Fork With A Pigeon

The Lady of the Lake’s (canonical) motivation for stealing baby Lancelot was that he was the most beautiful baby in the world. He was the prince of (and presumed heir to) a kingdom that had just been annexed and his father had just died of grief while fleeing but the Lady of the Lake spirited Lancelot away while his mother wept over the corpse of his father because he was cute. No other reason. His pretty privilege saved his life for the first time in infancy and went on to stop and cause wars.

guy at an art museum standing in front of a completely innocuous and somewhat boring painting muttering “what does it mean? what does it all mean?” in an increasingly distressed tone

we’re so lucky that gilgamesh survived and is a banger. can you imagine if we found the oldest written human story ever recorded and it sucked balls.

Everyone makes fun of the millennial overpriced burger restaurants but the worst part is that they got you hooked on some bullshit and promptly shut down because their polycule broke up or whatever. You’ll never get to eat the caramelized onion apple parmesan sex bomb burger again. And it was $23 and good.

i am soooooooooo good at being snuggled n cozy in bed like soooooooo good

Not book smart or street smart but a secret third thing.