I didn't ask for this

For him, Kaitlin would have endured a traditional bachelors party - donned her best ‘bro’ hat and planned an extensive tour of the cities strip clubs. She would have been miserable the entire time, but she had never been someone to contain her acts for friends, loving to be of service. But that wasn’t really…them. Maybe if Davey had still been around. But you couldn’t count on maybes. You had to make do with what you had. (Logical advice she rarely took herself).

Instead, Kaitlin pulled a face, indulging in childish antics. It was easy to be free around Kevin. Fey he might be, but before that, he had been a human - and hadn’t really forgotten his roots. He still treated her as someone with worth, with respect. In this world, that was no small thing. “Yes. I have watched The Hangover and I can confirm that whilst it’s a superb movie, Vegas was slightly out of my budget.” Teasing playfully, she grinned. “You should pay me more.”

Restless, Kaitlin began to hike once more, in singleminded pursuit of the peak - and the view it would bring. It was yet another example of how hard work reaped towards - and that if you pushed yourself, you could find perfection. “I did bring beer though!” She shouted out behind her, without turning back around. “So, maybe going back down will be harder after all.” It would be nice, she thought, if she could make Kevin let go…if they could let go together, just for a little while. Such indulgences were rare for the two of them - and here, no one was watching. “I just figured you deserved…at least one of the traditions you were raised with. Even if they’re not technically mine.”

She intended to marry as a fey, or not at all.

There had been a time when he and Kaitlin could rarely be found separated. When they were both Players they were almost constantly together, either working around Oakenfold or training on the practice board. It hadn’t changed that much once he’d won. Maybe Kaitlin was one who understood best what he was going through, having been exposed to the game for all of her life. But at the same time, she didn’t really get it. She didn’t understand what had changed for him after his wish had gone awry. She didn’t know what it was like to go from the human world to separated from it in one day. She still sought a life among these people - not that he could fault her for it. It was all she knew. 

Thinking he could lose her to Fidchell one year - maybe even next year, very nearly this year - he didn’t like the thought of it. He feared losing her, someone who had been a constant for him both before and after. Someone who was always there to try and bolster his spirits. 

“I don’t make the rules,” he smiled as she spoke about her pay, following after her up the hiking trail. She did have a point though, this was much more reminiscent of their type of thing than some drunken night out. Though, conversely, his nights with Marigold tended to include a fair amount of alcohol and surface conversations...

“So...” he hummed after a moment of silence, catching up to walk beside her, “What do you think of all this?” 

“So you’re married and you might not even get a tax break for it? That sucks.” She sighed, trying to process everything he was telling her. At least he knew his wife, that had to make it slightly less awkward? Divorce might ruin their friendship, though. Unless he didn’t plan on getting divorced. He said he didn’t know what he was going to do so he must not hate the idea of being married to…whoever. 

“What’s her name?” Nadia asked. She refrained from asking whether or not his wife knew about her, about his human family. He fought so hard to keep her out of that part of his life, she doubted he told them about her. 

This was all so bizarre. She hadn’t seen Forest look so rattled in a while, but maybe it was a good thing? Maybe this was what he needed? Or what they needed. When was the last time Forest had been so honest with her? So open about what was going on? It had been years.

Setting the rest of her cupcake aside, Nadia brushed the crumbs from her fingers and took a deep breath. Hell games. Was that what Ivy was talking about? Kevin, when he’d been Kevin, had played the game, won, but it had been too late. And somehow in the midst of all that he’d gotten caught up in that world, decided to join it. Did he regret it? Was that why he tried so hard to keep Nadia away? She wanted to believe that he was ready to stop shutting her out, but actions spoke louder than words. Part of her was concerned that he’d wake up tomorrow and decide she didn’t need to know anything again. 

“Okay, good. So, you’re going to be honest with me now? No more secrets?” 

“Marigold.” The name rolled off his tongue easily, one that was familiar as she had become a close friend, but strange with this added layer on top. Because yes - while divorce was an option, calling off the wedding with a mutual parting - they couldn’t just go back to what they’d once been. At least, Forest doubted he could. “She’s actually uh...probably one of your biggest fans. I’d like to introduce you...both so she can fan girl over you and because...” he hesitates before continuing on, “because if this is something that’s going to stick, I want you to know her. I want her to know you.” 

It had never been about keeping Nadia out of his life. He wanted her in it more than anything. It had only ever been about keeping her safe, keeping her from getting sucked into the world of the fey, too. But he’d made her a target to the Unseelie the moment he signed his name for the Seelie, and he’d pushed her closer to them the more he tried to keep her away. He just had to hope that Nadia could fend for herself at this point - because he couldn’t keep her safe. 

At her question he heaved a breath before his shoulders lifted in a small shrug. “Yes, no more secrets.” 

Zinnia doesn’t always have an explanation for the things that she sought for so badly, and often would not possess an intelligible explanation as to why she wants certain things. Honestly, it was simple.·“I just want it to happen. I have this incredible prediction I would be very happy when I see it.” She offered nothing more aside from that, tilting her head and ignoring the disapproval in his tone, the roll of his eyes and the shake of his head.·

“Well, for example, in singing. It’s just in cases of ties or in singing or storytelling - stuff like that. They’d need someone to decide the ultimate winner for everything. I want to have that power,” she started, rambling on.·

“I’ve always wondered what it would be like to choose someone just because I wanted to, not because they deserved it.” And Zinnia may not be realizing it, but she has already done this in love, choosing Sorrel even when he didn’t deserve her. Or, as it seems, any woman.

“Wow, I can’t even say how much I appreciate that, because I don’t and it would be a lie.” He wasn’t remotely surprised by the fact that she wanted to be ‘queen’ and make all the rules. Zinnia gave off that kind of air, a need to show off, to be in charge, to have all eyes on her. Being ‘queen’ would put her in the position she adored more than anything. 

“So would you choose who you actually think is best or would you just choose whoever you want?” Forest smirked, “Somehow I feel like that’s not how the queen is supposed to behave.” 

Although she appreciated the excuse Forest made, Willow couldn’t - wouldn’t - apply it to herself. Times were uncertain, even dangerous. They all - more than ever - needed to keep an eye on their surroundings.“Spies are always on duty.” They replied, not unkind. In the struggles to come, they hoped that Forest would swim, not sink. In fact, they would make sure of it. He mattered too much not to.

“That’s true. I hadn’t consulted my crystal ball that day.” She joked, a wyry smile etched on their lips. If they were being honest…no, Forest didn’t want that. And they were better than that. What good did it to fill his heads with doubts about his new bride? Willow’s judge of character was not the only one that mattered. “Well, I intend to make up for it. Cobalt and I both.” Even if they were split on other things, on that, they would always be united. “You should come over for dinner. Marigold too. We’d love to have you.” It wasn’t a lie if she used it in the singular.

“Good point.” Willow had always seemed to take her job very seriously, and perhaps rightfully so. She and the guardians were those responsible for keeping them all safe, at least to some extent. Willow’s job was to have eyes on everything, to, as they put it, always be watching. 

“We all can’t be perfect,” Forest chuckled, head shaking the slightest bit. The whole tradition was a mystery in and of itself to him still; but when it came down to it, what it meant was he and Marigold were married - at least in the eyes of the fey. He would treat it in that regard, anyway. “You don’t have to do that,” He waved off their offer of dinner, though it did sound pleasant. It had been a while now since he’d spent time with Willow and Cobalt.

“But if you’re insisting...I would like that.” 

when:  8th september 2018, 10.13am where: Mount Marcy hiking trail, new york state who: closed @forcstfire

Kaitlin could always breathe a little easier outside of the city. New York, for all it was called an urban jungle, held little resemblance to the epic part of nature it was named after. New York was skyscrapers and yellow cabs, sirens and people who refused to make eye-contact with each other. New York was the city she was expelled to at eighteen. New York was not a home she chose. No matter how far she buried it down, some things were impossible to forget.

Outside, as the trees unfurled themselves and the path grew steeper, Kaitlin sweating in the final burst of summer heat, she bristled her feathers. The fledgling could almost take flight.

After sending a cryptic text to Kevin - advising him to be ready at 6am promptly - Kaitlin had driven them out to the middle of nowhere, blasting a playlist Hazel had made her of “songs she had missed”. In an ideal world, they wouldn’t have been alone. Ghosts rode on their shoulders, bearing the faces of those who had fallen in Fidchell - and Davey, who had suffered a death of a different kind. Refusing to dwell on the melancholies - or to even consider the pair of them as a tragedy - she focused on the outside. Fresh air. The song of a bird. The sharp scent of conifers. The mountain looming before them.

“I know kidnapping you for physical endurance may seem like a punishment, but it’s really not.” Taking the lead, Kaitlin pushed ahead. “I figured that you didn’t really get a bachelor party - which makes sense, considering you didn’t know you were getting married…” As far as she could tell, he was happy. Or at least, not unhappy. And that made Kaitlin wanted to be happy for him. She really did. But it just took Kevin another step away from her. What if one day, she could no longer reach him? “But I’m not letting something as minor as that stop us. Flashy parties aren’t really our thing - so I figured we would do something that was.” Pausing, Kaitlin held up her arms, exclaiming the world. “Voilà!”

There had been many mornings where Kaitlin’s name had popped up on his phone, advising things like going for morning runs first thing to start out the day, getting an early training session on, or just to grab coffee or tea. Usually it wasn’t quite as obscure as this one was...but he went along with it anyways. He was already awake, as she probably knew.

What he wasn’t expecting was for her to drag him out of his apartment and start driving out of the city. Sure, they’d gone out of the city together a handful of times - but when had she learned to drive? As much as he loved Kaitlin, was it wise to trust her behind the wheel? He didn’t let the questions kneed at him too much; she was pretty insistent that he come along and getting out of the city was actually something of a relief. It let him push some of the insanity behind him and let out the breath that felt as if he’d been holding for an entire month now. Comparative to how things had been, heading upstate seemed more normal than anything else.

Naturally Kait’s idea of a good time out involved some sort of physical activity, not that Forest was complaining. He was fond of spending time outdoors, always had been, and it had been a long while since he’d been out on a hike. The weather was perfect; still warm like summer but tinged just slightly with that hint of autumn weather to come. “Your idea of a bachelor party is a hike?” Forest chuckled as the player attempted to explain herself, shaking his head. Surely she knew what bachelor parties normally entailed - but nothing was normal about this marriage or celebration. Plus, she was probably right; as much as getting drunk and partying with strippers did seem enticing, the hike was a little more up his alley. Besides, he didn’t want to think on the marriage too much - it had been a while since he’d gotten to spend any time with Kait; not since Fidchell, since Davey... 

“Just to confirm, you do know what a bachelor party normally looks like, right?” He questioned, honestly curious, “But thanks - It’s nice to get out.” 

If Forest seemed a little stand-offish to Nickel, Nick supposed he didn’t really blame him for it, and he wasn’t really all that surprised. Nickel was Unseelie, of course–but more than that, he was being a bit of an asshole. Lugnasad was easily in the top five weirdest things fey did. Maybe Unprincess Marigold and Forest had some kind of history. Nickel hadn’t realized that the Lugnasad marriage could be real until he noticed that some of them actually stuck. He wouldn’t put it past the Seelie Court to have some kind of fucked up mind game going on with their version of the holiday, something done for the sake of appearances. If he was either of them, he’d be waiting for the other shoe. 

“Nice,” Nickel said, nodding to himself. “Good for you two. I think I’d probably be on the other side of the hill in under a minute–easier than trying to do that sitcom two-different-lives thing.” 

‘Two different lives’ thing - Like Forest didn’t already know everything about that. He already was leading two different lives, one foot in the human world and one foot out. The whole marriage thing just made it all the more complex, taking him just a little further to the life that had once been everything he’d wanted. It was incredible how quickly things could get out of his control these days.

“Yeah,” Forest shrugged, “Figured we might as well see what happens.” It changed nothing - and everything - all at once. They were friends, they could still be friends, and yet...they were married. And he wasn’t really in the mood to talk to Nickel of all people about it. Nickel was a nobody-Unseelie as far as Forest was concerned. Just some guy who definitely didn’t need to know what was going on in his life. 

“So what’re you uh - what’re you doing out here?” 

I know, she considered saying, I’ve been following your sister’s career since she was just starting out. But that would be talking about his sister, and that topic seemed to upset him, and she was trying not to upset him. Plus, it had an edge of stalker about it, although at the time Marigold didn’t know she’d end up being Nadia’s accidental sister-in-law. Nadia Ives was just a local model whose look Mari liked.

She had to pick something else to talk about. Family seemed…difficult, at best, which she understood. Marigold chose another track. “Fire science sounds like…mad scientist.” She wiggled her fingers to indicate some bizarre alchemy. “Why did you choose it?”

It occurred to her that this was the same as any getting-to-know-you portion of every proper date she’d ever been on. Except they’d been friends for years and married for several days now. Her life didn’t stop getting weird, did it?

“Mainly because I thought it was cool,” Forest chuckled, a smile touching his lips. “I thought the whole running-into-fires-saving-people thing sounded fun...and learning about how fire worked seemed interesting.” It had been something he hadn’t thought too deeply about. It had just come to him one day, the desire to challenge his luck, to fight fires and save people. The adrenaline that it brought, the pumping of blood through his veins - it was intoxicating. It always had been. It was like a free high without the drugs.

“It was really interesting, actually...learning about how fires work, how it behaves, how to best investigate and react and stay safe.” His smile falters the slightest bit. He missed all that - doing things because he liked doing it, getting the adrenaline pumping through his veins from joy rather than fear. How long had it been since he’d even had that feeling? “I think I was probably more fun back then.” 

The poor demifey looked about as bewildered as Gale himself felt. There was an unsteady feeling associated with the rings that seemed to weigh on both the mind and finger. His own ring burns almost like iron, feeling as though it may brand the very skin it cradles. Gale could acknowledge that it was far easier to pretend that it was something he wanted, something that would offer him a harbor in a place where no true fey loved him without conditions. Lacha had her crown to worry about, Camellia with her image, Malachite with his duties, Frost with her boundaries. There was no one who would desire him as he truly was without expectations or needs that trumped his own. Gorta was far too brash and loud for him to truly be sure how they could work but she was bound to be with him, for better or worse. The least he could do was offer her the pieces of himself that were hidden from the world that Lacha could not truly own. 

“You’re in a rather unique position for your situation. Can’t imagine the questions you have,” he said with a low chuckle. His fingers itched for a cigarette but he forced himself to tuck his coat in tighter to fight off the brush of wind. Marigold had always seemed somewhat genuine, as much as he could view the Seelie, but he bore her no ill will for her blood relations. Adare was a bastard and Gale felt only sympathy for the man tied to his daughter and forced to deal with him for the next couple decades. If they didn’t divorce. “Are you going to stay with her?” 

Forest wondered if Gale could really understand the position he was in. He was still working to figure out what his whole role in this society was, how Fidchell was framing his life, how to make things work between the fey in his life and his family that he left behind. Sense wasn’t easy to make out of all that, and the marriage only confused everything that much more. It brought him even more firmly into the world of the fey, it raised questions he didn’t have good answers to. It threatened relationships he’d been happy with...

“Yeah...” was all he could muster, not familiar enough with the other fey to make much commentary. But hell, he was probably the closest to understanding what he was going through than anyone. How old was Gale? He was probably like Marigold, seeing this as just some tradition that happened yearly and he was blessed for being chosen...

“I think...I don’t really know. We’re going to feel it out a while. What about you? You staying with Gorta? It’s Gorta, right?” 

Her confusion only deepened as he spoke. It was nice to finally have some confirmation from him on things she’d been told by others, but it was still jarring for her big brother to admit that he wasn’t actually human anymore. Honestly, the more she heard about the fey, the more they really did sound like a cult. Arranged marriages that were sprung with no notice on the participants? Stealing babies? It was like something out of fiction. 

“They just… what, pick random folks and pair them up to get married?” she asked, sounding as horrified by that concept as she felt. “Why? What kind of weird ass tradition is that? Is that even legal? Are you going to get it annulled? Did you even know the person?” There were too many questions, Nadia knew she ought to slow down, but for once he was answering. 

She picked up a cupcake, scooping a little bit of frosting off the top and absently licking it off of her finger. “I’m not doubting you, exactly, but I still don’t get it… Are you saying that you being fey would have saved dad? But that the change or whatever happened too late? Is that one of the…magic powers? God, you realize we sound like crazy people, right? I mean I know we’re not, but it’s still insane.” 

Part of her hated herself for the way her free hand automatically touched her scarred cheek. Nadia broke off a piece of the cupcake and ate it to buy herself time to think. If Kevin had become Forest with the intention of curing cancer…was there a chance he could fix her face? Surely if he could, he’d have said something right? Not that he knew the extent of her injury… 

“I miss you too,” she admitted softly. “But I can’t keep going the way we have been, it’s exhausting. So if you want to be in my life you have to let me in yours. We have to be able to be honest with each other because, honestly? My life is kinda going to shit right now. And I’d love to be able to talk to my big brother about it. Without all the cryptic statements and judgement. In or out, Kev. Up to you.”

“I guess?” Forest shook his head, still not having fully wrapped his mind around the whole Lugnasad concept. Marigold had explained it to some extent; that it was tradition, a celebration of sorts, something that the fey did yearly and it was normal, to them anyway. “It’s legal as far as they’re all concerned. I don’t know if it’s...legal legal from a United States government perspective-- I don’t know.” It wasn’t like the fey cared what the government thought anyway. To the court, they were married. There wasn’t really much more beyond that that mattered. 

“I knew her before, yeah. She’s a friend.” Was she just a friend? Was she more than a friend now that all this had happened? Should she be? Did she have to be? They were all the questions that had milled around in his head for weeks now. Should he just take the route of getting it annulled and pretending it never happened? Could they really just go back to what had once been normal with this between them? “I haven’t...really figured all that out yet. I don’t know what I”m going to do about it.” He didn’t want to move too fast, he didn’t want to make decisions he’d regret later. He made enough of those quick flash choices in the past and look where he’d ended up...

He chewed on the inside of his cheek, observing as the gears seemed to turn on her head - though he couldn’t be sure if her rapid fire questions were just her trying to conclude that he was, in fact, certifiably insane, or if she was actually believing what he was saying. He couldn’t really blame her if it was the former. Would he have believed a word she said if the roles were reversed? Sure, he’d always trusted her - but curing cancer with magical fairy beings? It was a long shot...

“I’m - not exactly.” Becoming fey hadn’t been what he wanted, what he’d set out for. “It’s - if you win their hell games, you get a wish. It’s not...it’s not worth it, though. And dad was already gone when I finally got my wish...” 

His eyes shifted towards her again when she said she missed him, his eyes having drifted down to the floor moments before. He wasn’t sure he believed it. Did she actually miss him? It had seemed like she’d lost all interest in him years ago - like she’d rather he just left her alone. Maybe they’d both been pushing and pulling for so long...

“Yeah - yes. I want...I want that.”

She knew from experience that Forest didn’t say yes to out-of-the-box experiences. It’s funny–she wouldn’t have categorized him a risk-taker, but she knew that it couldn’t be true. He had clearly taken risks his entire life. It was why he was here, with her, now–why he was fey. How could he seem so risk-averse and yet have a life that was the result of so many risks?

Marigold would never be alive if she had not calculated every choice she’d ever made. Even dating Sorrel, that had been calculated, because of his popularity–even if the risk hadn’t come out the way she’d expected. And now, looking back, had probably been a bad decision in the first place. Still–it was the first time in her life she’d taken a risk based on her feelings for someone. Someone Forest had punched shortly after she started dating him. Maybe for the best.

She stuck her tongue out at him a little bit, shifting her position to fold one foot under her so she could face Forest a little more easily. Somehow, she still managed to keep the paper plate balanced on their knees. “Everyone was a terrible dancer in the 80s.” True. Except Jasmine. And Ember, really, but Ember was fantastic at everything. “So you’ll go with me?” She crammed another bite of the cake into her mouth.

“In the 80s?” Forest repeated, his head tipping to the side to contemplate the concept. Maybe it was true that everyone was a terrible dancer in the 80s, but hell if he knew. He had turned 5 years old in ‘89, so he didn’t particularly have any recollection of the time period - not to mention, he doubted he was doing all that much dancing. “I don’t think my dancing can be judged based on the 80s. But I do appreciate the excuse. Just going along with the theme.” 

“I’ll go with you,” He added after a brief pause, shoulders lifting in a shrug, “Just be prepared for lack of dancing abilities. Zinnia tried to teach me once; I don’t think she was particularly impressed.” Forest was more than happy to take on challenges and push his stamina and strength to their limits, but that certainly didn’t mean he was good at everything - and dancing was one of those things he just never really got down. He worked better independently than coordinating with another. Clubs weren’t really his thing, either. He’d much rather be at a rowdy sports bar with friends than a dance club...but to each their own. 

At least he didn’t want her to leave. That was good, right? Marigold’s concerns were no longer on the wedding–that, all things considered, was the easiest part of this to fix. Their relationship, or friendship, or whatever it was, was a more delicate thing to salvage.

Mari recovered her food, relaxed enough now that she trusted herself not to spill it. A few pieces of chicken, then picking through again for cashews. He wanted to learn more about her, well–she had plenty of life he knew nothing about. And vice versa, she imagined. After all, she hadn’t known his sister was Nadia Ives until recently. “Purple,” she answered with ease. “Would it be cliché if I guessed yours was green?”

She’d never asked him why he’d chosen his name, if he missed being his old self. It was hard to talk about herself when called upon; what reason did she have to ask him about his life, if she never bothered to talk about her own? But what reason did she have to keep hiding now? “My mother went to Fordham,” she told him, smiling a little bit at the memory Adare had manufactured for her, a clear image of Marian Harris. “I wanted to go for a little while. But I couldn’t decide what to study.” That, and the fear of being recognized as Marian’s daughter–after the murder–was too much for her to deal with. “Your turn.”

On the plus side, they had some time to figure it all out. It settled some of Forest’s nerves knowing that they didn’t have to make an immediate decision on what they wanted to do with the rest of their lives. Sure, divorce was always an option, but marriage was supposed to be a lifelong commitment. And their lives were even longer than usual. 

A soft chuckle rolled off his tongue at her statement, shoulders lifting in a small shrug, “It seems cliché, but you wouldn’t be wrong.” Forest had only heard whispers of conversation about Marian and what had happened to her, Adare’s once lover and the mother of Jasmine and Marigold. He never really expected Marigold to talk of her; who wanted to dwell on a dead parent? Forest himself hadn’t talked about his father to...well, a vast majority of the fey, really. He believed most thought his wish to become fey had been his intention all along, that his motivations for everything had been to become part of the Seelie. It was a pity, really, because that couldn’t be further from the truth - but he also didn’t care much what the Seelie thought of him. 

“I don’t know...what’s something you don’t know about me...” He repeated. There was a lot she didn’t know about him - and a lot he still wasn’t sure he wanted to share. “My mom works in fashion, my sister’s a model,” they were words spoken fondly because he was proud of what his family had accomplished, even if his bonds with them were broken at best. “My dad worked in construction. I studied fire science at CUNY John Jay.” 

Gale spent a majority of his time hidden away in the Rookery or traveling discretely to places he was needed. The Unseelie were a curious lot but their territory remained some of the most beautiful places he had ever seen, including that owned by the Seelie. The pier remained one of his favorite places to unwind and sort his thoughts out, the water offering an escape and an exploration all at once. Back when he was more free with his time and allowed to wander he would shift into his fish form and enjoy the warmth of the water and the absolute freedom it provided. 

He desired that very same feeling now as he walked down to the pier, hands shoved deep into his pockets as he aimlessly wandered. Few would find him here unless they sought him out but he just tucked up his collar to allow himself anonymity to walk freely. That was quickly shattered once he was bumped into and in an attempt to apologize he saw only the face of the Seelie who shared the same fate as him. Forest, he believed his name was? The poor bastard had looked just as pale as Gale had thought himself to be. 

“S’alright. It’s Forest, right? I remember you from the….ceremony.” A quick glance down at his finger revealed the shining ring that confirmed as much. His face was just as blank as the way it had been when their names had been called and it made him feel a rush of sympathy for him. “How’s married life for you?” 

Forest had heard plenty about Gale over the past few months. There had been whispers about how he was Camellia’s true father, about his relationship with Queen Lacha, not to mention he’d been standing up at Lugnasad a few weeks prior holding the hands of another. Beyond the murmurings, though, he knew very little about the man. Just an Unseelie, someone Forest knew of but didn’t really know. 

“Yeah,” Forest nodded, though he wasn’t sure he liked being recognized from a wedding ceremony he hadn’t signed up for, it was a breath of fresh air considering most associated him with his Fidchell win. Being recognized from a wedding - that was far easier to swallow than being remembered for killing people. 

Thumbing the ring around his finger he could only provide a slight smile. “It’s...a little confusing, honestly.” He wondered how Gale felt about it, marrying Gorta. They seemed nice enough, but he didn’t remember Gale and Gorta ever spending time together. Not to mention, he didn’t look like the picture of happiness. But the wedding was probably easier to swallow for a man who had lived his entire life with the fey, comparatively. At least he had that advantage. 

There it was. Emotion. Confusion. Actual reaction, not the quiet lack-thereof he’d exhibited so far. Marigold knew how to handle this.

That didn’t mean she wasn’t frustrated, too. She’d be lying if she said she was fine with all of this. Now that he called it out–it didn’t make as much sense as she wanted it to. She may have grown up idealizing Lugnasad, imagining every couple as truly in love even if just for a night. Maybe the Seelie had made a mistake with her and Forest. At least with his outburst, she was starting to get somewhere.

She laughed, despite the tension in her shoulders, despite how it stung to hear him call her friend. “Yeah. It’s insane. All of it is, alright? Forest–” Mari grabbed his arm as it flailed past, trying to settle him. “Please sit down. I’m making a mess of this.” She never talked about her mother. How could she explain anything about her family properly if she never talked about it? Of course, he didn’t know any of this. She assumed he knew, she always assumed fey knew, and he didn’t. Of course. That was why she liked him.

“The Seelie think of me differently than they do of you. Don’t ask me why it’s different to them, because it’s stupid.” Mari squeezed his hand, trying to keep her voice a normal volume despite her frustration, not wanting to alert any neighbors to the distress occurring in this room. She wasn’t frustrated at him, and she was good at reining this kind of emotion in.

“It doesn’t matter to me where any of us come from.” Dangerously Unseelie, that statement, but she didn’t care right now. “My entire life has been the fey making stupid decisions and me suffering for them. I’m sorry you’re caught up in this, and I don’t know how to deal with any of it, either.” She’d tried, and it had upset him more, pushed him away and shut him down. She should have seen it coming. “Do you want me to leave?”

A part of him wanted to let it be simple, to let it be as easy as a yes or a no question. They were married now, did you want to stay married or not? But it wasn’t simple. He liked what he had with Marigold, a confidant of sorts, a friend, someone he was close to and felt like he could trust. Maybe she didn’t understand all the intricacies of his life when it came to what he’d once had in the human world and what was surrounding him now, but in a similar way he knew very little about what she’d been through, too. Maybe she didn’t fully grasp how ridiculous this all was because she’d grown up into it, accepting it as part of a normal tradition. Was the decision an easy yes or no for her? Was she putting it on him because she already knew what she wanted?

He turned towards her as she grabbed onto his hand, expelling a breath to try and alleviate the tension growing within him. Did she really think this was crazy? Granted, humans around the world celebrated Christmas where they talked about a guy with a white beard and a red suit who climbed down your chimney to deposit gifts beneath a tree in the middle of the night - and no one batted an eye. To the fey, this was normal. People got married. People got divorced amicably. It was tradition. 

But the whole concept was still freaking him out. This wasn’t something he needed right now. He hadn’t even been thinking about dating, let alone marriage and everything that came with that. He was still trying to figure out everything else - how to live in this world, how to help the players in Fidchell, how to move on from the loss of so many every year. Serious romances? It hadn’t been on his mind for a while now. It was too much commitment, too much pressure. Could he even be a good husband do Marigold? Did she even really want someone like him? Really? 

Slowly he sat back down on the edge of the couch, letting her sooth him with the grip of her hand in his, or try to, anyway. But he was all sharp edges and broken pieces, she didn’t deserve more of that in her life. She deserved someone who could focus all of their attention on her, who could give her everything she wanted and more. It seemed the Seelie had never been able to provide that for her, how in the world could he? 

“No -” he said quickly as she offered to leave, a sheepish smile crossing his lips and his face flushing for a second at the suddenness of his words. He’d spent the last week brewing over this on his own, he doubted another night of it would be any good for his sanity. “I just - you said we have a year to...decide, I guess, right? We don’t...we don’t have to figure it all out right now...” He gave a bit of a chuckle, shaking his head and pulling his hand from hers to rubdown his face, “I doubt sitting here on my own will be any good for me, really. Why don’t we just...talk. I dunno. What’s your favorite color? Tell me something about you I don’t know.”

At least he hadn’t complained about his meal yet. So this place made decent enough tso’s chicken–or he was distracted enough by her rambling to not be bothered by it. And he certainly looked distracted. Marigold watched him, watched him close off, watched the look on his face become familiar. She was surprised at herself. The countless nights spent drinking with Forest had, at least, taught her how to recognize when he was covering his emotions. And if she could read him–he could probably read her.

She vacillated between assuming that Forest understood the fey culture and trying to piece together the parts he didn’t. Mari had never been friends with a human-turned-halfling before, and she wasn’t great at filling in the gaps. If it weren’t Forest–maybe she would accept their cultural differences and move along. Push for the divorce, endure the change in their friendship, drink alone for a while before they got back to normal.

But they’d kissed. And they’d both felt the something, whatever it was. And it had sparked back that warmth that she’d felt years ago, being around him, the one she’d talked through with Jasmine and determined was a really bad idea. Because Kevin was a Player, and Players died.

(Marigold remembered watching his Fidchell. Gripping her sister’s hand. Fear was a real thing, and she’d managed to drink those thoughts away within a few weeks of him winning, so that when she finally congratulated him on his win, she didn’t burst into tears or do something else stupid. She hated remembering that now, and it made her grip her chopsticks a little tighter.)

To avoid dropping anything else, Mari set her food down on the coffee table. She had to focus on her words, on sticking with her determination to stay sincere and not let this roll off her without consequence. Because there were consequences already–and she couldn’t guarantee she’d be able to go back to a “normal” friendship with Forest after Lugnasad, even if they pretended it was all fine and went through with the divorce.

“I wish that were it. I just–I don’t know how to do this. Because no matter what I think, we were chosen for this, and I–I spent most of my life knowing that, because my mother is human, the Seelie won’t see me as one of them. But this makes me feel different and you make me feel different, and I know that I like you but I don’t know if…I can agree to staying married or getting divorced without knowing what you think. Actually think.” Getting all those words out of her mouth without acting on her impulse to run out of the room was torture.

“My parents are human,” Forest pointed out, the words slipping from his lips before he could stop them. “I’m just as much - if not more - on the outskirts of the Seelie, Marigold. I’m not one of them, I don’t really even want to be. Saying that your mother is human and that you’re not really Seelie or whatever - that doesn’t mean anything to me. That doesn’t make a difference to me. It doesn’t matter. Or, it doesn’t to me. Clearly it does to you.” The history of the demifey and Marigold’s situation was mostly lost on him and, frankly, didn’t matter. It didn’t make a difference on where they stood today, did it? It was still just the two of them making this decision, regardless of the rest of it.

He slid his own container of food onto the table as well, not really having much of an appetite anymore, and got to his feet. He couldn’t just sit still in this conversation. The more he sat there the more convoluted and confusing it all seemed to be getting. 

“You’re my friend, Marigold, of course I like you. But you realize this is fucking insane, right? People don’t just randomly get married. That’s not how this works. You don’t just pair people up and call it good.” Or really, she didn’t realize this was fucking insane. This was normal for her. It was just another walk in the park for fey, awkward smiles and chuckles as they discuss the ceremony and bury their fucking rope bands on distance mountains because naturally, that made sense! 

“I don’t know what to think, okay? None of it makes sense to me. I don’t -- I don’t know how I feel or how I’m supposed to feel or what I’m supposed to be doing.” Swallowing down the idea that there was magic and that there was a way for him to possibly save his father - that had been a big enough thing for him to come to terms with. He thought he was past all these huge revelations and shifts in his life. But yet another had to come along...

“This doesn’t seem like something you just decide in a day.” 

Confusion crossed her face before she wiped it carefully blank. She didn’t understand what he was saying, but what else was new? No one every told her anything. No one but Sean, anyway. Even he didn’t tell her everything, but she didn’t blame him. It seemed like he was as much on the outskirts as she was, a victim of fate and circumstance. At least he tried. 

Nadia sighed, scraping her fingers through her hair and leaning her hip against the counter. It felt like the distance between her and her brother – if he still was her brother – expanded every time they interacted. She didn’t know what she was doing wrong, other than not blindly accepting lies. Yes, she was a judgmental bitch but she’d been that way since she was three years old and critiquing the other girl’s outfits in preschool. That probably wasn’t the problem here. The problem was that she wasn’t used to coming second. Not to Kevin. It hurt and she didn’t deal with hurt well. 

“Yeah, well… Been hearing a lot of things lately. Not from you, of course…” she began, wondering if it was even worth it to respond. This…was probably going to be the end, but why draw it out? “I don’t get it, Ke–Forest. Why are you here? You’re one of them now, right? A fey? That’s what I’ve been told anyway. So, if that’s true, if you’re not human… if you’ve changed everything about yourself from your name to your species, why are you here? You keep telling me to go, but you won’t. Are you still you? If you’re not human, are you still my brother? Do we still share DNA? Because the brother I remember didn’t leave me out of important shit. Hell, you invited me to things you knew I’d say no to – like camping. But I’m not invited to your wedding? I didn’t even know you were seeing anyone. Do I know her? Is it a her? Is that why you thought I wouldn’t want to go – I don’t care if you’re gay! I’m just so tired of being shoved aside. Of being left out. I’m so tired of having to do everything on my own.”

So she’d gotten all the answers she’d wanted without his help. A part of him wasn’t surprised, Nadia had always been resourceful in findings ways to get the things she wanted. It also wasn’t hard to pin down her sources. Sean was certainly at least partly responsible for Nadia’s knowledge of the fey world. As much as the two of them wanted to run around acting like they were best friends and cared for one another, Sean should’ve known just as much as anyone that inviting Nadia into this world could come with a cost. It led Forest to easy assumptions that the player couldn’t care any less about what happened to Nadia if he let slip specifics, if he led her to the pen and willed her to sign her name. How much did she know, really? Was it just surface details, or inner workings? 

He studied her, the on-slot of questions making it difficult to really tease out the answers she was looking for. Not that she needed answers from him, anyway. “Yes,” he said simply after a long pause, “I guess I’m one of them...but I’m here because you’re my sister and I miss you and I still want to be your brother, I don’t want to lose you...and it’s your birthday and that’s important to me.” 

“I didn’t know about the wedding until it was happening,” He switched gears, shaking his head the slightest bit, “I wasn’t seeing anyone. It’s some weird tradition, picking people for marriage. It’s - Of course you would be invited to my wedding, you’d stand in it if I had any say in the matter because I’d want you up there with me, cheering me on.”

His hand lifts to rub against the back of his neck, looking at her sideways. What was the point of even keeping secrets anymore? It didn’t matter. She knew it all anyway. Love him or hate him, keeping things from her wasn’t going to make things any better, any easier. 

“I was trying to save Dad.” He’d said it once before, when he’d tried to explain things to her, and she’d looked at him like he was insane. Trying to cure cancer? Scientists can’t even figure that out, what were you going to do? But she knew more now, about magic and the possibility just outside of their reach. “And by the time I had the opportunity he was already gone.” 

A deep sigh escapes him, another shake of his head, “Look - I don’t expect you to understand what I did because, hell, I don’t even fucking understand half of it. I don’t expect you to forgive me. But I need you to know that I’m sorry for what’s happened since, and what I did to you because I was stuck worrying about my own problems.” 

Nadia bit her lip, staring at the cupcakes instead of her brother’s face. It was confusing to have him show up on her doorstep acting like things were normal when he wasn’t even human anymore. Did he really care that it was her birthday? Did he know that she’d been wallowing rather than celebrating? The old Kevin would have known. She’d had a similarly hard time with her twentieth birthday, though on a much smaller scale, and their dad had teased her mercilessly until she was back in a good mood. 

“You remembered. And…made cupcakes?” she asked, though the answer seemed obvious. They weren’t store bought. Maybe his wife made them, she thought, only just hiding a grimace. 

Stepping further back from the door, Nadia headed to the kitchen. He could either follow or go, but standing in the doorway felt awkward. She set the now empty bottle of 99 on the counter and got herself a glass of wine. Might as well pre-game the celebration tonight. Maybe she should look into another elixir to put her in the mood to celebrate. Frost told her not to mix them, but surely there was something she could recommend that wouldn’t compromise the integrity of her mask. 

“Want something to drink? Or do you need to go? I’m sure you’ve got other obligations now that you’re a married man and all…” 

Almost immediately after speaking she winced, part of her wishing she could take the words back. It was easier to hide her own insecurities behind the mask of indifference and annoyance, but she wasn’t really sure what the hell she wanted from her brother. Answers, yes, but what else? That’s what made this so difficult. Her feelings were hurt, it was hard to keep being rejected by the person she used to count on more than anyone, but he was here and that had to mean something right? 

Come to think of it, it didn’t surprise him in the slightest that she was wearing yoga pants and a tee-shirt and looking less than enthused. While Nadia was usually a chipper, over celebratory birthday party girl, the milestones had proven harder to negotiate. Their father had always been good at coaxing her smile despite her attitude. Forest, on the other hand? He never really knew what the right thing to say was. He hadn’t gotten that gene from his dad. 

“Of course I remembered,” he murmured, only half to her. It actually stung just a little that she would even insinuate that he’d forget her birthday. He’d never forgotten her birthday. He hesitated a moment longer in the hallway as she stepped away from the door before following, figuring the fact that she left the invitation hanging in the air enough for him to seize it. Nudging the door shut behind him with his foot followed her towards the kitchen, setting down the cupcakes and gift bag he’d brought, though not drawing any more attention to it than he already had. 

Naturally she couldn’t even go a minute without pointing fingers at him. Of course not. How she’d even heard the night of the whole thing was irritating, if not all that surprising. He had suspicions on who had been responsible for telling her, who would have an interest in driving the fissure between them even further. Was his life even really his, anymore?

He didn’t know how she even wanted him to answer that. It wasn’t really a question, just a statement that carried an accusatory tone.

“I can stay for a bit,” he answered, waving off her offer for a beverage. “Seems like you heard about that only moments after I did.”