inu

[Setting: Gentarou's writing cafe]

Dice: Sorry, run that by me again? You want us to form a band and a soccer team?

Gentarou: That is what I said, yes.

Dice: Do I look like a guitar-toting soccer player to you?

Gentarou: Shaggy hair, athletic build... You look like you might've stepped foot on a concert stage or soccer field a time or two in your life.

Dice: Sorry, but no. I'm not interested. Go ask Ramuda.

Gentarou: Ramuda wouldn't know what a soccer ball was if one hit him. That, and he said no when I asked him. Well, Dice, you're a lost cause and no mistake. You might show an interest in something beside gambling for once in your life.

Dice: Nope. Sorry, dude. Lost cause and all that.

Gentarou: Now I simply don't know who else to ask.

Dice: Why d'you need to form a whole-ass band and soccer team anyway? Just, like, go to a game. Or a concert.

Gentarou: Nonsense. One must experience events firsthand for their writing to achieve the appropriate degree of verisimilitude.

Dice: ...Riiight. Oh, wait a sec--there's a soccer field on the upper level of Miyashita Park.

Gentarou: As I just said, I've no interest in merely watching a match--

Dice: Nah, I mean go find some dudes at the park and ask to join in.

Gentarou: Talking to strangers? I could never.

Dice: Bro, you're an adult. Grow up.

[Gentarou glares at Dice. Dice stands up.]

Dice: Welp, have fun with your writing. I got a match to gamble on. See ya!

[Dice leaves.]

Gentarou: "Grow up," he says. Like he doesn't run off to gamble at the drop of the hat instead of paying someone back...

[Setting transitions to the soccer field atop Miyashita Park.]

Gentarou: Well, here I am--for lack of a better idea, I suppose. Wait a minute... This isn't even a soccer field. It's a football field. Oh, Dice, can't you get anything right? Hmm? Now, do my eyes deceive me, or is that...

Jirou: Pass it! I'm open!

Gentarou: Ah, perfect. He'll do just nicely. Better yet, he's hardly a stranger!

[Time elapses.]

Jirou: Whoo! Did we win, or did we win?

Jirou's Friend 1: Dude, we woulda been goners without you.

Jirou's Friend 2: We owe you one!

Jirou: Nah, give yourselves more credit. We couldn't've done without all of us.

[Footsteps]

Gentarou: Pardon me, but could I have a word...?

Jirou: Hmm? Yumeno? What're you doing over he--oh, duh. This is the Shibuya Division.

Gentarou: That it is. Congratulations on your victory. It was a sound showing of athletic ability, if I do say so myself.

Jirou: ...Dude, what?

Gentarou: Come, come. Accept the well-deserved accolades, my dear boy.

Jirou: Do you, uh, need something? I find it hard to believe you came over just to hype me up for winning game of soccer.

Gentarou: Why, now that you mention it, there is indeed a trifling favor I might request of you.

Jirou: Me? What'd you need me for?

Gentarou: Let me come to the point--I'm interested in including a soccer match in my next work, and I was wondering if you might teach me a thing or two about the sport.

Jirou: Sure. Why not?

Gentarou: Then might I be allowed to join a match of yours?

Jirou: Yeah, no worries. We're down a guy for tomorrow's game, so you could sub i-[Jirou is interrupted by his stomach growling] Just, uh, buy me lunch to make up for it?

Gentarou: By all means.

Jirou: Sweet! Let's grab somethin' good! Sushi, steak, here I come!

[Jirou's footsteps move away.]

Gentarou: Easy for you to say, oh not-paying one...

[Setting cuts to a commercial street.]

Gentarou: A concert venue, here of all places? What'll they think of next?

Jirou: You a big concert goer?

Gentarou: Not in the slightest. I've simply got a rock concert in this book of mine, so I was thinking of catching a show.

Jirou: That's cool. ...Wait a sec, I know this band. The lead singer's that one Nagoya dude. Juushi Aimono.

Gentarou: Is it really?

Jirou: Yeah, it's gotta be. Last time I ran into him, he told me I should check out his one of his gigs. Wanna catch the show? The sign says it's gonna start any minute.

Gentarou: I don't see why not.

[Jirou and Gentarou walk into the crowded concert space.]

Gentarou: My, my. A packed house. Your friend Mr. Aimono has quite the number of fans.

Jirou: You're telling me. We're lucky we found seats.

[The lights abruptly flick off. Fans squeal in delight.]

Juushi fan 1: WHOOOOOOOO!!!

Juushi fan 2: OMG, JUUSHI!!!

[The lights come on, revealing Juushi and a set of instruments. Kick-ass music begins to play.]

Juushi: Many moons have passed since last we met--but now, maidens, I am come before thee to manifest the turmoil of chaos!

[The crowd squeals again.]

Juushi fan 1: YASSS!

Juushi fan 2: I LOVE YOU!!!

Gentarou: The "turmoil of chaos"... A tad redundant, but it does have that touch of je ne sais quoi.

Jirou: I think it's dope!

Juushi: Ready thy eardrums, my dear maidens, and let us begin!

[The crowd screams once more. The screen fades to black and picks up once more as the crowd is filing out after the show.]

Jirou: Dude! Juushi was, like, cool as shit!

Gentarou: Well said. This young man has a brilliant knack of working a crowd, to say nothing of his fine singing voice. I fully understand how he's charmed so many hearts.

Jirou: We should go say hi!

Gentarou: You mean, go backstage? Surely we're not allowed. We barely know the man...

Jirou: 'Course we do. C'mon, follow me.

[Jirou walks off.]

Gentarou: No arguing with this one, is there? Oh well, Gentarou. Buck up. This could very well be your lucky break.

[Gentarou joins Jirou backstage. The scene cuts to the band's dressing room.]

Juushi: Wow. Was that cool or what? The Shibuya fans loved us!

Bandmate: Hell yeah, dude.

[The dressing room door opens.]

Venue staff member: Mr. Aimono? There's two gentlemen here to see you.

Juushi: Huh? I didn't think any of my friends were coming to the show...

[Jirou and Gentarou walk in.]

Jirou: Hey, dude! How's it hangin'?

Gentarou: I hope we aren't interrupting anything.

Juushi: Whoa! Jirou and Mr. Yumeno? Were you guys in the audience?

Jirou: Yeah! We were just walking by and saw a flyer, so we dropped in to see what it was all about.

Gentarou: I must tell you, you were superb out there. Just stunning.

Jirou: No kidding. You rocked it.

Juushi: Aw, gee. Thanks! I'm glad to hear that.

Gentarou: Mr. Yamada and I were just about to grab a spot of lunch. If you aren't otherwise occupied, might we trouble you to join us?

Juushi: Do you really mean it? That's so kind of you!

Jirou: Unless you've got some kind of wrap party with your mates...

Juushi: Oh no, they've all got other plans this afternoon. I'd love to go, really.

Gentarou: Excellent. Then let's be off. Lunch awaits!

Juushi: Oh goody!

[The setting cuts to a restaurant.]

Jirou: Whoo-wee! That hit the spot.

Juushi: Are you sure you've got the check? I could at least pay for my own...

Gentarou: Nonsense. It's my pleasure.

Juushi: Well, thanks! I appreciate it.

Gentarou: Incidentally, do you mind if I ask you for a small favor?

Juushi: No, not at all.

Gentarou: My upcoming novel, you see, has to feature a rock concert.

Juushi: Ooh. That's cool.

Gentarou: Quite. And this is why I thought you might be just the man to help.

Juushi: What sort of help do you need?

Gentarou: Would you indulge me and put on a concert with Mr. Yamada and I as your bandmates?

Jirou: Huh? Since when was I part of this?

Gentarou: Since now. The more, the merrier, as they say.

Juushi: Wait, wait, wait. Can either of you play an instrument?

Gentarou: Not a bit!

Jirou: I'm okay with the guitar, but I'm not, like, a pro or nothin'. I've never put on a show with it.

Juushi: That's not...very conducive to holding a concert.

Gentarou: Oh, it'll work itself out. We're rappers, aren't we? You provide the music, Mr. Aimono, and we will simply rap along! Now tell me--when is your next concert in Shibuya?

Juushi: Next month, but that doesn't--

[Gentarou slips out of his seat and kneels before Juushi.]

Gentarou: Mr. Aimono, I am begging you. Only with your help will my work be elevated to its greatest heights. Your assistance is, I dare say, indispensable. Please, Mr. Aimono! Won't you aid me in my time of need?

Juushi: Oh gosh--yes, yes, I'll do anything! Just please get off the ground! Everyone's looking!

[Gentarou gets up, looking none worse for the wear.]

Gentarou: Splendid. I can't thank you enough.

Jirou: Yo, world's fastest recovery over here...

[The scene changes to our three characters on a school soccer field dressed in uniforms. Juushi looks deeply uncomfortable; Gentarou looks delightfully smug.]

Juushi: Why do I have to play?

Gentarou: The more, the merrier! Who doesn't love to work up a sweat with one's dear companions?

Jirou: Hey! You guys ready?

Gentarou: That we are. What's first?

Jirou: Juggling!

Juushi: Oh gosh... You mean juggling the ball without using our hands? I've never done that before...

Jirou: Don't sweat it, dude. That's what practice is for! Here, watch me first. [Soccer ball noises.] Hup! Hup! Hup!

Juushi: Ooh! You use your head and knees, too? That's incredible.

Gentarou: Astounding, really.

Jirou: Now you try.

Gentarou: Very well. [Distinct lack of soccer ball noises.] Well, that didn't go as intended.

Juushi: D-don't worry. I'm sure no one gets it perfect on their first try.

Gentarou: Perfect, no. Lift the ball off the ground, yes. Is there a trick to this, perchance?

Jirou: Totally. Once you get it up in the air, you wanna get it to a good height by bouncing it off your thigh, and then you just kinda wing it. Do whatever feels good, y'know? Vibes, man.

Gentarou: ...I'm afraid your explanation is a tad too opaque for yours truly to comprehend.

Juushi: H-here, let me try. Okay, kick it up... Hit it with my thigh...

Jirou: Yeah, like that! You're doing it.

Juushi: Then I just kinda...wing it, and...vibes??? [Soccer ball noises.] Hup! Hup! Hup!

Jirou: Dude, you're killing it!

Juushi: Heh. Just beginner's luck, but thanks.

Gentarou: How on Earth did you glean anything from that nightmare of a tutorial?

Jirou: 'Kay, Mr. Yumeno. You're up next. I wanna see you juggle the ball a hundred times without dropping it before practice is over!

Gentarou: I have absolutely no faith in myself, but if I must...

[The scene cuts out and returns to the soccer field the next day.]

Jirou: Aight, listen up. You know who's been practicing? Us. So who's gonna win this? Us.

Juushi: Y-yessir!

Gentarou: Who is to be the opposition, might I ask?

Jirou: Some cops from the Yokohoma Division or something. I dunno, I haven't met 'em myself.

Gentarou: ...Oh no. Please say it isn't--

[MTC rolls up in soccer uniforms.]

Juuto: Well, well, well. Who do we have here?

Samatoki: ...What the hell is that lineup?

Juushi: Um. It's a long story.

Gentarou: Now, I was under the impression that cops did not mean ex-military and active criminal. Tell me, was I wrong?

Juuto: We were all last-minute additions, I'm afraid. The precinct needed three extra players, so I invited Riou and Samatoki to fill the roster.

Riou: Come. Let us both expend our every energies and make this a good fight.

Jirou: You know it!

[The whistle blows for the start of the match. Upbeat music begins to play.]

Jirou: And I'm off!

Juuto: Uh-uh-uh. Not so fast.

Jirou: Oh yeah? Try and stop me!

[Jirou breezes past Juuto.]

Juuto: Urgh!

Jirou: Aimono! Passing it to you!

Juushi: Oh gosh... Um... L-let's hope all my training pays off! Oof! Hrgh! Haah!

Jirou: Hey! Yumeno's open!

Juushi: Got it!

Gentarou: Hup! Ha ha... The enemy shall rue the day the ball e'er fell into my possession.

Riou: Not so fast.

[Riou plows into Gentarou, and Gentarou stumbles.]

Gentarou: Ouch!

Riou: Samatoki! Pass!

Samatoki: Got it!

Jirou: Aw, shit-- Fall back to the goal!

Samatoki: Yeah, you'd better run! Take...that!

[The soccer ball swishes into the net, and the whistle blows.]

Juushi: Oh, drat. That's 1-0 against us...

Samatoki: Booyah!

Gentarou: So, too, shall my allies rue the day the ball e'er fell into my possession.

Jirou: Quit yapping and get back into position!

Gentarou: What's the magic word? ...Oh, never mind. Very well...

[Time elapses. The whistle blows again.]

Jirou: It all comes down to this. I wanna see you play like your life depends on it. Now let's go!

Juushi: Right behind you!

Gentarou: Well, as long as it's only like our lives depend on it, I'm sure I'll manage somehow.

Jirou: Eat...this!

Riou: Not on my watch.

Jirou: Heh. Get lost!

[Jirou swoops past Riou.]

Riou: What the--

[Juuto pops up in front of Jirou.]

Jirou: Whoa!

[Samatoki and Riou close in on either side.]

Juuto: Playtime's over, little boy. You'll never get past all three of us.

Samatoki: Three-vee-one ain't right, but all's fair in love and soccer.

Jirou: Heh. I'd like to see you try 'n stop me.

[Jirou squeezes past Samatoki and Juuto.]

Juuto: Wha--

Samatoki: The hell--

Jirou: Aimono! It's all on you!

Juushi: I'm on it!

Jirou: Quit dribblin' and shoot! You're open!

Juushi: Okay! Here I...go!

[The ball flies through the air and...hits the post.]

Juushi: The post?!

[It rebounds, sails through the air, and beans Gentarou on the head.]

Gentarou: Ow!

[The ball drops and rolls a few paces. The whistle blows.]

Jirou: Dude, you did it! Awesome header.

Juushi: Thank you for the assist!

Gentarou: Ah, but of course. I knew if I stood right here, I would intercept the ball's trajectory perfectly. Really, it was almost too simple.

Juuto: He says, taking credit for a complete coincidence...

[Time passes, and it is now evening.]

Jirou: Ahh! Nothing feels better'n winning a game.

Juushi: You're telling me. I feel like I'm walking on air.

Gentarou: After seeing the shattered looks on the opponents' faces, I, too, am enjoying a metaphorical stroll through the skies. A pity I didn't have a camera on me.

Jirou: You're one sick bastard...

Juushi: Now, now. Be nice to him. He worked hard and helped us win, didn't he?

Gentarou: Yes, and with that out of the way... Shall we now turn to musical pursuits?

[The scene cuts to the trio walking into a practice room.]

Gentarou: My, my. I've never been in a practice studio before. Amazing how much equipment one can cram into such a small space.

Jirou: Damn, the whole band showed up? You guys didn't have to...

Bandmate 1: Nah, no worries, dude.

Bandmate 2: We gotta have the full crew if we're gonna put on a show.

Gentarou: Well, I, for one, appreciate it.

Juushi: All righty. Time's a-wasting, so let's get started. You've...listened to the set list, I hope?

Jirou: Yup. Heard every song!

Gentarou: I even took the liberty of composing accompanying lyrics for us guest artists.

Jirou: Well, I'm ready when you are. Let's get cracking!

Juushi: All right. Let's go!

[Music begins to play. Time passes.]

Juushi: You guys were incredible! I mean, I shouldn't have expected anything less. You've been in the DRB and all...

Gentarou: I must say, I never imagined rapping with live performers would be so entertaining an experience.

Jirou: Yeah! That was tight.

Bandmate 1: Aight, I'm gonna step out for a smoke.

Bandmate 2: Same.

Juushi: Okay! See you in a bit.

[The bandmates step out.]

Jirou: Man, you guys are hella good at guitar. Makes all my practice look like nothin'! Maybe I should take up drumming instead. Can't be more to it than bashing a coupla sticks around, right?

Gentarou: I should imagine it's quite a bit harder than that, really.

Juushi: Do you want to try it and see?

Jirou: I'd love to. You wanna show me what to do?

Gentarou: I'd appreciate a lesson as well, if you're offering.

Juushi: Oh, I'm not a drummer myself. I just know a few of the basics. Here, let me teach you the 8-beat rhythm.

[Juushi walks over to the drum kit and plays a simple beat with obvious enjoyment.]

Jirou: You call that basic? Nah, dude. You're rocking it!

Gentarou: Marvelously done.

Juushi: Aww, shucks. But you should see how the pros play.

Gentarou: What did you say this was called? The 8-beat rhythm? How does it go?

Juushi: Well, let's see. You're going to alternate between the hi-hat on one side and the snare on the other. You want a tat-tat-tat-tat rhythm! Meanwhile, you're counting out a bum...bum... rhythm with the kick pedal.

Gentarou: ...Ah. I feel most...illuminated. Well, I shan't know how it works until I try. [Gentarou plugs away at the drums arrhythmically.] This is wretchedly difficult. I don't feel the least bit coordinated.

Juushi: Everyone struggles with it at first.

Jirou: Lemme have a go at it.

Gentarou: By all means.

Jirou: So it goes like this, right? [Jirou, obviously enjoying himself, manages the rhythm more or less.]

Juushi: Wow! You're a natural.

Jirou: This is kinda fun!

Juushi: Next time, you should try a fill. I think you'll really like it.

Jirou: Hell yeah. Just show me what to do.

Gentarou: At least those two are enjoying themselves. Meanwhile, I seem to be as devoid of musical ability as I am of its athletic counterpart...

[Time passes. The scene cuts to a concert dressing room. Juushi, Gentarou, and Jirou are kitted out in goth V-kei costumes and makeup.]

Juushi: You two look great!

Gentarou: We certainly make a strong impression.

Jirou: I feel kinda bad that you went all out on us for just a one-time thing. All these doodads must've cost a fortune.

Juushi: Oh, don't look at me! Mr. Yumeno went out and bought all of it.

Gentarou: It was the least I could do after your kind tutelage.

Jirou: Hey, thanks! Now, who's ready to go out there and rock out?

Gentarou: Me, certainly. What started out as writing research has morphed into quite the fun personal endeavor.

[The door opens, and in walks Ichirou, Saburou, Ramuda, Dice, Kuukou, and Hitoya.]

Ichirou: Hey, Jirou!

Saburou: Guess who came to watch your show?

Jirou: Yo, for real? You're the best!

Ichirou: Nice outfit. Is that eyeliner?

Jirou: Yeah. I, uh, kinda don't know how I feel about it...

Saburou: Really? I think it's cool.

Ramuda: Ooh! Your clothes are sooooo cute. You were born to be goth!

Gentarou: Why, thank you.

Dice: I skipped a boat race to come watch you, so this had better be good!

Gentarou: Oh, heavens. You needn't have bothered. I'm sure I can't possibly compete with a boat for your attention.

Kuukou: Yo, Juushster. How's it hangin'?

Hitoya: Hey. I was working in the area and thought I'd stop by.

Juushi: Aww, thank you! I appreciate you both coming out all this way.

Kuukou: Wouldn't've missed it for the world. So, what's up with the back-up singers? Kind of a weird crowd you're running with.

Juushi: You can say that again. I have to admit, I was a little nervous at first. But we practiced hard, and I'm sure we'll do ourselves proud!

Hitoya: Knock 'em dead, kid.

Juushi: We will! I just hope you like it.

[Scene cuts to the stage amid screaming fans.]

Juushi: And for our final escapade, I summon to the stage two beings of darkness. Presenting...

Gentarou: ...summoned by the cthonian call of this most eldritch of ensembles--'tis I, creature of chaos, master of malice, weaver of wonders and producer of phantasms--the illustrious G Yumeno!

Jirou: Bruh.

Gentarou: When in Rome, do as the Romans do. And as we happen to be Goths, why not sack it?

Jirou: I'm...not doing that. Hey, all! I'm, uh, Jirou...from Ikebukuro! Thanks for having me!

[The crowd cheers.]

Juushi: Come, mine children! To the last dance!

Gentarou: Yes, pray lose thyselves in the siren song of our sylven symphonies.

Jirou: ...What he said! We're gonna rap your socks off!

[Time elapses. The crowd cheers once more at the end of the song.]

Juushi: Alas, the time has come. The full moon stands poised over the horizon, ready to slip into obscurity once more. We, too, must break from this bacchanal and prepare to depar--

Kuukou: Yo, hold up!

[Kuukou runs through the crowd and leaps onstage. Bad Ass Temple Funky Sounds begins to play.]

Juushi: Kuukou?! You're not allowed up here!

Kuukou: Yeah, and? Y'all're killing it with these songs. Now we're gonna join in and do one of our own!

Gentarou: Dare I ask who is this "we"?

Kuukou: All's y'alls! Hitoya! Ichirou! Sabs and the Shibuya crew! Get your asses up here!

[The rest of the cast scrambles up on stage.]

Ichirou: Haha! Now how's that for an entrance?

Saburou: Too bad we don't get costumes...

Hitoya: Y'know what? Going along with Kuukou's harebrained ideas every once in a while won't kill me.

Ramuda: Whatever keeps the party going!

Dice: Yeah! Let's end this thing on a high note!

Juushi: Ah ha. Ah ha ha. Yes, just...highjack the show, why don't you...

Gentarou: Well, it'll certainly make for a memorable concert.

Jirou: Yeah, man. Nine of the world's best rappers in one show? This is gonna be awesome.

Juushi: I guess you're right... All right. [Juushi clears his throat and gets into character] Behold, the finest assemblage of musical savants the world has e'er seen! The stuff of legends! Are we ready, gentlemen?

Gentarou: Most assuredly.

Saburou and Jirou: Yup!

Ramuda: You know it!

Dice, Ichirou, and Hitoya: Sure are.

Kuukou: Hell yes I am! Let's kick ass!

[Fade to black.]

[Final shot of Juushi, Gentarou, and Jirou chibis on stage.]

Juushi: And for our final escapade, I summon to the stage two beings of darkness. Presenting...

Gentarou: ...creature of chaos, master of malice, weaver of wonders and producer of phantasms--the illustrious G Yumeno!