If you aren’t into US politics, this may be one to skip, but it’s also about being a girl and seeing women in public so maybe not. IDK.
I was 16 during the 1992 election cycle. It was the first one I really paid attention to. I watched interviews and debates, really heard the nasty ads, heard the pundits pontificated. They mostly didn’t talk about it at school (everyone was a Republican, they assumed you knew that you had to vote republican or go to hell) but I was paying close attention any way.
I remember watching the interview with Bill and Hillary where they talked about Gennifer Flowers and I watched while Hillary admitted to the pain and the suffering and the hard work of a marriage that wasn’t working but that she didn’t want to give up. There was so much strength and so much weakness just in that one interview.
I remember watching all during that campaign, when she tried to bend herself into what everyone thought a first lady should be, changing her presentation to fit a mold that wasn’t right for her.
I remember watching while the Republican party tried to use her to tear down Bill. The crime of having been good AND lucky in law and business. And I remember that she didn’t let it work.
I remember watching the accusations that she killed her friend, the vicious angry faces spitting out unfounded “facts”. And that she didn’t give way under their onslaught.
I remember the dedication she put into creating a Healthcare plan and I remember that she had to watch it all collapse while she was berated for “Not knowing her place.”
I remember watching the cameras trained on her when the news came out that her husband had not-fucked an intern young enough to be her daughter, and along with that the accusations that she wasn’t woman enough for him in the bedroom. And the hard choices she made to shield herself.
I remember her trying to pretend she was less, to help Bill. And I remember her not pretending any more and running for her own office while the media and the Republican screamed.
I remember when she was senator and the some excellent speeches and good votes. And I remember a vote she made for expediency, that turned out to be the worst public choice she ever made. And I remember her admitting it.
I remember arguing with my brother about who to vote for and his position that Obama would be best, even if he couldn’t tell me why. I would have voted for her then if I had the chance, even if I was fine with voting for Obama in the end.
I remember watching her as Secretary of State, doing difficult, unglamorous hard work, where she was rarely at home and probably never really got enough sleep. I recently discovered that she visited the most countries of any Secretary of State in history. And I remember that it doesn’t matter they they got Osama bin Laden, that 9/11 happened on Bush’s watch, that the country was safe, only that they lost an Ambassador through a terrible cascade of bad circumstances.
I remember she raised a good daughter, who never caused any scandals, and worked hard to make good decisions for her life and the happiness Hillary showed for her daughter’s happiness, even as there was speculation that her daughter getting married would make her weak or distracted, unfit. How becoming a grandmother must have lessened her. How it didn’t.
I remember she took a break from the fight, and then came back to fight again.
I remember that she has been weak and petty and too proud and overly expedient and cold and militant and altogether imperfect. And I remember when she has been strong, and smart and humble and worked for unpopular causes and brokered peace and kept the world in balance.
Hillary Clinton is a goddamned Hero. I don’t agree with all her political positions and I know she has had both moral and political failures, but she has grace and power and strength and flexibility and she’s been the primary Woman in Public for my entire adult life. I am proud of her and I will be proud to vote for her in November.
