I never knew I miss you until I ran through our conversations and pictures on my phone. I have been avoiding every traces that might remind me of you. I even force myself to sleep countless times these past days. I even binge watch every movies and series I see just for me to avoid thinking about us. I hardly tried repressing everything because I know this time I cant let myself drown with my thoughts of you because last time I did it made me went through the darkest place and had to seek some professional help. That's why this time i needed to get rid of you. You were not good for me. But look at me now finally gave in. Trying to be sober hoping that this thoughts would go away. I know you dont fucking care how hurt I am right now and its funny how you swore before that you would protect me from any pain at all cost but look at me now, shattered into million pieces. I've been trying to put myself together but Im constantly failing.
Hi, I know you're happy with the things that you have right now. It was all you wanted all along. Having your own family. Im just wondering, how selfish can you get? Are you happy destroying me over and over? Do you feel satisfied? I remember when we met. You came to me really broken so even if I am too I chose to fix you but you never realized you were breaking me too. I tried to put away myself because I know you needed me more than I need you. Because thats what love is right? Puting someone you love first before yourself. I kept my promise on making you happy I obeyed every fucking rules you've set. I even let you decide on mylife. I left my friends behind and gave you all my time and love because you said you needed me. I supported you on everything you wanted. But hey I didnt regret those things. I just dont get it. Why did you chose to cheat on me. But hey, its's okay. It has always been okay. I understand. And that's the most fucked up part, I always understand you. I just dont get it. Why can't you just let me go?
I miss you. But I miss myself too. And this time I love you but I wanted to love myself too. Im sorry but I have to. I may not be able to fulfill my promise to stay even at your worst but always know that I tried. This was our fight but I guess I've been fighting alone all this time. Till we meet again