Forever Seeking Him

Most everyone knows I am a nurse! A NICU Nurse. Many people think this means feeding and rocking babies, which occasionally I get the privilege to do :)…But my job entails so much more. I take care of babies born months too early to live without modern medicine…Placed on ventilators with central lines and life saving medications. I assess them, care for them, draw labs, start IVs, and give medications. I teach a new dad how to change his fragile baby’s diaper for the first time. I place this baby on their moms chest (often with many tubes and wires attached) after she has not yet been able to hold them for days sometimes weeks. I comfort that momma as she watches her tiny fragile baby go through more pokes, prods, and procedures than most of us will ever even know. I celebrate with parents every milestone: every good blood gas, gram gained, tube removed. I rejoice in the day parents get to bring their baby home after spending months inside the walls of the NICU. I witness miracles. I get to see little lives come back and beat insurmountable odds. But sometimes I don’t… I help to resuscitate babies when their hearts stop and little bodies simply can’t take any more. I beat myself up trying to think what we could have done better or different when all medical options have been exhausted. I hand those sweet little lives to their parents as they take their last breaths when science and medicine is no longer enough. I give them medication to make them comfortable in their last moments here on earth. I help make molds and keepsakes that their family will cherish forever. I share memories with the family and we laugh and cry in the midst of it all. The NICU becomes their home. I hug their family members as they walk away from their baby’s room for the last time, hoping my words brought them some comfort. I sometimes cry in the car on my way home, in the shower or as I try to fall asleep before going into work to take care of other little lives. I lean on my coworkers. Those other NICU nurses I’m so blessed to work besides. I look to them for knowledge, wisdom, and support. Yes, my “job” is a NICU Nurse. But it proves time and time again to be so much more.