Force Fatale

Ahsoka Tano knew her destiny was to be a Jedi Knight. Ever since she was old enough to understand what the Jedi Order was, she had been determined to reach knighthood. She trained until her muscles refused to continue following the katas she had memorized. Ahsoka wanted to be the best: the best youngling, the best Padawan, and eventually the best Knight. Then she met Anakin Skywalker at the beginning of the war, the Chosen One according to her crechemates. Being the Chosen One’s Padawan was a heavy burden, one that hung around Ahsoka’s shoulders for a long time. However, her place at Anakin’s side would prove to be a path she had never thought she’d find herself on.  

Ahsoka prided herself on her faith in the Jedi Order. She believed in the teachings, in the council, and in the community within the Order. Then the Clone Wars began, throwing the galaxy into turmoil, and forcing Ahsoka to watch men die by the hundreds; men she had known more intimately than she ever thought possible. She watched the Jedi as a whole start to lose their way, silently questioning the motives of the council. Criticizing the Masters tasked with leading them left a sickening pit in her stomach. Onderon was one of the first catalysts for her doubt. 

The Republic was turning its back on Onderon, leaving the people to conform or die, and it made Ahsoka sick. Standing on the outside, watching rebels struggle to form a winning plan, with Master Obi-Wan’s order echoing through her head. Ahsoka knew she was there to help, not to fight for Onderon but knowing she would be standing by while people died left a sour taste in her mouth. 

Then she stared into Stella Gerrera’s eyes as she fell to her death. A young life was cut short and Ahsoka couldn’t help but wonder that if the Jedi had done something sooner that maybe Stella would still be fighting the good fight. She stood silently with Anakin and Obi-Wan at Stella’s funeral, the what-ifs plaguing her mind despite knowing she should release her worries to the Force. Every time Ahsoka tried to find peace in the Force, all she saw were bright, youthful green eyes staring back at her.  

Onderon changed Ahsoka in a way she wouldn’t understand for a long time. 

Tucked into a dark corner of Coruscant's underworld, Ahsoka tried to understand how she had ended up in this situation. She had grown wary of the Jedi’s approach, silently questioning the orders passed down from her Masters. 

Whether it be the importance placed on the citadel rescue or the entire fiasco with Rako Hardeen, Ahsoka was finding her faith in the Order beginning to waver. Of course, she was still young, maybe she didn't understand the intricacies of the Jedi Council’s decisions. However, she couldn’t ignore the pit in her stomach when she thought too hard about the actions they were taking or the fact that the Senate had a hand in their affairs too. 

The last straw for Ahsoka was the bombing at the Jedi Temple, the incident that left Ahsoka running from the people she had trusted with her life. She couldn’t go to Obi-Wan, Master Plo, Rex and the 501st, or even Anakin. Ahsoka had never felt so alone, having no one to turn to in her darkest time yet. 

Then Ahsoka came face to face with the last person she ever imagined she’d be working alongside. 

Ventress had a certain way of operating, a system that contradicted the core of Ahsoka's being. But what choice did she have? Ahsoka had run out of options the second Letta took her last breath. Following the Jedi code wouldn’t help her, but could she go against everything she ever stood for? 

Ahsoka found out that, yes, she could and that it was easier than she was comfortable admitting. 

The pink-tinted electricity crackled in the air, throwing flashes of light over the black-glass eyes staring back at her. He was so achingly familiar, widening the fissures in her already broken heart. She had spent so long grieving her Master, wondering how his life had ended after Order 66 went out, especially after attending Padme’s funeral. There had never been a time when she wished he was gone but staring into the endless void of Vader’s helmet changed that. For a fleeting moment, Ahsoka wished Anakin had died that fateful day. 

Vader’s voice boomed through the crumbling room, sounding nothing like the voice Ahsoka remembered, the voice that had brought her comfort so many years ago. There was nothing left of the man she knew, nothing to even hint at Anakin hiding below the surface of Vader’s toxic presence. Ahsoka refused to call herself a Jedi after the fall of the Republic, feeling unworthy of the title, however, she had never felt more undeserving than she did when she committed to avenging her Master. Ahsoka was no Jedi and planned to stay that way, despite the ache in her heart telling her to honor her family. 

A Jedi couldn’t beat Darth Vader and beating him was the only option. 

The Jedi had been gone for years, thousands of holes in the Force where her family had once resided. The family her Master was responsible for decimating and Ahsoka still missed them terribly. She wished she could hear Master Plo call her Little ‘Soka one last time. She missed Obi-Wan’s warm presence over her shoulder, his reassuring hand on her shoulder. She missed the excitement of the Temple, the halls buzzing with Masters and younglings mingling. Ahsoka longed for the days when she was so convinced of her future. The unwavering determination that she would be a Jedi Knight, standing alongside Anakin and Obi-Wan with a smile on her face because she had made it. But now, standing at Rex’s side again after so many years, watching the explosion of color in the sky over Endor’s moon, she finally understood that becoming a Jedi Knight never was her destiny.