This spring has been so healing for me. I feel like I am waking up from a long sleep, taking care of myself in a way I haven’t done in a very long time (maybe ever?) I have bought myself some new clothes that I *love*, experimenting with trends, not just wearing the same old ~mom uniform~. Little acts of self care like exfoliating and painting my toes and using body lotion lol. Matching pajamas instead of old tshirts. It feels so good to prioritize myself in these ways!
Sort of related— becoming a mom entirely changed the way I view myself. I used to equate self worth with my size. The smaller, the better, the more worthy of love. Thankfully, I don’t feel that way anymore and I’m so grateful for it. Genuinely, my body is the least important thing about me. It has taken a looong time to get here.
I feel like I am putting my money where my mouth is now because I am currently in my biggest body. I don’t know the exact number because I don’t weigh myself but I’m four years out from my last pregnancy, two years out from breastfeeding and have definitely experienced some body changes. And just aging. At almost 35, things are a little different lol. It just feels so good to be in a place where I feel worthy of this self care despite all of that. I feel more confident than I’ve ever felt in my life. Maybe that’s just wisdom that comes with age, idk. I used to despise any hint of a curve on myself and now I love it? I feel sexy and womanly and just *good*, it is so hard to explain!
Anyway. We are currently on our way to visit my family and I am a little nervous to be perceived by my family in my current body. They’re so freaking judgmental and definitely influenced my relationship with my body growing up (and subsequent eating disorder). It can be hard going back home!
