My my. I can't get him out of my mind

I'm making this post because I know for those still crushing always wants to hear the experiences of others who share the same feeling, making them feel less isolated and alienated for having taboo feelings. And by reading my post I hope you can learn from my experience and find your own resolution that satisfies your morals and mindset. 

 It’s been 4 years since I've last been active on this account and honestly looking back on my old posts and the community made me reminisce on the memories and feelings I had towards my teachers. Having those feelings and a tc made school days special, made me feel so happy. How did unintentional feelings curse me with someone unobtainable who made me feel the happiest and the worst at the same time? I’ve enjoyed the small conversations and interactions together but never pursued anything further as I know my effort left to no resolve. I’m grateful for those good and bad experiences and feelings that help attribute to my growth as a person and made me more accepting of my flaws as an insecure teenager, and since then I’ve learned to be more confident not in myself but in my ability to suppress temptations.

 As I started phasing out my Tumblr account my romantic feeling towards them also did to. I realized the possibility of togetherness was not possible as I understood they would always see me as their student and that would be resistant to change no matter how much love I had for them, no matter how much I did. The fact all I've ever done when I had my feelings for them was to change their perspective of me from a student to an individual. Even though the thought of staying in the relation of teacher may seem mundane, it was in its own way unique, our conversations, quirks, and jokes were only going be between us, and that's what made me realize I was okay leaving my feelings unresolved and unanswered. I learned to find satisfaction in a mundane relationship. As I graduated I was not sad, I knew that I was always welcomed back to his classroom, I knew the relationship I've had wouldn't end, and honestly, that's all I could've asked for. 

me: *laughs because I'm in love with a 40-year-old woman who's married with two children*

me: *laughter turns into sobbing*

I was looking for N after classes 'cause I wanted to talk to him about something important when I ran into this girl that's like the president of the class and she has a great relationship with most teachers because of that. (she's not my friend, but we talk now and then).

Girl: What are you still doing here? It's late.

Me: Oh, I'm just looking for N, have you seen him? I gotta talk to him.

Girl: I was looking for him too, but he just texted me and said he left early.

I was going to walk away when she said

Girl: you love him, don't you?

I turned around slowly.

Me: What?

Girl: your eyes speak, girl. I see the way you look at him whenever you two are talking, that eye contact is just damn, and you always stick around here (teacher's office) after classes to see him, right?

I was just silent.

Girl: hey, I don't blame you! He's a great guy and 90% of the girls at school love him, it's a fact. What a tragedy he's a profesor.

Me: yeah, I guess.