FRAG : Level Design

The last 6 months have been interesting to say the least, after having major surgery last year I was resting a lot and so I took this time to have a break from level design, not because I was getting fed up but because I just wanted to dig into some games and spend a bit more time with my family.

It was at this time I started chatting with a YouTuber known as Bolloxed who gave me the idea of covering the HL2 EP2 beta maps that were released into the wild, here’s the video if you’ve not seen it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icMDt6Ho2MQ

I really enjoyed working on that video, although the quality could’ve been better it was a nice change from working in an editor all the time, so I decided to start working on content for YouTube which has been great and I’ve met a lot of awesome folks while doing it, most of the content on my channel revolves around the source engine and mods that I’ve played but I’ve not really dived back into development videos since the one above and it sucks because I want to make more.

So since the new year I’ve been mapping again and doing YT on the side and finding a balance between the two has been difficult but I feel I’m starting to juggle things around correctly, I’d like to do more development videos so that will be my next plan of attack, in the mean time I’ll continue to stream mods on Thursdays and map to my hearts content when I have a moment, apart from working on OBM I’ve actually started working on a small SP map pack for Black Mesa, it toys with a couple of ideas I’ve had for a while and It will be nice to actually release something for folks to play as the boost to motivation will keep me going that little bit longer.

I lost this map back in 2013 and was searching for it in every hard drive I had as I wanted to finish it.

Today I found a copy of it, was a very early version and after getting inspired by a piece I saw on Twitter, I wanted to create a dark industrial alley setting.

So the bottom shot is how it’s turning out so far, still plenty of work to do but It’s been a nice evening just working on it.

I feel like this is the only place to throw this stuff down and not block people’s feeds with it, so here it is. I’d say for the last few months, I’ve been constantly evaluating everything that I do, I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty damn depressed at the moment. I don’t have friends to call up or go see and chat to about how I’m doing and my wife deals with me enough to know what’s going on. 

 I suppose I’ve been battling reality since my son passed away and it being his 3rd birthday yesterday, I just feel I need to release my thoughts a little somewhere, I work pretty damn hard every day, I work for a refuse company who pay peanuts for long hours but is the only place I can work because I’m stuck with a degree that I can’t really use and makes me undesirable in the area so I can’t shift out.

 I work a lot on projects in my spare time and it’s all for free and when the bills land in, I’ve got to prioritise my day job over my dev work, which means trying to work more hours at the day job at flat rate, which sucks and just crushes me even more but I have a family to help provide for, so needs must.

 Also last year I managed to land an interview at Lionhead, I get a sinking feeling I peaked at that point, I was buzzing to be inside an actual game studio and seeing all these awesome people who had worked on games that I loved playing, so missing out on that was a bummer. 

 Everything probably also boils down to being diagnosed with Crohns disease and spending the last year going to scans and getting nowhere, which means I’m deteriorating as my fatigue gets worse with no light at the end, just want something to get done about it now.

 If anyone does read this, I don’t want to come across as some whiney ass hole who thinks he’s entitled to something for nothing, I’m not that kind of guy, I’m always trying to see each day with a smile and an open mind but fuck me has the last 4 years of my life been fucking hard and I just want a boost at the moment, fucking anything you know? 

 I’m already feeling better by just laying some of this shit down, and if anyone does read this, my apologies for this rambling but also some advice. Life is a bastard but just keep chugging along because you never know what’s going to turn up. 

 Much love.