The dumbest wannabe scholar you'll ever meet.

So many people use the secret history to romanticise academia and be studious but everyone forgets that these guys would finish their assignments right before Julian showed up

y’all male attention is not worth it this shit is wack and I feel a piece of myself dying everytime my phone buzzes

violently shaking my head after every message I send I don’t have to live like this

Richard Papen is so funny reminiscing about his time at hampden like he’s on the verge of death at the ripe age of 28

I feel for Richard, I really do. 'Cause, I mean... imagine liking someone for a whole year only to find out you can't date them because of their incestuous twin brother and their sociopathic secret boyfriend. My God, talk about trauma.

is sending him 8ball a year after he ghosted me weird or funny as fuck leave your answers in chat

I sent darts cause I suck at 8ball and I cant let him take two dubs on me

page 76: I. can’t. stop. cringing

page 86 LMAOOO THIS DUDES SO FUCKING EMBARRASSING

page 94: what. i’m not laughing anymore. what did he just say

page 95: he is casually dropping slurs i’ve never even heard of

page 109: drinking challenge take a shot anytime patrick says the words “wearing” or “hardbody” and promptly die

page 136: no way this fool just spent 4 straight pages talking about phil collins

page 136 again: “This is laid down with groove funkier and blacker than anything Prince or Michael Jackson-or any other black artist of recent years, for that matter- has come up with.” is CRAAAAAZZZYYY

page 147: bateman getting hard from being at a concert is so fucking funny

page 151: he just ate five vials of crack

page 161: every time he experiences homosexuality he has to kill a dog and I don’t like that

page 162: “dad, is that you?” HAHAHAJDJ

page 172: this has got to be the funniest page i’ve read in any book

page 173: NO WAY HES BOUT TO FUCK IN NOTHING BUT NIKES

page 174: I refuse to read this in public

page idek: my aunt said “oh american psycho! is it any good?” and I instinctively went “no”

page 199: this page was an incredibly painful read

page 199 (again!): I reread this page to make sure it was real and I started violently hitting the book against my forehead to the point where it is now red. so uh. yeah.

page 212: how does he know what fucking brand his mirror is

page 233: oh my fucking god