hard to explain. 

Yukio knew this. They both did. And yet, things were now becoming even more complicated than before. First, he has to think--does he want this? Did he want Yukio to say that? After a few seconds of thinking, he can’t remember breaching this subject at all. Of course, he cares for Yukio, he would do next to anything for Yukio, but wasn’t love a completely different process entirely. 

“Thank you for the present,” he murmurs finally, breaking from his thoughts. He doesn’t know how long he’s kept Yukio waiting for a reply, “and...thank you for telling me.” He hesitates, it’s clear on his face as he takes a step back from the Fullbringer. 

     “It’ll be fine if you’re here…”

     Birthday this and birthday that. He was already growing tired of hearing it and it wasn’t even the day yet. Maybe if Toshiro hadn’t found out at all then Yukio would be a little more content, but there was nothing to do about it now. Just spending the day with the person he cared about was more than enough for him, who hadn’t ever felt this way before.

     “I love you, you know.”

     Ever so slowly his eyes widened with the realization of what he’d said aloud instead of only speaking in his mind. His face heated to a burning red and his gaze was immediately thrown to the ground once more. “I-I mean… You don’t…” Shoes scuffed nervously on the ground and Yukio chewed on the inside of his lip.

     “You don’t have to feel the same way or anything, I really don’t mind – I… I just wanted you to know…”

Silence. 

     That was what Yukio was met with when he spoke. There wasn’t much Toshiro could get out at first, he stared for a long time, eyes darting across Yukio’s face as if to find an answer to the sudden proclamation. And that’s exactly what it seemed as, sudden. The Captain was accustomed to things like this, people say things they don’t mean in the heat of the moment, Matsumoto and Himanori did that a lot. 

He frowned to himself at the thought. Yukio was different though. Yukio had always been different. He couldn’t help but feel as if this wasn’t the same thing, especially concerning Yukio’s expression. His frown deepened, and without saying anything, he stood. 

     “If I said, ‘I want you to come back so we can play video games together all day,’ I’m sure I would have gotten a lecture,” he says matter-of-factly, and he was probably right. It was no secret that Toshiro worried about Yukio’s antisocial behavior and likely would have dragged the Fullbringer out on a walk regardless. Still, the fact that Toshiro agrees without much complaint makes Yukio’s lips pull upward the slightest.

     “Then I’ll bring a scarf if its too cold. – When we get back you can make tea with your new tea set…”

     Perhaps if Toshiro was paying close enough attention, which in all likelihood he was, he would have noticed that everything Yukio was suggesting was something Toshiro would have enjoyed rather than himself. Yukio thought he was being sneaky by quietly offering two small celebrations for Toshiro’s birthday and forgetting his own.

     “And that’s all you want to do on your birthday, nothing more?” He was hoping something would come out of his mouth pertaining to a particular desire than Yukio wanted, not constantly hinting at things that Toshiro himself would prefer. Sometimes, it was like pulling teeth when it came to speaking with Yukio, but it wasn’t like the Captain was much better in the department. 

His shoulders relax as he exhales heavily again, he turns his head slightly to meet Yukio’s gaze, “And gloves. I don’t want you getting sick on your birthday. And then we’ll come back and...hmm, play a game that you can pick.” Idly, in his hands, he twists and turns one of the cups, fingers tracing the design running up the side. 

     “You don’t have to give me anything.”

     The cheeky attitude he’d had just moments ago was quickly overcast with a glance downward to avoid even having to talk about the 23rd. The pair were perfectly content speaking about Toshiro’s birthday; it didn’t need to be ruined with something like his own. And no matter what the Captain said to change Yukio’s mind, he’d always associate it with bad memories.

     “Just…” A pause to think. “Just come back and pretend like its a normal day. We can go on a walk or something… That’s what I want.”

     Well. It wasn’t ‘nothing.’

    Toshiro pauses, considers it, then allows a frown to grace his features. Year after year, it seems to add up to the same thing. The Captain does not blame him for his disinterest in his own Birthday, but it still makes him worry. He blows out a sigh. “Alright.”

“If that’s what you really want to do,” He shrugs a shoulder, “I’ll come back and...we’ll walk, if that’s what you’re interested in. Last time I checked, it was quite the opposite. Furthermore, it’s pretty cold outside.” 

     What did it matter if they were expensive or not? The whole shop could have been bought out and made that old lady incredibly happy and it still wouldn’t of bothered Yukio’s bank account. That was besides the point – which was that Toshiro actually liked the gift.

     All of that tension in the Fullbringer’s shoulders melted almost immediately with the pat on his head; it was replaced with a slight pout and a wrinkle of his nose.

     “I don’t exactly have a lot of people to give gifts to, so I don’t know if they’re any good or not,” he puffs. “But… I’m glad you have a use for it.”

Toshiro’s smile could only grow once Yukio’s expression began to sour. He dropped his hand after a few seconds, returning it to his lap and grabbing the box again to study the materials inside again. He couldn’t really help being excited about a new set, simple things like this were always a pleasant surprise. Once they encroached the subject on money, Toshiro gave him a deadpan look. “Unlike you, I prefer to save my money. It’s better than frivolously spending it.”

     “I saw some old lady making them in the back of one of those pottery places in the shopping district. I thought you might like them, so…”

     So he’d sat there and watched her carve out each of the dragons individually until she had finished, then placed a hold on them and picked the set up the next day after they were properly fired and glazed and whatever else was done to them.

     “… You like it?”

      “You know, every year, you ask the same question. Whether I like your gifts or not,” He places the cup back with the rest, sitting the box beside him. His expression softens once he looks back towards Yukio, the nervous hunch of his shoulders was enough to tell he was waiting for Toshiro’s reply with baited breath. 

There is an almost nonexistent ghost of a smile pulling at the corner of his lips, slowly widening until its more noticeable, “Yes. I like them, I needed a new set anyway. Thank you,” His tone is gentle, not the usual hardened demeanor he gives off to others. The Captain leans closer, voice quieter than before, “You didn’t have to get me anything, I hope the set wasn’t expensive.” Despite his better judgement, he lifts a hand from his lap and reaches over to place it on Yukio’s head, resting it on his hat a bit too teasingly. 

     “I guess that’s good…”

     He shuffles for a second and then holds out a decently sized, wrapped package followed with, “… Alles Gute zum Geburtstag. Er– Happy birthday, Toshiro.”

     Inside is a traditional tea set (complete with teapot and four cups) with long, serpentine dragons carved into the sides. Yukio certainly didn’t make it, but he’d watched some old lady make it by hand in the shopping district and he’d immediately thought of Toshiro.

     Toshiro blinks. And then reaches out to take the box, tilting it a bit to get a better look at it. It’s light in his grip. And he went to work at opening it up, studying the contents. Whether he knows it or not, his expression softens, lifting on of the cups from the box to look at it more closely.