watermelon sugar

the stupid unit song he’s in for their upcoming album is stuck in his head. -- to be fair, he likes the song. he likes the lyrics on it. y’know, mostly the ones he wrote, but, like, whatever. that’s not really the issue. the issue is that his head has somehow blended it together with fallin’ flower, factually charm’s worst song, so now he’s cranky thanks to that. don’t even bring up the sweat pouring out of him after all those rally calls for the whole group version of just do it. his thoughts pause for a moment. huh. a full group version. that sub-unit really was a short lived experiment. 

whatever. 

quick changes and freshening up happen in a breeze, and before he knows it, he’s out on stage again, stressors mostly forgotten for the next micro-set of songs within their setlist. sometimes he feels high at and after concerts -- other times, it’s like his energy levels just crash. it’s one of those nights, where he’s tired from the extra flying to go back to korea for a festival yesterday. he makes a beeline for the room that the staff stuck the performance unit with for changing, and strips, changes into fresh underwear, and flops onto the couch. he’s gross still, but he’ll shower when he gets back to the hotel. he takes a second to catch his breath, and then lethargically drags his sweater and shorts onto his body. his head is still forcing its way out of the sweater’s neck when he hears the door open. 

our tomorrow can’t be stopped - ft. @fmddowoon

although joon was the main leader of charm, it was never the case that he decided everything on his own – he was simply the one who would put down his foot and have the final say during arguments and varying opinions, but when it really came down to it, he valued his members’ opinions a lot, especially that of his fellow leaders.

with their japan tour just over and a comeback not too far off in the horison there was no time to lose, no time to sit back and relax and thus everyone was busy in their own way, both inside and out of the practice room. today joon had decided to pay the performance team leader a visit to go over some of the upcoming schedule (and to pet his dog but that was another matter) and after a quick knock on the door joon stuck his head into the place and called out with a singsong: “hey dowoon? do you wanna build a snow man?”

a knock on his door rouses dowoon from his impromptu nap on the couch, pushing himself into a seated position with his elbows. wang patters up to him, the tips of his nails tapping against dowoon’s scratched up wooden floors. “why don’t you answer it?” he asks the dog, who replies to him with a curious tilt of his head, tongue peeking out beneath his scrunched up little nose. then, the door cracks open, revealing joon behind it, voice carrying easily through dowoon woefully under-furnished apartment. he tosses his head back over the arm of his sofa, treating joon to an upside down expression that lands somewhere between a scowl and a pout. “i should never have given you a key.”

One of his favorite things to do whenever Jaeyoon accompanied his younger brother to the park, or whatever place Jaeho wanted to go and couldn’t go alone as a kid, was to watch the way other people interacted with kids. There were the parents, of course, the ones that, regardless of whether they wanted to have children in the first place, were dealing with their existence, and most of them at least tried. The babysitters, the extended family members, the grumpy siblings much like himself — it was truly fascinating to watch the way they’d try to navigate being around children. And then there were always the people who were visibly uncomfortable, who didn’t look like they were enjoying a second of being around but didn’t have an option for whatever reason. 

The guy who Jaeyoon had called out to — Jaeyoon was pretty sure he’d seen him in ads for a big group, Knight? Or was it CHARM? Something BC, definitely — seemed like he fit into the last category. He fought against the urge to laugh, watching the casual awkwardness in the guy’s moves. “I’m Jaeyoon, and you don’t have to ask me, buddy,” he patted the top of Eunhee’s head softly. “It’s little Eunhee here.” And turned to her. “Would you like this oppa here to help you?” She shrugged, too focused on her coloring to care, tongue sticking out from her mouth. She made no move to give him a page from the book, though, so Jaeyoon chuckled and reached on the side for one of the discarded coloring books Eunhee hadn’t been interested in, handing it over to Dowoon. “Here, see if you can do a better coloring job than Eunhee. I’m Jaeyoon, by the way.” 

“jaeyoon, right.” and then, more to the little girl -- eunhee -- than to jaeyoon, he said, “i’m charm’s dowoon.” she still didn’t pay him any attention. okay. cool. eunhee was sucked completely into her colouring book. dowoon couldn’t even see what the picture was behind her downward focused head and rapidly moving hand. he could respect that. totally. carefully, just in case him taking one of her colouring books would be the trigger, he accepted the book from jaeyoon, its thin grouping of pages flopping about as he flipped through it. “ha, uh, no way. i’m sure eunhee can do a much better job than i can.”

“Oh shush, there’s no such a thing as owing me anything. I like bringing some silly gifts to the people I like, it’s no problem,” Sooah counters as she looks around the room in search of her wallet and room keys. She’s always the person who ends up losing those anyway, so it makes sense that she can’t find them anywhere in her immediate sight. “You know, I’ve been paying Yuanjun’s meals recently, so this is nothing in comparison. Just let me know if something comes to mind, and I’ll figure it out.”

Sooah instantly brightens up at Dowoon’s further probing. “Alright, so, I know this is going to sound terrible but I promise it’s not that bad,” she gestures by putting one hand up to where Dowoon would be able to see, almost defensive, but not dismissive of his opinion in any way. “Royce’s have this chocolate and salt chips that sound terrible, but are absolutely the best snack, and Calbee has a honey and butter one that is also amazing and a must-try. I’m almost certain that my manager will end up confiscating my money at some point, but it’s totally worth it.”

dowoon rolls his eyes, but the action is accompanied by a fond and good natured smile. he doesn’t say it aloud, instead opting to bark out a laugh as he watches sooah scan her hotel room, but he thinks that sort of kindness is nice. such a twee, nonspecific word, but fitting. it’s just nice -- no ulterior motives, nothing more than picking up something small for a friend. dowoon is barely back from japan himself, and has been thrown into comeback preparations. sooah is in a similar situation, but she still takes the time to think of the little things. dowoon, on the other hand ... one side of his mouth twitches. “really? yuanjun, that brat.” a pause, and then he laughs, his anxieties about his personalities pushed aside. as if he doesn’t fuss over charm’s maknae as much as he can too, especially now, when he has all of his moodiness to make up for.

location: volunteering opportunity at an orphanage date: august 30 with: open

Having a younger brother who was many, many years younger than him meant Jaeyoon pretty much raised Jaeho. He remembered when his brother was tiny, having just been born, fitting comfortably in Jaeyoon’s arms even as a ten year old. Now, at fourteen, Jaeho was already taller than Jaeyoon, which wasn’t a particularly hard thing to accomplish, and strong enough that Jaeyoon was pretty sure Jaeho could pick him up with ease. Whereas the responsibility had filled Jaeyoon with annoyance when he was a teen, to the point where he had yelled at his brother unnecessarily more than a handful of times, the truth was that he missed when Jaeho was tiny and Jaeyoon could carry him around. Jaeho had also been an adorable kid, so easy to smile and so easy to make happy, a sweetheart in a way that Jaeyoon never was. 

The nostalgia was inevitable, and it hit extra hard now that Jaeyoon was sitting on the floor with a kid on his lap. The little girl with the cute pigtails, Eunhee was her name, asked Jaeyoon to help her to do some coloring and he had gone willingly and happily. Ultimately she didn’t actually need or want his help in the first place, seemed content with just sitting there chatting away at Jaeyoon about her day and her friends in the orphanage and the dog that sneaked into the house the other day which she got to pat. Twice, even! Jaeyoon nodded enthusiastically, interjecting at all the right moments to get her to keep talking, and when she finally stopped to breathe, he noticed the other person sitting next to them, looking a bit lost. “Hey,” Jaeyoon called out to them, Eunhee looking up from her coloring to also look at the person. “Wanna join our coloring session?”

dowoon stood squarely in the doorway of the orphanage’s big playroom, behind the staff who were in charge of getting all of this out to the press, and the staff who were there to make sure the kids were okay, for a long time. as long as his manager would let him get away with, before his hand clapped down on dowoon’s shoulder, insisting he cross the threshold and get to making nice. why he couldn’t just do the dogsitting volunteering and be done with it, he didn’t understand. 

whatever. his legs were killing him anyways, so he dragged his feet across to the first foam, jigsaw puzzle piece mat he set eyes on, and resigned himself to scanning the room, hoping that (a) one of these brats was a charm fan, and (b) he didn’t look too intimidated by a bunch of elementary school kids.

planes, to an extent, provided dowoon with an opportunity to relax. for the next little while, he knew there was nothing he had to do -- no stupid dome tour, no stupid festival appearances, no stupid anything. sure, he’d rather be at home, lying flat on his back, wang snorting as he snuggled up next to him, but at least he could pass out on a plane. usually. tonight, his body was still buzzing from a job well done at their performance at ulsan music festival just a couple of hours ago. he’d be lucky if he got a wink of sleep before they pop out on stage for their next concert stop in ... tokyo. yeah, they’re en route to tokyo. 

he rolled his neck around, movement limited by the neck pillow propping up his chin, and rested his head against jihoon’s, lips pouting and cheeks puffed up. 

starter for: OPEN

“Is there anything you’d like from Japan? I just discovered these very delicious chips, or maybe some souvenir from here? A little gift?” Sooah asks tilting her head to the side as she holds her phone in front of her for the video call. It’s already late at night, she just spent most of the day rehearsing for the concert, and she’s a little bit sore from exercise, but it still feels nice to talk to someone who’s not directly involved with the whole process.

Sooah doesn’t have that much time to spare. She’s in Yokohama for work, and it’s only a weekend affair before they flight her back to Seoul. But she can still try to sneak out, or go to a close shop and buy a few things if requested. It’s not like she never had done that before, and she hates going back empty-handed. Sooah would still have to go to at least a convenience store to pick up very specific snacks that her brothers seem to love so much, anyway, so she might as well look for things for her friends. “And before you say anything, it’s not a problem at all. Just tell me if you want something.”

“nah, no way,” dowoon says, pretty much instantly. he shuts his big mouth to let sooah finish her pitch regardless though, because, contrary to what his members might believe, he is capable of being polite when he wants to -- frankly, he’s a very well behaved type of guy most of the time, if anyone was to ask his opinion. “i picked up so much useless shit when we were over there during charm’s dome tour. y’know, shit for my parents, shit for my dog ... but nothing for any friends, so don’t sweat it. i’d just end up owing you one. i’ve barely been home a week. if i forgot something, it’s my own fault.”

the fakest and loudest gasp he could muster leaves him as dowoon tells him to shut up, lifting his head to look at the other. “uhm, excuse you, we both know that’s not fucking possible.“ he says, a huff following. his head falls back onto the floor, a slight thud could be heard, but nothing too painful sounding. “its probably one of my favorite songs,“ jihoon admits with a shrug, reaching to fold his hands under his head, making the whole laying on the floor slightly more comfortable. “definitely, just say whenever, you punk.“ the vocalist takes the jab, a grin pulling on his lips as he lifts his head to look at dowoon, noticing the cheeky smile aimed his way.

“i know i do dude, but here we are, six years in and bc still pulls the strings.“ he shrugs. there really wasn’t much he could do, but be grateful he was allowed to even release his music to the public. sure, he would like to have an album, a full album just to himself, but jihoon was very much aware bc most likely wouldn’t allow him to release anything like that. oh well. “i just hope japan stays as far away as possible right now, i have a feeling that with this album release, we won’t have to hear anything 24hr related or fallin’ flower, thank fuck.“ he sighs loudly, eyes closing. a hum in agreement leave jihoon as he nods his head ever so slightly. it was oddly relaxing and definitely nostalgic. “definitely. we need to do this more often. it’s been a while since we’ve done this.” he pauses for a second, grin pulling on his lips “we talk shit a lot more nowadays tho, not that i mind it..”

you punk. at that, dowoon rolls over so he’s within leg’s reach of jihoon, and uses his proximity to give the other a kick in his own leg. “i’m the punk? sheesh. look who’s talking.” him. it’s kim dowoon who’s talking, and has some nerve doing so. if they were being honest with each other ... “charm is a group full of punks. it’s not just you and me.” if anything, they’re less of annoying brats than the others -- he hopes. alongside fulfilling his duties of performance unit leader and working on choreography, he tries to be an aid to their overall leader, and to jihoon if he’s ever needed. charm is indeed a group full of punks. that’s probably why they needed punks at the helm too. 

“bullshit.“ jihoon says without missing a beat. “it might be your main position, but you’re an all rounder.“ the vocalist on the other hand had definitely lost his touch when it came to dancing. form someone who used to be a contender for the performance unit, he could barely keep up with them outside of practice. “aftreall, we got our own song.“ it was a duet on one of their charm albums, but it was still something “say whenever, we can do a whole duet album.“ it wasn’t all empty words. jihoon was a man of his word “hell, if you want a solo album, i’ll be more than happy to help you. its the only thing im good at as well.“ he semi teases with the last part, grin pulling on his lips as he rolls over to look at dowoon.

“dude, the choreography is so fun, all the formations, the movements, its such a musical like feeling i love it.“ this was indeed something charm hadn’t done before. it was something he was beyond excited to show to their fans. “yeah i get you. its really cool. probably my favorite so far.“ jihoon states with a small nod, stretching his arms in front of him on the floor, sighing at how good it felt. “bro, i hate that song as well, no offence taken. but we get to release what bc says. i just hope that song gets buried somewhere deep next time we go to japan.“

“shut the fuck up, man,” dowoon whines, cringing at the compliment. he’ll take it though, and clearly, for all his protesting, he agrees to at least some extent, judging by the smug smirk that briefly flashes across his face. “we did.” and they pulled it off so well, according to dowoon. “that’d be sick, actually.” his first solo mini-album had been basically handed to him by bc’s producers -- save for the choreography, of course. he wondered, with charm’s self-produced reputation, why they hadn’t pulled from more of the resources available to them from within the group. he supposed they were probably hedging their bets. it was his first solo endeavour. now that he has an idea of what they want from him, and vice versa, maybe next time he and jihoon really will be allowed to drum something up together. “yeah. if it’s the only thing that you’re good at, we might as well make use of it,” he says, smiling cheekily across at jihoon. he’s just teasing, holding back a laugh inside his chipmunk cheeks. 

even if he felt this was unlucky – haneul couldn’t help but like being outside in the rain. preferably when he had an umbrella or something to cover himself, there was something incredibly soothing about every sound being drowned out by the heavy drops hitting the ground. the weather forecast had said it might rain– and if it did it wouldn’t last long, so he hoped that it would be over soon.

haneul’s eyes darted up once he heard his name– it was a familiar voice and he turned to look to where the voice came from and he looked at the older male’s face, “ sunbae nim,” he says with raised brows before quickly bowing politely at the sudden appearance.

a small chuckle escaped his lips as the other apologized for being hard on them ( maybe him in particular ) during hot topic, “ don’t apologize, i am sure that i needed it… then, ” he eyes the older with a lifted brow before looking down at the animal in his hands.

“ is it your dog ? ”

then? dowoon almost asked. he felt an urge to give haneul a smack on the arm, to playfully -- or, as playfully as dowoon was capable of anyways -- reprimand him for thinking that his work would ever be done regardless of how much his dancing had improved since then, but he held himself back, and smiled instead, lips pressed together. there was no use kicking a man while he was down. being caught in the rain with a senior who may or may not think you sort of suck wasn’t exactly ideal. dowoon wasn’t a cruel man outside of practice rooms or softball games or any other competitive situation, he swore so. 

OPEN STARTER                          °  i try to hold it in, i try to endure, every day

haneul thought that boredom was a crime and if there was one thing he couldn’t stand, it was when he was feeling bored. even when he was on a break he found himself practicing for something, singing, dancing or rapping – he needed to have something going on. what haneul doesn’t realize is that he is pushing himself to meet everyone’s expectations but also break them, so they would stop criticizing him.

he had only been an idol for a month– but ever since the end of hot topic there had been endless scrutiny towards him from the public. not only just because he had been rank one but because he had previously been a gold star trainee. whenever he clicked on an article about VIVE he saw the comments. although there were many supportive, there were also many filled with negativity and critique– especially towards him.

haneul put his phone down, lifted his cap up to look at the sky above him – it was gray and it looked like it might rain and he didn’t carry an umbrella with him. he could probably call his manager to come get him but haneul didn’t want to trouble anyone, not right now. instead he walked over to a nearby cafe, standing under an parasol while he watched as the weather turned greyer by the minute.

it felt like the weather was representing his mood– or maybe his mood responded to the weather.

“how unlucky.”

fucking rain clouds everywhere. at dowoon’s feet, wang yelped happily, tugging dowoon along by his leash, seemingly unbothered by the oncoming promise of rain rolling across the expanse of the sky above them. he allowed wang to drag him along a little longer, until dowoon started to feel the first drop or two of rain against the top of his head. in response, he scooped the little chihuahua up in his arms and ducked beneath the first awning he could see, outside a café with its shutters down. 

how unlucky, said the figure next to him. dowoon turned his head to get a proper look at the owner of the voice, and was surprised to see a familiar face. vive’s main dancer. dowoon’s lips pulled into a half-smile as he remembered the day he’d spent terrorising the trainees on hot topic(k). “you’re haneul, right?” as if he didn’t already know for sure. back during the dance trials, dowoon really noticed haneul -- he thought he stood out, that his charisma and skills combined made him a perfect candidate for the final group’s main dancer. 

he really liked to be proven right.

◤ like we said

❝ we never lose a thing don’t worry about that if you think you can come shoot me @fmddowoon

“i need a break.“ is all jihoon manages to mutter out as he goes to stop the song from playing yet again. they had been going at this dance for over two hours now and the vocalist was pretty much running on fumes. “where do you get all that energy from?” he sighs, sliding himself down to the floor and rolling on his back, enjoying the cold wooden floor under him. to an extend, jihoon blamed the recent festival for the lack of energy, he could usually keep up with dowoon. 

“we haven’t even released this song and i already don’t wanna hear it.“ it wasn’t really true, he had to listen to it while making the song, over and over and over again. “i just wish it had less floor wiping you know?“ jihoon asks, rolling onto his stomach so he could look at dowoon. “you excited about the release? we haven’t had a japanese comeback in what feels like ages.“ 

dowoon doesn’t immediately follow jihoon down onto the wooden practice room floor, instead opting to silently drag his feet across the room to his water bottle, taking a long, long drink from it before he slides down onto his ass and flops back. “i dunno, man.” a pause. a resigned, but still satisfied smile tugs at his lips. “it’s the only thing i’m good at.” dancing. dancing is the only thing he’s good at. it’s not true and he knows it -- he dabbles in songwriting here and there, and he’s a real natural at terraforming his animal crossing island. but it’s still the main thing he’s good at. he’s okay with it, mostly.

he was charm’s dowoon -- dowoon didn’t think he’d ever be able shake off that label, even if he wanted to. he didn’t want to, for that matter. for as long as charm were popular and a recognisable name, he’d be more than happily be tied to them. how else was he gonna land gigs, huh?

but now, he supposed, he was technically also kim dowoon, the soloist. and for the time being, he and yuanjun were also apart from charm in another way, as members of this collaborate crap. it felt weird, and not just because he wasn’t still all that keen on the song. he never even got to dance on top of the stupid car they were advertising. total waste of time. the concert was a good idea though. dowoon hasn’t ever been a complete stranger to performing alone, but he had to admit it felt good to perform a song of his own rather than a cover or a charm remix of some kind at a concert.

that’s the thing with fear, he supposes. the anxiety it initially gives you vanishes into thin air the moment the thing you fear happens. he thinks that’s exactly what happened, and explains the almost positive feedback he received from dowoon. he gratefully accepts the bottle dowoon passes to him. the laugh that the other male gives is contagious and he finds himself laughing along, even when his ass is a little sore from the fall. he was afraid to fall because of a lot of things - being afraid to get injured was definitely on top of the list. but now that he’s there on the floor, unharmed except for the sting on his ass cheeks, he feels a lot more comfortable now. it helps him breathe a little better now.

“what a way to get a wake up call, huh?” he jokes when he recovers from his fit of laughter. he puts the cap back on the water bottle and stands up when dowoon prompts him, too. the words ‘learn from your mistakes’ rings true at this very moment. and dowoon’s right, now that he knows and have lived through what will happen if he messes up that part, he better not let it happen again. there’s a sudden sense of epiphany, like he suddenly knows what he needs to do - where to put his foot and when he’s supposed to pause to regain his balance. is it from all the years of practice? of randomly falling flat on his ass when his balance is off? probably a mixture of both.

“oh, drinks! yes! okay, i got this!” sehoon cheers, giving dowoon a boyish, dimpled grin as he stretches his arms and legs again. there’s a surge of energy in his limbs brought about by the support dowoon gives and the inspirational drive that free good gives. but when it comes down to it, he’s glad he asked dowoon for help. he can be really scary sometimes when it comes to practice, but he always mean well. he strongly believes dowoon is one of the many reasons charm is widely known for their in-sync routines, and he’ll always be proud of that.

with a deep breath, he gives dowoon a determined nod and starts the choreography from the top. he watches himself closely in the mirror in front of him. by the time he finishes, without falling flat on his ass this time, he feels both exhausted and accomplished, so much that he gives another dimpled grin up at dowoon. “i did good, right?”

“yeah. the best ones usually hurt a bit, right?” dowoon cracks back, a fond smile stretching across his face. eh, that’s probably not a rule when it comes to wake up calls in general, but as it applies to dowoon’s, it does. realising the state his household was in as a kid hurt a lot, albeit emotionally rather than physically. but, because of that, he ended up doing something about it. getting punched in the face twice by his members over practice room disagreements during charm’s debut days did sting like a bitch, but thanks to that, he’d become an overall kinder choreographer, sub-leader, and dance captain -- or, at least, he’s done his best since to show the others how much he appreciates their hard work day in and day out at every opportunity he can, in his own emotionally constipated way. 

dowoon barks out a laugh, index finger thrust out in front of him at sehoon at the same time, “hey, that got you moving quickly, didn’t it? come on.” yep, after all these years, dowoon’s decided that rewards really do work better than anything else to get the unruly bunch of them that made up charm into formation.