Fortunate Schmuck

Picture your schmucky self in a Chinese restaurant during the final week of December. Now fast forward 2 days as everyone in your house is sick. DEFECTIVE FORTUNE.

Gerald could literally taste it!

But today you are sitting in a very uncomfortable place freezing your cheeks. C’est la vie!

T. Bede refused to open his eyes for his entire adult life, but on New Years Eve he finally opened them only to discover that he had been wearing his tie too short for years. He has since rectified this error.

As Josiah contemplated blowing another round of bubbles from his pipe he hoped that his fortune would come true one day.

In unison, "Scmucks."

“You will soon be receiving an important email, you schmuck.” Little did he know it was going to be an ad for Tina Torini’s Eye Brow Makeover Kit. Both the email and the makeover were before their time.

This can’t be far off, you schmuck, you are good at holding onto pigs.

They locked eyes and though both knew it wouldn’t work, they’d be damned if they didn’t give it a shot.

Maximillian wished he could only be a flame or a fire, but no! He was destined to be a burning sensation.

Lord Voldemort’s fake nose and real hat would not fool them long. The boy needed to sleep, and quickly, but the boy had vowed to smoke the full Virginia Slim, and he’d never given up on a vow. All the one who must not be named could do was play with the tiny, filthy kitty until the boy had taken his last drag. And it would be his last...

“I am William People and I AM THE LAW!”

Margaret’s wisdom of the ages consisted of repeating fortune cookie sayings and adding the words “you schmuck“ to the end. Helen knew this and she plotted Margaret’s downfall.

Between Carl’s creepy pencil-stache and Deeb’s incessant whining, George decided all he could do was work calmly and silently to get through the day.

Iron rod vs constant grinding. This man gets it!

Otto never hides his feelings, and as far as where you schmucks stand, where is the nearest sinkhole?