IT'S BRITTANY, BITCH.

I knew Ohio had a rep for being bland, but sweet jesus, simply walking around this town is like being stuck inside a never-ending torture device. I asked my darling landlady for recommendations on stuff to do during the weekend and she said bumper bowling? Who the fuck goes bumper bowling? Why a bumper, specifically? What century is this?

Yeah, you can do that at the Lima Bowling lanes. I don't know, but they do have a whole team of seniors who compete. Maybe she's one of them? Probably so they can make it more fun, but I don't think there's getting past the horrible smell in all the rented shoes. If you go, bring your own. Also last I checked it was the 21st, but I did try working on my time machine last night so I hope it still is.

My weekend just freed up, so how about we hang out? I would offer to do another episode of Fondue for Two, but I don't have much for you to interview me about this time. Well, unless you want me to talk about how I've been working my ass off in dance or finding ways to level up my singing. Other than that, I'm up for pretty much anything. Your confidence is turning me on, B. I have total faith that you'll be much hotter than Dream!Britt.

Say less. You know I'm always happy to have you on the show. We could totally talk about that then later mix a little pleasure with business. Plus, Lady T would love to see you, you're her icon. I know I'm hot and there's no shame in acknowledging it. Or the fact that I know your lady kisses are going to be too.

I’m afraid I don’t have a Celeste. Or a Kiki, for that matter. Don’t… people ever look at you funny? Assuming you dance without music.

You should get one. Or both. I'm sure one of your freshmen Warblers would do it. That's how I got Celeste. Oh totally, but I've gotten used to it over the years. People are always going to stare at you for some reason or another, Blaine. You'll keep your peace better if you learn to roll with it.

Would it be too ambitious of me to try and host a Friends-giving this year? It's the first year I don't have to endure the Brown family Thanksgiving and while I imagine most of you are spending the day of with your loved ones, maybe we can have a potluck the weekend before. I have never been to a potluck but I have heard a lot of good things about them.

Maybe, but why would that ever be a bad thing, Bree? I say do it. I love a good potluck and if you need any help at all, just say the word.

I sure hope so! gotta get lovin' somehow! Like I'm totally chill being all single and all rockstar and stuff, but it would also be really cool having that person to fall asleep with at night, y'know? Oh cool! I was thinking of like a guitar, maybe wrapped in some cool barbed wire or something. You know, edgy. My folks would lose their minds though so it would have to be somewhere kinda hidden. Oh I was only thinking one pierced, I don't think I could rock the double like I'm sure you totally do.

Yeah, I know. At least I can cuddle with my roommate if I'm feeling lonely, but it would be nice to find someone for something other than just sex. Oh! That sounds awesome and totally edgy. You could always talk to @askbrett, especially if you like my tattoos after you see them 'cause he's the one who did 'em. How much time shirtless do you spend around them? 'Cause I'd say your shoulder then, it helps that winter is coming up so it'll be covered. You could also try your hip? I do! So does my friend, Sam. But I think you could definitely rock just the one.

Sometimes it seriously bothers me when there’s this unfinished melody that’s been stuck inside my brain for weeks but then suddenly, its conclusion hits me over my morning coffee or right in the middle of class and it’s perfect. Like today, for example, I was merely browsing the seventies rock section at Between The Sheets in quest of some Billy Joel before I had to call off my shopping spree and get to a piano at once. Which, I guess I could easily revisit another day but — totally inconvenient.  

I do this a lot, but with either dance routines or ideas for Fondue for Two. At least with the first, I don't mind breaking out in dance in the middle of a store if I absolutely need to. If it's an idea though, I usually just tell Celeste if she's nearby and if not, I tell Kiki and she records notes for me to send to Celeste.

Oh yeah, I'm definitely up for that whenever you are. Of course the tongue piercing was there. Probably why it was so hot, and why I woke up soaked.

You know, I'd say I'm a busy person, but for you I would absolutely clear my schedule. Text me whenever you want. I think I might be a little jealous of Dream!Britt right now. But I know I'll be even hotter than them.

Dottie was hiding.

"Puck would probably think a rat costume could still look hot, Dottie... That's not a winning endorsement." Brittany sighed, giving a small shake of their head as they wrapped an arm through the other's and tugged her along toward where they hoped the kitchen was. "But I guess, you're right. At least it's the main character. Do you feel like a main character tonight?"

It truly was. Dream!Britt was also very skilled with their tongue, in case you were wondering.

If you want to make it a reality, let me know. Okay, but the real question is did Dream!Britt also have a tongue piercing like me?

Oh I think you could so do that super easy. That does sound like a lot of real hot things. Damn. I don't think I could list that many about me. What tattoos you got? Not tatted yet, I think it would be cool to have one but I can't choose what I like. I change my mind so much and it's gonna be there forever y'know? I thought about getting my nipple pierced cause what's more rock and roll than that you know? It's just me. I don't think my folks coulda afforded school otherwise. But I got tons of cool cousins.

You really think so? And hey, that's okay, there's probably things you can't think of that others totally find hot about you. I have a rainbow and a ufo. I can show you them when you come over to be on my show. I feel like that's mostly true now, but if you end up hating it, you could get a cover up or pay like... twice as much to get it removed. Having them both pierced? Which I do. But I would absolutely recommend only getting once because the first one doesn't hurt, the second one? Only do it if you have a high pain tolerance, for sure. I don't have any cousins, but I do have a cool sister that would probably put your cousins to shame.

So like SMART smart. That' so crazy but SO cool. I think you're legit the coolest person I know! I get it, I don't care much for school shit either, but it keeps the folks happy so that's what I'm here for. What are some of the other hot ones? The band, family, friends are all pretty important.

Yes, exactly. Thank you! I have to be if I want to one day step out of Britney Spears' shadow. I know what you mean, but I think they were actually happy to have me come back to Lima. I think being non-binary and bisexual is super hot, so those are on the top of the list. I'm a cheerleader and super flexible, also an amazing dancer. I have some pretty cool piercings and tattoos too. I have to ask since you're in a band, do you have any tattoos or piercings? Is it just you and your folks or do you have any siblings?

"An empire can be defined as more than one thing. One being a large commercial organization owned or controlled by one group. I believe his businesses fit that bill." The answer to that question was simple. NO. He did not believe that everything his father did was above board. Even at the bare minimum he was dodgy, pushed people into things in ways that he definitely shouldn't have but there was never anything clearly illegal in what Hunter had witnessed so far. Therefore, plausible deniability was the way to go. "Everything my father does is above board." he replied stiffly. Hunter did not enjoy the direction that this conversation was going. He hadn't decided to do this interview so that he could be scrutinized about his father's company's, he'd done it to show off his cat, so he kept the answers as short and concise as possible to hopefully move on from the incredibly boring topic.

“You said, one group, but that really is just your dad, right?” Brittany raised an eyebrow as they continued to listen, making a few notes about how stiff Hunter seemed while he answered their questions. They knew they would have to look into that at some point, but kept the curiosity off their face and nodded. “Glad to hear it.” Brittany glanced down at Lady Tubbington in her lap and with a look that said behave, they placed her back on the ground before turning to Hunter. They pursed their lips, disagreeing, but decided to wait a minute to hear him out before voicing their opinion. “Are you saying you’re not a gambling man then, Hunter? Or do you only bet on sure things?” After his earlier comment, that didn’t come as a surprise to them. “Does that also mean you’re not one to root for an underdog?” But they guessed that fit toward his whole elitist outlook. 

Brittany, this playlist is amazing! And it has just enough Taylor Swift to convey that I'm a fan, but like, normal about it. You definitely didn't have to do all of that, but I'm thankful! Wait. Really? I feel like it's not bad for being my first one, but I haven't been to many so I don't have a ton to compare it to. It's cool that there are people from multiple schools here, right? Warblers, that random guy from Carmel who I've never met...

Thank you, Dottie! Happy Birthday by the way, how's it been so far? Everything you could imagine or? Exactly! I didn't want to put too many of one thing, including all the Twilight songs either. No problem, I thought it'd make a great gift. I also got you a new camera lens, I had to ask around to see which you didn't have. It's totally at my top five I've been to this year and I basically go to all of them. Right! It's nice to see us all hanging out, you know? Even if some of us are competition.