Formaliteden yaşanan bir hayat

See that’s my problem. Nothing ever happens. So I sit around and do nothing about nothing ever happening. And when people tell me to just get up and do something, something inside me says no. So I sit down and wait for nothing to happen again.

“I constantly wonder how my life looks in other people’s eyes. Do they think I have it easy? Do they think I have nothing going on for myself? Or are they fascinated with who I am? The thing is that no one will ever know my whole story. No one will ever know the things I’ve had to overcome. Not even my closest friends, not even my own family. The thing is that people are so quick to judge now a days. You only see a person from what they want and allow you to see. I always try to look as put together as if can and I guess that’s my way of hiding from the truth. It’s just that way, everyone will assume that everything in my life is okay, that I never go through anything. If only everyone knew how broken I am, and how I’m holding on for dear life on this one last strand that’s recently become very delicate. The truth is that no one really knows me. No one will ever know me and sometimes that scares me, because no one will ever know why I am the way I am.”

“I’m sick of this feeling, this feeling that I’m not good enough for anyone. That no one will ever want me. I want to be able to feel good. I want to have a relationship with someone, anyone, that won’t be ruined by my fear of losing them.”

“I spent my life learning to feel less.”

“‘How do you get so empty?’ he wondered. ‘Who takes it out of you?’”

“The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself.”

“Kimseyle konuşmuyorum. Böyle daha iyi oluyor sanki. Bir anlamı olduğundan değil. Konuşamadığımdan da değil. Canım istemiyor sadece. Aslında canım isterse bir saksı bitkisiyle hava durumu hakkında bile konuşabilirim. Ama hiç canım istemiyor işte. Sahiden de hiçbir şey söylemeden susarsam ne demek istediğim anlaşılabilir mi ki?”