FOSTER KIDS ARE NOT CATTLE
Today, a woman in my foster parent support group was venting. She stated that she felt like she was failing this kid. She has been having a lot of trouble with her six year old foster daughter. In this group what I saw was mostly a complete lack of support. It really touched on something that I think we need to address as a society.
The common response was to just send the child away. One person in particular went as far as to say that this woman didn't fail, the child did. Several people seemed to agree with him that this SIX YEAR OLD somehow was capable of being responsible for herself and the only answer was to discard this little girl.
Now, I get it, sometimes placements arent a good fit for one reason or another. And, our system doesn't do enough to prepare foster parents for the trauma these children have experienced. The system also often offers very little support after placement. I could even go on and on about the lack of quality homes to place children so they often scrape the bottom of the barrel to get as many homes to take the overflow of waiting children and how damaging that is to children.
These kids are being taught that they are disposable and foster parents are encouraging other foster parents to treat them that way. One of my sons said that out of the MANY homes he has been to we are the first to encourage him, tell him he is loved, tell him he is wanted, tell him he is capable. Instead, he's been criticised, demeaned, and defined by his trauma history.
Our system passes these kids around like cattle and places them with people who aren't even qualified to raise livestock let alone a child. The children are ultimately made responisble for the trauma inflicted upon them by families who couldnt give them the care they deserve, a system that seems cold and uncaring, and foster parents who these kids are already convinced that they dont want them. One foster parent actually told my son he was going to be just like his parents. He said, why should I even try?
We need to stop placing the burden on these kids for the failings of our system. We need to focus on addressing the trauma that caused these behaviors. We need to stop making them feel less than adequate because of circumstances beyond their control.
We, as a society, need to empower these kids. We need to lift them up and provide the stability and support they deserve. We need to show them that they are worthy of being loved and reinforce that they are not disposable. And that though their circumstances are beyond their control, their futures dont have to be defined by them.
Foster kids give up because the system thats supposed to protect them and the foster parents who are supposed to nurture them continually give up on them.
May God watch over and protect these innocent children. May they find homes with truly caring and understanding families that are ready and willing to commit to the security and wellbeing of these children. May they be showered in love and shown their worth. May they heal and thrive.
