Lightscapade

“Comfortably numb” is a myth.

1. Man, I love a code….as long as it’s not my patient.

2. Whenever I’m trying to stop a patient from falling, in my head, I’m singing “It’s going down, I’m yelling timber.”

3. I think Ron Swanson is my nursing spirit animal. 

4. “Just go the fuck to sleep”- the night shift nurse’s inner monologue

5. Only in nursing does an introduction go like this, “Hi, I’m ____, I will be your nurse, and when did you last poop?”

6. A nurse is never nicer to a patient’s family than when they’re going home. When they finally leave we smile, we say, “Drive safe. Thank you for coming…Yes, absolutely I will call you if anything changes.”

7.  I have, on occasion, dropped a pill on the floor, looked around, made sure no one saw, and put it right back in the med cup.  

8.  Nothing takes me from zero to crazy faster than the pump saying “air in line,” when there’s no air in the tube.

9. Asking which nurse you are giving report to is a freaking LOADED question. And I swear on all that is holy, if I have to give report to the unit cry-baby, complainer ONE MORE TIME, she’s going to hear every mean thing I’ve waited to say to her.