Change is permanent and inevitable.

How do you even explain happiness? Where do I even start?

All I know is I never wanted to spend so much time on a person. I never missed a person who just bid farewell a minute ago. I never wanted to have a specific voice running through my head. I never wanted to be held or to hold someone so close to me. My heart never skipped a beat at the intro of a song. I never wanted to cling unto someone.. I never wanted to let my guards down.

At least not for a long time.. Not until now.

Yes, I terribly want to be with you all the time. I still can’t figure out if it’s because you drive me insane or you bring out my sanity. How can someone even have this effect on me? I mean, they are two opposite poles but somehow you manage to do both. To bring both out of me.

Yes, I miss you the moment we part ways. The moment I can no longer grip on your hand. The moment I can no longer feel your physical presence.

Yes, how I wish I get to spend my time listening to you talk about random things just so I could hear your voice.

Yes, because I can’t deny the fact that it feels so damn great when you get to be wrapped up in the arms of the one you love and you know loves you back.

Yes, I was smiling while I was listening to Ed Sheeran’s Thinking Out Loud.. For some reason, you were on my mind for the whole duration of the song. I know I’ve been associating love songs to you but this one is different and I don’t even know why except for the fact that it’s the first love song that made me feel so but I know that’s barely it. So yeah, I’ll let it be xD Now, will you kiss me under the light of a thousand stars? :)

Yes, from the very start, I dread losing you and now, my fear heightened.

Lastly..

Yes, honestly I never (well, not yet) wanted to engage into something serious or better yet, I never even wanted to engage in any type of relationship unless it’s friendship. What happened was just too much for me to handle (as I’ve convinced myself before) and I was caught up on “eventually, they’ll stop loving you,” but I’ve come to realize that change is the only thing permanent in this world. Let it even be a shift of feelings. So hear I am tearing my walls down and I’m more than halfway there. I’m tearing them down for you even given the possibilities of you falling out of love unexpectedly. Risky but what a worthwhile risk it would be considering that for a period of time I get to be loved by someone like you.

For some reason I don’t want you to get a hold of this post because this is silly beyond compare. I mean, it could just be coincidence and I’m making a big deal out of it :3 Anyway, I fell asleep with Ed Sheeran’s X as my lullabye.. I fell asleep with a hint of dismay over a petty thing (you wont tell me your url unless you confirm that I have a Tumblr account -___-) Anyway, before I drowsed of to a heavy sleep, I kept replaying the scene last night when you removed and put my ring back on my finger and mentioned “someday,” I kept on asking what you were thinking of but you never gave me a vivid answer. I was left wondering then and I kept on wondering until I woke up to my phone vibrating.. 5 messages from you. 5 messages.. The first message was your url. Of course, I checked it immediately. I got my answer then and for some reason only God knows, Thinking Out Loud was playing.

Baby, I set my heart for it that you’ll reserve it for me that someday.. I will get a hold of it and ask you with all my endearing heart, the four words I wont regret for the rest of my only life..

The answer. The song.

Realized this is not worth the agony. Idgaf. With conscious effort, I will never give any of it, event a hint. Nope. None at all. I’m tired of feeling this way. It was always like this with him (I’m not comparing both of you, you’re different) but it’s that same old stupid and pathetic feeling that I honestly want to get rid off. But how.. How can you tell someone you love them and make them feel special when you do the same things (or at least, the thought of it) to other people. It sucks because you’re well aware that she likes you and you’re leading her on. Well, F this. You know better and if you choose to hurt me, it’ll be fine. Just because I love you doesn’t mean I’m asking you to love me back. I’m tired of being the one chasing. I’m tired of being the one who always do the fighting. I’ve had enough of that already and you know that, I thought with you I could take a break from it. I was wrong. Guess I’m on the battlefield again but I swear I wont be as strong as I was before.

I want you to know, I don’t need a passerby in my life. I don’t intend to waste time on someone I can’t even fully and confidently call mine. I hope there’d be a change of events because I love you. I love you so damn much.

But I’ve learned to love myself too.. Something I’ve long lost but recently regained. It’s sad.. The fact that I won’t let anyone, not even you, take that away from me again.

PS, I’m not by any chance like your exes. I’m the worst kind. I will over-think petty things and we will argue til the wee hours of the morning about it. I don’t intend to “share” you. YOU ARE MINE. You cannot and will not have any physical romantic contact with anyone especially those who have feelings for you. If you can’t handle that then tell me frankly. You’d be a great loss but the pain will always leave in time.

Attachment.

The fact that nothing lasts forever.

I wish time froze when we our lips met. What a shame it was that we had to stop.

I wish time froze when you were telling me everything you felt. You got the butterflies in my stomach go wild.

I wish time froze.

I wish April 2015 is a million years away.

I wish time froze every time I’m with you.