나는 오직 인간이다

            the way kaiko manages to knock the breath out of minki, literally, causes an instant visual reaction from minki. parted lips and a scowl to match, he sucks in a few harsh breaths as he looks up at kaiko. there’s an unfamiliar feeling of weakness that’s consuming him. kaiko feels so strong, and as confident as minki spoke, physical strength was obviously in kai’s favor. heavy breaths mix with forced laughter, his eyes rolling before he even attempt to focus on the other. minki tries to translate just how desperately he wants to push a knife into kai and twist it, leave him bleeding on the ground and suffering through as much pain as possible by his glare. he does a decent job at succeeding, though his eyes are a mixture of pure hatred and a very obvious lingering need to be touched. “so scary. is it really a threat or just an excuse to kiss me?” minki tries so hard not to let his weakness show, but it’s slowly unfolding as he realizes with a quick attempt to break free that kaiko has control. he could do whatever he wanted, now, and minki wouldn’t have a choice but to deal with it. how sick that it pissed him off as much as it made his desperation all the more prevalent. 

never had minki met someone who forced him into submission. there had been a couple times he had jokingly played along with the idea of being a good boy for some stranger to get them off, but now minki was listening to kaiko’s every word, following his every moment and feeling an urge to beg him to do something at the very tip of his tongue. minki had always wanted sex, but never had he wanted another person so specifically before. it made every touch all the more exhilarating, and when the hand is dropped, his chest aches as much as he feels relief. it’s a short lived relief as that very hand is shuffling around in his jeans. minki does his very best to bite back the needy whimper building in his throat every time his hands moves a little too close only to shift away again, and his throat is left burning as he swallows down any show of his building desperation. he does let out an embarrassing breath of relief when his hand finally pulls back, eyes foggy and unfocused before realizing what kaiko’s intentions were. “oh my fucking- you’re such a goddamn brat,” he hisses. “why can’t you just get it over with, fuck me or leave me alone?” it’s the first time minki allows his weakness to really shine through, sounding like an impatient child as the rules of getting his phone back are given. it’s so ridiculous, minki could just tell someone, couldn’t he? but would that be as fun? sucking his bottom lip between his teeth, he stays quiet up until the very moment that kaiko leaves, and minki starts gasping for air, as if the very presence of him was holding a tight grip around his neck the entire interaction. minki instantly realizes that he’s much too weak not go home and forget about it.

which leads him to room 1107 nearly an hour later. how fucking humiliating, minki falling into the games of someone who apparently had nothing better to do than fuck with his head. minki can’t help but wonder how he managed to find a girl desperate enough to want to marry him in the first place because he was so fucking nauseating to be around. the worst person minki had ever met in his entire miserable existence, and… so goddamn pretty. it wasn’t fair. minki wants to keep up an unbreakable exterior when the hotel room is opened up, but he struggles the second his eyes are on him and his mind fogs, forgetting that he had promised to get his phone and run for the hills. “gimme,” he says simply, holding his hand out and wiggling long fingers in anticipation, though his curiosity can’t help but add, “… or make it worth my time." 

kaiko is so fucking dumb. actually, he’s worse than dumb; he’s a FOOL. he doesn’t know what he’s expecting or what he wants, well, scratch that, yes he does. he knows exactly what his body wants, what his mind does, but he just can’t fully comprehend it. he’s never wanted so badly before, always had everything he even laid eyes on handed over to him on a silver platter, and a part of him wants to believe so badly that he wants the other boy simply because he can’t have him. simply because he isn’t suppose to want him. he wrestles with his own thoughts on the entire drive over to the hotel and he continues to do so as he passes by the receptionist desk and finally settles on the edge of the bed. he’s been to this hotel, this very room, many times before (minki has as well) but never has he been here without his fiancé. and it feels so... wrong.

don’t get it twisted, kai has cheated on her many times before and she even knows herself that there’s other women. but that’s just the thing— they’re just women that he doesn’t care about. minki doesn’t fit into either of those categories and it makes kai want to rip his damn hair out. he shouldn’t care about the boy at all, in any way, but he does. when he hears a knock on the door, he startles, and debates just not opening it. but his legs have a mind of their own and his feet carry him across the expansive room to pull the door open before he can even think about it. “make it worth your time?” he repeats, rolling his eyes. he leaves the door wide open and turns to retreat back inside. he had hidden minki’s phone away somewhere safely when he arrived, just so future him would have a reason to drag this out a little longer. “and how exactly should i do that?”

  ✦   ❝  do  you  come  here  often  ?  ❞  the  usual  finesse  that  wyatt  prides  himself  on  is  instantly  dashed  as  he  enters  the  club  that  none  of  his  friends  would  dare  walk  into  ;  all  of  them  seeing  it  as  beneath  them  —  the  very  reason  he’s  here  .  it’s  too  risky  to  approach  males  anywhere  else  ,  anxiety  riddling  him  that  one  night  someone  he  knows  will  see  him  ,  and  the  facade  of  the  straight  bachelor  will  be  ruined  .  wyatt’s  been  fighting  no - one  but  himself  over  his  sexuality  his  whole  life  ,  though  he’s  sure  his  family  and  friends  would  cave  and  abandon  him  if  they  even  heard  whispers  of  how  he  spent  his  saturday  nights  ,  so  far  past  drunk  and  allowing  himself  to  indulge  just  slightly  in  men  .  usually  ,  it’s  threesomes  .  at  least  then  he  can  try  and  convince  himself  that  he’s  there  for  the  woman  ;  though  if  the  couples  were  ever  sober  they’d  realise  that  his  eyes  would  never  focus  on  her  for  more  than  ten  seconds  before  they’d  fix  back  on  the  male  .  still  ,  he  jokes  with  himself  that  it’s  his  gift  back  to  society  ,  even  if  it  leaves  him  feeling  empty  when  he  wakes  on  a  sunday  morning  .  

he’s  only  really  just  hit  the  point  in  the  night  where  he’s  intoxicated  enough  to  approach  any  of  the  guys  surrounding  him  ;  given  ,  they’re  not  totally  his  type  ,  but  beggars  can’t  be  choosers  in  this  situation  ,  given  he  feels  like  he’s  about  to  vomit  up  the  minimal  amount  he’d  been  able  to  eat  amongst  his  anxious  demeanour  before  he  left  .  wyatt’s  only  just  getting  comfortable  ,  hands  on  his  waist  searing  into  him  when  he  feels  someone  else  brush  against  him  .  the  softness  of  his  face  tightens  when  he  turns  back  to  see  that  it’s  kaiko  ,  the  cause  of  most  of  the  tension  in  his  mind  for  the  past  couple  of  weeks  .  their  night  together  had  separated  itself  from  the  rest  in  his  memories  .  whenever  wyatt  spends  the  night  with  a  couple  ,  though  his  gaze  never  falters  from  the  other  male  ,  their  sight  never  usually  leaves  their  significant  other  —  kaiko  ,  however  ,  reciprocated  eye  contact  in  a  way  that  wyatt  can’t  erase  from  his  memory  ;  it  made  him  feel  exposed  ,  and  it  leaves  a  foul  taste  in  his  mouth  ,  even  if  he  thinks  about  it  late  at  night  when  he’s  alone  ,  touching  himself  .  the  same  look  on  kaiko’s  face  is  now  staring  right  back  at  him  under  the  dim  lights  ,  and  he  can’t  even  muster  up  words  ,  simply  watching  as  the  other  makes  way  to  the  restroom  .  

in  a  state  of  urgency  he  downs  the  remainder  of  his  drink  ,  as  if  the  sheer  sight  of  kaiko  hasn’t  immediately  sobered  him  up  ,  and  hands  it  to  the  person  who’d  just  had  him  in  embrace  ,  now  affectionate  expression  turned  to  stone  ,  ❝  thanks  .  ❞  he  knows  it’s  rude  ,  but  he  can’t  stop  himself  as  he  leaves  them  just  as  quickly  as  he  came  ,  feet  heavy  as  he  stomps  his  way  to  the  door  of  the  bathroom  and  shoves  it  open  to  see  the  other  leant  against  the  counter  ,  a  face  on  him  like  wyatt’s  done something  to  him  .  he  folds  his  arms  across  his  chest  ,  as  if  trying  to  determine  who  the  alpha  male  is  amongst  the  two  very  straight  males  ,  ❝  what  the  fuck  was  that  ?  you  stalking  me  or  something  ?  ❞

kaiko rolls his eyes so hard that he’s surprised they don’t just TUMBLE right out of their sockets. his composure (which is usually as stoic as ever) slips just a bit at the sight of the other and he has to use every ounce of willpower he has left to summon a look of complete indifference. he truly has no idea what he’s doing or why he’s decided to drag wyatt into a bathroom of all places. but, it gives him some solace in knowing that the boy actually followed. that has to mean something, right? he just doesn’t know what. hell, he doesn’t even know if he wants to know. it’s all very confusing and he decides to blame his muddled brain on the little alcohol he’s consumed over the course of the night. perhaps it wasn’t enough to actually get him drunk, but the details don’t really matter all that much. “stalking you? really?” he quirks a brow. “do you even hear yourself?”

he pushes away from the sink, only to turn his back on the other and twist the faucet on. he cups his hands under the flowing water and bends down to splash his face. it’s hot in the club after all and he just wants to cool down, it definitely has nothing to do with wanting some sort of distraction. kai usually doesn’t have much of a problem holding eye contact with people, he actually revels in making others uncomfortable with too much at a time, but wyatt is different in some sense. he feels like he sees way too much. and kai doesn’t like that. “don’t act like you don’t know i come here every weekend.” he says, switching off the water and grabbing a paper towel to pat his face dry with. he honestly doesn’t really feel soothed by the action though and wishes he could somehow just scrub his face off. that would be less painful than this awkward meeting.

       ‘    i’m  sorry  if  i  upset  you  the  other  day  when  i  just  disappeared  quickly,  i  wasn’t  feeling  that  well  &&  i  didn’t  want  you  to  come  across  me  when  i  was  in  that  mood,  ’  he  stated,  shaking  his  head  a  little.  truth  was,  the  male  had  smelled  some  blood  &&  things  had  become  a  little  out  of  control  for  him,  in  his  fear  that  he  would  end  up  hurting  the  other,  he  had  decided  to  just  run  away  as  quickly  as  he  could  but  he  knew  he  might’ve  come  across  as  a  rude  so  an  apology  was  needed.  ‘    can  i  make  it  up  to  you  in  any  way  ??    ’  the  male  asked  softly. // @forhvm

          minki liked figuring out what made others tick. his life had never been centered by stability, and in turn he found himself incapable of feeling satisfied when his life was anything but chaotic. he briefly found himself in lulls and always started searching for excitement. minki had gone in believing that a threesome with a future married couple was excitement on it’s very own, but kaiko was proving that he had signed up for a lot more than he could’ve asked for. and in a twisted way he was as drawn into how fucked up it was. kai had his own issues, that much was made clear the moment that they met. minki had assumed it was some deep rooted homophobia and fear of touching dicks on accident, but he very quickly realized that minki was the first taste of him indulging in a part of himself he had yet to explore. he couldn’t help but think it was hot, becoming some supposed straight boy’s newest obsession, and it gave him something more interesting than fucking stranger after stranger all the time. he liked the moments of focus on another person, the building tension and the secrecy of it all only made it better.

“i can behave. when i want to.” minki wasn’t normally one to take on a submissive role, his own obsession with control usually putting him on top, but there was no denying the desperate weight of need that took over, dragging down to the pit of his stomach at the thought of being good for kaiko. an unexplored part of himself that wanted to satisfy him. a part that cared about what kai thought about him, as disgusting as that was. it’s so much fucking worse hearing kai’s voice so close, the vibrations taking over and making him too weak, completely robbing minki of having a clear thought in his head when he feels the slight brush of his lips against his skin as he speaks. minki isn’t known for restricting himself when it came to his sexual interests, but it takes everything in him to hold back climbing off the counter to drop to his knees. he hates it. he absolutely hates that such an asshole has such a strong presence over him. “shouldn’t i be asking you that question? yeah, i wanted you to fuck me. too bad you were too much of a pussy.” he’s taunting, now, trying to see how much it’d take for him to finally push past his limits, not that he hasn’t already surprised a couple, as far as minki’s concerned.

yet he never gets that moment. the bathroom suddenly feels freezing as kaiko steps back, and minki has an instant sicking of regret for what he’s done; what he allowed to happen. he was stupid enough to think that denying someone else would mean gaining a reward in return from a boy who was, moments before, telling him to stop rubbing dicks in public. how could he be that stupid? normally he would pride himself on intelligence and an upper hand, a refusal to give in and an unwavering amount of confidence, but for once he actually looks speechless. lips parted, he sucks in a harsh breath as he slides off the counter, casually dusting himself off and keeping his head lowered as he speaks. he’s listening — honestly, he’s hanging onto every word, listening for a loophole to bring everything back, but he very quickly realizes that he’s fallen into a fucking trap by some annoying boy who doesn’t know how to mind his business, and minki can’t help but feel absolutely humiliated. 

“ah, i’m sure that’s what you want to do. gift me to her so you can watch me fuck her and you can get off to it pretending that it’s me and you. that way you get me without doing anything gay, right?” minki sucks in a breath, regaining himself because he refuses to show how embarrassed he feels, even if the tips of his ears at the moment were doing a decent job, the deep red mixing with a light tinge of pink on his cheeks. “what exactly is the purpose of this? you stop me from fucking other people… why? all so you can still go home and pretend you like fucking her? i have ways, kaiko. i can fuck someone right now if i really want to. i have a phone, numbers i can call, fucking - an app, for fuck’s sake. you’re not my only option. actually, no, you’re not an option at all. you were a quicker chance at getting fucked, but i’m sure i can find someone better in less than five minutes.” letting out a breath, minki moves towards him. while his small advantage in height is taken away, he stands as tall as he can without looking like an idiot with his chest puffed out. “you’re fucking pathetic. leave me the fuck alone, kaiko. i don’t like you, you’re some insignificant asshole in my life who couldn’t satisfy his girlfriend, which doesn’t really make me too eager to have your dick in my ass, either, but you know what? sure. gift me to your wife. i liked her, i wouldn’t mind fucking her while you sit and watch like the bitch you are. she’s much better in bed than you could ever be.” he pauses, his nostrils flaring as he looks back at the door behind kaiko. “are we done here?”

don’t move, don’t move, don’t move. he repeats it like a mantra in his head with the thought that maybe, just maybe, if he says it enough times it’ll come true. he’ll speak it into existence. but all of his hopes are dashed pretty quickly when the boy slides off the counter and, fuck, even the way he does something so simple sends kaiko’s mind into a whirlwind of turmoil. he’s brave right now, he’s confident, but the closer minki gets, the more he feels it waver. still, he doesn’t show it. he can’t show it. minki may be the only person on the planet that can go toe-to-toe with him, who can knock him down a few pegs without even trying, and he knows he has to stay on guard. he wonders if the other knows just how much power he holds and, simultaneously, prays to some unseen god that he doesn’t.

all of his words mix together in kai’s head until they’re just one big mess of unintelligible speech and all he can make out is pathetic, bitch, better than you. he snaps. he doesn’t even realize what he’s doing, doesn’t process his movements, until he blinks and suddenly he has minki pressed against the wall with his fingers gripping his shirt so tightly it feels like the fabric is about to TEAR in his hands. he doesn’t know why he’s so effected or why he cares what someone like minki thinks, but he does. he cares so much. “shut your mouth, knox. before i shut it for you.” he hisses through his teeth. “you talk way too much.” he adds, trying to push all the thoughts of how exactly he could shut him up far away from his mind. he can’t get sidetracked. maybe with the way he’s seeing red right now, he could find the courage to knock a few of his teeth out. maybe then he won’t look so appealing, maybe then he won’t want him so much. he curses his body every day for betraying him with that fact in the first place.

he stares into his eyes for what feels like hours, trying (and failing) to see what’s going on his mind before he drops his hand from his shirt and reaches into minki’s pocket. he feels around a little more than necessary before producing his phone. he cocks an eyebrow, tilting the device to show it off, then tucks it away into his own pocket. “not gonna have so much luck without a phone, huh?” he says. and his voice is back to that monotonous lull that his fiancé never fails to remind him that she hates. he kind of hopes it gets under minki’s skin, too. “but, i’ll tell you what.” he says, stepping back and putting distance between them again. he can’t be too close to the other, can barely even breathe the same air, before he’s already feeling overwhelmed. and kai isn’t about to do something stupid right now. he’ll save his stupidity for when the time is right. if there is such a thing.

poor boy has never felt so confused in his entire life. “look– why the hell do you care? so what if he’s the one that brought the drink over? shouldn’t you be focusing on your future wife?” benji scoffed, his gaze never tearing away from the other. “probably because the only reason why i agreed to be a part of her little game is so that i could be with you–” he’s about to speak once more before he’s pushed into the stall, his lips curled into a smirk as he shakes his head. “you think i’m pretty, huh?” he’s careful to be quiet, for now.

fingers find their way over to kai’s chest as he caressed the male’s front, “this the reason why you dragged me in here?” a soft chuckle escapes his lips, “i think you’re pretty too, y’know.” he finds kaiko’s hand as he brings it over his own throat, “i don’t mind getting rough, tough guy.” benji’s eyes darkened as soon as he hears the door close once more, “did she ever told you that you look so fucking sexy when you’re mad?” his teeth sinks into his bottom lip as he bites back a grin, pushing the man’s buttons further.

probably because the only reason why i agreed to be a part of her little game is so that i could be with you, and kaiko pretends he didn’t hear that. he’s actually kind of glad for the interruption because... what the fuck? how could benji say something like that and just expect him to not do something rash. “shut up.” he grits out, turning his head to the side as he listens for whoever just entered to fucking leave. people are truly so goddamn annoying. “what are you doing?” he nearly snaps as he feels the light teasing of the boy’s fingers across his chest. he doesn’t need him to touch him. he’s in enough trouble as it is just by being here. he should have never even interacted with benji tonight. “i’m not pretty.” he narrows his eyes.

boys aren’t supposed to be pretty, he keeps repeating in his head like some sort of sick mantra. and he hears it in his father’s voice. kaiko is about two seconds away from breaking when benji moves his hand over his throat and, fuck, he’s screwed. something in him does break in that moment and he subconsciously tightens his hand around his throat, shoving him so hard back against the stall that his head practically bounces off. maybe he can knock some sense into him. “you don’t know what you’re saying.” he tells him, not even registering the sound of the door closing. “stop fucking around, moon.” he warns, loosening his grip on the boy’s neck, “and stop biting your lip before i give your mouth something else to do.”

                “you enjoyed watching me fuck someone. my narcissism is valid. look at me.” minki’s confidence dripped off of him a little too easily, one of the few things in life that he was completely sure of when it came to himself. he never needed anyone to compliment him because he had himself, but he had a strange need to get kaiko to admit that he thought he was pretty. it wasn’t something he was used to, but the more he refused to say he had any interest, the more that minki craved getting it. he always loved a challenge, and it seemed like the challenge was convincing the other to stop holding back from whatever he wanted. “bet you thought about my mouth the whole time, hm? every time her lips were wrapped around your cock you looked at mine and pictured the same thing.” now there’s a flash of innocence in his eyes, contrasting the sexual confidence displayed up until then. it’s playful, of course, because he wants to see how far he can be pushed before he snaps.

that comes in the form of actual touch. a brush of his fingers against skin, just barely, seems to send him spiraling, and minki hums quietly. “what’re you gonna do about it?” maybe a cliche question, but it’s at least pushing kai to prove himself, and just as quickly his hands are being pinned down. minki lets out a soft whine, pouting down at him, but the intensity from the other isn’t missed. the more physical touch that came, the more invested minki became, until any strength he might’ve had dissipated, leaving him feeling embarrassingly weak as his skin burned with anticipation. he doesn’t push; minki loves the feeling of being almost there, and he drowns in the feeling as kaiko moves to whisper. 

the interruption causes flared nostrils, inwardly minki pleading that it wouldn’t scare kai away, not when they’re so close. he doesn’t know if he can handle a lack of conclusion, but thankfully he stays—- and whispers demands. hooded eyes slowly pan over to the face he had only seen in the dim lighting before, minki huffing as he immediately wanted to defy the demands for the sake of being stubborn. “you don’t wanna watch me fuck someone else again?” he laughs lowly, eyes still locked on the stranger before he lets out a long breath. “kinda busy here,” he says, his voice raising and his head lifted enough that they know they’re being spoken to. he seems to be in shock at the turn of events, but minki is too tipsy, a mix of alcohol and kaiko taking over his headspace that he can’t even bother pretending to feel guilty. “fuck off,” he adds, and at the realization that he actually followed orders his cheeks flush, hiding his face as he ducks down, sucking in a breath as he finally leaves, cursing under his breath. minki realized then that he no longer has a back up plan, all of his marbles thrown at kaiko and he hates feeling so needy for something he isn’t confident he’s gong to get. “am i a good boy now?”

so what if his narcissism is valid? kaiko will never admit it, ever. literally not even over his dead fucking body. he hates how self aware minki is. it would be so much easier if he was insecure, if there was some way that kai could break him down. but he doesn’t know him well enough to know his weaknesses and he isn’t easy to read. not as easy as kai himself apparently because the fucker knows just the right things to say to make him want to punch his fist right through the mirror behind him. he won’t humor him though, he can’t. it’s already bad enough that something as simple as a whine (a goddamn whine) has his body reacting in ways that it shouldn’t because he doesn’t even like boys. and he’s never felt this way before so what could possibly be different?

it’s at minki’s first sentence that kai deflates the tiniest bit because he really believes the other is about to push him away and leave. he really doesn’t know why the thought bothers him so much. he should leave. but, as always, minki surprises him. and a proud grin slowly stretches across his features because he’s starting to break down bit by bit. kai can feel the control being shifted back to him, the ball bouncing back into his court. this is exactly what he wants. “mm,” he hums, the sound seemingly vibrating around the room, “i have to say, i’m shocked.” he smiles. the words that leave minki’s mouth make him tense up and he hates that his body keeps reacting so easily. what the fuck is wrong with him? he should just turn around and go, right now. 

but even through being pressed against sweaty bodies out on a hot dance floor, kai can still make out how sweet the other smells and it keeps him glued to the spot. it’s intoxicating, and his skin just looks so soft. why does it look that soft? boys aren’t supposed to be soft. his hands tighten around where they have minki’s pinned down before he removes them and places them just above his knees instead. “when i fucked her in the ass, were you picturing that it was you instead?” he asks, voice so quiet that if his mouth wasn’t right at his ear, he doesn’t think minki would have heard him. he’s getting cocky and he knows it which is why he abruptly pulls away. he wants to kiss him and that’s a huge problem. he doesn’t even kiss his future wife. “it’ll be hard for you to find someone to fuck you tonight. everyone’s already found who they’re taking home at this point.” he smiles.