Like the discourse on whether bi/pan girls can use dyke for example. Dyke is understood in larger society to mean lesbian. If someone walks up to you and introduces themselves as a dyke, then itâs reasonable to assume that theyâre a lesbian, and itâd also be reasonable to be upset, angry, and/or confused if they later revealed theyâre bi or pan and in fact not a lesbian. After all, if theyâre going around to everyone introducing themselves as a dyke theyâll be assumed to be a lesbian by all those people, but then if they were to go and flirt with/enter in a relationship with/etc a man it could reinforce lesbophobic beliefs that lesbians can be turned straight by the right man, which then enters similar Problematic⢠territory that would come if those women were just straight up calling themselves lesbians.
But at the same time, dyke is a slur used against bi and pan women. And itâs not used against them because theyâre âââmistaken for lesbians,âââ itâs used against them because theyâre correctly perceived as wlw. So is it really fair to say that if a bi or pan woman says dyke sheâs evil, sheâs awful, blah blah whatever? Would it be that wrong for her to turn around and shout âhell yeah Iâm a dyke, fuck off!â? Is it wrong for them to find solidarity with lesbians in posts we write about loving women in which we refer to ourselves as dykes? Would it be wrong to joke about being a dyke, similarly to how lesbians do, in groups where everyone is aware that theyâre not a lesbian and not using dyke to mean lesbian? And if any of these things are that wrong, why?
And like, I know y'all are about to say âoh, so those straight girls who get called dykes can reclaim it now too, huh?â Because Tumblr hates nuance and canât accept that context is important. But anyways, no, thatâs not at all what Iâm saying! When straight girls (or non-wlw in general) are called dykes the insult is that theyâre appearing as a lesbian, which is insulting to them because the act of being a lesbian is supposed to be insulting and oh no, obviously I am not a lesbian, blah blah whatever. On the other hand, when a bi or pan woman is called a dyke whatâs being insulted is her actual, present attraction to women. When a straight woman is called a dyke the insult is that sheâs being compared to a monster, when a bi or pan woman is called a dyke she is the monster. Similar to the difference between a straight person calling a fellow straight person gay vs calling a gay person gay. Obviously the intent and the impact of those interactions are not the same.
And I know that this isnât a very concise post or whatever but anyways the point is like, context for these things matters. And you canât really make sweeping statements for every situation. We all need to think more about each otherâs experiences and now they may affect our relationships to these things, and also we all need to be more respectful of each otherâs spaces and pain. And like this was specifically about dyke, but honestly replace the slur and groups, and change a few things for context, and pretty similar arguments can be made for,,,,,,a lot of LGBT+ terminology
Also in general all this intracommunity fighting is,,,, how do you say,,,,,, bullshit. Stop yelling at lesbians for being wary of bi and pan girls calling themselves dyke all the time, stop yelling at bi and pan girls who do reclaim it in some situations, and just in general stop yelling at anyone about anything. If we stop doing that we can focus on what really matters, like cannibalizing the straights.
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