hey greg why don't you go piss your pants again

what’s the may mood?

Excuse me?!

Imagine if pitchers shouted ‘yeet’ before every pitch

this mitt empty yeet

Jesus is back, And he's not Crucifuckin' around: The Bible 2

I didn’t know double texting was such a big deal?? I have a lot to say

since april fool’s day is tomorrow i would like to remind everyone that my entire existence is a massive joke

there’s such a small and specific little margin of people in the timeline of human existence who will ever know who metro station was. old people don’t know…. future generations won’t know… it’s just us. we lived through shake it and shake it will die with us 

the thing that pisses me off about 50 shades of grey isn’t that it’s twilight fanfiction, it’s that it’s bad ooc twilight fanfiction. the implication that edward would be into bdsm is so fucking dumb he’s a 100 year old virgin who cried and went into a week-long depression the first time he fucked bella he wouldn’t even consider the idea of fucking her until they were married because he didn’t want to compromise his virtue and you’re telling me he’s a dom? no, edward cullen has the most boring vanilla sex ever the only thing unconventional about the way bella and edward fuck is that bella tops and edward cries the whole time and bella gets fed up and goes to the other house to fuck rosalie and edward cries some more in his room alone

nature documentary but the narration is just weird enough to make you question it

“Some fish can walk out of water, so remember that next time.”

“You might think you’re safe, but horses are omnivores”