helz// helchann

Some women are conditioned to be fragile and weak, and to believe that it's a sin to outperform a man. Her feminism would involve allowing women to be strong.

Some women are conditioned to be fragile and weak, and to believe that it's a sin to outperform a man. Her feminism would involve allowing women to be strong.

“Having perfected our disguise, we spend our lives searching for someone we don’t fool.”

But remember, there are two ways to dehumanize someone: by dismissing them, and by idolizing them.

Intimacy is the art of licking wounds. It’s taken me years to let anyone kiss me when my lips were chapped.

atelophobia

Someone once told me a story about long term relationships. To think of them as a continent to explore. I could spend a lifetime backpacking through Africa, and I would still never know all there is to know about that continent. To stay the course, to stay intentional, to stay curious and connected – that’s the heart of it. But it’s so easy to lose track of the trail, to get tired, to want to give up, or to want a new adventure. It can be so easy to lose sight of the goodness and mystery within the person sitting right in front of you.

Before you say yes, get him angry. See him scared, see him wanting, see him sick. Stress changes a person. Find out if he drinks and if he does, get him drunk - you’ll learn more about his sober thoughts. Discover his addictions. See if he puts you in front of them. You can’t change people, baby girl. If they are made one way, it doesn’t just wear off. If you hate how he acts when he’s out of it now, you’re going to hate it much worse eight years down the road. You might love him to bits but it doesn’t change that some people just don’t fit.

I wonder who’s arms would I run and fall into if I were drunk in a room with everyone I have ever loved

You either say how you feel and fuck it up or say nothing and let it fuck you up instead.

It takes years as a woman to unlearn what you have been taught to be sorry for.

“Can you stay friends with an ex?” she asks. By this she means, can you forget the nights when your head was on his stomach and his hands were in your hair and you swore you would never let each other go? Or, maybe, more importantly, can you remember but still let go? “Maybe,” I tell her. By this, I mean, maybe - if you’re over him and he’s over you. By this, at least, I mean: can you remember and not want it back? Can you remember and not feel sad?

Finally, he said, “you know I love you right?“  And I said, “yes.” And he said, “and you know that I would never want to hurt you?” And I braced myself because no one ever says that unless they’re about to hurt you.