심쿵!

phew y’all might ACTUALLY want to read this one, for once a jada ooc post has something important to say….

to coworkers, they’re mr. and mrs. lee, who did everything they could to achieve success. to friends, they were the beloved junghoo and kyunghee, leading with a smile wherever they went. to each other, they were honey, darling, sweetheart, all the pet names in the book. but to minjae, their eldest child?

 lee.minj the weather’s really chilly today, right? but i’ve been out all morning getting some fresh air! i’ve been thinking about what book recommendation to give you guys this week...and i think today it’ll be black flower! i’ve always been one for historical fiction, anyways.~

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“i swear....all you guys do whatever you please. do you think you have some sort of superpower, or something?”  minjae grumbled, moving to the other side of his couch to press the ice pack onto sooyeon’s knee. had he become a clinic, or something? it seemed that sohyun, and plenty of others felt that instead of going to a doctor as they should, they’d be better of getting help on their own. minjae had no problem with it - he was the self-procliamed caretaker of all those idols who were younger than him or just needed a hand. but he hated seeing sohyun in pain and not doing anything about it.

“i understand you don’t want everyone to know you’re hurt. but....this is pretty serious,” he admitted, looking down with concern as shades of indigo began coloring her wound. gently, he propped her leg up on the coffee table in front of them, as his beloved pet kitten watched curiously.

“look, even danbi’s worried. how’d you do this, was it at practice?” sitting alongside her, minjae meets her eyes once more. “i know you want me to keep quiet, but....” voice trailing off, the male frowned, the sight of the injury causing him to become upset. “i just don’t see how something like this can go unnoticed.”

date: august of 2008 location: jinhae-gu, south korea scenario: minjae experiences his first, high school love. word count: 1,531 notes: this mildly discusses issues with sexuality!! so if that triggers you in any way, i advise you don’t read this! & hey PLEASE click here to read it on mobile bc i’m changing minjae’s theme atm and it’s gonna look so bad if you don’t!!

“ i don’t know if i even deserve any of this. ” not when he had almost ruined mars with what happened the dreaded night of halloween, not when he couldn’t even bear himself to react when the ceo gave the news of the collaboration with the very junsu who broke his heart. four 1s laid flat and almost ominous on the older’s phone and he felt himself almost wheezing. “ i… guess nothing can go more shit than it already had right?. ” and a wish on a blown-away candle wasn’t going to revert time and have himself and junsu never break up.

“come on, rem. if anyone in this entire building deserves some doting on, it’s you.” the phrase couldn’t be any closer to the truth, in minjae’s eyes. he felt awful, knowing that ahreum had put the entire burden of his breakup on himself to bare. what could minjae do? he’d tried everything - from food, to conversations, and finally resorting to an extravagant birthday party. minjae, of course, would never back down when it came to the ones he truly cared about.

“that’s the spirit! i...think.” the logic in minjae was screaming that yes, things could be worse, and that as bad as it seemed there were always bad things out there. but, feeling it wasn’t the proper time, he nodded his head with approval. “when you’re in a rut, the only place you can go is up. but you have to at least try,” the older encouraged, reciting the words he’d been told years before. 

“here, how about this. i’ll blow one of your candles out for you. see it as...minjae-hyung pushing you in the right direction.” the last part came out exaggerated, accompanied with a pat on the shoulder and a dramatized fatherly voice. “i’m giving you a boost, to get you out of your rut. it’s up to you to do the rest.” maybe it was his parent’s usage of folktales and myths, or perhaps his childhood obsession with reading that got him so into using metaphors in every teaching moment. but despite his fatherly tone, there was a method to his madness. of course, he had no problem fighting for ahreum. he always had. but he wanted to be sure, that whenever he wasn't around to do the job himself ahreum would know he was doing just fine.

“you’re not going to let your candles burn out...are you?”

the eldest took a seat across from ahreum, expectantly eyeing both him and the cake. the hours before had been...hectic, to say the least. all the mars boys and some had crowded into the dorms to celebrate the rapper’s birthday, filled with friends, food, and festivities minjae had started worrying over weeks prior. despite the stress, it’d turned out pleasantly well and everyone had (eventually) headed home with full stomachs and smiles on their face.

while it had all been nice, there was...something missing. between practice, performances, and all of mars’ hustle and bustle, there were few times he could just...be, with ahreum. any time spent together was either accompanied by five overgrown boys or relating to some upcoming promotion.  minjae knew that before anything else, he just wanted to spend some one on one time with the younger member for his birthday. especially considering the events as of recent. so, after the party he’d invited the other to his apartment for some downtime before the clock struck twelve and the day was up.

‘i would’ve bought a cake, but...i knew that’d be a hassle. plus, i’d like to think i’ve gotten good at cooking after all the times you six have asked me.” the comment is followed by a grin, as he adjusts the candles meticulously placed atop the homemade cake. birthdays had always been a big deal for minjae’s family, ever since his parent’s celebration of his birthday,  their first child’s celebration. each party, while inexpensive, didn’t even slightly lack in extravagance, the two always putting extreme thought into the whole ordeal. he’d only passed the tradition on to mars. although they’d technically already had a party, and mostly everyone had come and gone, he didn’t neglect to hang decorations and bake a whole new cake for the separate celebration.

“come on, won’t you blow them? make a wish, hurry. my mom always says that if you made a wish at 11:11 on your birthday, it’s destined to come true.” in anticipation, he turns his phone, to reveal the same time painted across the screen. “i’d hurry, if i were you, rem.”

that even now that he was standing right in front of minjae —with skin tattered in marks and chopped stains of glitter he was still trying so desperately to cover, with half-sweaty hair and eyes reddened up by the need for tears he was so much suppressing, the swollen lips still being even more bitten and the flinching at the juts of cold air through the silken shirt, unable to rise his head to face the other for he could already feel the horror and disappointment making him bleed— he knew what he truly deserved was nothing. he was going to be yelled at, to be called disgusting, and he knew he deserved it, all of it.

minjae, out of all people, thought he’d known what to expect. after all, it was ahreum. he knew ahreum. but looking up to see the broken man in front of him proved that no matter what, you could never fully know a person. because as much as he knew the younger had been holding something in, it took to see the pain staring him in his eyes to see just how much it was.

he liked to joke and call the mars members his kids - it was his brand to be the dad, anyways. but by ahreum looking so vulnerable, putting his emotions on display - whether by choice or not - - he really felt like he was a kid, and that he needed to cover all in the world that could hurt him. but he couldn’t. so instead, without saying a word, minjae embraces the younger so tightly he worries the other may lose his circulation. 

“god, you’re not invincible, ahreum,” he whispers, rearranging strands of hair to try abd piece back the ahreum he knew once again. “you didn’t have to hold it all in for so long.” and yet, the other boy’s said nothing. he just knows. minjae would know that look anywhere, the deep-rooted type of pain that could only be caused by withholding it for so long until it explodes. why hadn’t he seen it earlier? he would have given anything for it not to have gotten to this point.

 “i told you guys to come home by one,” he says, though instead of being disciplinary his tone is filled with gentleness. “i knew you idiots would get into something if i didn’t.” because behind the tattered clothes, ruffled hair, and pain-inflected face, that was ahreum. he knew that much. and if one thing was sure, it was that there was no room in the rapper’s heart for a lecture right now.

When he heard it ring a second time he actually gets out of his bed and walks out to the front of his apartment. He made sure he looked decent before he opened the door. He blinks when he sees it wasn’t his manager or any of his group members at the door. It was Minjae. “So, I’m guessing you’re here to yell at me or something around there?”

just as he’s spinning around to leave, the sound of a doorknob turning returns his attention forward. as the door opens, the male sighed and curses himself for even coming, thinking that perhaps it was a bad idea. right in front of his eyes was junsu himself, and without trying to disguise his intentions he stared straight into the origin member’s eyes.

“good morning to you too. i’m doing fine, thanks. oh, and thanks for welcoming me to your house.” muttering sarcastically, the older sucks his teeth as he feels instantly agitated. minjae was hardly a bitter person, but he just couldn’t hide his distaste towards the other. while he didn’t know everything that’d gone on between them, he did know that ahreum’s sadness the past few days had resulted from the breakup in one way or another. that, if anything, made him feel that his behavior was just. after all, ahreum had only asked him to retrieve the wings - he’d never promised to be particularly friendly.

“do you want me to yell?” the male asked, stepping closer to the doorframe. breathe, minjae. “look, i’m just here to get ahreum’s wings. he left them here a few days ago, you haven’t forgotten about that right? anyways, that’s all i need from you. trust me, i don’t want to spend any longer here than i have to either.” 

➳ now this was awkward. why, why did ahreum have to leave his wings at junsu’s place? ahreum swore they were too important to leave behind, and yet didn’t have the strength to face junsu. the compromise? minjae had been sent, as some god-forsaken middleman, to retrieve the costume piece. it was...awful, to say the least. not only did he have to face the misery of realizing how the wings had got there in the first place, he was also forced to come face to face with the younger mars member’s ex. great. 

thankfully, the days between their interaction and now had been far enough to let some tension be released.  still, it was a stretch to say things had reverted to as they once were, and the leader felt awkward as ever walking up the stairs to approach junsu’s apartment.  after all, they hadn’t even formally met, and their one true connection was through ahreum himself.

“um...hello? is anyone home?” the male asked, pressing the button to ring the bell. he was feeling both incredibly embarrassed and defensive, but nevertheless planted his feet into the ground below him. he wasn’t going anywhere without those wings, he swore. but as the time spent waiting for a response became increasingly long, his head became filled with misgiving and a desire to head home. “seriously,” he whispered to himself, ringing the bell once more. “if i’ve wasted my time sitting out here for nothing, i’m never doing ahreum a favor again.”

he tried to type quickly, not even really checking for typos. he only wanted minjae not to hate him. to take him home and hug him and tell him everything was fine —that he had to endure just a little bit more because healing was really that close even when he just made something like a hundred steps back according to the coping scale.

minjae’s halfway out the door of his apartment, not knowing where to even go before his notifications stopped him. turning on the phone, he looked past the previous texts, only to see the most recent on top. i am at my ex’s. origin’s prophet’s place. he’d read it, plenty of times, and yet each time the sentence sounded a little more unbelievable. there was no way. no way. he would’ve known something like this, right? was he so blind, to not see a relationship come and go for someone he saw every day?

it wasn’t about who it was, when it was, how long it was - none of it mattered to him. all minjae cared about was if ahreum had been hurt by it, what had gone on at that party, and if and when he needed to have a discussion with prophet. he could tell that today was not the day though, so for ahreum’s sake, tried his best to calm down. but his head was spinning, and the dreaded feeling he despised washed over him - he didn’t know what to do. 

it was better not to tell the other boys...right? this was something minjae wanted to handle on his own, just him and ahreum. he swore not to tell any of the others without the rapper’s permission, and dashed to the car with an address and a dozen of thoughts on his mind. he wasn’t mad. he wasn’t even surprised. they were grown men, and the leader knew they must have snuck off and gotten into relationships some time or another. but with ahreum, something didn’t seem right. even through his texts it felt deeper, more serious. 

before he even knew he’d turned the car on, he looked up to see he was parked in front of the apartment complex he presumed ahreum was at. hopping out the car with a mask, he looked to check it was the address before leaning against the hood. in his eyes, it was better than waltzing in, and he wasn’t too sure he even had the self-control.