beyond measure

Ladybug: Mommy you know what?

Me: Nope. Tell me.

Ladybug: My friend Lisa*? Her cats died.

Me: Oh, that’s sad. I’m sorry to hear that.

Ladybug: Yeah. A dinosaur got in their house. And that’s how they died.

Me: …

Ladybug: A real one. She told me.

Me: Wow. Well that’s too bad. I’m glad we don’t have dinosaurs in our neighborhood**.

Ladybug: Yeah.

*not her real name

Ladybug: All aboard! Where do you want to go?

Me: How about across the country to California?

Ladybug: [raises eyebrows skeptically]

Me: Around the world?

Ladybug: [Continues to give me a withering stare]

Me: To the moon?

Ladybug [back in character]: The moon? Yes! Let me just turn on “space.” [turns several pretend dials, and away we go]

Now, our house is not always curse-free, but we do make an effort to censor around the kids. That said, watching Piglet cuss out the computer made us both pause and wonder if we had been slipping. It has been a pretty stressful time these past few months. Then we went over to see what she had on the screen:

*So close*

Ladybug: There. All finished!

Me: Do I look beautiful?

Ladybug (looks apologetically at me): Oh, Mama. It was just pretend makeup.

Ladybug: Where’s the baseball players? Where did they go?

Me: I don’t know.

Ladybug: Maybe they are somewhere else.

<pause>

Ladybug: Maybe they are having quiet time.

Hi

Mama

Dada

Bye bye

Uh oh

Yes

Hello (hey-o)

And most recently,

D: Go to town.

Ladybug: Daddy! (laughing hysterically)

D: ….what?…

Ladybug: Mommy mommy mommy, daddy said a bad word at me!!

Me: What did he say?

We are driving, and D blows his nose in a completely nonontrusive way.

Ladybug: bursts into wild giggles

Pip: there goes the horn!

D: blows his nose again, even more quietly

<pause>

It says happy Mother’s Day.

I hope you feel better.*

And I hope you love me.

And I hope we all love each other.

And you can come to my birthday party.

The end.