i want to tell you all the process by which i had to argue my way out of the hospital this evening, having been reunited with my wherewithal after a week without it only a few hours earlier. at the crack of dawn the young resident on rounds was optimistic that i could be discharged if my condition stayed the same through the morning and early afternoon: hope at last! late in the morning we met with a dietician who discussed with us how to manage ileus recovery safely at home. j. had read around a bit on this subject over the last couple of days after theyβd told us broadly what to expect, and had synthesized it into a phased βmealβ plan ranging from clear liquids to baby beginner foods for the adventurous healing duodenum, to be stepped forward and backward as many times as necessary based on my symptoms. the dietician agreed: great list, no notes, easy to navigate because i wonβt have to worry about what specifically i should be trying to eat at any point, the thinking having been done in advance. she gave us an oncology nutrition pamphlet from another province because the locally-prepared one misinforms patients by implying that you should always be moving forward in the sequence of adding foods. the lunch tray that was brought to me was about half things that were too challenging for the first day after a day of only clear fluids after five days of nothing. we powered through what was not strictly inadvisable to eat. late in the afternoon, a nurse relayed to us the attendingβs instructions that i should not be discharged unless i could tolerate solid foods at dinner. the list of advisable solid foods is pretty short, but we gamely waited out the delivery of the dinner tray, which eventually contained, among other things, fibrous canned fruit, a whole whack of peas, and a wild rice pilaf, none of which was a remotely reasonable risk for me to undertake today. i am a pleasant negotiator and believe that the young resident did eventually have a positive experience of being lightly dressed down by me and made to call her attending to find out the actual reasoning behind the discharge criteria so the charge nurse could track down alternative food items that would satisfy them without requiring my stomach to be decompressed again immediately. anyway, we were already aware that i could tolerate a handful of saltines eaten with caution, which was basically all they wanted to know, and we are home now. goodnight!
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