oil me up, daddy

How did it take me six years to realize that asking my youngest kid “do you want cereal or waffles?” works better than asking “what do you want for breakfast?”

Anyone else ever forget they exist?

I need to do the lookalike thingy, give me ten minutes.

If you’re all the main character does that mean it’s a crossover when you meet?

I could sleep for like seventeen hours.

Of course Joe Keery knows what he’s doing with his hair.

Can someone who knows what they’re doing tell me why there’s one part of my hair in the back that gets really tangly? The rest doesn’t. It’s just this one spot.

Sometimes I forget Tom Lehrer exists.

I’m going to be at the opposite end of the mall from the easter bunny. I’m gonna be dressed as Zombie Jesus.

I just listened to one of my friends — for at least ten minutes — try to explain to another friend that, “Tomorrow, today will be yesterday. And tomorrow will be today,” and I couldn’t remember a time that I wasn’t listening to this exchange.

Does anyone else remember that video of that guy putting bubbles all over his face then putting an electric toothbrush in the bubbles and turning it on and he’s like OOOOoooOoOoOoiiihhhhhkskskadkkjd