heavy metal broke my heart

How do you even know this? Have you tried?

I just do. I'm the guru of copyright. Do not question me, pun boy.

A tortilla?

What? No. Tortillas have cheese.

Well, I’m freezing and starving, and I may be losing my mind, but other than that nothing at all!

A deadly combination. Maybe you'll show up on I Survived. Losing your mind? Must be hard. I think. 

Are you sure? I don’t ever wanna be like, rude? I’m glad you’re so sweet. Curly fries? I’m doing very well, thank you.

Yeah, 'course. I don't think you can be rude, you're not giving off a rude impression, so that's cool. Yeah, curly fries. 'Cause of your hair? It has the curls and - you know.

It just means that you’re a soon-to-be-lesbian in a women’s prison, and you’re a lil’ bit psychotic. No biggie.

That is the strangest thing I have ever heard and we need to get you a therapist, stat.

Uh… no.

No? No? What's a burrito without cheese?

Ya really think so? That’s pretty fucked up. You’d think the least Oprah could do is let someone use her name.

Nope. Copyright. Can't use her name in anything or else you'll go to jail.

Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude? Can I make it up to you? Oh, uh, Can I ask how you are?

What? No, dude. I was kidding. Chill yourself. Are you chilling? Good. I'm sweet. Sweeter than sweet. The sweetest. How are you, curly fries?

I’ll pass, but I’m kind of freaking out right now!

Why would you - oh! Oh. Wow. Would you look at that? 'Sup.

It’s pretty cold I’d say. Have myself in a burrito already.

You have yourself in a burrito? ... Does it come with cheese?

… You’re Pensatucky, aren’t you?

I have no idea what that means but I'm gonna say yes.

Shit…I didn’t think about that. Maybe I’ll just name it Oprah or something. No offense to her, obviously. I just think it’d be cool.

Oprah? You'd probably get copyrighted. Hashtag name stealer and stuff.

No thank you, darling. I’d be happy to talk about anything else, however?

Wow, rude. Kind of. You did call me darling so you get un-rude pointers for that. Is there anything else to talk about? I don't think so.