he's just a little guy and it's his first day!!

you've met me at a very "yeah i'm trying to work on that" time in my life

forgot until just now that when i went to the grocery store today i turned down the oil/vinegar aisle and there was a store employee stocking the shelf and he said "welcome to the land of wonders" to me for some reason

a boyfriend is a type of parasite that lives in a beautiful woman’s house and drains her life force

resurrected dead wife watching her own montage: wow I looked so hot in that

I had one fort in Dwarf Fortress where all the engraved tableaus in the main dining hall depicted the death of this one particular dwarf child at the hands of an ape just over and over and over and over again interspersed between engravings of cheese. They were all high quality too so they made everyone who looked at them very happy.

SADISTIC MUTUAL: it is a moral imperative to push the princess around, and punch her in the stomach, and roundhouse kick her in the throat, and cut her with blades ANTIMONARCHIST MUTUAL: [confused but enthusiastically going along with it] and line her up with her family and shoot her dead, and orchestrate a lie that they fled the country so that they are not remembered as martyrs

When you get more objective about the way nature is & away from weird anthropomorphic carnivore slander it is a little funny when the baby sea turtles hatch and every other animal in like a ten mile radius goes "oh fuck yum one million mini sliders"

Watching a jaguar casually walk up to an adult sea turtle headed back to the water after laying her eggs and eat it like why am I in my sea turtle violence era and why are they like this. Adult sea turtles aren't especially easy to eat in the water they'll swim around with shark bites taken out of them like they're just chillin. And then on land they just kinda

Jaguar watching a sea turtle on the beach: oh fuck yum 100 pound slider

Also today I learned that since the jaguar scares off other smaller predators it's actually good for the sea turtle population if there are jaguars there. Cause less babies get eaten by Everything Else. I'm gonna be honest I didn't even consider that a jaguar could be on the beach

Every other animal in like a ten mile radius: I'm gonna be honest I didn't even consider that a jaguar could be on the beach