-yeets zapfish-

It takes about twenty minutes before an Octoling comes back

“Your Sriracha Majesty, we found someone more than capable to assist this…squid. They’re on their way to the Valley; we should expect them to arrive in less than ten minutes.”

“GOOD! Who did you assign to that very important mission?”

“whisper whisper shh shh whisper whisper”

Octavio was a little surprised but pleased that his loyal soldiers managed to find a chaperone for the Inkling; there is no way he’s letting them roam on their own. Agent 3 was bad enough; managing to elude her Octarian watchers at the first opportuny…when they were not just slipping around unnoticed.

Goodness Octavio did NOT need another 3.

And then, the palace door  opened, revealing the newcomer; that must be whoever his assistants found. Well…they sure were dressed in a peculiar way.

Octavio noticed the immense plush shoes of the newcomer, unusual, but not big deal. The oversized gloves could be one of these new fashionable things the youth enjoyed; while it would be convenient for high-fives and handshakes, none of the King’s bling would fit on these fingers.

No, the big offender was the headgear, a perpetually smiling mockery of what appeared to be…some kind of Zapfish. It looked sinister, creepy and “get that away from me, yo.”

Better not lose your chill in front of an Inkling, Octavio. 

“YO, I DIDN’T HIRE ANY CLOWNS.”

“Your Regal Cayenne Pepper, this is Sergeant Brahms Vespa…they just happen to be working at Wahoo World, now.”

“Oh. This is embarassing. YO RUNT. THIS IS YOUR CHAPERONE. HAVE FUN, GYAH HA HA. Remember, 24 hours to figure that crap out, otherwise snowglobe time!”

She taps her feet, looking around the room as she waits... then the soldiers return, whispering to their leader. Whoever this was they were bringing must be serious business... at least, that’s what she thought until they arrived.

“I’m not usually one to judge based on looks but uh... can they even see out of that thing?” Any other time, she’d have found this dude awesome. But... she needed someone who could actually keep pace with her and with these bad guys, and that outfit wasn’t exactly practical.

Octavio turned to the Octoling guards, puzzled. Agent 4? Never knew her, and seems like his staff was as confused.

“Yo, ever heard of an Agent 4?”

“Absolutely not, my capsaicine king, and I will gladly show them the way of the snowglobe for lying to your face…”

“That’s not what I said, you glorious idiot. Find me someone who does, GYAH HA HA. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? DO YOU WANT ME TO CALL YOU A TAXI, SOLDIER?”

The shocked soldiers left the room, to contact the archives; finding someone who had a meager idea who Agent 4 is would most likely be complicated. 

“I’m gonna give you a small period of time so that you can prove whatever you told me. Let’s say…24 hours.”

Octavio was proud of his “kind act” though. Look how smug he is, by appearing to be the tolerant one

“Now, don’t think you ain’t getting in the Snowglobe, but if you want to mess around the Valley, you’re getting a chaperone. First, because you’re technically a criminal. And second, because I said so, GYAH HA HA.”

Kai simply watches the small argument between the Octarians, brow arching slightly at Octavio’s retort. Huh. If she didn’t know any better, it almost sounded like-

“Wait- really? Finally- someone listening!” She couldn’t help getting a little excited- the last thing she wanted was to get snowglobed and have to wait for a rescue from the others. It’d tank any shot she had at being taken more seriously by them!

The Octoling guards just pathetically dragged Kai to the DJ’s throne room - a massive, lavish dome where the massive wasabi throne was located. Its walls were covered with old pictures and gold records; signs of times long gone.

Octavio was in a corner, discussing with a group of terrified interns, while the head soldier went to talk to her

“Yo, why you bringing me a squid there?”

“Your spiciness…they’ve been caught trying to steal Zapfish from the Valley…”

“WELL PUT THEM IN A SNOWGLOBE. PROBLEM FIXED.”

“…your hotness, they say they might know more information about that, so, I think it’s wise for you to listen before locking them up.”

“….UGH. FINE. Yo squid, ya got five minutes - I’m a really busy octopus, ain’t got time for all of these shenanigans, GYAH HA HA”

Kai exhales as they speak, trying to get herself set back to square one mentally. It wouldn’t do to let her frustration out on Octavio, that’d just piss him off, undoubtedly.

“I’m Agent 4, New Squidbeak Splatoon. And I’m here to help with your zapfish thieving problem. I was keeping an eye on one to try and trap the thief, but he barely got away. Which... sorta left me alone with all your troops in a room with no zapfish.”

“Fine. Go whine to Octavio; I’m warning you, he’s not gonna have more of your bullsharkshit more than I do.”

Gallows snapped her fingers, and two soldiers appeared, not too pleased.

“Bring her to Cephalon HQ; that’s gonna give Octavio something to do, at least. Meddle with a thieving little squid.”

“You heard her? Full steam ahead - Octavio’s gonna be busy today.”

The Octarian guard wasted no time, dragging Kai around like she was an especially annoying bag of potatoes, and when they finally made it to Octavio’s palace, the shorter soldier made sure to remind Agent 4

“Don’t be sassy, he ain’t got that much time to deal with your thieving bullshittery. Just tell him where the Zapfish are and we ain’t gonna fuck yo shit up.”

“If it was bull I’d have just left when you offered.” She scoffs at the woman’s words- she was no thief! Someone had to be setting up the Splatoon here, that much was obvious even to Kai. She yelps as she’s plucked from the floor, kicking a bit in anger- she was cooperating, where did they get off treating her this way...!?!

Eventually, they put her down at the palace, chiding her once again. It was pretty clear they were looking down on her, thinking she was just some punk kid... it was getting under her skin a bit.

“The NSS is big - the Three that gave the Zapfish to us isn’t the one you know, considering he’s a guy. Granted, our Three is far from the sharpest tool in the shed, but he wouldn’t do that.”

“Perhaps you guys are stealing our Zapfish so that you can be all *heroic* again - trying to get some clout or I don’t know. Look, we’re kinda a little done with your bullshit, so we’re just gonna punt you back to Inkopolis, and if I ever see another Squidbeak fool down here, I’m just letting Octavio deal with it.” 

“...that doesn’t make any sense.” What was ‘heroic’ about kicking someone when they were down? The Octarians were still recovering both from the power issues and from the Elder mess, the Splatoon had no interest in making it worse.