* glacial ,

yiseul’s spent the past hour consciously feeding herself reminders in intervals of five minutes, to consistently keep the corner of her lips held high and fixed into a smile that’s obvious enough to be caught on the cameras set up around them. it’s not that she doesn’t find value or some sense of fulfilment in this, or even that the significance of what they’re doing today glides her by. rather, it’s exactly that she sees just how much of an effect their presence has, and responsibility has never really been her forte. 

even more so when it’s to do with frail little kids, and attempting to keep that hopeful glint in their adoring gazes alive is proving to be so much more stressful than one would expect. if she’s being honest, the entire reality show filming has been a nightmare for her, and although the cameras are the last thing on her mind right now, she’s just as on edge, if not more. it’s somewhat of a self-fulfilling prophecy ─ the worries that she’s not up to par with their expectations relentlessly run through her mind, and it renders her interactions more stilted than it usually already is.

just slightly over seven years into the business now, and reality shows still bring forth a quiver in yiseul’s voice and an irrepressible shakiness to her gaze. it’s her achilles’ heel, the dreadful pressure of having a camera that’s constantly following your every movement, and the unspoken obligation to bluff her way through some fabricated version of the reality in a reality show. so yiseul thanks her lucky stars, all three of them in the form of the other equinox girls that are along by her side this time, the brightest of which is suji. like a grounding force, suji never fails to bring her comfort, and god knows how much yiseul would have struggled without her around.

because even just the thought of having to act all chummy with a bunch of other idols, some of whom she might have never even properly spoken to, sends a shudder through her spine. it’s a wonder that being on stage before countless strangers doesn’t frighten her to the point of immobilization, but maybe it has something to do with how detached it all comes across ─ the blinding lights and the distance from the audience extends the connection too far beyond for her to really feel it. today’s stage is a little different though. stripped down and intimate is the nicer way of describing it. unduly personal is yiseul’s preferred descriptor, though it is less pleasant-sounding, and so she doesn’t care to talk about it with anyone other than suji.

meet equinox’s main dancer and aspiring actress ryu yiseul! also gold star’s representative ice princess, but she’s really just a bumbling dork deep down shhhh. here are some of her links: a very basic profile, background and plots. you’ll get a good grasp of how she’s like from info below the cut, and if you hit the ❤️ i will come running! i’m always available on tumblr ims, but if it’s more convenient for you i’m also on discord @ heartpulse#9554. (just let me know who you are!)