systematic r dropper

today was one of those days where multiple times i had the realization that there are people who perceive me primarily as their boss and like. how fucked up is that. i am literally just some kid

what they don't tell you about being the craziest person in a family full of crazy people is that sometimes when you think it's time to do a lil voluntary inpatient time you have to wait your turn because the people who aren't as used to it need it more (because they aren't used to just living like this) and if they're finally admitting it you really really can't interrupt that momentum by announcing that you too actually need to go to the looney bin. perhaps in July i will know peace

kingdoms of amalur might be the biggest tragedy in the pantheon of video games while also being one of the best games ever made

90% sure in 11 hours our worst server who I've been gunning for for an entire fucking year is about to take herself out. someone i wanted fired the first time we worked here 8 years ago is likely going to do the same on Monday. the next solid applicant we get is replacing arguably our best performing server but the most entitled and hardest to manage person I've ever met who only still has a job because he got extremely lucky with the timing of someone else leaving for their dream job. the second someone with a pulse applies it's over for him. it is, as penny lane would say, all happening

i have been in the middle of a psychological war with my chef since about October and she was coming really really fucking close to winning however recent events have transpired and today she all but conceded by deciding to give me the silent treatment. literally couldn't talk to me and i just smiled and nodded every time we should have spoken. it was beautiful. she also knows that she's on the thinnest ice known to man, i am now actually unfireable, and that if she put down an ultimatum that it's me or her I'm the one that still has a job. this has been the second longest play of my career. i am proud to say that i remain undefeated. you cannot be pettier than me in the workplace. it has never happened and after this I don't think it ever will. tbh it's a shame i work in a fucking restaurant i feel like I'd do really well in the financial sector. I'd probably have more fun

damn stellar blade really is the dark souls of jiggle physics

very small solace but regardless of what happens to the restaurant i can at least know that at the end i was the only one left that remembered [redacted] is a friend first and that i did what i had to when everyone else left her out to dry. there are not many things where i really feel like i did my best, it was good enough, it made a difference, and i d k when we were on the phone earlier i could hear it in her voice that yes I'm the only one left but she knows I'm not going anywhere and that right there is gonna be how i live with myself until like September. for once in my fucking life i stuck around and saw it through because it was the right thing to do and i feel good about this being where & why i picked to do it

i don't even care that there is a very real possibility I'm about to not have a job like whatever there are other jobs but for kind of a while now i have been very fortunate in that the money is not even top five reasons i do what i do and that sense of purpose is not something I'm finding again. not in a fucking restaurant, good lord. and I don't know how to do anything else

don't ever make the mistake of caring about a restaurant unless that mf is owned by someone with bottomless trunks of money it will one day break your heart

i have been mostly surviving the existential threat of seeing bands i saw as a kid announce their 20+ year anniversary tour but fucking SAOSIN dude HOW is that accurate. there's no way. like no shot

when you turn 30 they should sit you down and let you know that your body doesn't actually hurt that bad and your life is actually pretty decent and in a few years you're going to be in a constant state of unfathomable pain in a body falling apart faster than you can fix it and that don't worry, your life will find a way to get far worse and then offer to euthanize you. as like, a basic human right. unrelated, I'd also like to be grandfathered into this policy

i lost my temper so badly at work today that i went completely non verbal for like two hours and I don't know what exactly put me there but i am still in that space and can tell i will be when i wake up and tomorrow things could go very fucking poorly in a way where at least i won't pay the immediate consequences. sure it'll make my life harder but like, at this point the hardest part of it all is keeping my temper in check

new way of interfering with my ability to fall asleep unlocked: despite my alarms being fully automated and having functioned perfectly fine for the year and a half I've been at this job i cannot be convinced that my alarm is actually set. wondering if this has to do with a bougie sleep supplement that suckered me in with nice packaging and sheer desperation. very skeptical about it. it has some things that could in theory nudge me towards sleep. generally believe them to be fake news but like, i have to try. just uhhhhhh can't help but notice there's two ingredients listed that i recognize from energy drink cans. and i know they're technically a cognitive thing but like. I'm actively trying to not be cognitive. kind of actually the whole point. the fuck do i need taurine for. why is L-Theanine in my sleep supplement. why is there B6. i thought i took B6 and B12 in the morning to make me less groggy in the 2pm-6pm range where i have yet to fully wake up. this may have been a $28.99 scam out of one night of sleep. I'd do the requisite research but then I'd be on wikipedia until 7am so i guess that's a project for tomorrow. but i feel weirdly wired. might have to get into some of the emergency meds. half a thorazine is risky with people coming into town for graduations but if not sleeping is the alternative.... whatever I'll let myself be actually concerned in an hour

i know d4 is possibly good now and poe2 is about to allegedly have content but hero siege just came to console and it is the fucking promised land of arpgs. yes it's still closer to diablo endgame with just running terror zones but there's actual league mechanics, skill tree is d2 but paragon is poe, if you're at all into arpgs give it a whirl. I'd given up on finding a replacement for poe but this is it. assuming they implement a map/delve system I could probably just play this for the rest of my life

je ne regrette rien is stuck in my head so naturally it's time for my biyearly hate watch of fuggin. whatever that movie is called with JGL and leo. but i kinda need a new movie to hate in a way where i have a weird need to watch it a couple times a year. the departed kind of works but that's just such a shit movie that it doesn't tickle the itch. i have a feeling tenet would be exactly that. idk taking recommendations for action (adjacent) movies that are fake deep and or taken far too seriously. like maybe it's just being from here but there's people who think The Town is a cinematic masterpiece. something like that but not quite that bad. I don't think I've ever seen the town on a screen and not fallen asleep. and that would be the play but I have work to do

i love the ads on tumblr. i just saw one tacitly assert that people think jeff gordon is more of a legend than dale earnhardt. they've always been a certain flavor of absurd but essentially saying "click here to see why dale earnhardt is actually the true legend of nascar" is several levels beyond the usual

the devil's rejects and 8 mile are the same movie. stay with me on this one okay? they're both aggressively mediocre made by musicians who are intensely questionable people and you can find the only part of the movie worth watching again as a sub 10 min YouTube video. like i said. same movie