lovin us

‘How do you not understand, this is love and not hate?’

‘What? What do you mean?’

He sighed and shook his head, disappointed with something I remained unaware of.

‘You,’ he paused, ‘you did something to me. I have never felt like this. I never chased a girl. for me, if it was over then it was. But you, you were different. It feared me to think of losing you, and when I lost you, I was broken. So broken, that my ego couldn't even accept that I had loved you so much. All I could think of was how could you leave me when I loved you so much. I thought of how can you hurt me so much. How did I allow myself to be hurt? That love for you turned into ego. it was what came out. But, trust me, all I have for you is love. I have never felt like this and I never will. Even if you don't come back to me today, I fear I can never love somebody this much,’

If it were not for his shaky voice, I would have mistaken those tears for the rain pouring down. It's all real. His tears tell it all.

‘I did try getting with others, but I failed. I cannot. I look for you everywhere, what I forget is that you can never be replaced. I know I did wrong, oh how I always wish to go back and undo it. I'm ready to give up anything you ask for, everything and anything. if you don't want to date, that's fine, I would try to manage but at least just talk with me, just become friends with me. You bring the sun to my life, please just be there with me, just be there...’

The scarlet in his eyes reflected against mine. It hurt me so much to see him. I could never imagine him sad, no I could never. I pulled him in for a hug. his comfort soothed me. The rain could no longer tamper against my skin. There was something in him, it always lured me in. He did wrong and he regrets it so much.

I took a deep breath in.

‘I am sorry,’ I said, ‘we could never be friends. there's just so much to us to ever define our boundaries as “friends”. I know it's hard for you, but I am sorry, we can not talk. We can't. Forget me and whatever there was to us.’

The walk home felt as if walking on hot stones. Every inch of me hurt like never before. I wish, things unfolded differently.