She had never been one to think things through. She just acted, and dealt with the consequences after. The consequence usually being Price ripping her a new one for an hour, while everyone else cleans off from the mission.

So when she makes a terrible decision during their mission, she doesn’t understand why Price looks sad instead of angry. She doesn’t understand why he yells for Gaz to go find the med supplies. She certainly doesn’t understand why he’s stroking her hair instead of giving her latrine duty.

“John?” She finds it hard to speak. But why?

“Shhhh, Chaos, you’re gonna be okay.” His eyes dart around her body. He turns to face Ghost. “Where the fuck is Gaz!” Now he sounds angry, desperate, even.

She’s getting nervous. She tries to pick her head up from the ground, but her neck struggles to support her.

“Stay still, you’re gonna be okay.” He reassures her as he begins to unclip all her gear from her tac vest.

She casts her eyes as far down as they can go, trying to look at her body. For some reason when John takes off her vest, all she can see is blood. Funny, she thinks, I don’t remember getting shot.

Once her vest is off, she feels John pull her sticky shirt up, piling the fabric up under her breasts so he can get a good look at her stomach.

She can tell it’s bad by the way John’s face scrunches up. “Jesus Christ, kid.” He says it mostly to himself.

She tries to speak, but it feels like her vocal cords have been ripped from her throat. Everything pulses with white hot pain, and the last thing she remembers before passing out was the sight of Gaz sprinting over with a med kit.

The next time her eyes open she’s met with a throbbing head and the loudest noise she’s ever heard. She recognizes it immediately as a chopper. Medevac. She thinks to herself. She can feel mostly pain, and she can see John hovering above her. And then her lids get heavy and before she can stop herself she’s falling into a dreamless sleep. A long one.

Fifteen days.

It wasn’t like the movies either. She couldn’t hear a goddamn thing. All the boys had visited her, Soap, Gaz, and Ghost would come together a few days a week.

John would always come alone.

Halfway through the sixteenth day, she woke up. Her body screamed at her, told her to go the fuck back to sleep. She slowly turned her head to the side, and there was John. Sleeping, his boonie hat over his eyes. His arms were crossed over his chest and his legs were stretched out.

She couldn’t speak, her throat was on fire and her mouth felt like sand paper. Instead she saw a jello cup on the table and used all her strength to pick up her arm just enough to reach it. Her arm fell back on the bed, but she had the jello cup. She fixed her fingers as best as she could in her weak state and she lobbed the jello right at John’s chest.

He jolted awake, his hands shooting up to move his hat away from his eyes. “What the fuck?” He muttered, looking up.

“H…hi.” She said, her voice was hoarse and he could barely understand the simple word, but she was awake. She was fucking talking.

“Hi.” He said back, wild eyes taking her in. He moves his chair closer to her bed.

She tried to say something, anything, but violent coughs rip through her body.

“It’s alright, love.” His hand immediately went to her head, stroking her hair until she stopped coughing. Once the fit had died down, John turned to grab the small cup of water that was on the table near her bed.

He placed a gentle hand under her chin, “drink up.” He whispered, helping her tilt her head back.

It was an intimate gesture, especially for them. Sure they flirted, but they had never touched, not like this at least.

“I’m happy you’re here.” She managed to get out after she drank the water. She was looking at him through her eye lashes, her lids drooping.

He shook his head. “No, love.” He took his hand away from her chin.

“What do you mean no?” She whispered.

“I put you here. You should fucking hate me.” His voice was wavering, and his eyes got glossy.

“Don’t tell me how to feel John.” She said sternly. “This was not your fault. It was my own actions that got me here.” She sighed, drawing her lip between her teeth at a sudden burst of pain.

“I don’t blame you.” She said, after a she took a few deep breaths, waiting for the pain to subside.

“You’re too good.” He sighed, taking her hand in his and squeezing it gently.

“Thank you for saving me.” She ignores his previous words, instead changing the conversation.

“I didn’t save you, Gaz did most of the work.” He laced his fingers with hers.

“Yeah but if I didn’t have you to live for I would’ve given up.” She whispers the sentence, but she says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

He feels his cheeks heat up at the comment.

“I’m sorry I made you worry. I’m sorry I made a bad decision.” She looks down to her free hand as it fidgets with the hem of the blanket.

“I’m just happy you’re alive.” He breathes out, not caring about anything else.

This was it. 2nd May 1998. This would be the bookend to the war, it was easy to tell. The defensive spells enveloping Hogwarts had been broken through, the stone soldiers were dwindling in numbers, and so many had already died. Voldemort had just called for an armistice, one hour to care for the dead and wounded. 

Chaos. Chaos was the only word.

She found herself stumbling through the ruins of the great hall, blood caking her shirt and dripping from her sleeves. The pain was searing hot, but she needed to find Harry. If she was going to die, it was going to be in his arms, so help her God. Stumbling once more she knew time was nigh, and the only thing she wanted to do was lie down and sleep. 

“Oh Godric.” Arms wrapped around her body, her vision was too blurry to tell who’s arms, but she knew they were not Harry’s.

She was lowered to the ground slowly, cries left her mouth from pain the shifting of her body caused. Her back was pressed against a strong chest, and when the tears finally spilled from her eyes her vision cleared enough to see herself surrounded by Weasley’s. She saw Ginny first, standing in shock over a body. Fred. Molly was stroking her son’s hair, spilling her tears onto his unmoving chest. 

She tried wiggling out of whoever’s arms she was in to get to Molly, to hold her hand the same way she did when George lost his ear, but the arms got tighter.

“Don’t move, it’s okay.” It was Charlie who had her. His voice sounded like her childhood. Summers spent at the Burrow, and holidays, always made better by a surprise visit from the great dragon handler. 

“Fred.” Was all she could get out before she felt warm liquid bubbling up into her throat. 

Charlie’s only response was quiet sobs for his brother. A soul so lively, that she almost didn’t believe he was gone, she thought the blood loss was playing tricks on her mind. Molly turned her head slightly, catching a glimpse of Charlie holding the girl she had practically raised as her own. She couldn’t leave Fred, however, even though her heart pulled and pleaded with her to help the young witch. 

“Charlie?” Her voice was weak, and bloody coughs spilled from her mouth after she uttered his name.

“Yes?” His voice cracked. 

“I’m so sorry.” She tried turning her head to look at him, but it was too much work. She was too tired to move anymore. 

She felt him place a brotherly kiss to the top of her head, reassuring her that everything would be okay. Maybe not anytime soon, but she had a feeling she wouldn’t have to worry about that.

“I’m dying aren’t I?” Her breathing was becoming laboured and raspy, her heart was working overtime trying to keep her alive.

“No! No, I will not let you die. You can’t die.” He sobbed once more, knowing that life was not something he had the privilege of promising her.

“I’ll be okay, Fred will keep me company.” She closed her eyes, smiling at the thought of hearing her friend's laughter once more. 

Her head fell forward, slightly swaying. 

“Is Harry here?” She didn’t know how she knew he had entered the Hall, she could just feel him. 

Charlie looked around the room, Harry was slowly walking through the length of the room. Ron and Hermione had made their way over quickly once they saw Fred laying dead. She could hear Ron’s cries, and the sound alone caused her more pain than any of her wounds. 

Her eyes opened when she felt a warm hand wrap around hers. It was Hermione. She had a sad smile on her face, and tears dripped down her nose and chin as she took in the severity of the situation surrounding her. 

She tried to speak but Hermione shushed her.

“Don’t speak, save your energy.” Hermione squeezed her hand tighter, scared that letting go now would mean letting go forever. 

Hermione’s head snapped up, seeing Harry taking somber steps towards them. She followed her best friend's eye line, and when she saw who she was looking at her lips turned up sleepily, he was finally here. When Harry reached them, Charlie switched spots with him, and went back to comfort his mother, he could not watch another person he loved die. 

“Oh, darling.” Harry’s voice was thick with tears. He scanned her body, trying to see what exactly was slowing his lover's heart, but she was such a mess he couldn’t find the source.

“I’ll go get help.” Hermione, still proactive in all the chaos.

“No.” She used all her strength to pull Hermione back down. “Too late for that.” Her words were slurred.

“You can’t leave me, please. Not you too.” Harry was crying into her hair, his hands were crossed across the front of her body, trying to keep her whole. 

He shifted so she was laying across his lap, he needed to see her face. The sweet face of the sweet girl he had fallen in love with. 

“I’ll never leave you. ‘M always gonna be with you.” Her eyes stayed open long enough to admire him one last time. The bump on his nose, the curve of his jaw, the way his arms felt around her. When he touched her all her pain went away. She was grateful for that. She did not want to be in agony when she left.

Her eyes closed for the last time. Her heart took leave, too tired from trying and failing to pump life into her body. 

Harry placed a weak hand on her chest, hoping he would feel the natural rise and fall that came with being alive. He doubled over her body and gripped at her sweater, letting out loud sobs. Hermione placed a hand on his back, trying to comfort him even though she had also lost her best friend. 

“I’ll make this right for you.” He whispered into her chest, knowing she no longer occupied the body laying before him. 

The days following his arrest were the most gut-wrenching days she had ever experienced. Having to go through thousands of emotions at once. Trying to wrap her head around the fact that James and Lily were dead, slain by the Dark Lord. Trying to understand how her sweet Sirius could have killed not only Peter but twelve muggles as well. 

1st November, 1981

She had been lying on the floor for about twelve hours now. Her entire body hurt, but nothing was more painful than the beating of her heart. Her tears had stopped a while ago, not from a lack of sadness. She had cried every tear she possibly could and now there was only numbness. Flashes of the small Halloween get-together they all had flashed through her brain. She was desperately trying to hold onto the final memories of her best friends. 

Lily, her best friend since first year, had dressed up as a storybook witch, big hat, fake wart, and all. James had dressed as Merlin, he had even gotten a fake beard to complete the look. They had Harry dressed in a baby-sized Gryffindor robe and James had found a small stick in the yard for Harry to use as a wand. 

The images of her friends muddied her brain. How they could be so happy and celebratory, surrounded by friends, and then gone forever not an hour after the party was over haunted her. She tried to think of everything that had happened, she was desperate to know if there was some way this could have been prevented. The only thing that was unusual was that Peter only stayed for about thirty minutes before leaving. Sure he seemed jumpy and anxious, but that's how he was for as long as she had known him. Though it was hard to think about, she knew there was no way to save Lily and James. Voldemort wanted them dead, and he got exactly what he wanted. 

But Sirius? Was he a traitor all this time? Believing he had committed a mass murder was the most difficult part to comprehend. He was an integral part of the Order. He was brave and loyal, he would do anything for James. He was so proud to be Harry's Godfather. Every time he said he loved her, was he lying? Her entire world was destroyed and the only thing she could get herself to do was lay on the freezing cold floor. 

Snape was the one who found her on the floor. They were never the best of friends, but she knew how much he loved Lily so she tended to take it easy on him at school. He had apparated to her home shortly after he had seen Lily and James dead, he knew if anyone was taking this exceptionally hard, it would be her. He walked into the small house, calling her name only to get no answer. He finally stumbled upon her laying on the kitchen floor, her back turned to him. 

“Y/n?” Snape kneeled down, putting a gentle hand to her waist. 

“I can’t get up.” She whispered. She knew it was Snape, afterall the only other person who had such heavy footsteps was now rotting in Azkaban. 

“Alright.” This was the one time she was happy Snape wasn’t a talker. 

“Would you like me to get Lupin?” He asked after a few moments of silence. 

“Yes, please.” At the mention of his name she began to cry once more. She hadn’t even thought about the fact that her best friend was going through exactly the same thing as her. 

Without another word, Snape had stood and apparated away. She stayed on the floor. Paralyzed by her grief, she knew if she tried to stand the effort would be futile. Another loud apparition induced crack rang through the house signaling that Snape had made his way back, hopefully with Remus. Even though she knew Remus would need just as much comfort as her, she still couldn’t find it in her to get up. She didn’t have to however because before she knew it, Remus was laying across from her on the ground. His eyes were bright red and puffy, and he had a sickeningly sad look on his face.

Snape left as soon as he saw Remus get down on the floor with her. Neither spoke for about thirty minutes, they instead decided to just be grateful for eachothers company.

“Moony?” Y/n was the first to speak, though he almost didn’t hear her hushed tone through the wall of thoughts coursing through his mind.

“Hmm?” He didn’t trust himself to speak without crying.

“Will it hurt this bad forever?” Silent tears leaked from her eyes.

Remus lifted a hand, placing it on her wet cheek.

“I think so dove.” He gave her a sad smile.

It would hurt for eternity and thereafter.

November 1991

Things had changed. Y/n took up a post at Hogwarts as the Professor for Charms after Flitwick had left, and Snape had invented a life changing potion for Remus’s furry little problem. Y/n and Remus moved into neighboring homes so as not to be alone in their mourning. Life was better, well, for the most part. 

What hadn’t changed was the constant pain just from being alive. The beating of her own heart served as a constant reminder that two of the people she loved most were dead and gone. Rage still churned in her blood every time she thought about Sirius and what he did. Many things were different, but these things were permanent. 

Harry was now eleven and attending Hogwarts. When the sorting had yelled Gryffindor after sitting atop his head, y/n had to excuse herself from the professors table so her new colleagues wouldn’t think she was weak for crying at a silly hat saying a silly word. She had spotted him as soon as he walked into the Great Hall. How could she not? He looked exactly like James, silver framed, round glasses, dark messy hair. He was the spitting image of his father. 

Though they were two months into the first term, y/n still had yet to speak to Harry, to let him know who she was. He was in her class, and every time she thought of asking him to stay back after said class, he did something so reminiscent of his parents and she would become too overwhelmed with grief to say something. 

Harry ended up finding out before she had the chance to speak up. Her own fault, she told herself, she was too cowardly to bring up the past, to relive that horrible day. She wasn’t exactly sure how he found out, but when he came storming into her office with as determined a look an eleven year old can have, she knew exactly what was going on.

“You knew my parents, didn’t you?” He was upset, that was clear as day.

“I did.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me! Two months you’ve been my teacher and you haven’t said anything!” Harry was yelling, his fists balled at his sides.

“Sit, Harry. Please.” She gestured to the chair sitting on the opposite side of her desk.

Harry did as he was asked, still fuming however.

“What do you want to know?” The question was so simple and calmly spoken, something he wasn’t expecting after the outburst he had.

“Everything.” 

Y/n let out a small laugh, 

“That could take a while, and I promise you will in time know everything, but how about for now we start with just a little less than everything?” 

“Okay,” He sat and thought for a moment, sussing out what would be best to ask first. “How did you know them? How did you meet?”

“Well, I was in Gryffindor, just as your mother and father were. I met Lily the very second I stepped foot onto the Hogwarts express for the first time. She was bumbling down the corridor like a lost puppy and she bowled right into me. As soon as she calmed whatever frenzy she was in to help me up, I knew she would be my first friend. My forever friend.” Y/n smiled at the memory, wishing she could go back in time.

Harry was also smiling. He was picturing his mother on the train, bright red hair pluming around her as she ran down the length of the train.

“And my father?” He looked hopeful, happy to have another piece of his parents. Even if it was a memory he wasn’t a part of.

“Well, I met James on the first day of classes. He already had quite the group of friends, and Lily and I decided very quickly that we wanted nothing to do with him. You can see how that ended up.” She smiled at the young boy. “It took the both of us a while to warm up to each other, but by fourth year James was one of my most loyal friends.” 

Y/n let Harry sit with the new information for a few moments.

“One more question,” She checked her watch, “then I believe you have to be getting to your next class.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Harry wasn’t angry this time, curious was the right word now.

It was her turn to think now, it was a loaded question, though he didn’t know that.

“Well, in complete honesty Harry, it was too painful to think about. You are more like them than you will ever know, and I had no clue how to approach the subject with you. I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want to make you think of the things you have lost. I just wanted you to live as a normal student for as long as possible.” 

“I’m happy I found out. If it’s not too much trouble, could I come here when I want to learn about them?” He asked sheepishly.

Her heart swelled at the thought of having a relationship with Harry, to finally be the Aunt she had only gotten to be for a little over a year.

“Of course. Anytime you need to talk about anything, you know where to find me.” 

Harry stood from the chair, giving her a wide smile.

“I-I have to get to transfiguration, but thank you. I enjoyed hearing about them.”

“Go on, I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Like a bolt he shot out of her small office so he wouldn’t be late. They both kept their promises that year, and the years following. Harry got to learn about his parents, and y/n got to reminisce on the best years of her life. 

September 1993

Sirius escaped Azkaban. Simple as that, though the situation was anything but simple. Harry had been told why this was such a big deal a few days prior, the work of Arthur Weasley. Y/n had been invited by Molly Weasley to join them and Harry before the term started, of course she accepted. She had become someone Harry was comfortable with, and there weren’t many people like that in his life, so anytime she could be there for him she would be. The two had grown quite close over his first three years at Hogwarts, Harry had confided in her, he kept her thoroughly updated on his life and though she was his professor he saw her as the person she was supposed to be. His Aunt. 

The two had a lengthy conversation about Sirius, and though it hurt her entire being to talk about him, she answered all of his questions. What she didn’t tell him was that Sirius was his Godfather, nor did she tell him that Moony, or now, Professor Lupin, would be joining them at Hogwarts this year. She figured that was a conversation Remus had to initiate with him, when he felt ready. 

January 1994

Remus Lupin was settling in nicely at Hogwarts. He told Harry that he also knew his parents, and while Remus was a bit more hesitant to get close to the boy, they still had a friendly relationship. The year had gone fairly smooth for all parties, besides the elephant in every room. That elephant being Sirius Black of course. Remus and y/n were on high alert everyday, trying to keep Harry safe was a difficult task, especially when the boy had a new found tendency to sneak out of the castle. The night Remus found him in the dark hallway with Snape chastising him, it took him half a second to recognize the old piece of parchment in Severeus’s hand. The Marauder’s Map. Where Harry had gotten it he had no clue, but when the pair had gotten back to his office and Harry had told him he saaw Peter’s name on the map, everything came crashing down around him.

Remus waited for five minutes after Harry had left his office before racing down the faculty hallway, loudly banging on y/n’s door. At that moment he had no care in the world for the sleeping portraits or professors. By the grace of Godric she was still awake, and she quickly ushered him inside to silence the horrible noise of his loud knocking.

“Moony? What is it? What happened?” She placed both hands on his shoulders which were heaving from the sprinting he had just done.

He pulled the map from his back pocket, flicking it in the air for her to see.

“Is that what I think it is? Where the hell did you find that after all these years?” 

“Harry had it, don’t ask me how because I don’t know, but right now I need you to be quiet and listen to what I’m about to say.” His eyes were wild.

“Okay.” She nodded, nervous for whatever would pass through his lips next.

“Harry said he saw a name on the map, a name we all thought no longer existed.” 

“Remus, you're scaring me.” She was incredibly confused and scared for her friend who had obviously just had some sort of epiphany.

“Peter Pettigrew.” 

“What the fuck are you talking about? Are you sick? He’s dead Remus, he has been dead for twelve years!” She was angry now, she didn’t know if this was some cruel joke or what, but she wasn’t having it.

“I didn’t see it! Harry did, and you know that boy doesn’t lie, and neither does this map!” He hit the front of his map against his free hand. He turned away from her, giving himself a minute to calm down. 

Y/n paced the room, trying to unscramble this new riddle in her life. 

“Does this mean, does this mean he didn’t do it? Is Sirius innocent?” Her breath was quickening, her anxiety was spiking, and that cruel night began replaying in her head, over and over, as if it were there to torture her. 

“That is exactly what that means! Smart girl, I knew you would figure it out! Now we need a plan, how do we get to Sirius before anyone else?” He turned back to face her, his eyes met not the steeled thirty-two year old woman, but the scared twenty year old who had just learned her best friends were dead. 

Remus slowly made his way to her, helping her sit on the edge of her bed.

“Deep breaths dove, it’s okay. You’re not there anymore, you're in Hogwarts in your room. Everything will be okay.” 

His strong hand running along her back and the reassuring words did nothing to quell her racing mind. His voice went in one ear and out the other as she thought about the exact moment the news reached her, how she fell to the ground and didn’t get up for over twelve hours. Suddenly her heartbeat was the loudest thing in the room.

“I-I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe Moony, please make it stop!” She slumped into his side, clinging onto his shirt for dear life.

“Hey, I’m here, I’m here. Everything is okay y/n, I need you to take some deep breaths for me.” He ran his hand along her hair, praying to Godric that he was helping and not making things worse. 

When he finally felt her breaths slowing down, he gave a silent thank you to the sky. Minutes passed without a single utterance.

“Sirius is innocent.” She choked out after a while.

“He is.” Remus agreed.

The air was heavy, and their minds were racing, but Sirius was innocent, that was all that mattered.

May 1994

Hagrid was inconsolable, Buckbeak was dead and y/n had been in the hut with him for over an hour, listening to him tell all his best stories about the sweet creature. She felt for Hagrid, and she truly enjoyed hearing the stories, it gave her something meaningful to do with her night, and she was more than happy to be a shoulder to cry on for him. Hagrid’s latest story was interrupted by Remus unabashedly opening the door to the hut.

“Remus? What are you doing here?” Y/n stood up quickly, concern painting her face.

“Hagrid, I am very, very, sorry about Buckbeak but I need Professor y/l/n to come with me right now.” He was out of breath, but he got his point across without too much struggle.

“Oh go on, I've had yer ear for long enough.” Hagrid waved his hand signaling she could go. “I’ll be ok.” 

That was all Remus needed to hear and within seconds he had grabbed her hand and pulled her from the small house, quickly running in the opposite direction.

“Sirius is back, we need to get to the womping willow now.” 

They both quickened their pace, not knowing what was to come. The willow was angry, violently thrashing her branches into the earth. Fortunately the pair had experience dealing with the outbursts of the tree and they made it underneath with only a few scratches. Travelling through the tight tunnel under the tree they made it to the shrieking shack just in time to see Harry wrestling with Sirius. 

The next fifteen minutes were a blur, Snape had somehow made his way there and had subsequently been thrown into a bed by a spell cast by Harry, Scabbers was revealed to be Peter, Harry was thrown for a loop multiple times, demanding answers and explanations, which he got. Sirius and Remus fell into stride after the yelling had subsided, after Harry learned the truth. It was as if the past twelve years had never happened, and yet he had yet to see her. She knew Remus had it handled, she knew this was his way of getting consolation, helping Sirius. She stayed back in the hallway, watching from afar. She would be lying if she said the only reason she did that was to not get in the way, as soon as she laid eyes on his withering figure she was paralyzed the same way as the night when her world was torn to shreds. 

The Aftermath

Peter was back to being human, Remus, Harry and Sirius were all talking in a corner, Hermione was tending to Ron’s wound, and yet there she still stood in the shadows, not knowing how to make herself known to her old love. It wasn’t until her name came up in the conversation that she was finally broken out of her trance. She could hear Sirius asking about her, and Remus turned noticing for the first time that she had not followed him into the room. 

“Harry give us a moment will you?” Remus asked, “Looks like your friends could use some help.”

Harry agreed and as he walked away Remus clapped a hand onto Sirius’s back.

“Follow me will you?” He looked to his oldest friend.

Remus led him out into the small hallway, and his eyes met hers for the first time in twelve years. Her chest was heaving from adrenaline and anticipation, her lip was bloody from the force of her teeth chewing on it for ten minutes straight, her brain had no clue what to do. Her legs carried her to him, her hands touched his face, and her lips parted.

“Twelve years, twelve bloody years and you were all I could think about.” Her voice was a whisper, so quiet and unsure of itself that she didn’t even know if she said the words out loud.

“You didn’t hate me?” He was timid.

“I hated you. I hated you for so many years, but no matter how much I hated you, I still found myself loving you.” A few tears lept from her eyes at the feeling of her skin on his, at the sound of his beautiful voice.

She leaned in, kissing him in a way that made him believe they had never been apart. Their lips clashed and his hands gripped her waist so tight that even if her knees gave out she would still be standing. 

Her first love and her first hearbreak all wrapped in one. 

The Inbetween

It was difficult to say the least. They had to figure out how to be around each other again, but no matter how hard it was the love they had for each other made everything seem so easy.

Sirius’s name was cleared after many months of secret meetings in secret locations which had not seen a human for centuries. They returned to 12 Grimmauld, fell asleep together every night, and woke up with their limbs entwined every morning. She told him stories about Harry, she detailed the past twelve years, and he hung onto every word. He cried into her chest in the middle of the night, nightmares plagued his mind, but now he had comfort, something he hadn't felt in over a decade. They both chased happiness and finally caught it after those excruciating years. No higher being or evil creature would separate the two ever again. Their bliss was their defense, but they were blindsided by another war, more chaos, and history would repeat itself.

Voldemort had returned.

18th June, 1996

The cycle continues. Happiness, tragedy, mourning, numbness. One simple spell was all it took to knock him into the hands of death. One simple spell was all it took for him to be ripped away from her once more. This time for good. 

To say they were in love, well, that would be an understatement. The pair were totally and completely infatuated with each other. They did a remarkable job of hiding their intimacy, however. The only other person who knew about the relationship between Sirius Black and Y/n Potter was, of course, Remus Lupin. It’s not like they wanted him to know, but when he walked in on them making out on Sirius’s bed, it was pretty difficult from there on out to hide what was going on from him. 

Remus was, unsurprisingly, incredibly supportive of them. Sure, he was skeptical at first. Who wouldn’t be? Sirius Black, best friend of James Potter, and dating his twin sister? Remus made it a point to set boundaries, even though he knew, he didn’t want to hear about it or see anything too relationship-y from either of them. The less he knew the better. The last thing he wanted was to know every detail of their relationship, and have James find out he knew. Remus knew Sirius and y/n better than either would admit, that being said, even though they had been diligent so far, he knew how incredibly unstealthy the two were. James was bound to find out sooner rather than later. 

Summer was hard. What with Sirius living with the Potters and all. This was his third summer with them, and his last, as they were going into 7th year and would–hopefully–be graduating. Sirius spent his nights waiting for James to fall asleep so he could sneak into y/n’s room. He was exceedingly grateful that James was such a heavy sleeper. 

Sirius was already laying out a game plan in his mind for how he and y/n would get ample alone time during the three-month break. He figured it wouldn’t be much different than last summer, but he still wanted to be prepared for what he liked to call ‘unprecedented changes to the mission’ the mission being their relationship. To his credit, Hogwarts was much larger and much easier to sneak around in, so y/n let him have his silly code phrases as long as it meant they would still be able to get away from James when needed. 

They had gotten home late, as the ride from Kings Cross to the Potter’s home was excruciatingly long and boring. Euphemia and Fleamont let them know in the car that come morning, they would be heading out for a small family engagement on the coast. James and y/n were not expected to attend as it was extended family they really had no relationship with. As soon as Sirius heard the house would be free of adults for a few days the gears started turning in his head. When they had finally gotten home, decisions were silently made between Sirius and y/n to just sleep for the night, no sneaking around. They were too drowsy to be careful. 

Sirius and James parted ways from y/n and made their way to their shared bedroom only a few doors down from hers. 

“Thinking of going out tomorrow with a few old friends from the neighborhood. You game?” James asked Sirius, turning his head to look at his friend.

Sirius smirked from where he was standing, facing away from James. 

“Nah mate, you have fun. I think I’m just gonna hang out here, maybe see about that motorcycle I had been telling you about.” He was trying to hide the smile from his voice. This was almost too perfect. Effie and Fleamont would be out, James would be out, and then there were two. 

“Alright, well if you change your mind…” James’s sentence trailed off into a yawn. “Godric, I’m bloody tired.”

“Me too.” Was all Sirius could get out before he caught James’s yawn. 

James turned the light off and within seconds the pair was asleep. The next morning, as per usual, y/n was up early, in time to see her parents off. James woke up around mid-morning and when the clock hit 12:30, Sirius was still sound asleep. 

“I’m heading out for the day. I’ll be home around dinner.” James yelled as he left the shared bedroom, slinging a backpack over his shoulder.

“Mhm, whatever.” Sirius grumbled from under his sheets, sticking one limp hand out to wave away his best friend. 

James made his way out the door, offering a quick goodbye to his sister while tousling her hair. When she was sure he had left, she silently made her way upstairs, creaking open the door to Sirius’s bedroom. 

“I thought you left?” Sirius once again grumbled in annoyance, if there was one thing he hated more than his family, it was being woken up. 

“Oh? And where exactly was I supposed to be going?” y/n snickered teasingly.

Sirius turned around in the bed, enough so he was facing the door. A large smile was plastered on his face as he held the sheets up signaling for her to join him. Of course, she did, when Sirius Black wants you in his bed, you go. 

He draped an arm around her waist, running his hand up and down her back as they two just admired each other, and basked in the silence of the house. 

“This is nice.” She squeaked out, it didn’t matter that they had been together for almost a year she still got nervous around him.

“It’s exceptional. How lucky we are. First day home and we have it all to ourselves.” Sirius punctuated his sentence with a long kiss to her lips. 

The two were so wrapped up in quiet conversation, and each other's eyes that neither had heard the front door open. They certainly didn’t hear footsteps coming up the stairs, but they did hear the bedroom door opening and the loud gasp that followed. 

“What the hell are you two doing? Get off my sister!” James was wide-eyed as he stood in the doorway.

The two sprung out of bed, y/n’s chest was heaving from the adrenaline his yelling had caused. Sirius stood slightly behind her.

“I can explain!” Sirius quickly offered.

“Oh, I’d love to hear this! What you bed my sister and then leave her out to dry like every other girl?” James was fuming. “Give me one reason not to punch you right now.” 

“I love her.” Sirius shrugged as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

Y/n snapped her head back to look at him, her eyes wide in shock. They hadn’t said that before. Sure she thought about it, but to hear him say it made her heart swell.

“Okay, can I just say you two with the wide eyes, you look creepily alike so can you please stop with that look?” Sirius deadpanned as if he had just not made an earth-shattering confession. 

“You love her?”

“You love me?” 

The twins said in synch and Sirius just nodded. 

“Of course I do,” he was looking at y/n “I’ve loved you since the day I met you.” His eyes were full of honey and adoration. 

“I love you too-” Before she could get in another word James cut her off.

“Okay, wait, lemme get this straight. You guys are dating?”

The couple nodded.

“Merlin’s beard,” James ran his hands down his face a few times, trying to grasp the situation at hand, “How long?” 

“Almost a year.” y/n squeaked out, afraid that he would get angry again for keeping it from him for so long.

“Okay, okay.” James sat on his bed.

“And you,” He pointed at Sirius, “Love her?” He pointed at his twin sister. 

“Yeah mate, I really do,” Sirius said, nervously playing with the hem of his shirt.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” James asked, a twinge of hurt lacing his words.

“Mate, one of the first things you ever told Moony and I was that y/n was off limits. I thought you were gonna rip my head off!” 

“Well I mean yeah if you were gonna use her for a quick fuck then I would be pissed, but you love each other,” he stood up, a mischievous smile playing on his lips, “who am I to deny love!” he cried out with a dramatic flair, drawing them both into an equally as dramatic hug. 

“Why are you even home? I thought you were going out?” Y/n questioned when he let go of them.

“Yeah I forgot something, but now I can’t remember what it was.” 

James took in the sight before him one more time before picking his backpack back up.

“Oh, young love! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” He left the room and the couple could hear his loud laughter as he exited through the front door once again. 

“Well, he took that better than I expected.” Sirius smiled. “Now shall we pick up where we left off?” He got back into the bed, lifting up the sheets the same as he did before. 

Getting in the bed she couldn’t hold back her happiness any longer.

“You love me! Sirius Black is capable of love!” She sniggered poking at his sides. 

She had been staying with Remus for quite some time. The two were close during their time at Hogwarts, but they had gotten even closer after everything that happened with James and Lily. They were strictly friends however, the pair never saw the other as anything more, plus Remus had just found his soulmate, Nymphadora Tonks. She was a lovely woman, and it was good for y/n to have another woman to talk to besides the ever-kind Molly Weasley. 

Y/n knew her time living with Remus was coming to a close, which was wonderful for him, but absolutely dreadful for her. She got her first taste of being alone when Remus went to go teach at Hogwarts. She hated it. Sure, she had been alone before, but ever since Sirius had been sent to Azkaban she was terrified to be alone. Not out of fear of someone or something possibly harming her. No, she was terrified of her own brain. She grieved Sirius, James, and Lily every single day and it had been taking a toll on her for twelve years now. She didn’t trust herself to be alone with her thoughts and feelings, so when Remus offered to have her move in a mere three months after Halloween 1981 she quickly agreed. 

She found it easier to be alone with Remus, than to be actually alone, isolated from the only person she had left. He was the only person who completely understood what she was going through. He laid with her every time she cried for Lily and James, he calmed her down when too many memories of Sirius hit her at once, and he silently grieved for his friend who had lost not only friends but her lover as well. 

Word quickly spread in July of 1993 that mass murderer Sirius Black had escaped Azkaban. She refused to believe it when she first read the newspaper, but after a few days, she was able to fully process the news and what it meant. Though it had been twelve years, she and Remus still knew his brain better than anyone else. That was why he had decided to take the post at Hogwarts, he knew exactly where Sirius was headed and he wanted to protect Harry. 

The last thing she expected, however, was a letter from Remus with less than a month left in the school year saying Peter Pettigrew was not dead, as everyone had thought. He explained in the note how Harry had somehow acquired the famed Marauders Map and saw Peter’s name and footprints inked onto the map. What he left out of the note was something that he knew she would figure out as soon as she read the letter. 

Sirius was framed. 

Sirius was innocent. 

He had been locked up with the soul-sucking Dementors for twelve years while that vomitous rat Peter had been able to stay in the free wizarding world. She was disgusted, but quickly scrawled out a letter to Remus, hoping it would reach him by tomorrow morning. 

Remus,

I’m sure you put two and two together the same as I, but you know what this means. Sirius is innocent. You must get to him before the dementors. Good luck.

                                                                                                   Y/N

It was short and sweet, but she knew all Remus needed was a response from her to make sure they were on the same page. As soon as she sent the owl back on its way to the castle she was filled with energy, not the good kind either. The kind where you really want to sleep so you can ignore everything going on, but no matter how hard you try it’s futile. So she stayed up, pacing her home, occasionally sitting down, but with a leg still rapidly bouncing. 

Two weeks had come and passed, the term was ending in three days and she had still yet to hear from Remus. It was absolutely mind-numbing. Sitting there day in and day out waiting for an owl, yet nothing came. 

Remus didn’t show up until one week after the term had ended. And by Godric did he make an entrance. Y/n was desperately trying to keep herself busy so she wouldn’t have her mind spiral into thoughts about everything that could be wrong. She was trying to brew some amature potions, just as a way to brush up on her knowledge, when she heard a loud slam down the stairs. Immediately she rushed down and when she came face to face with Remus she didn’t know whether to hug or slap him.

“Three weeks! Three lousy weeks and not a single word Remus John Lupin! Care to explain?” She was sure if this was a cartoon, smoke would be pouring from her ears. 

“A lot of shit went down, I couldn’t write it all in a letter.” Remus walked past her into the house and slumped down on the sofa.

“Okay then explain! Or no, no, even better keep me in the dark for three more weeks. Don’t tell me what has been happening with you, my best friend, or Sirius my ex-boyfriend type thing! Or Harry, who’s basically my nephew!” 

Remus rolled his eyes between her dramatic blabbering.  He knew it was best to let her get it all out before he even attempted to speak. 

“Would you like a cup of tea? Hmm? Something to keep your mouth busy so you don’t go spilling secrets to me!” Her hands which had been flailing around her finally slapped down at her sides, signaling a bookend to her anger.

“Are you done?” Remus looked up at her through tired hooded lids.

“Yes. I’m sorry.” She gave him a sheepish smile as she sat down next to him on the couch.

“No, no get up, I have something to show you.” Remus stood as soon as she sat, making her agitation slightly flare up again. 

“You just got home for the first time in months and now we’re going out? Why won’t you tell me what happened first? I deserve to know!” She shot up from the couch.

“I will tell you everything I just really need you to not ask any more questions and trust me right now okay?” 

Y/n studied his face for a moment, before huffing and giving him a small nod. Remus grabbed her hand and before she could process what was happening he had apparated the both of them. 

“Godric’s Heart Lupin, you could’ve at least warned me we would be apparating.” She pulled her hand from his and smoothed the front of her shirt down. 

“Sorry love, couldn’t risk you not coming. I know how much you hate it.” He gave her a small wink before walking up to the building in front of them. 

Pulling out his wand he whispered a short incantation into the bricks, and she watched as the architecture expanded and cracked. Leave it to Wizard kind to hide a flat within an entire bloody building, she thought to herself. 

“Where are we?” 

“Hey, no questions until we get inside.” Remus once again went ahead of her and went through the newly unveiled door. 

The hallway they walked into was almost pitch dark and awfully dusty. She had to squint to make out shapes on the floor so she wouldn’t trip. When they reached the end of the hallway, Remus told her to stay put while he sorted something out. Of course, she tried to ask a question, but he shushed her and walked into the house. 

“Y/n, you can come in now!” Remus shouted from somewhere or another not two minutes later.

She took slow steps to exit the hallway, wary of what was going on. Not that she thought Remus would put her in danger, but Godric this was weird. She continued through the house until she saw a single open door at the bottom of the staircase that led to the second floor. Remus was waiting in the threshold of the door, waiting for her to make her way over. As she got closer, Remus moved to the side allowing her space to enter the room, and when she did her entire world exploded into wonderful bright beautiful colors. 

Her face didn’t exhibit the same shock her brain felt when she laid eyes on him, her Sirius, for the first time in twelve years. Her eyebrows were knit together, and her eyes immediately began dispelling tears.

“Hi.” Was the only word Sirius could muster. 

He was terrified to see her again. Would she hate him? Would she yell, and scream in anger? Would she leave without a word said? Before he could overthink every possible scenario, a force pushed into his chest, and arms wrapped around his slender body. It was his turn to cry. Neither had noticed Remus quietly leave the room.

Sirius returned the hug, squeezing her waist and savoring the way her hair smelled. Y/n pulled back and put her hands on his cheeks, running her thumbs over every inch of his skin. 

“How? How are you here right now?” Her words were muddled with tears, but he understood.

“Harry, a Hippogriff, and many other reasons too, but I don’t want to explain right now I just want you.” Sirius moved his face and left a sweet kiss on the inside of her wrist.

She pulled him back into a hug, grabbing at his loose shirt with all her strength, scared he would disappear if she let go.

“You have me, Sirius. I’m never letting you go again.” 

A few moments of silence passed, the two just savoring each other's touch. When they finally let go, they took a seat at the long table, their hands still touching, neither wanting to be without the other.

“You’re skinny.” It was a simple comment, and she meant no harm, but it seemed to disrupt his bliss.

“I know, I’m sorry I look horrible.” Sirius looked into her eyes, searching for any signs of disgust, but all he could see was adoration.

“You’re perfect. I’ll love you in any shape or size you take. As long as I can hold you and kiss you I don’t care what you look like.” She scooted her chair closer to his, their legs touching. 

Sirius spent a good thirty minutes explaining everything that had happened, Remus popping in every once in a while to check on them. When he was done speaking, y/n stood up from her chair and sat on Sirius’s lap, her hands draped around his neck. 

“Never leave me again.” It wasn’t a question.

Sirius brought a hand up to her hair, brushing it behind her ear. 

“I wouldn’t dream of it, my love.” His voice was saccharine. 

Sirius knew all too well what it was like to be resented by a pure-blood family. He still remembered the feeling of his heart dropping to his stomach when the hat yelled Gryffindor instead of Slytherin. He could still feel the sting of the slap his mother delivered to his face the first time he visited home from Hogwarts. Eleven years old and hated just because he wore red. 

Sirius also remembers the first time Euphemia Potter hugged him, and the first time Fleamont Potter clapped his back and said he was proud of him. Even though he was well-versed in the world of hatred he was raised in, he also relished the feeling of being loved and chose to focus on that instead. 

Y/n like Sirius, was fluent in evil. She could recall the shrieking of the howler her mother sent the day after she was sorted into Gryffindor. She remembered how the sharp words felt like they were slashing her arms and legs, how her tears burned lines into her face as she ran from the Great Hall trying to escape her impending nightmare. 

Unlike Sirius, however, y/n never got the chance to leave home and live with a best friend. She was unlucky enough to be born female, which made escape twenty times harder for her. Her home was akin to Azkaban, protection charms, anti-sneaking spells, and a horde of temperamental house elves loyal to her father stood in her way. Every time she was home she was watched, stalked, even, by her parents. She was to graduate in a year and the expectation that she would produce an heir for the man she was promised to within the six months following graduation had her under lockdown. Nothing could jeopardize their marriage, it would boost her parent's name in the pureblood society and that was all that mattered to them.

When she heard the news of Sirius’s escape from his family, she was instantly filled with jealousy and rage. It seemed he had been dealt new cards, a royal flush. He won the game, he was safe with a nice family and she was still locked in a cold room with an unforgiving bed. 

The first time the two saw each other after Christmas break, was the first time neither had anything to say to the other. He knew she was still in trouble, the bruises on her wrists and the hardened look on her face as she stopped to look at him told him everything. The two had been attached at the hip since childhood, seeking each other out at every pureblood party and dinner her family had with his. Knowing that he was out and she was not destroyed her. 

Had he thought about her when he arrived at the Potters?

Did he want to apparate into her home and take her with him? 

Her jealousy ate her alive. She destroyed herself every single time she thought about his skin which would never be bruised by his parents again, every single time she pictured him sitting in the living room with the Potters laughing at a joke instead of cowering behind a door waiting for the next strike like she was. 

She knew she shouldn’t have been cross with him, but she couldn't conjure any other emotion. Two months later and she refused to salvage their relationship, refused to speak to him because she was scared she wouldn’t be able to stop the nasty words that would come from her mouth. She wasn’t even sure at this point if he would give her the time of day. 

Remus and James had both tried to catch her in the hallways between classes, they tried to talk to her, to help her, but she was too far gone into her situation. She was no longer able to convince herself at night that she would live through the torture and abuse. She had no energy to think positive thoughts anymore about how her life would be after Hogwarts, she had no energy to speak, eat, go to class, or socialize. She was caving in on herself and none of her friends knew how to help, the hole was too deep for them to pull her out. 

It was a full four months before Sirius was finally able to corner her. The train was taking all the kids back home for spring break, and as the Marauders were searching for an empty compartment they happened upon their friend, her head was turned to look out the window. Sirius stopped in his tracks, telling the three other boys to go on, that he would meet them later. 

Tears were cascading down her cheeks, she never wanted to go home ever again, yet here she was with no choice but to be subject to her parent's nasty, self-righteous monologues and abuse for two weeks. 

“Come to James’s house with me.” Sirius had silently snuck into the compartment.

Her head snapped around, though she didn’t need to turn to know who was in there with her. She would never be able to forget his voice even after four months of silence. 

“We can get off this train together, and you can never look back. You don’t need to suffer anymore.” Sirius sat in front of her, his eyebrows knitting together at the sight of her red tear-stricken face. 

“It’s not that simple.” She spits at him, her voice tinted with poison. 

“It is that simple. I did it-” 

She cut him off,

“The torture may be the same, but the situation is not, Sirius. They are not as willing to forget me as your parents are. They will look for me and when they find me there is no telling what they will do.” 

“I won't let them find you. I will never let them lay a hand on you again.” Sirius put a hand on her cheek, she knew he was sincere, but it truly was easier said than done.

“Why are you trying to help me? Why? We haven’t spoken in months, and you have a new happy life. One where you don’t need to worry about me anymore.” She tried sounding confident in her words, but they came out choked and desperate.

“I will always worry about you. Do you think I don’t know exactly what has been running through your head these past months? I know you better than you think I do.”

“Then you know that I cannot leave like you, the only way I will ever be able to get out of this situation is if-” She cringed at the words she refused to attach to the end of that sentence.

“If what, love?” 

“Nothing. Nevermind. Forget I said anything.” He wouldn’t forget and she knew that.

“No, if there is a way to get you out of this, then I will go to the ends of the Earth to make that happen.” His voice was strong, and it wrapped around her the same way his hands did hers. 

“You cannot help me, Sirius, nobody can.” She shook her head looking away from him, “Please, leave.” She motioned to the sliding compartment door, hoping he would make this easy for her.

“No, not until you say you’re coming with me.” 

“I can’t! What do you not understand about that Sirius? If I don’t return home tonight then they will kill me tomorrow. Even if they do not kill me, death would still be a more welcome release than whatever they would actually do.” She stood abruptly and began pacing the small compartment they were in.

“I will never let them get close to you. I will do whatever it takes to ensure your safety, just please come with me. Please.” He was practically begging her now.

She stopped pacing and looked at him.

“I can’t Sirius. I’m so sorry, but I just can’t.” Her throat was blocked with tears. 

Turning around she hurriedly walked from the small room down the train corridor and locked herself in the bathroom until she knew Sirius was no longer waiting for her to show herself.

For Sirius, the break was spent waking up at night, sweaty and panicking from nightmares about her, James would calm him down and assure him that she was okay, though he didn’t quite believe that himself. 

The first Friday, since she had gotten home, rolled around, and she had new bruises on her ribs and probably her back, although she wasn’t sure because she no longer cared enough to look. Her door knob turned and both of her parents were standing in the doorway, neither stepping foot into the barren room.

“We have arranged a dinner tonight with the man you will marry and his family.” Her father spoke, his voice even and uncaring.

This was the final straw she decided. She had been dwelling on everything Sirius had said on the train all week, and even if this killed her at least it would be on her own terms.

“No.” That was all she said.

“What do you mean no?” It was her mother who spoke this time.

“I mean no! I mean I am not marrying some rotten pureblood just so you two can get invited to more parties. I mean I am not ‘producing an heir’ at the age of eighteen. I mean I am no longer putting up with the dinners, the parties, and the abuse! The torture!” She was feral now. Inching closer to her parents with every word. 

She knew from the first syllable that she had made a mistake, but there was no use in taking back her words, she had already said them, and Merlin's beard she meant them.

“Nobody will speak to me like that in my own home!” Her father shouted, his wand-wielding hand crossing the threshold before his feet.

Red sparks shot from his wand, his intention was strong, he wanted to torture her. Her own flesh and blood wanted to inflict pain on her, make her writhe on the floor, and scream until her throat was raw. The time between the curse leaving his wand and hitting her felt as though it had gone in slow motion.

As fast as she had seen her mother's face contort into one of guilt, she was on the floor. Crying out, begging her father to stop, begging her mother to help. Her nails dug into the skin on her arms as she tried to claw the pain from her body. She would not survive this.

“If you ever dare to go against me again, I will not be as forgiving.”

She was still on the ground, the lightning-hot pain still coursing through every centimeter of her body. She forced her eyes open and noticed her mother had left the room.

Her jaw was tight, but she managed to turn her thoughts into words.

“You call this forgiving? I would rather you kill me than make me put up with this bullshit any longer!” 

Her father lifted his wand once more, the same disastrous curse flowing from the piece of wood.

“You will never get off that easily.” He sneered, “Clean yourself up, we have guests coming.” 

He left the room, and her door slamming was the loudest thing she had ever heard. The torturous aching left her paralyzed on the floor. The only thing moving was her rapidly beating heart and the tears that fell from her eyes.

After the pain had subsided a bit, she crawled to her bedside table. The drawer only held a silver blade her grandmother had given her before she died. Hoisting herself onto the bed, she scrawled out a quick message to Sirius.

‘The lake, two miles behind my manor. I am so sorry. I love you more than I will ever love myself.’

She learned three years ago that she could apparate to that lake behind her home. There was no way anyone should be able to apparate and disapparate within the walls of her home, but it was as though some higher being made it possible, just for her. 

She sent her owl off with the message, stuck the blade and her wand into her coat, and snapped from the bedroom. 

The owl flew through the open window in James and Sirius’s shared room, and immediately Sirius recognized the owl. James looked at him, but all Sirius had to say was her name for him to understand.

The two read the message and Sirius grabbed James’s hand and apparated to the lake. The lake where they had shared secrets, and dreams as children. Where as pre-teens they shared their first kiss.

They stumbled upon her body within five minutes of looking. She was leaning up against a large mossy log, looking ever so peaceful from behind. Blood blossomed across the pure white dress she had been wearing. Sirius dropped to the ground beside her, trying to figure out whether she was alive. James was at her other side, he threw the blade from her lifeless hand.

“We need to get her back to your house James.” Sirius’s eyes frantically swept across James’s face.

“She’s too weak to apparate-”

“She will die if we wait any longer! Put her between us.” The two boys sandwiched her drooping body between them, Sirius gripping her waist so she would stay upright. 

They apparated back to the Potter's house, landing in the kitchen.

“Mom!” James yelled, Euphemia could hear the desperation in his voice as she shot up from the couch. Both she and Fleamont rounded the corner to find where he had called them from.

A gasp left Euphemia's throat as she laid eyes upon the Pureblood girl. Sirius was holding her.

“Help her. Please.” He was in a frenzy. The pleas falling from his mouth were thick with emotion.

“Put her on the table. What Happened?” Euphemia sent Fleamont to get supplies.

“S-she tried to kill herself.” Sirius was unable to say the words out loud so James did it for him.

“Boys I need you to leave while I work on her. James, tell your father to hurry with the supplies.” She didn’t look at the boys while she spoke to them. She was focused on sussing out the injury to the girl's abdomen. 

She had seen what Sirius’s family had done to him, and she would be damned if she could not help this girl the same way she had helped Sirius many months back. Euphemia had met y/n once. She was utterly grief-stricken that this was how their second meeting came to be. 

After two hours of James trying to calm down Sirius and himself, Euphemia Potter made her way through the house to the living room where her boys were. 

“My boys.” She looked at them, a sad smile on her sweet face.

“Please, no. Please don’t say it.” Sirius fell back onto the couch. His heart felt like it stopped beating at that moment.

“I am so sorry darling. Her body was too tired to come back to us.” She sat next to Sirius, pulling his shaking body into her arms, and petting his hair. 

Fleamont and James stood in front of them. Silent tears made their way down James’s face from the sudden loss of a friend and the cries and pleas to Godric falling from Sirius’s lips.

“I want to see her. Please. I want to be alone with her.” Sirius said after a few minutes.

Euphemia let him go and nodded, signaling nobody would bother him while he was there.

Walking into the kitchen, Sirius could have died right there. His oldest friend, his first love. He was supposed to protect her, but he didn’t know that included protecting her from herself.

“What have you done?” He whispered, stroking her hair away from her blanched face. 

He almost expected her to answer. To come back to the land of the living and kiss him and tell him it was a bad dream. 

At this point, she couldn’t remember how long she had been doubled over the toilet, but if her delusion was right, then she had been there forever. This wasn’t the first time the young witch of only seventeen had cried so hard she had made herself sick. And it wasn’t the first time Lily Evans had held her hair and rubbed her back in small circles and talked her through her grief. This time, however, was the first time Lily was so worried about her best friend that she left her alone in the bathroom so she could find her twin brother. 

James followed Lily, wondering what had her in such a rush, and when they stopped in front of the girls' bathroom at the base of the Gryffindor Common Room steps he was even more confused.

“Evans, why in Godric’s name have you taken me to the girls' bathroom? If you think I’m going in there you’re sorely mistaken.” He jests at her, thinking the situation was lighter than it actually was. 

“It’s your sister you git. Why else would I have dragged you through the halls in such a hurry?” Lily crossed her arms across her chest and huffed out in annoyance at how long she had left her friend alone. 

“My sister? What’s wrong with my sister?” James was nervous now, she was the one person he never had to worry about, as in, there was nothing to worry about. 

“She’s in the second stall to the left, just talk to her, please. I'm really worried about her,” Lily pleaded with the boy, “I’ll stay out here and make sure nobody else comes in.” She knew the assurance made him feel better about going in there, but James was still scared to see what he would be walking into. 

James swung the door open, looking back at Lily whose eyebrows were drawn together as she bit her nails in an almost neurotic way. 

As soon as he heard the door shut he made a path straight to the second stall on the left, and before he could knock and call her name, the stall door quickly opened revealing his twin with a bright red tear-stained face and puffy cracked lips. 

After the few seconds it took her brain to recognize James, she fell into him, her arms wrapping around her brother.

“Okay, it’s okay.” He ran his hand rapidly up and down her back, unsure of what to do or say because he had never had to console her like this. 

She was the strong one, the one who gave advice and smiled all day long. He was supposed to be crying to her about how Lily didn’t love him or about whatever stupid prank Sirius had left him out of. Never once had she fallen into him, never once had he seen her this upset, and never once had his sister ever cried over a boy. Ever. 

“What’s happened? Huh? Who do I have to beat up?” He chided, trying to get her tears to stop so she would talk to him. 

When his admittedly lame attempt at a joke failed, he became ten times more concerned with her current state. He moved his hands from her back to her shoulders and peeled her off of him so he could see her face.

“You’re scaring me y/n/n, tell me what happened, tell me how to fix this.” 

“You have to promise me you won't yell, or beat anyone up.” She finally choked out through her tear-blocked throat.

“I can’t promise that, you’re my sister, if someone hurts you they’re gonna know about it.” He dropped his hands from her shoulders, bringing them to cross along his chest.

She looked up at him, her eyelashes wet and clumped together from the tears. 

“James please just promise me you won’t seriously injure or traumatize anyone.” 

And although he knew that was another promise he couldn’t make he decided to go along with it so she would tell him what was wrong.

“Okay, I promise not to seriously injure or traumatize anyone. Now, tell me what happened so we can get you to stop feeling so shitty.”

“Marlene.” Was all she said.

“McKinnon?” Was what he answered with. “What about her?”

“She has seen fit to make my life a living hell,” She bit her lip and looked to the floor before speaking again, “And there’s something else too.”

He raised his eyebrows, a silent indication telling her to go on.

“I’ve been in love with Sirius for six years but he’s dating Marlene and because they’re together whenever she says or does something to me he pretends that he’s never met me and that we haven’t lived in the same house for two years.” She spewed out the words in record time, but James got every word she said. To say he was pissed was an understatement.

“What the fuck is his problem? And what do you mean when she does something to you? Has she hurt you?” His voice got so loud Lily, and Remus, who had joined her outside the door, could both hear him. 

She nodded, and his heart broke. How did he not notice this? He prided himself on how observant he was, but he failed to recognize what was going on with the most important person in his life.

“Tell me what she’s done,” he demanded, his tone scary and low. She had only seen him like this once when a nasty sixth-year Slytherin found out about Remus’s condition and tormented him for it.

She knew better than to try and get out of this conversation so she told him. She told him every jinx, charm, and hex Marlene had ever cast upon her, and while none had resulted in serious injury she was not void of bruises, cuts, and sprained limbs as a result of Marlene’s violence. 

“I-I’m just sad. I'm sad that Sirius stands by and acts like I'm nothing, acts like I’m not one of his best friends. He’s never been around for Marlene’s wand work, but the horrible words she spits at me, he has bore witness to that more times than I’d like to admit.” She sighed, happy to have revealed the situation to her brother, but also in anguish after hearing the words come from her mouth. 

“I swear to Godric I will kill them both. How could he do this? We’ve been best friends since first year! Not only is he betraying your trust but he’s betraying mine and severing our friendship at the same time.” He was pulling at his hair, trying to make sense of the situation, trying to understand how someone he loved so much and considered family could stand by and let someone be so cruel to his sister. 

“James, you have to promise me you won't do anything. Please if she finds out I told you, or if she finds out I like Sirius the situation will only escalate.”

“How do you expect me to sit back and act like nothing's wrong? Am I supposed to go out and act all buddy-buddy with him, knowing what I know now?” He stopped pacing, settling right in front of her. 

“No. I’m not asking you to do that at all. I’m just asking you to not draw attention to this with him or anyone that isn’t Lily unless I ask you to. Unless things get worse.”

“Fine, but I’m not happy about it. And I will be watching you much closer. I don’t need Marlene catching you alone in the hallway.”

“I can agree with that. And thank you. Thank you for caring and listening and helping. Seriously, I don't know what I would do if you weren’t my brother.”

James looked her over and pursed his lips. “Wash your face and calm down for a few more minutes, I’ll be just outside with Lily.” 

And he walked out leaving her to try and digest what had just happened, what she had just admitted to. Not only was one of her best friends acting like he never met her, but she was letting it happen. Any other person and she would’ve stuck up for herself a long time ago, but the confusion she had from Sirius’s actions left her too overwhelmed to even think about fighting back. So she let it happen, and that was eating her alive, the fact that a singular boy could make her feel this weak. 

After some time to herself, she exited the bathroom and to her surprise, three pairs of eyes were looking right at her. She had expected James and Lily to be there, but Remus, while not unwelcome, was definitely a surprise.

“I’m assuming you’ve both filled him in.” She half-heartedly threw her hand in Remus’s direction.

“I hope that’s ok.” Lily bit her lip nervously waiting to see how her best friend would react.

“It’s fine. Not like he’s been compliant in any of Sirius and Marlene's actions.” A sigh passed her lips as she walked through the group, flopping onto an empty sofa in the corner of the common room. 

“I knew he was an arse y/n, but I never thought he would stand by and let someone be so cruel to you. Especially you.” Remus said, with a sad expression on his face as he sat next to her on the couch.

“What do you mean, especially me?” She shifted her body so it was facing the boy whose eyes had gone wide, finally realizing what he meant to say in his head, he actually said out loud. 

“Oh good job Remus,” James huffed out, “now you’ve done it.”

“Can someone please tell me what he means?” She looked rapidly back and forth between her three friends, waiting for someone to pluck up the courage to tell her.

Of course, it was her brother that ended up spilling the secret. 

“Sirius told us last year that he had a crush on you.” 

“What?” Tears sprang to her eyes, this made everything worse. “But he’s with Marlene now, you have to be lying.”

“Listen,” Remus said, “We all thought it was strange too, but when we asked him about it he refused to say another word about you or how he felt about you. I’d never seen him clam up like he did when we asked.” 

Just as she was about to speak, the black-haired beauty strutted through the common room door, a wide smirk plastered on his face and a strong arm wrapped around Marlene's waist. The group snapped their heads up to look in his direction, and as soon as Sirius made eye contact with them and started to make his way over y/n got up and walked as fast to her room as humanly possible, James following closely behind while Lily and Remus stayed back.

“What’s up with the wonder twins?” Sirius laughed, though it quickly died down when he saw the sour looks on Lily and Remus's faces. 

“Hopefully she’s going to throw up her lunch. She could stand to lose a few pounds.” Marlene said with a nasty snigger in her tone. 

Sirius let his grip from her waist go at the comment, but he said nothing to protest the words.

“What the fuck did you just say?” Lily yelled as she stood from her spot on the couch.

“Oh please Evans you know how insecure she is, I’m just trying to be honest.” Marlene looked at Sirius waiting for him to back her up, but he kept his eyes down and stayed quiet.

Just as Lily tried to go for Marlene, Remus grabbed her arm and started pulling her away.

“Shut your dog up Sirius before I do it for you!” Lily spat from behind Remus’s shoulder as he continued to push her up the dorm stairs. 

As the two traveled out of sight, Marlene took a seat on the couch, pulling Sirius down with her. They were both silent, but the thoughts in his head were deafening. He never meant for it to go this far. He got with Marlene as a way to make y/n jealous, but after her cold shoulders and silent treatments, he realized he was too far gone in this horrible situation so he decided to sit by and let it resolve itself. Which was the worst thing he could’ve ever done. 

A week later and none of the Marauders, Lily, or y/n would even look in Sirius’s direction. They were freezing him out until he came to his senses, even though it seemed he wouldn’t any time soon. 

It was one of those rare moments walking back to the common room from class where she found herself alone. Her few friends that were in her potions class all went to the library while she opted for a nap. Mistake number one. She decided to take a different route than normal to get back to the common room that day. Mistake number two. Mistake number three was freezing up instead of turning the other way when she saw Marlene McKinnon waltzing down the hallway. 

“Oh look who we have here!” Marlene was still a few feet away but that sickly sweet voice rushed up to greet her ears. 

Y/n looked around hoping they weren’t alone, but of course they were. Just her luck.

“What do you want Marlene?” 

“Oh well actually I want absolutely nothing to do with you, but I heard a rumor that you want everything to do with my boyfriend.” 

“What on Earth are you talking about?” She tried to hide the worry in her voice, but she couldn’t cover it as well as she hoped.

“Oh, don’t play coy. You know exactly what I’m talking about.” She swore Marlene’s eyes got three shades darker. “Lucky for you I learned a new spell today, and the teacher told me to practice so that is exactly what I intend to do. Diffindo!” 

Marlene drew her wand before y/n could duck and two sharp sparks flew from the wand. One smaller spark sliced her cheek and the second larger one opened a large gash across her stomach, ripping through her clothing. Y/n toppled both from the searing pain of the fresh cuts, and also from the impact of the spell.

“Stay away from my boyfriend. Stay away from me. Next time I won’t just scar that ugly face.” Marlene slid her wand back into her robes and walked off as if she didn’t just do what she did.

After Marlene’s footsteps could no longer be heard down the hall, she slid back against the wall. She peeled her arm from around her torso trying to be brave enough to open her eyes which had been squeezed shut from pain. 

Blood seeped into her robes and uniform from the deep slice on her stomach, and more of the red liquid dripped down her mouth and jaw from the wound on her cheek. Looking down at her torso all she could get out was a loud, pained cry. Why? Why did it go this far? Why did Marlene hate her enough to scar her face and bloody her body?

The blood would not stop pouring from her stomach. She was terrified. She was getting dizzy from the sight of her blood, and from the rapid loss of it. 

A stray Gryffindor walking down the dim corridor found her first. She didn’t know her name, but she was thankful someone was there to help.

“You stay right here. I’m going to get your brother. You’re gonna be okay.” The words were jumbled in her foggy brain, but she got the jist of what the kind girl was saying. 

By the time James got there, she must have been passed out because the next thing she knew her dry eyes were blinking away the harsh light of the hospital wing. 

“Oh good darling, you’re awake.” Madame Pomfrey walked up alongside the bed she was laying on. She began prodding at the cut on her face before moving down to her stomach. Y/n did not respond to the older woman who was taking care of her. She instead stared at the ceiling. Trying and failing to put the pieces of what happened together in her head. 

“Where’s James?” She finally spoke after many minutes of silence.

“Right outside love, let me go get him.”After Madame Pomfrey left the curtained area, the girl picked her head up to assess the damage. She couldn’t even sit up before pain shot through her entire body. A stray tear slid down her face as she slowly laid back down, opting to leave the characteristics of her wounds up for interpretation. The curtains flew open and once again three pairs of eyes were looking at her. James, Remus, and Lily. Thank Godric they were here. 

“How bad is it?” She asked the group, mostly aiming the question at her twin.

“It was bad, but you know Poppy, she can fix anything.” James sat in the chair next to her, running his thumb along the fresh scar that decorated her face.

“She fixed your cheek easily. The scar looks badass.” Lily added. 

“What about my stomach?” 

“That one was trickier, it was so deep and you lost so much blood. Pomfrey said it may take a few more hours to fully heal, but there’s going to be a scar.” James sighed. 

Silence made the air thick, the three friends looked at each other from their respective chairs, none of them expecting the next question that would come from the girl on the bed.

“Does Sirius know what happened?”

Remus drew in a sharp breath, the boy in question had been sitting outside the hospital wing the entire time. This was his fault and he knew it. He was a wreck, but he still couldn’t bring himself to face her.

“He does. It was nasty, the fight he and Marlene had. She's been in Dumbledore's office since their blowout. He’s trying to decide what to do with her.” Remus’s soft voice carried through her brain.

“Did they break up?”

“Yes”“Does he finally realize what he did?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

A beat of silence. Two beats…

“He’s outside,” James spoke.

“I want to see him.” She sat up with help from Lily who had a concerned look on her face at the decision her best friend just made.

James knew better than to question his sister, however, so he ushered the other two out of the room with him and went to get Sirius. They were still wary of the boy, but he poured his heart out to them, taking the blame for not stepping up, and admitting his wrongdoings. The trio knew it would take time, but they were willing to forgive him if she was.

As the nervous boy made his way into the room he could see her from the small opening in the curtains. Pushing them open his eyes were immediately drawn to the angry red scar on her face. He burst into tears immediately. 

“Sirius, come here, please.” She held her arms out inviting him in. 

“I'm so sorry,” He cried into her chest as she held him, “I was stupid, I was an absolute idiot. I never ever knew she would go this far. I never want to see you in pain again, and to know I helped cause it is eating me alive.” His body shook as he took short breaths trying to apologize but not being able to keep up with all the thoughts flooding his brain.

“Sirius, I know that wasn’t you. I don’t know who that was, but it certainly wasn’t my Sirius.” Tears escaped her eyes at the sounds of his cries and the meaning behind his words.

He apologized what felt like a million more times until his cries turned into soft breaths. She rubbed his back and stroked his hair, knowing that this was her Sirius. This was no longer a boy possessed by McKinnon or his own delusions. This was the gentle, kind, sometimes oblivious boy who she had loved for six years.

“I can’t promise that things will go back to normal immediately, but I forgive you. I know that in the end, her actions and her choices were her own. I know that you love me, and I know that you will do everything you can to show me that.” She removed her hands from his body.

Sirius sat up, he didn’t understand how someone could be so forgiving. So wonderful. 

“I love you so much. I love your beautiful face. I love your kind heart. Why are you so willing to let me back into your life?”

“Because Sirius, I have never and will never see a future where I don’t end up with you. You’re a good person who got caught up with someone venomous. I don’t love you any less for that.”

She was a shooting star for the whole world to see. Breathtaking for one second and gone the next, as if she were never there. 

She had joined their tight-knit group at the beginning of third year after a run-in late at night in the woods behind Hogwarts. Having held the mandrake leaf in her mouth from full moon to full moon, and after procuring dew from a place where neither sunlight nor human feet had passed over for seven days she had become an animagus, after making it her personal extracurricular during second year. She was a fox. A red fox to be exact. Quick as a dart and horribly sharp like one too. 

After many months of learning about the boys she called friends, she revealed to them her secret one awfully clear night in the middle of fourth year. Sirius and James were awestruck, Peter was as well but in a less obvious way, and Remus was quiet. She learned why the night after in the common room when Remus pulled her aside before she could disappear up the steps to her room. He had told her he needed help and that she was the only one who could provide it. He softly spoke about his lycanthropy, his hand still grasping hers. And she nodded and he knew no more needed to be said. She would be there for him, full moon to full moon for as long as she could be. 

Through countless full moons, they had grown close. Something resembling love had also grown close between the two, and even though it was unspoken the majority of the time they both silently added to the relationship through soft touches and glances in class. She was unmistakably his and he was undoubtedly hers. 

Fifth year the rest of the boys finally became animagi, after learning of Remus’s condition and also feeling the need to help. Whether he wanted more or not was unknown as the fox and werewolf had succeeded in their dicey rendezvous until that point. But Remus decided to embrace the care his friends were eager to give him and soon full moons turned from a party of two to a party of five. 

Freshly seventeen two nights before Hogwarts graduation. She was the youngest, but it didn’t show in her maturity. After caring for her boyfriend before and after full moons for almost four years she had become softer, more content, more responsible, but she was still a streak in the night sky. Still a burning star that would eventually die out quicker than one hoped. 

Now she was twenty, and the war was raging on worse now than it had been years prior when they left Hogwarts. Many things had changed, but he was still the most beautiful thing she would ever lay eyes on and she was still burning, waiting for the supernova that would make her collapse and dim. 

The night she was killed while carrying out orders for Dumbledore, Remus swore the sky exploded into brilliant reds and oranges, but it was only for a second then it was over as if it were an illusion. When he was told of her unlucky fate by Sirius and James, he swore the sky exploded for a second time. 

However, this time, he felt it in his chest, hands, feet, and most importantly, his heart. She was a shooting star that burned through what felt like the eight quickest years of his life, and then she would never be seen again.