DNI if: 20+, hateful to anyone, anti recovery, typical DNI criteria
I'm currently doing the whole recovery (7 months clean from $h somehow) thing but I still have the self destructive thoughts and shit so I'm using this blog to air those out and not act on them
Got a few things wrong with me: severe anxiety, OCD, depression, ofc previous $h and 3d, probably PTSD
I will TRY to interact with moots but I'm very bad at responding
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Ummm yeah ... Ig it will be fine because I'll meet friends? Or just interact with cool ppl, we support eachother, the friendship will be approved by an oracle and then we'll fight over math colours because my friend thinks it's orange but i still believe it's blue and then I'll cry ??? This makes absolutely no sense
@a-french-coconut, @coffee--spill, @evil-era, @vivaciousmessypixie, @apocalyptic-endings, @b4rty-r0s13r-w1ll-fck-y0ur-m0m, @the-one-and-only-p1per, @kaihasmoreswagthanyou3, @7-eleven-offical, @sunsetdoesstuff, @siriuslyepicrunner4, @rosemelodyshah + everyone who wants to join 🫶
If you ever think you're stupid, today I forgot the difference between EDT and est, thought I was 15 minutes late for my job interview, and almost relapsed
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I’m so glad I traded the “eww you wear a shirt for more than three days in a row? Also you should wash your hair. You don’t move enough to eat that.” friends for the “judging people for their hygiene makes you an asshole. You’re also a perfectly normal weight for your height, pls stay healthy” friends
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I hate how a lot of therapy programs for traumatised teens advertise themselves as "making you mentally stronger" i have a lot of hatred for myself but I am not weak. People with mental illnesses are not weak, it's the opposite really
I don't need to be stronger, the world needs to be kinder
I'm bored so heres a list of out of pocket things I did before I let myself be asexual (I was raised religious)
TW for several s3xual mentions
-ignored the s3x talk completely/ pretended that was a joke my parents made up so I wouldn't get teen pregnant
-when I read my first spicy scene in a book (at 12) I was genuinely so terrified for absolutely no reason
-genuinely got mad at God for inventing s3x
-wished I lived in dystopian books like The Giver solely because the took s3x out of the equation
-made up several ways humans could procreate without sex
-applied those asexual reproductions to my fictional writing so I didn't think about s3x in my fictional worlds
-thought 🌽 and m@sturbation were the most depraved parts of humanity
-didn't know what h0rny meant until I was 15
-was genuinely terrified of being a h0rny teen (never was lol)
-got scared whenever my fam/the church would bring up marriage bc they always stressed that s3x was a big part of marriage
-thought I didn't have crushes on ppl bc I thought wanting to fvck them was a part of crushing (whoops)
-spicy scenes in books give me nightmares
-wished the term asexual wasn't part of LGBTQ+ so I could use the term and not be in trouble with God
-was jealous of my ace aunt bc she got to have her sexuality in her Facebook bio
-thought celibate ppl were the coolest (they are lmao)
-tried to hype up the aro/ace identities to my hom0phobic mom (went poorly)
-told my therapist i didn't experience s3xual attraction hoping she would validate my experience (she told me that was normal for my age, it absolutely wasn't)
-hated myself for finding dirty humor/songs hilarious
-read smut to try and make myself "normal"
-hoped god secretly thought being asexual was okay
-wished I was raised Catholic so I could become a nun
-pretended unmarried biblical characters like Paul were secretly ace
-thought men were the only ones to have s3xual ple@sure and women just did it so men wouldn't divorce them
So yeah
Don't worry I'm not religious anymore and comfortable in my ace identity
If you read this far and have some of your own crazy experiences you want to share put em in the comments I wanna read em
Welcome to the life of Feather, where I had to st@rve myself because I was having a bout of chronic pain during dinner and then couldn't eat for hours after the pain subsided because my sister would claim I was faking and bitch and moan
I gen think she believes I can't feel pain/she's the only real person in the world
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